"What are your dogs' names?" Me: "Calvin and Klein." "Isn't that a brand of underwear?" Me: "Exactly, they're boxers."

What a legend

That must make you feel melancholy.

I ran into a lamppost yesterday. Luckily, I only sustained light injuries.

That's a well seasoned pun

A lady asked me if I would help get her a job as a professional scrabble player. I put in a good word for her.

laughed too hard at this

They will always have fawn memories....

I have a friend who tried to take a selfie in the shower. But the image was too blurry. He has selfie steam issues. I'll let myself out.

If you know, you know.

Owl Let myself out.

Perfect.

Me: What is an IV for? Roman: Yes.

Baldly humorous.

Toucan play this game.

In Athens, no one wakes before noon. Dawn is tough on Greece.

My wife accused me of stealing her thesaurus. Not only was I shocked, but I was appalled, aghast, and dismayed.

Neiled it.

Sylvester Stallone says he wants to make a movie about classical music. He says, “I will be Beethoven.” Jean Claude Van Damme says, “I’ll be Mozart.” Arnold Schwarzenegger said, “C’mon guys, don’t make me…”

Do you know why I make puns? Because it's my respunsibility.