Friendly reminder. Contempt, arrogance, character attacks, and the like are not Radical Candor or valid forms of criticism...These are forms of Obnoxious Aggression.
@LilahSturges
A friend's child insisted on sleeping with infant sibling, explaining, "The baby still knows how to talk to God, and I am forgetting how."
My son at the breakfast table when I showed him all these likes: "Mom, I didn't come up with that it's a YouTube meme!"
Me: "Steve Jobs said real artists steal."
Son: "That is BS."
Once again, he is correct. Credit goes to YouTube meme. Tho I still think my son is great.
@gkates
@JuliaDavisNews
Anyone who said something against Putin would be risking arrest. Why would you do that because a stranger approached you on the street? Under Stalin these kinds of random questions from strangers were "provocations;" if you answered wrong, you got sent to the Gulag.
Putin will only stops when he is stopped. Putin only understands strength and action, not words. And Putin is not as powerful as he looks. We must stop him now--it's already too late for too many.
Brilliant piece from
@olgatokariuk
A New Ukraine Emerges
2 more clarifications:
1/ I'm not hating on your traditions or your ancestors.
2/ Given that some of MY ancestors were slave owners I'm glad my son questions them & their traditions, offers up his Radical Candor, so he and I can learn to atone.
@ViktoriiaUAH
This is so horrifying to see, but important that we know what is happening. My heart breaks for what is happening in Ukraine. Tell your brother to stay safe. We will help you recover and rebuild when this war is over.
A young woman told me Radical Candor had been a lifeline after she became a manager and found it so hard and isolating. We both teared up. I felt as though I’d reached back in time and given my younger self a hand. It may have been the most gratifying moment of my career...
@ajbauer
One of the many mistakes White liberals made in the civil rights movement was to blame racism on the south, as a way of absolving themselves/denial. I grew up in Memphis. I thought I was leaving racism/sexism behind when I went to Princeton. Imagine my disillusion...
What if
@Zoom
offered an "airtime report" at the end of a meeting that told each person what % of the time they spoke? It'd be a big boon to both productivity & inclusion. ; .
@cduhigg
Physical distancing is a MUCH better term for it that social distancing. Words matter! Thank you
@McFaul
for sharing this wisdom from your colleague.
#PhysicalDistancing
@Stonekettle
Yes. Erich Fromm "For we are dealing here with a political system which, essentially, does not appeal to rational forces of self-interest, but which arouses and mobilizes diabolical forces in man which we had believed to be nonexistent, or at least to have died out long ago."
You probably think it's impossible to defend Putin's brutal, senseless war in Ukraine. And you're right. But Tucker Carlson is really trying! Let's take a look at last night's show. 🧵
@joannachiu
My Russian was not that good so I had to be very simple about my reasons. "You are an older man. I am a small, young woman. I do not want to sleep with a stranger." When I got off the train he came up to me. I was afraid he was going to hit me. But he apologized. I was astounded.
@AdamMGrant
Yes! To me, "candor" implies, "Here's how I understand the situation, I want to know how you understand the situation so we can get on the same page about how to move forward. "To be honest" implies, "I've got a pipeline to God and you don't know sh*t from shinola." ;)
Our kids are the only people who genuinely want to give us feedback. My daughter over breakfast. "I wish you weren't The Radical Candor Lady. I wish you were The Lady Who Minds Her Own Business." A good reminder to leave 3 unimportant things unsaid every day...
My husband offered me the valentine’s gift I most wanted: he took the kids out to dinner so I could get some writing done. I guess one’s definition of romance changes over the years...and I am much happier on this Valentine’s Day than any other :)
@JeffDean
Also when a Black woman says that DEI initiatives are not working, and says so loudly, per Google's culture which encourages employees to "be loud," and you fire her, then encourage employees to ignore her feedback on DEI initiatives--you harm her and you harm Google's culture.
@rebeccamakkai
My grandmother (mom's mom) saw her husband cheating on her, threw her ring into the Charles River, and moved with her toddler to Nevada, one of the only states where a woman could file for divorce in those days.
@joannachiu
Threat about train creep. Bought 4 tickets for overnight train Mocow-St P so I wouldn't have to sleep with a stranger. Man barged in my cabin and claimed I wasn't allowed to do that. When he left to go to bathroom I threw his stuff in hall and locked my compartment.
Google docs breaks at 10,000 edits. I've just broken it for the second time. That means 20,000 edits on my new book and counting. Many thanks to my wonderful editors. The new book is starting to take shape :) So much Radical Candor, so much love!
@NickDM
@WarintheFuture
@UAWeapons
#3
is what I'd call a lack of Radical Candor. Unwillingness of leaders to ask for & reward it, and the consequent reluctance of people who are close to the action to share that knowledge.
Good people do bad things all the time. If they truly are good people, they want to know about the bad things they have done, so they can make them right. Don't deny valuable feedback to someone because they are "a good guy." In fact, that is the very reason to talk to them.
@JeffDean
Saying she resigned when she did not is how companies with deep pockets use money to weaponize the legal system against employees. This is unjust. I say this with appreciating that Google intends to be a just company. Intentions don't matter, tho. Results do. You can do better.
I got some Radical Candor from my son today--in writing. Very wise, so sharing it and will try to heed his advice. "We are going through a world pandemic. Everyone is stressed. We all are. You might as well try to relax a little bit."
Every new cannabis company should be required to have 50% of their employees be people who've been released from jail on drug charges. Millions of people unnecessarily incarcerated and now some are becoming millionaires billionaires--all of them selling same drug.
I am thinking of starting an Infrequent Flyer program where I give myself rewards for saying "no" to trips. I have really appreciated not spending so much time on the road. It shouldn't take a global pandemic to find the discipline to say no so I can stay home more...Any joiners?
Daniel is working in the grapes near Madera CA. These grapes are being turned into raisins by picking and placing them on large sheets of paper to dry out. It is considered one of the messiest and most poorly paid jobs as it will take about 3 sheets to earn $1.
#WeFeedYou
As we engage with Trump supporters, let's not show Ruinous Empathy. Let's show Compassionate Candor. Challenging Directly--and consequences--are part of Compassionate Candor. So is Caring Personally. Let's not descend to Obnoxious Aggression. We've had too much of that already.
@AdrienneLaF
Yes! "His fatal judgment was equaled only by his absolute self-assurance. He lacked the courage to doubt himself. He lacked the wisdom to change his mind."
@olgatokariuk
I am sorry. I do not understand why
@POTUS
had to say it. And I think we are making a terrible mistake not to fight for Ukraine now. Russia has already started WWIII. Denial will not make us safer.
The mainstream attitude. They’re evil incarnate “weeds” “cancer” so they deserve it but at the same time it’s a lie there’s no genocide.
A typical case of genocide. The same lingo and denial in all the historical cases of genocide I’ve read about or heard about form friends.
My forthcoming book, "Just Work: Get Sh*t Done, Fast & Fair," from
@StMartinsPress
is available for pre-order:
#CoverReveal
#JustWork
offers a practical framework for both respecting everyone’s individuality and collaborating effectively.
I used to be ambivalent about a "check-in" at the beginning of a meeting. Some days it seemed helpful, other days a waste of time. These days it seems essential. Start every meeting going around and asking what is going on for folks.
Trump officials who have been credibly accused of violence against women: Andy Puzder, Steve Bannon, Corey Lewandowski, Brad Parscale, and of course Trump himself. Who am I forgetting?
@kate_manne
Come on,
@fbsecurity
do better. The accumulation of wrongs is not a mere "press cycle" thing. This is a fundamental issue that will be fatal for you as a going concern, thought not before you've done enormous harm to enormous numbers of people, alas.
This post seems to have been taken down. This whack-a-mole & EVEN then, after saying it doesn't violate their standards, is not sustainable. The situation is incredibly volatile with many civilians at risk. This is a woefully inadequate response from Facebook.
A friendly reminder that Radical Candor should never feel harsh. It should feel kind and clear. Even when it stings a little bit in the moment, it should also be obvious in the moment that what's being said is helpful, not harsh.
We've sent every U.S. Representative and Senator a copy of Radical Candor. Reply to this tweet by tagging your Senator/Representative and encouraging them to take the Radical Candor Challenge and reach across the aisle for a bipartisan lunch.
My kids will soon turn 13. I am trying to think of myself not so much a parent as a leader of rebels. When I think about it that way, it's more fun and exciting :)
Hey,
@economist
, Radical Candor, also called Compassionate Candor, means Care Personally and Challenge directly at the same time, with the emphasis on Care Personally. You've confused it with what I call Obnoxious Aggression.
A common mistake people make is to think praise is how you show you care + criticism is how you challenge directly. Both praise + criticism should show you care AND challenge directly. Radically Candid praise shows what success looks like so it can be repeated by the whole team.
This is such an important article and I want to honor all the Google employees who were brave enough to speak out. I learned a lot at Google about the power of the default and when we end the default to silence we will begin to see change.
@JustWorkBook
@AdamMGrant
Yes, and a Netflix binge may give us the space we needs to heal. Fiction is the most powerful tool we have for developing our empathy and connecting with real people. It was Andy Grove of all people who warned me not to be a snob about TV--it's not so different from Tolstoy.
It's unbelievable that Stanford would choose as a quote for the plaque "I'm OK. Everything's OK." Chanel is shining a spotlight on evil and a broken system that doesn't hold criminals accountable, and saying there's anything OK about what happened is to block her light.
@mldauber
@lindadong
Here's my perspective FWIW. If Ken didn't mind being told that & Steve knew that, then it was Radical Candor. Radical Candor gets measured at the listener's ear not the speaker's mouth. If Steve spoke to me like that it would be obnoxious aggression. I'd hate it, too.
@kocienda
There’s a false belief that managers must choose b/t being pushovers or jerks. The best managers don't trip over these binary choices—they intentionally build great relationships while concurrently driving for results.
@MarkCCrowley
& I talk
#RadicalCandor
Just got an Advanced Reader Copy of my new book, Just Work. An exciting day for me!
It is about how to build more equitable organizations and comes out March 16 but you can pre-order it now--please do :)
Business travel is ruinous for productivity, personal relationships and self care. (Sitting in sfo waiting for delayed flight and eating a terrible dinner and not putting my kids to bed or getting enough sleep.) I’m staying home in 2019...
(1/5) My friend & colleague Prof Jennifer Freyd is a renowned researcher whose scholarship has inspired entirely new fields examining sexual violence & institutional betrayal. She's also underpaid compared to her male colleagues in the same department.
#equalpay
@jjforegon
Christian friends, please don’t play the “not real Christians” card here. Reckon w/how Christianity is used to justify this, justified slavery, the Inquisition, the Crusades, the Holocaust, colonialism. Take responsibility for your tradition’s harms & yr privilege today. 1/x
Putin’s Henchmen Rage About Getting Trolled With Corpse Pics:
While Putin is raining bombs on peaceful Ukrainian cities, his top propagandists are most concerned about getting bombarded with text messages and losing the information war to Ukraine.
I like beer. A LOT. But I am not going to have another one until Trump has been brought to justice and common human decency has been restored to my country. The improvement to my productivity will make me unstoppable...
Huge thanks to every
@zoom_us
employee for doing what you have to do to keep Zoom up and running. It has been invaluable. I know it doesn't happen without effort, & I know you are having to scramble to figure out the work from home thing just like everyone.
I was in an abusive relationship with a narcissist for many years. Eventually the drama of the narcissist became boring and I left. We are programmed to pay attention to such people because they can be so dangerous. We aren't as well programmed to leave them.
Take advice from
@JeffBezos
to quit wasting time in meetings: First 15 minutes of all meetings, everyone reads a 6 page narrative that explains goal of mtg. Set the expectations that it should take a couple of weeks to write, get feedback, rewrite. Yes
@stevesi
Writing=thinking.
@RepJasonSmith
The right to vote is not just a symbol but an essential element of freedom and democracy; but you are challenging the right to vote. That seems as unAmerican as it gets.
Was checking my daughter's homework. She wrote, "My mom writes books." I started to get upset at her because I read, "My mom writes dogshit." Her handwriting is pretty good; my reading not so much :) I am clearly deep in the self-loathing part of the writing process.
It is painful to bear witness to these atrocities but it is essential. Don’t look away—and do something even if it’s a small donation or a note to your senator.
Was asked how to deal w/ gender bias: women are penalized when soliciting feedback, for humor, for negotiating. My short answer: fuck that noise! Be humble, be funny, negotiate hard :) Don't let bias penalties push you into being less than you are, or you let it win.
My son: why are you opposed to violent video games?
Me: The brain is like a muscle. Violent video games are like going to the gym every day & only working on your glutes. You wind up with a big old butt and weak arms and legs.
My son: silence.
Good metaphor? Bad metaphor?
"In using that language in front of the press, he gave permission to use that language against his wife, his daughters, women in his community. And I am here to stand up to say that is not acceptable." Thank you
@AOC
for speaking for all of us.
How do you Care Personally when you're not in person? One thing I learned about remote teams is that shorter, more frequent 1:1's are often a better way to keep in touch than longer weekly meetings. So much happens in a week, especially now.
Turned in my book yesterday. Need to lie in bed with a great novel for a couple of days. Something like Middlemarch or The Deptford Trilogy...What should I read??
Huge thank you to everyone working in grocery stores and pharmacies. Went to both places today and felt so grateful to the folks helping us all keep our families fed and taking the meds we need.
As a writer, there are days when what you're working on starts to sing to you. For me, today was one of those days. Just sharing since I had a dogshit day the other day, and many of you sent hugs. It's important to share the good days as well as the bad days, esp in bad times :)