20-something women’ve been asking me how I’d managed to stay unmarried into my 30s. Reminded me of when I was in their place and asked a 30-something unmarried friend for advice on fighting off parental and societal pressure to get married. What she told gave me perspective+
+ that saved me from giving into all the toxic external expectations:
She said she wouldn’t throw away her hard won peace and independence for someone who’s not a “hell yes!”
Sharing so it can help a 20-something dealing with this marriage-obsessed country
Reg. a certain ‘proud Indian’ gynaec’s tweets that I refuse to provide more reaction to by RT-ing. Yes, majority of gynaecs ask if you’re married instead of just asking if you’re sexually active. Unmarried women are denied a transvaginal ultrasound.+
+So yes, proud Indian gynaec, a lot of your lot are extremely judgemental, unkind, I’d even say cruel, and treat women as sub-humans, as child-bearing machines. You all uphold the patriarchy. And it’s scary for women, come to think of it+
I love voice notes. They're like phone calls but async - they can't catch you by surprise. They also eliminate the ambiguity of tone that comes with text-only conversations. Oh, and hearing the voice of people I love ar random points of time during the day is🤌
I was 16 when I suffered unbearably painful period and the gynaec reassured me that my pain would go away once I got married. No explanations, no long term plan or advice. Just meds and an unscientific statement +
They do shame you if you tell them you’re unmarried but sexually active. At 14 a gynaec gave me grief for not wearing bindi and earrings before even asking what my issue was.+
“These hormones” she points to my blood test report, “are only required when you want a baby. We don’t have to worry about it now.” To our gynaecs a woman having a kid is an eventuality, not a choice. I told her I want a full treatment coz I don’t see myself having kids.+
At 23 I was diagnosed with PCOS. Was in a lot of pain and a guy friend had accompanied me. The receptionist got my name *and* his. We didn’t understand until he was also called into the gynaec’s room and *he* was asked questions and *my* body! This was a reputed hospital, btw+
Went to another gynaec, she used the usual BCP+ ‘lose weight and come back when you’re married’ treatment. PCOS means a lot of your hormones are out of whack, she chose to prioritise ones that won’t affect my chances of pregnancy coz well, I’m unmarried! +
Either gynaecs aren’t aware of BCP side effects, or simply think the uterus-havers don’t deserve to know what is happening to their body. My guess is the latter. Anyway, I took SSRIs to treat depression stemming out of PCOS+
+She told me I’ll change my mind for my “future husband”. Anyway, every gynaec was only offering the BCP+weight loss mode of treatment. Gave in and got on the pill. It messed up my body and mind. “You’re tall, play basketball, you should feel less depressed” was the advice+
Once we cleared the air, she asked him to step out - the sweet, polite demeanour disappeared. She gruffly wrote a BCP prescription for me and told me “Your chances of having a kid are almost nil. You can leave now.”+
I was so frustrated at the end of it all I decided I won’t go to a gynaec anymore. Enrolled myself on a program with a wellness startup that promised to help deal with PCOS with just food+physical activity. And it helped.+
Women need more people in their lives who don’t shame/criticise them for feeling anger and rage. Who don’t jump at the first opportunity to tone police them. People who can hold space for that anger without judgement. Biggest green flag.
Was feeling alone, abandonment issues were triggered, was having a cry fest and out of nowhere she called me to ask how I am, that she misses me, and that their house is always open should I decide to move back to Bangalore 🥹🧿times like this I believe in god
Had a long conversation with the landlady yesterday and most of it was about my health issues. She brought breakfast for me today and said she’s gonna make sure I hit my daily protein requirements 🥺 I wonder what I did to deserve the presence of such angels in my life.
Saw a tweet that said when life is/feels stagnant, it’s an opportunity to heal/deal with stuff you have been putting off for later, and it’s the most beautiful perspective I’ve been able to access this year.
#Bengaluru
adoption/foster request!This good boi was rescued on 11th July. 45-60 days old. Deworming done on 12th July. First vaccination to be done on 16th July. 📍- JP Nagar. RT pliss!
#AdoptDontShop
Saw a tweet that said when life is/feels stagnant, it’s an opportunity to heal/deal with stuff you have been putting off for later, and it’s the most beautiful perspective I’ve been able to access this year.
So many people are unequipped when it comes to holding space for a grieving person. Telling them death is inevitable/"X is in a better place now" is not helpful. Question your discomfort around the subject instead of trying to move them out of their grief. It isn't about you.
I see my mention of the wellness startup has (understandably) caused concern among ppl. It was still a team of qualified nutritionists, a GP, and a gynaec. They weren't quacks😇
When I was in deep depression one of my closest friends used to show up at my house at regular intervals under the pretext of catching up with me. She’d tidy up my house and later on make me warm meals. I felt comfortable getting that kind of help only from her.
Just thinking about how no one on here seemed to have a problem with Nani's character in 'Ante Sundaraniki' expecting the people eating with him to switch to vegetarian choices just to keep him comfortable.
Today appa tried to get me to consider an “alliance”. Guy was 27 yo. Amma was horrified and vehemently argued against it (I’m 32). Case closed, I didn’t have to say a word. Having parents with opposing beliefs and values has its advantages.
A loved one had given up on his artistic pursuits after a bad breakup (a decade ago) -the girl had been his biggest cheerleader. I’d been trying to get him back to the easel for the longest time. Today he sent a sketch of his wife- he’d made it as a gift for her. Heart is full💗
Me to my patient: The recovery after your cancer surgery is going to take about 4-6 weeks.
My patient: Ok Doctor. Can you tell me what activities I can and can’t do?
Me: Well-
Her husband: But she can still cook right??? I can’t eat cereal for that long.
What's happening in B'lore is a man-made disaster. Reminds me of something Dr. M. Karmegam, an expert on water bodies in Chennai, told me about the 2015 Chennai floods (the ss is from the piece I interviewed him for). He might as well be speaking about Bangalore.
THIS! Every time a report comes out that Chennai is one of the safest cities in India for women, I wonder if those surveys included women at all! They just had to take a bus or train to know the reality.
Today's The New Indian express on Chennai being a safe City for women .
I shared my opinion. "Not just Chennai but the country itself is not safe for women " was the message conveyed.
"I don’t feel Chennai or any other city in India is safe. I have been walking alone from my
You know it was a great day when you watch movies in the office! We gathered 'round for a Curiosity session this week titled "What's In A Frame?" by
@kirthikasrajan
. The session that made sure our movie-watching experiences will change!
#Curiosity
#FilmAnalysis
#LearningAtWork
@PrudyRay
I don’t think it’s just that. A lot to do with the example of love and care that they grew up witnessing. Other trauma. Low self esteem. Patriarchal conditioning definitely plays a part.
Had a long conversation with the landlady yesterday and most of it was about my health issues. She brought breakfast for me today and said she’s gonna make sure I hit my daily protein requirements 🥺 I wonder what I did to deserve the presence of such angels in my life.
@RocketlaneHQ
is
#Hiring
! We are looking for a social media manager and a content marketer(0-2 yrs exp for both). 📍- Chennai. Our team is known for good work in the
#SaaS
marketing space:
Tag someone who's a good fit/RT!
Women farmers contribute to 80% of the country’s agricultural produce, yet the word “farmer” always conjures up a male figure.
It’s time to hear the voices of these invisible women:
@PopUpNewsroom
@ACJIndia
#IWD2018
#IWDPopUp2018
It’s been hard to keep up with non-work friends lately and I was lamenting about it to one of them. She’s in the same boat and she suggested we send her weekly “headlines” of our lives to each other. It’s working well imma implement it across all friendships now
Stories are perfect only in books: there's someone tying up the loose ends, completing character arcs, etc. IRL multiple versions of a story exist in interpersonal relationships; they're valid for the teller, whether or not we understand & accept them.
#NotesFromTherapy
The 60+ demographic have the drive, sense of responsibility, and hope that younger generations can use. They made up the majority of the people who turned up for voting where I went. Didn’t think I’d tear up watching a frail paati come in a wheel chair and wait in queue to vote
People who live alone, on their own fascinate me. I often wonder how it feels like cooking for just one, giving human names to your music playlists and finding fallback friends online who fill in the crevices of loneliness with empty or deep talks.
Sleeping alternatively on
Looking to talk to folks in the CS Ops space for an interview series I'm doing for
@RocketlaneHQ
! Please tag ideal candidates you may know or RT so I can find the right people! TIA
Sought treatment from a psychiatrist in Oct 2018. Got off medication recently. Healing is such a beautiful thing. This
#WorldMentalHealthDay
check in on yourself. Get in touch with you. Seek help if you must. And yes, my DM is open if you'd like to talk :)
Got this delivered to my parents’ home instead of mine. Explains why they’ve been tracking my sleep, food, etc. over the last 10 days. They looked like they’d spontaneously combust as they handed it to me today.😂
Chennai women startup operators… why aren’t you building your online presence 😒 was suggesting people to follow and it’s mostly men. Get on your socials and start talking about you, your work, your life
The way a certain demographic is talking about Bengaluru you’d think they’re white ppl 🥴 No attempt to learn the local language or culture, sticking to a circle of similar people… maybe a token Kannadiga or two who can communicate in their language?
Therapy is helping me manage depression, anxiety, several dysfunctional thought patterns, and cope with life's upheavals. I am able to perceive changes. Small ones. But changes nonetheless.🧿
If you've been looking for a sign to seek help, this is it.
#MentalHealthAwarenessMonth
Someone in my network is facing a difficult living situation due to domestic violence. She’s looking for a temp affordable living space while she figures stuff out for herself.
Need leads for such spaces or people one can reach out to ask about such spaces, in Chennai.
Reminds me of this quote:
“When you’re accustomed to privilege, equality feels like oppression” — attributed to multiple people, in addition to Franklin Leonard
Some say that eradication of caste is communalism, and hatred for the high-castes. Are we communalist? Have we ever harmed a single Brahmin, or set fire to a Brahmin locality? An appeal for the abolition of caste is not to be considered class-hatred.
~ Periyar 🖤❤️💙
🚨 Calling all wordsmiths!🚨 I'm on the hunt for a talented content marketing intern to join my team at
@RocketlaneHQ
. If you're looking to grow your content skills, check this out!👇
#ContentMarketing
#Internship
Looking for therapist recommendations for an adult male in Chennai. In-person sessions preferred. Please recommend someone you can vouch for. Please RT to help me find someone quick
Watching The Romantics and love how Anil Kapoor’s opinion that Sridevi (or her mom) agreed to do Chandni for the money is immediately juxtaposed with Tanul Thakur saying Sridevi did more for Chandni than the movie ever did for her.
I can never understand older women who are okay with saris but police younger women wearing t-shirt and jeans. Ma’am, if modesty is the goal my outfit is doing a better job than yours! 😭
My sister is looking for people who can teach Economics and/or Maths at her CA-CS-CMA coaching institute. Salary and time negotiable. 📍- Chennai. RT please!
Hey
@beastoftraal
! What’s the best way to get your attention for something cool we’re doing at
@RocketlaneHQ
? Would love to share an exclusive preview with you!
Since interacting with home owners here my gratitude for my former landlord and his family have grown 100x. There wasn’t a moment I was treated with anything less than respect and kindness.
Eri - man made lake for agricultural purposes
Kayam- perennial lake/tank
Thaangal- irrigation reservoir, man made
Paakam - Coastal town
Aaru- River
Keni - large well
Madu- A deeper section in a river
Karai- Bank of a water body
Kazhiveli- wetlands
Kuppam - Fishing hamlet
I remember wishing for such ready reckoners when I moved to B'lore and then back to Chennai. Working with
@Ganapathi_97
and
@aishwaryaa_17
on this guide felt like a full-circle moment. Thanks for the opportunity, you two!
Last month, we launched two starter guides to Bangalore and Mumbai.
We're back with our third edition — Chennai.
💼 Work: investors, people to follow, workspaces
✨ Life: housing, lifestyle communities
Check, share, bookmark. Tell us what we missed:
Passing by the Vettri theatre in Chromepet, my sister and I realised it had the banners of all the movies with a woman lead. What a long way Tamil cinema has come! 10 years back this would have been unimaginable.
"With the creative process, the key is to create a lot and edit a lot.
Make more than you need, then remove everything that isn't exceptional."
–
@JamesClear
If you have a strong moral compass, or just great social influence, be picky about who's in your circle. Proximity to you can be used by harmful people to hurt others. Never be indiscreet abt who you dignify with your company.
Turns out people who don’t have mental health issues can actually be supportive and create a safe space for those with mental illness. Guy I know Googled about my issues when I mentioned them. And then said some of the kindest words I’ve received after the diagnosis.
Going back home after staying at my parents’ for 3 months. I find myself constantly anxious about leaving them alone, wondering if they’ll be able to take care of themselves. Then I remind myself that they are the parents here 😅Guess the role reversal thing is real
Two months ago, one go-getter crow sat on our balcony railing and demanded to be fed, which means today, Mom had to overexplain to the grocery store guy why she's buying Parle-G in bulk😆
Last year this time he’d observed Amma leave out food for birds and turned up at our doorstep demanding he be fed too. Amma reluctantly started feeding him too. Today she fed him bread and he wanted more. I was telling him he’ll get constipated. Mom got protective and told me off
Are Tamil culture and Dravidian ideology so fragile that you fear denouncing a predator? Why do you keep dignifying him over and over again? What are you afraid we’ll lose if you don’t reinforce your goodwill towards this poor excuse of a human being?
தமிழோடு புதுமையையும் அறிவியலையும் சேர்த்து, சிறந்து விளங்கும் கவிதைகளை- திரைப்படப் பாடல்களை தேனருவியெனக் கொட்டி, தமிழால் நம்மை நனைக்கும் கவிப்பேரரசு
@Vairamuthu
அவர்களது எழுத்துப் பணியின் பொன்விழா இலச்சினையை வெளியிட்டேன்.
தன் தமிழால் கவிப்பேரரசு நூறாண்டு கடந்தும் நம்மை ஆளட்டும்!