hawkguy
@ling1603
Followers
287
Following
654
Statuses
2K
Hi!! I don't know what I'm doing either
Minneapolis, MN
Joined August 2017
RT @ThePunnyWorld: Me: I'm not saying a word without my lawyer present. Cop: You ARE the lawyer. Lawyer: So where’s my present?
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RT @KBSpangler: By the time you turn 35, you're in a blood feud with either Lowes or Home Depot, and have sworn vengeance against a minimum…
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RT @AC3ATTORN3Y: "Gen Z is obsessed with subtitles" man i cant fucking hear what the characters are saying bc nobody knows how to mix their…
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RT @PleaseBeGneiss: [first day as detective] me: i outlined the body with chalk cop: why does he have 3 arms? me: he moved cop: is tha…
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RT @hankgreen: Two devastating questions from the five year old today: “Are cats made of meat?” and “Why do things exist?”
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RT @annaspargoryan: Just walked past a woman gently rocking a newborn in her arms, whispering, "I'm going to teach you so many swear words."
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RT @TopTierKatelyn: She's a 10 but she whispers "that's a spicy meat-a-ball" every time you take your pants off
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RT @camerobradford: There should be meat in keyboards, like you should be able to pry out the keys and suck meat out of them like crab legs
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RT @scootertheworst: me: what do i feed them fbi agent working undercover as a worm salesman: do u have any dead bodies at home
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RT @adamgreattweet: if by “picking up hotties at the club” you mean going to costco for rotisserie chicken then yeah i am
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