Neil Allison
@neilallison
Followers
680
Following
221
Media
736
Statuses
9,360
A bloke, a genius, unrecognised in his own time. Freelance digital guy. Writer @skybluesblog | Talker @niilampteyshow | Joker @quiteokcomedy | Ex @astonmartin
Warwickshire
Joined October 2008
Don't wanna be here?
Send us removal request.
Explore trending content on Musk Viewer
Halloween
• 2027856 Tweets
Mark Cuban
• 487515 Tweets
Thug
• 439109 Tweets
Bucks
• 277762 Tweets
Sant Rampal Ji
• 197401 Tweets
Corinthians
• 146819 Tweets
Yuri
• 126296 Tweets
Racing
• 114844 Tweets
Jets
• 99941 Tweets
Raj Musix Kannada
• 99685 Tweets
ANGELS PROUD OF REBECCA
• 89486 Tweets
Adams
• 74912 Tweets
Cazzu
• 72865 Tweets
Shin
• 63032 Tweets
#GMMTVStarlympics2024
• 59024 Tweets
Mariah
• 57677 Tweets
Martinez
• 56695 Tweets
PROUD OF YO JOURNEY
• 41867 Tweets
Dame
• 41000 Tweets
3M Pilot The Next Prince
• 40383 Tweets
#WelcomeHomeJAYB
• 39421 Tweets
あと2ヶ月
• 39024 Tweets
Texans
• 38795 Tweets
#EliminaçãoAFazenda
• 26015 Tweets
BABYMONSTER DRIP D-DAY
• 24983 Tweets
Costas
• 23663 Tweets
Memphis
• 23015 Tweets
Rodgers
• 22630 Tweets
Garro
• 21109 Tweets
Garrett Wilson
• 19885 Tweets
ガンダムW
• 19148 Tweets
Giannis
• 17465 Tweets
Ramon Diaz
• 13082 Tweets
Shah Mastana Ji Maharaj
• 11463 Tweets
危険運転
• 10611 Tweets
#HOUvsNYJ
• 10463 Tweets
Surely this is Rowan Atkinson doing a Martin Brundle impression to Martin Brundle without him (or seemingly anybody else) realising?!
212
3K
55K
Genuinely baffled that nobody on the internet appears to have noticed that this isn’t his normal voice!
22
12
4K
Loved him as Frank Costanza. Loved him as Arthur Spooner. Man was a comedic gem. This scene has me howling.
17
342
1K
Oh hang on. Change-of-mind alert 🚨
Somebody has said that it sounds like Murray Walker and they’re right aren’t they? It’s defo more Murray than Martin.
1
1
151
@Coventry_City
Phew. Was starting to worry we weren’t going to meet our mandatory Jordan quota this season.
0
1
59
Struggling to find words. Waited my entire life to see us come out on top. Just once. In anything. This is what it feels like & I love it.
2
9
44
We're locked in. I'm off out now to practice my side-footing.
5
7
35
Proud brother moment. Warmest regards and congratulations to
@Shar_A_
for giving her OU degree a ruddy good hiding. Great to watch her graduate online just now, looking forward to the real life ceremony with that hat. Well degreed.
4
0
33
Hello. My name's Neil and I'm a
@Coventry_City
addict. Was doing so well but have just fell off the wagon and bought 23 games again.
5
5
26
Ha! Finally I will have my moment.
Taking part in Kick It For A Ticket tomorrow will be...
@neilallison
- see how he gets on at half time tomorrow afternoon!
#PUSB
3
4
11
14
3
22
Respect for sticking to her guns and not bowing to the braying mob who refused to accept that her personal account was not a CCFC batphone.
1
1
17
I mean, there are hundreds. But this is an all timer. When that ambulance hits that tree hahahaha
Gun to to your head, what is the *best* Simpsons joke? However you wanna define it; pics, GIFs, clips, and overwrought explanations welcome.
9K
1K
16K
2
3
17
Political news everyone: I've gone full blown freelance, which feels like a good thing to mention to my fanbase in case you ever need things like a new website for your business or somebody with a brain to help with your digital marketing needs.
2
9
17
"I was out of line and I was wrong"
Will Smith apologises to Chris Rock after Oscars slap
258
109
758
3
0
17
"Don't waste your time with niche Mark Robins photoshop comedy" they said. "You'll never get the use out of it."
1
3
17
Protest is noble but if there's even the slightest chance of inadvertently sabotaging our team, I'd rather we didn't risk it. Not tonight.
1
10
17
If Coventry get to Wembley I'll do the first
@NiiLampteyShow
of next season in just my undies.
2
6
16
Happy
#WorldDownSyndromeDay
! This is my sweet sister Lisa. She likes birthdays, humming into saxophones and Casualty.
http://t.co/MUZPsh9gzN
2
5
14
See you on the flip side everyone.
This is going to be tough, but we must do it, and we will.
Keep in touch, call your family, send that text, be kind to all.
Stay safe and stay home.
5
0
16
Bit concerned about Doyler returning tbh. Last time I saw him I'd just spilt WKD over his girlfriend's dress and I'm worried he'll remember.
2
5
14
Actual James Milner will be the ruin of Boring James Milner.
What Easter is all about... trying to find the perfect sized mini egg 🧐
#10mm
#HappyEaster
736
11K
54K
0
3
14
Concentration is key. Let's do all we can to hinder ours. Sick of this.
1
5
13
Been back at my parents since Christmas Eve. Had a great time but am currently engaged in a covert crusade to correctly orientate the loo roll. One member of the household keeps fighting back. I shan’t back down.
2
0
13
No more work for another 20 days. Making myself a massive squash to celebrate.
2
0
12
Name: Neil Allison.
Specialist subject: The names of the 57 people who will, without fail, view my Instagram story.
2
0
11
That bit in Back to the Future II where Strickland tells Biff “one day I’ll have you where I want you... in detention”...
What sort of school are they running where BIFF TANNEN has never been in detention?
2
0
11
Tips to being a bit happier:
Don’t talk about Brexit.
Enjoy football when good stuff happens.
Don’t worry about football any other time.
Listen to the Lighthouse Family.
Be mates with cats.
You’re not going to save the world with this behaviour, but you’ll smile more.
2
0
11
Playing a bit of good song wot you lot won’t know or recognise mainly because it’s me piddling about with it.
0
1
10
Hey
@WarwickCastle
- are you missing some peacocks? I’ve currently got a couple of youths raising all kinds of heck outside.
3
1
9
Second Technician Arnold J Rimmer.
0
0
10
Watch the full report to see
@Donna060686
(and Percy the cat) do terrifically well:
Not so faux fur: Mass fur farming is taking place in China and frequently sold in UK retail products
@SaraHajibagheri
reports
15
59
44
2
6
7
I'm not really suited to a football podcast, but I love to question things and
@gmkonline
and
@CroneJoey
help me do that. Proud of the show.
2
0
10
Quite the week. Worked 70 hours. I’m no Louis Litt, but that feels like a lot.
Delivered big time though. Now to sleep.
0
0
10
Found out today my Nan uses the microwave as a bread bin because she doesn't know how to turn it on.
1
0
9
*moves up one place to a million and fourteenth* 😎
Due to a breach of our terms, the team formerly occupying the number one position has been removed from
#FPL
👉
223
135
976
3
0
10
I’ve said it once (maybe), so I’ll say it again: Sue Johnston’s performance in The Royle Family is solid gold.
0
1
10
@japan_ggty
Haha, sure, it is loud. But yeah that's not his normal voice, accent, tone or intonation. He's just having a bit of fun.
0
0
10
Sociopath CEO: “Do you want to be part of the new Twitter?”
Twitter employees:
1
0
9
Bright young people are being handed wildly inaccurate grades right now and adults are telling them to shut up, accept the result, and take the life lesson.
That is wrong. What’s happening is totally unfair. The grading approach is a mess. Something needs to be done.
1
1
9
My birthday is a meme. Classing this as a personal achievement.
4
1
8
Double space after a full stop?! Get to absolute buggery, typewriter grandad.
ITV News exclusive:
@Jacob_Rees_Mogg
issues new style guide to his staff demanding male MPs are called Esq, the use of imperial measurements and which words are banned (but not 'not fit for purpose'), reports
@PaulBrandITV
4K
1K
3K
2
0
9
Sharon! Haha. This is smashing social media.
Thank you so much for all the birthday wishes today!!❤️
14K
11K
317K
1
0
9
I love being 14 points off safety under Russell Slade, although if I'm honest I preferred being 13 points off play-offs before he arrived.
0
0
9
In this week's
@NiiLampteyShow
we discuss inexplicable survival and the resurgence of Lee Burge AKA The LeeBurgence.
1
4
9
I for one support Kyel Reid and all his travel needs. Go forth and get from A-to-B, Kyel.
1
3
8
I like writing stuff that’ll may make you chuckle. I also enjoy knowing best. Thought I’d combine the two and start writing some short pieces on LinkedIn around my area of work.
This one could be useful for everyone.
2
1
9
Not one to blow my own trumpet (I very much am), but well pleased with and . Crisp and clean.
2
0
9
OK, that’s quite enough wedding/brainstorm commentary from me. Time to watch the highlights from last night a few thousand times.
1
1
9
6-1 against Arsenal hurt so I think we're allowed to be a bit annoyed by this. Or are we just going to keep lowering those standards?
1
3
8
35 years old and to this day I still haven’t settled on a darts throwing action. I think that’s where I’m going wrong.
0
1
8
'Cause I've got one hand in my pocket,
And the other one is holding an iPhone 6 🎵
No wonder I almost fell over.
2
0
8
Stupid Twitter constantly trying to trick me by defaulting to its For You tab. That’s not for me. The Following tab is for me because I picked all the people I follow… for me.
The For You tab is actually for *you*.
0
0
8
Came home to loads of boxes collapsed in my cupboard. Annoying but it's also unearthed the best/worst of the 90s.
1
1
8
@NiiLampteyShow
Didn't want him when he came, don't want him now he's here, won't miss him when he's gone.
1
1
8
Back on a major Seinfeld kick. You’re missing out if you think it’s no good.
2
1
8
Rargh. Finally managed a sub 60 second Rubik’s cube. Now to find a party with a Rubik’s cube knocking about and some unsuspecting bystanders so I can nonchalantly complete one like it’s no biggy. That’s the dream.
4
1
8
This guy.
This was absolutely my kind of guy.
RIP, Jerry.
I’m sad to say that my father, Jerry Stiller, passed away from natural causes. He was a great dad and grandfather, and the most dedicated husband to Anne for about 62 years. He will be greatly missed. Love you Dad.
48K
110K
1M
0
0
8
Right, enough of this. To be considered the greatest Mayweather needs to take on Phil "The Power" Taylor next. At snooker.
0
7
8
@gmkonline
Exactly. The idea that last season's squad wasn't enough.... 🤦♂️ He, and they, let us down massively. They failed.
3
1
7
Absolute privilege to watch Raducanu do that! She really did tennis incredibly well.
0
0
8
To the girl who served me earlier and I allowed to keep the 5p change as a “special treat”, please be assured that I will be doing the honourable thing and worrying about any possible offence caused (and the sheer embarrassment of it) for the remainder of this century.
0
0
8
What a day. England make the final. I inform global culture. All I need now is a tiramisu and this’ll be the most amazing 24hrs anyone has ever experienced.
0
3
8
The basic notion of political parties always gets me thinking. I mean, committing to the same opinion on every issue to ensure you align with a pre-determined ideal - is that realistic? Life isn't that convenient. My thoughts and inclinations transcend loads of party policies.
@mr_ed_wilson
@RobJonesPUSB
@Tom_FA
I quite like the idea of a cross-party approach but finding common ground would be incredibly difficult.
What I also like, and appreciate as it's so rare these days, is the civil tone of this debate. Well done all.
1
0
1
2
0
6
'I' this, 'I' that, but I have no idea who is actually addressing us. It's like a message from The Leader.
4
1
8
In line with my newfound commitment to minimising food waste, I've just scraped the remnants of a ginger cake from its outer wrapper.
0
0
3
Hopefully ticket allocation will be along the lines of Oxford's approach last year. I have a family to provide for.
1
0
7
All I know is there’s a party and individual I absolutely don’t support. That was my angle.
Infuriating in so many ways, but it feels better than abstaining.
1
0
7
"What did you think of him?"
"Well, he wasn't quite what I expected. Can I show you the photo he sent in?"
2
1
7
Madness in Warwick. Big old power cut, alarms going off all over the shop, cops razzing around. Current scene:
1
1
7
HOLD ON. Nobody told me about the blue passports.
I’m absolutely certain that an alteration to the hue of these travel documents will definitely offset the damage caused by the economic self-sabotage we’re currently embarking on.
0
0
6
Don't worry about your A Level results. Mine were naff and look at me now: a 31 year old renter with a sinus infection. It does get better.
0
0
6
I registered to vote. As cynical and disengaged as I am, I could not ignore the words of this great man:
1
0
7
Thrilled for Cal, too. Watching him play for Cov on YouTube was one of my favourite online hobbies at the time.
0
2
7