Jake 🕊️
@moviefan67
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you should basically never start working until 10:30am. you should also start wrapping things up for the day around 3pm. and we mustn’t forget about the traditional hour lunch.
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hey man, come through we’re at the new brewery in the worst part of town. it’s at 300% capacity and there’s one bartender.
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what are posts that aren’t load-bearing anywhere but your personal lexicon. like the ones that weren’t really popular but are so enshrined in your mind that you just assume they got hundreds of thousands of likes
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The plan:
- 10 hours of NBA basketball
- beach boys on the speaker
- never put on a shirt
- leave apartment for 10 minutes tops for iced coffee
- randomly bust out pushups throughout the day
- chip dinner
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Girl on the train today loudly said the term “towelheads” then proceeded to tell her friends she was interviewing to intern for United Nations
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you should wear earplugs at basically every concert you go to. it’s completely insane that people don’t. you are going to fuck your shit up forever for absolutely no reason
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Average grandfather convo: there is a war on christianity in America.
Average grandmother convo: Jeff’s son, the one who was blind and deaf? Car accident. Turned him into a vegetable. Just awful, we’ll never understand gods plan.
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You’re dating a gay man
the only decor in my bfs apartment is this poster of Chloë Sevigny
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@IdahoBones
would you be open to a public debate on the topic of ice water moderated by mr rogan?
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There is a type of zoomer right winger that u could lure to certain death by the thousands with minimal effort
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Ehrm methinks the way we’re describing the genocidal ethnostate may be a tad problematic y’all
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client (drooling on self, crawling on floor): goo goo ga ga.
me (wise, efficiently managing project): that’s a great point. i will incorporate that into our next round of edits.
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@AstuteCFO
@whstancil
Will someone please think of the moderates trying to make an informed decision 😫
Reports of horrible strikes in Gaza keep coming in, and it’s awful the way the information war around yesterday is making it HARDER, not easier, to keep the focus on the human cost of the strikes and the need to immediately deescalate before things spiral further
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> go to the park
> ask if they throw tennis balls or pretend to
> they dont understand
> i pull out a graphic showing how owners will fake throw balls to trick dogs
> they laugh and say “it’ll be fun, sir”
> go to the park
> they pretend to throw the ball
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Nate Jones when atrocities are being carried out against innocent civilians but they’re in a place without an NBA team
A tiny region so far away from here causing unrest with our young adults is wild
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@chiweethedog
Probably garlic butter mashed potatos and charred brussel sprouts topped w/ shredded parm and olive oil
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Yeah people with jobs tend to wear clothes, use excel and wake up via an alarm clock.
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You had a WHAT ?!?!?
Last night I had an intimate fan event at TeamLab to celebrate the release of Houdini 🔐🖤 so great to meet you all and spend some time together! Thank you for all the love & support どうもありがとうございます
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matching w her and immediately sending a 750 word paragraph about how shit this opening is
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This is genuinely such freakish behavior i truly don’t understand how these people can sleep at night
Nikki Hailey in Israel scribbling "FINISH THEM"on the shells that the IDF is about to fire into Rafah in defiance of the International Court of Justice. Biden provided the shells, Republicans autograph them. The US political class is united in its complicity with this genocide.
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Jake no! You cant make a steak w a beautiful red wine reduction on a friday night! They’ll KILL you!!!
Me: aight bet
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Elon you win. I’ll get twitter blue. I’ll do fucking anything. Please just make it stop.!
Over 300 original beers? Yeah I’ll take an Ultra thanks!
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we’ve all got that one homie who is taking poison damage over time who’s always like “gah. oof. ugh. gah. oof. ugh. gah. oof. ugh.”
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What was/is Kamala up to during the Palestinian genocide? Are you a fucking toddler?
@zukosmadre
Like we bullied the dementia genocide guy into quitting the race, that’s the only time I’ve ever felt like a part of a political process, idk it feels good.
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Evil idahobones
Beautiful afternoon in Tel Aviv. Can’t find any apartheid but just had some jalapeño hummus that was 🤌.
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@IdahoBones
NBA news account : Lamelo ball on IG stories said he only watches girl on girl 👀👯♀️ sus or nah ⁉️
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(jonathan richman voice) that playground down on congress st, where that cop sustained massive brain trauma, when its twilight in boston
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@ByYourLogic
His son being named “Karl” with a K is somehow the most racist thing i’ve ever seen in my life
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@CokeEnjoyer
you could tell right away this guy sucks and was going to make everyone turn on him
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If you like this tweet, check out some of my other viral posts 👇
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Some random girl on here: Im so hot. Im in my brat phase. Im overdosing on heroin. Im a cum succubus
Me: Oh wow
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@whybuddypregnan
Fucking so bad in the polycule that they need to include a first rounder to send me to the pistons
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Someone should do one of these and say chipotle has the best burrito in nyc
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@IdahoBones
shame, here i thought you were intellectually curious and willing to engage in the marketplace of ideas in a public forum. enjoy your echo chamber sir.
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Calling Harden an “ethical hooper”
ethical hoops going on rn and u got this fat slob luka foul baiting because he can’t go band for band with the real hoopers
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Gunnar Henderson
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Maikel Garcia
Wilmer Flores
How many third basemen make this play? 2? MAYBEEEEE 3?
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The Romans didnt even guard Jesus this aggressively
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@gracecthdralprk
Zizek having that random like 3 x 2 portrait of stalin in his apartment was alpha
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me after saying “damn its crazy how cold it is” to every girl at the bar in nyc
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yeah mom? yeah there’s no top on this. mom there is no top. it’s spilling all over the car. yeah i’m just gunna pour this out. its spilling everywhere.
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Average 2024 Tweet: when someboedy gunna match my freak 😜
Average 2024 Reply: There’s a holy war on fatherhood in America. Women need to pick a side.
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@IdahoBones
well when the court of public opinion inevitably sours on your inability to honestly engage with your contemporaries, reach out to my assistant
@magnusonbd
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I’m 25. I’m Gen-Z. And I’m excited to use the NBA Trade Machine to find Lauri Markannen a team for 2025.
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im messaging girls on hinge on christmas eve im not seeing gods kingdom bro
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@BKWelles
This is Jake’s father, he committed ritual suicide after this. There will be a memorial at the boston common on 12/1 to remember and celebrate his life.
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Check this out
DARKSTALKER is my first release of instrumental doom metal. today i am very excited to share it with you all in full.
available wherever you stream your music.
thank you so much for listening.
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not sure why, but i just know tonight will end w me getting a mcdonalds diet coke
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Silver Jews if they were Gen Z:
Honk if you’re goated tonight
If you need a situationship, to get through the night
A toot on your elfbar, a flash of your onlyfans
Honk if you’re goated tonight
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i want her
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