Madi Hawes (she/they/ella/elle)
@madihawes
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UW MPH ‘26. Maternal Health and Family Migration. Mexican and Cherokee Nation. a “fxxxing legend” - Brett Goldstein.
Seattle, WA
Joined June 2021
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It’s been a whirlwind week with many back-and-forth decisions, but I am happy to announce that I will be continuing my education at the University of Washington!
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Seeing all these Christians hold up signs about mass deportation is just making me think about sitting in BYU classes full of recently returned missionaries complaining about illegals and how they need to go back their home. Those experiences, as a Mexican, will never leave me.
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A white dude in history class said that Indigenous people were less developed and capable than white settlers. The other Mexican girl in class and I made eye contact and both raised our hands immediately.
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Possibly the worst take from a BYU student that I’ve heard recently.
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felt only right to honor my dude, roy kent, while getting spinal surgery today. hopefully i’ll be able to walk up states after this!
@brettgoldstein
@brendanhunting
@jasonsudeikis
@VDOOZER
@AFCRichmond
@TedLasso
#TedLasso
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A BYU student’s response to today’s ruling by Utah legislature.
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october general conference 2022:
saturday - yay piercings and tattoos
sunday - to be clear, we still hate gays
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The church: We don’t want you to leave. We want those that struggle to stay. We want those that feel outside to stay. We want you to stay.
The church members:
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Just a reminder for those that grew up in Utah, IN NO OTHER STATE IS IT NORMAL TO WALK INTO SOMEONE’S HOME WITHOUT KNOCKING
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Last night, BYU student housing hosted a welcome event that included a “chalk the walk”. I wonder if their drawings were power washed off at 3am today?
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White people.
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@EmmaTolkin
So tired of them acting like cishet people can’t go to the concert of a queer artist. There’s a difference between taking a man to a Chappell roan concert and taking a man to a lesbian bar.
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Yesterday, a student in my Eternal Families class said that people not in the church are more inclined to have depressions. My professor, a therapist, agreed. So that’s interesting.
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TW: queerphobia, suicide, electroshock therapy, religious homophobia
This week, BYU is "Honoring the HFAC", the longstanding arts building that will be going out of commission in the new year with the new music building opening. 1/5
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This actually isn’t hate speech because law enforcement aren’t a protected class nor are they marginalized! Hope this helps!
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Happy birthday to Zac Efron who is now only one year younger than Bart Johnson was when he played Zac’s dad in High School Musical.
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PSA: BYU QUEER STUDENTS ARE NOT OKAY. CHECK ON YOUR QUEER FRIENDS TODAY.
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Nah, disagree better works for a discussion of if pineapple belongs on pizza or not. It’s not applicable when you’re deciding that the people I love don’t deserve basic human rights.
#DisagreeBetter
isn’t just for politicians – it’s for everyone.
Thank you to these Utahns for stopping by the Governor’s Mansion to discuss how we can all work together to
#DisagreeBetter
.
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As school begins in 2 days, I am at a standstill as to where to go with my students. In addition to being a queer student at BYU, I also am a TA for two Sociology classes. I am unsure as to whether or not I tell my students my pronouns.
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Super sad that after something today, I regret sharing my pronouns with my students. I shouldn’t have to have that regret, I shouldn’t have to fear what they may do with that info. No one should have to live feeling this way.
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when you tell a grandparent you like something a single time
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Love this BYU event featuring three female professors being advertised with a stock photo of a man.
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not to self, don’t say while in a byu class that mormons aren’t marginalized.
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Just found out in class that Oaks was who decided BYU’s current semester/term layout. Which means Oaks decided BYU didn’t get a spring break. Everything makes sense.
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A student just walked past me, staring at me with an open mouth with my rainbow mask and rainbow earrings. So yeah, BYU is not the place.
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decided to dress up and *honor* today’s devotional speaker
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For my eternal fam class, I have to write a paper on how my family did or didn't follow the FamProc growing up. My entire childhood (save my mom) was run by a narcissistic and abusive father. How am I supposed to do an entire assignment on the part of my life I have PTSD from?
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across the street from byu’s southwest entrance
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great monday at byu, passed a student wearing a shirt with a slur on it, wanted to cry.
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how are active mormons supposed to be the most faithful and valiant of christians when i just saw a post of one making fun of kris and their death? seems like the opposite of christlike to me.
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BYU student that made this sign, in what world is this funny and acceptable?
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y’all can’t convince me that it wasn’t pointed that brad wilcox gave a prayer this conference after everything with him last school year
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Walking to class when I pass where I first met Kris in person, a beam from the sun seeming to hit almost exactly where they sat. A little message confirming what I already knew, they will NEVER leave queer students at BYU (and they definitely won their fist fight with God) 💙
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PSA: THIS RHETORIC IS NOT OKAY AND SHOULD NOT BE IN AN ETERNAL FAMILIES CLASS BOOK
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Fun fact: I’m not from UT (if you couldn’t guess) so I didn’t really know what RadioWest is, just that it’s part of KUER. They called me as I was driving across Idaho and I was like “sure, I can be interviewed”. I thought it was this small little thing. I was not correct.
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BYU is commemorating its history with a video that includes memories shared by students and faculty. While many mourn the loss of this building, I instead mourn the loss of those who died in this building. In the 1970s, two queer students took their own lives in the HFAC. 2/5
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NOT BYU LIGHTING THE Y THE DAY OF THE STRIKE OUT QUEERPHOBIA WALK OUT
@BlackMenaces
@usgabyu
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These victims were both "patients" of the school's electroshock therapy conducted on gay students. There is no plaque to remember these men. There is no acknowledgment from BYU of them contributing to the death of two students. 3/5
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livid at everything happening at byu as the semester begins. also livid because i don’t know if i can even say anything about it to my students because last year, i addressed holland’s talk and a student’s PARENTS reported me to my college’s dean. so what can i even do 🙃
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One of my favorite people in the world will be leaving the earth far too soon later today. Kris was a force to be reckoned with and lit up any room they walked into. The power with which they pushed through hardships and supported Toby is one I will forever admire.
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***Correction: THREE victims ended their lives in the HFAC after experiencing electroshock therapy, not two.
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As the person that took this photo, I cannot tell you all how much I have been wishing the past couple of days that I had saved this photo without the text 💙
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While I am of course thinking of
@krisis86
and their entire family, my heart truly rests with Toby. When I was 7, my mom and abusive “father” separated, beginning the divorce process, and I would have literal nightmares of my mom dying and having to live with him.
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At church for the first time since last winter. Remind me why people think it’s okay to touch strangers without their permission?
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But those memories are not the full extent of the building's history. Ignoring this history of conversion therapy and subsequent deaths at BYU furthers the erasure of queer people and their struggle at the hands of a religious institution. 5/5
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Instead, hundreds of people walk past the building daily, having no idea about the atrocities that happened in the HFAC. As a fine arts building, the HFAC has served many queer students, whether out or closeted, and many of them have fond memories of the building. 4/5
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meeting with president worthen next week, do i wear a gay shirt or bipoc shirt
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Utah is a really fun place because someone just said a slur in class (not knowing it was a slur), specifically a slur that has been directed at my family, and I flinched, screamed internally, and then had to continue taking notes.
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@easton_matty
Yeah…I’m not going. Those that are, great. But I don’t feel right as a queer student going to an event where the 2 main queer people are gay cis men that are tokenized for staying in the church. +if I belong, why am I being taught in classes that I’m an attack on the family?
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i have no clue what is the truth in the d*pp/h*ard case. what i do know is that abuse is disgusting and i grew up being scared for mine and my mom’s life every day. what i know for sure is how disgusted i am by media and “fans” for sensationalizing this entire thing.
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@petan_ethersen
we were like, “no??? we just think you shouldn’t kill more animals than necessary???” we both explained how to our people, we believe we have a duty to the earth to protect it and appreciate it and we do that by using everything it gives us.
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Not BYU having a first edition of Darwin’s book on display when not everyone they even employ believes in Darwin’s theories or evolution 💀
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celebratory little treat because i got into grad school????
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As an Indigenous and Mexican woman in college, I don’t care about not being home for Thanksgiving, it’s a holiday that celebrates the genocide of my people. I just take advantage of the sales to eat food. What I do care about missing is Día de los Muertos. It makes my heart hurt.
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Not someone in my class saying we don’t have the right to judge Thomas Jefferson and Robert E. Lee because they weren’t doing anything wrong for their time. PSA: SLAVERY IS AND HAS ALWAYS BEEN WRONG.
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byu friends! when you see today’s forum speaker is a sociologist, please do not think “omg, byu is having a sociologist speak! amazing!” brad wilcox is an outlier in the field and should NOT been seen as a representative for sociology and those who study it.
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Last night I broke down crying in fear of being kicked out of BYU. I made a post on BYUQ yesterday about Elder Holland’s address, and it gained a lot of traction (which is great). I do my schoolwork, I do my job, I follow the rules. Yet I’m terrified.
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What is Provo? Two neighbors just came by, were way too excited to meet me, gave me cookies, and now have my phone number because I have a fear of saying no and disappointing people. This is not the place.
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Cool, do we know that he was expelled or did he leave because of his name and face being out there? Would this have happened if the video hadn’t gone viral? Or do issues like these not matter anymore now that we’re in the Big 12?
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The summer before my first semester at BYU, a bunch of incoming freshmen were in a group chat together. A lot of times they would mention people I didn’t know. I was like “???” and they said it was “provo twitter”. I thought “I’d never be on provo twitter”.
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byu newspaper to student readers: should trump be indicted for seeking to overturn the 2020 election results?
byu student: what about porn?
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I’ll say more later when I’m able to gather my thoughts, I walked out of class to the news from
@CourtneyLTanner
’s article. For now, all I can say is that every queer student at BYU is hurting and they need all the love they can get.
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who thought of having hank smith as the byu newspaper’s faculty weekly highlight the same week the news breaks about the new protest policy?
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Question for Christians from someone raised Mormon wherein I didn’t know what was general Christian belief and what was Mormon centric – y’all don’t believe Jesus and Satan are brothers???
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@petan_ethersen
THEN. after class to continue the conversation, did he try to talk to the prof, a literal expert in the field? or the two indigenous women in the classroom that were giving their personal connection to it? NO. he started talking to another white man that didn’t even participate
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as a byu student that didn’t get asked for a tiktok, i would rather watch porn than die a gruesome death (or die at all) because ya know, duh.
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as a person with a disability that often doubts if they should identify that way, it’s hard feeling secure in my identity and knowing what to label myself. that’s way this Disability Pride Month, i’m partnering with religiously traumatized queer people -
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it’s literally designed to have a safeguard so that they can’t get in trouble for being homophobic. this is disgusting.
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I have no words for the amazing forum from
@OfficialMLK3
today at
@BYU
. All I can say is please, every single person, go listen to it and take his words to heart. Just, wow.
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@petan_ethersen
he then suggested that that belief just comes from ECONOMIC NEED. the prof was just like no you’re wrong and then let us answer and be like “you’re wrong and it’s inappropriate to suggest our beliefs come from economic need”
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Finished Serial. Then read
@rabiasquared
's thread before I could get my hands on her book. This is all total BS. How much Serial left out is BS. Police are in the wrong. MD AG is in the wrong. Every single prosecutor is in the wrong. This case is mindboggling.
#FreeAdnan
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I cannot imagine how Toby is feeling at the loss of his parent and his world turning upside down. My heart is with you today and forever, Toby.
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I think one of the most telling experiences for me at BYU so far was when my professor and class didn't actually know the church's doctrine on the existence of hell, and then they all came to the incorrect conclusion. But those that leave the church are lazy learners, right?
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@takeoutphoto
A complaint was made regarding a statement I made expressing sympathy for queer students following Holland’s talk. I did not give my opinion or critique him, focused on acknowledgment of pain. I worry that if that angered a student, what they may feel about my sharing of pronouns
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And I know that I don’t have it as bad as others, I acknowledge that I am still a white passing cisgender woman. I am not at all trying to claim that I have it the worst. Still sucks.
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If my pronouns were she/her, I would have no hesitancy. However, with Holland’s talk last week, the number of members that supported his words, and the horrible acts on campus two nights ago, I’m not sure where my ability to share my identity stands.
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Just to clarify, this is not to say that N8 is abusive or that this is what matters most at Kris’s loss. Simply relating to a child in pain and sending him my love.
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Just to clarify, I don’t think Charlie is in an easy position. I don’t think being queer at BYU is easy for anyone. However, I do think that it is different level of challenges for cis, gay, white men at BYU. I also think it is different when that person is making a profit.
i would like to personally thank byu’s gay spokesperson for reminding me that just because someone is queer doesn’t mean they’re a good person.
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@WiseKingNumba1
yeah, that’s how we should respond to slurs! telling the people who are hurt by them to leave! nice!
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Just a reminder that this racist man is a BYU professor and general authority.
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Just a reminder that John Dehlin is a raging sexist that sends his mob after the women he silences. Just because you leave the church (or any entity based in patriarchy) doesn’t mean you automatically deconstruct your misogyny!
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“He Has His Father’s Eyes. And Agent.”: Utah Edition
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when i was 11 and my grandfather passed, i dmed the entire OG cast of studio c to thank them for still being able to make me laugh.
@TheJeremyWarner
responded to me and i cried. now
@StaceyHarkey
and i are both gay and mutuals and i like to think that makes us bffs.
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One of the most stressful choices I ever made in the church was choosing to not sustain the first presidency during ward conference while sitting up on the stand as ward chorister. I could not, in good conscience, sustain Oaks. Many in the ward noticed and elbowed their spouse.
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I’m not. I’m on ✨spicy✨ provo twitter with fun professors, rainbows, and nighttime crises.
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@balderdashHere4
definitely. just glad i lucked out with a professor that shut down what he was saying rather than agreeing.
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Reminder that recognize whiteness around a predominantly white institution is not evil, against the gospel, or a “far-left” concept. It’s just acknowledging our differences and how they impact our lives. Ya know, what President Nelson told us to do when rooting out racism.
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PLEASE read this whole thread. This beautifully sums of one of the reasons I as a queer student of color at BYU will not be attending the concert.
So forgive me if I’m incredibly wary of BYU holding a concert for LGBTQ students especially during a pandemic and in social conditions that are 100x more tense and worse within Mormonism, especially with Deznat and rising white Christian nationalism and violence, than in 2018.
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do i wonder if byu would kick me out for simply processing my trauma? yes. has that been on my mind all day? yes. will i keep posting on this private account because my trauma is valid and i need to get it out? yes. am i begging all of you to not turn me in? yes.
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exactly! like you should never disown a family member for being queer!!! wait…
President Oaks speaks about same-sex attraction and gender dysphoria: "Anyone who does not treat individuals who face gender identity challenges with love and dignity is not aligned with the teachings of the first and second great commandments."
@Deseret
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brb, praying that the consequences of my decisions are hot
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Also, I am still in awe of Sarah Koenig saying she doesn't think racism plays a major part of the case at all. What??? The case is FLOWING with racism and Islamophobia.
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