🚨GLASGOW🚨
This’ll be the biggest gig of my career.
Over 1000 tickets have gone already.
If you have seen me on podcasts like
@Haveawordpod
@somelaughpod
@hwgreenroompod
then come along.
Any shares from comic pals hugely appreciated.
Last few tickets at link in comments
Johnson just praised Thatcher for giving them a head start on the climate crisis by closing so many coal mines.
Like praising Harold Shipman for reducing GP waiting times.
Farage is campaigning exactly like Trump. He has studied it. Inflammatory language, rampant jingoism, boisterous interviews to gain headlines.
If you are buying into this circus you are a fucking moron.
Isaac Newton played by Indian actor in new Doctor Who, despite the English physicist being Caucasian with pale skin.
The new Doctor Who series has also introduced ‘preferred pronouns’ for characters as well as the Doctors female sidekick being played by a transgender actor.
Horrible tragedy in a Glasgow Hotel housing illegal immigrants.
All over the UK, hotels are filling up with young men who are coming across the Channel every day.
It is a massive risk to our wellbeing — yet the government does nothing.
I feel a bit sick being part of the comedy industry tonight. There are lots of others that need to be exposed as well & I hope they are.
However I am very proud to call Daniel Sloss my friend. I thought paying for me to go to Vegas would be the soundest thing he did this year.
Greenwood being wormed back in at United.
Saudi Arabia playing two internationals at St James Park.
UEFA drawing up plans to integrate Saudi teams into Champions League.
Absolute state of football. So sad.
Ridiculous of
@ScottishFA
to ask for a minute’s silence for The Queen before the game on Wed.
Period of mourning has passed. This is purely performative.
It’s just asking for trouble.
Our national anthem is about sending a King homewards for Christ’s sake.
Totally tone deaf.
Fascinating flight home with
@Ryanair
.
After my wife said she wasn’t paying for a can of juice that was served warm, the stewardess said that her “Commander In Chief” had given 10 minutes to decide to pay or she’d be arrested at Prestwick 😂
What an airline
I see the person they are coming for now is
@RomeshRanga
.
Romesh is a good pal, an incredibly decent man and a phenomenal comic.
Using a heavily edited clip as part of your wee culture war is pathetic.
NEW: THE organiser of a Scottish coronation event has apologised after a Nazi flag on display caused offence.
The man, 82, said he didn't mean to offend anyone with the 'blast from the past' display.
So glad Scotland voted against independence.
Much prefer having my kids’ futures in the hands of 10 creationist bigots and a couple of Etonian racists.
We received intelligence that indicated people were planning to use rape alarms to disrupt the Coronation procession - with concern from the military that this would scare their horses and cause significant risk to the safety of the public and their riders.
Read our full
I love Glastonbury weekend on social media.
Last night slagging off the biggest British band of the past 20 years.
Tonight ripping a band that made one of the best rock albums of all time.
Just enjoy yourselves ya wanks.
Incredible to think that 5.1 billion people watched the funeral.
Especially as only 5.4 billion own a TV. And that most countries are in a completely different time zone. And it wasn’t a day off in any other country so most would be working
British exceptionalism at its finest
I wouldn’t take health advice from Ian Brown or Noel Gallagher in the same way I wouldn’t go and see Chris Whitty and Patrick Vallance do two nights at Knebworth
Since Johnson loves a football analogy.
The Leadsom amendment is like a player punching another one in front of the referee. Then rather than being sent off, the referee is asked to leave the pitch.
Lewis Ferguson has to start these next two friendlies.
Captain of a Serie A team sitting 4th.
I get loyalty but you can’t ignore that kind of form and talent.
So, pretty big news.
The BBC have given me a TV special to be broadcast later in the year.
My own TV special. I’m as surprised as you are.
Gonna be taping it on Mon 4th March at the Theatre Royal in my home town of Dumfries.
Tickets are free from the link in the comments
Incredible that Piers Morgan has interviewed Donald Trump, Alex Jones and Christiano Ronaldo and has still managed to be the biggest wanker in the room each time.
So Jesus can disappear for the whole of Saturday, wake up in a cave on Sunday and he is hailed as the messiah.
But when I do it apparently we are "getting a divorce."
The year is 2025.
The British public have resorted to cremating their own relatives as it is the only way to heat their homes.
The only songs left on Spotify are Ladbaby/Ed Sheeran collaborations.
Latest polls show CON +12.
Raith Rogers have just signed R Kelly.
I just heard John passed away.. He somehow became a Twitter friend.. I’m very sad. Although I never met him in person.. Internet friends can become close.. RIP
Big shout to all the comedians who tomorrow, when any of their family does or says anything even remotely amusing, will be told, “I suppose you’ll be using this at your next show”
Doubtful Janet, ya boring prick.
Some thoughts from last night :
Billy Gilmour was immense.
McTominay is having the time of his life in a Scotland jersey.
Andy Robertson could motivate even me.
The fans are incredible. That singalong to Why Does It Always Rain On Me.
Georgia were at it.
My favourite part of the Fringe is when English acts tweet about the fact they can’t find a vegetable in Scotland.
Ahahahahahahahahahaha
Honestly guys, it is class.