Black Willy Wonka 🇯🇲🇦🇬🇧🇧🇹🇹
@keestroke
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Here for the culture || Pending PhD d̵r̵o̵p̵o̵u̵t̵ || Aspiring Sommelier || Selective Extremist || Jackfruit & Kiwi Specialist || Pizza Enthusiast
Jamaica
Joined April 2020
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Pinned Tweet
Jamaicans living in Jamaica, take solace in the fact that we get to eat FRESH patty while diaspora people dem haffi a eat warm up frozen beef patty weh puddung from last month
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No. Do NOT do this. The pixel arrangement and resolution for TVs and computer monitors are designed for far and near viewing respectively. Don't mess up your eyes before time.
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So what did we learn today kids? If provided the right healthy environment, ALL Jamaicans have the potential to flourish. Migrate today.
VIDEO: Remember Jamaican street dog Pauline? Meet her Canadian family
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The burial must be no longer than 30 minutes??
Suh weh we must do? Drop di body inna di hole and run off??
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Imagine. Nanny haffi guh share a bank note with a man now. All announced on
#InternationalWomensDay2022
. She neva ketch bullet inna batty jaw fi this.
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It's a pity
It seems Tanya Stephens may be taking the United States off her list of places to travel for the imminent future. "Me nah go nowhere weh mi human rights have to be given up for entry," Stephens said in a post on her Instagram account.
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Cutting ties with toxic family members is an act of self care
Blood is NOT thicker than water
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Di time yah tek fi tek pictcha the drink cudda save and the couch wouldn't soil
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This yt lady assumed I worked at the hotel and asked me why her room key wasn’t working. Mi just tell har, “Sorry about that” and went into the elevator.
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The Netherlands has now made their work visa requirements for ALL internationals even more accessible. This means that companies from there are looking to hire people from overseas in droves.
Go ahead, contribute to Braindrain. Don't wait. Apply and Migrate Today.
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Omg. I just won a writing fellowship and I'm going to Europe to present my work 😭
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Y’all buy chocolate. I make my own. We are not the same.
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Stop asking me about my 5 year and 10 year plans, please lol…yuh nuh see seh di pandemic ruku ruku up we life?
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Ding Dong can gwan mek him dance dem enuh, mi just know mi aggo FOREVER be behind by 10 dances every time
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Jamaicans love Allyson Felix because she’s so unproblematic and humble. If we could adopt her, we would.
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Fun fact: 400 private jets were used to attend this Climate Change event. Private jet lifestyles have a ~ 100x higher carbon footprint than the average person.
This entire climate change summit should've happened on zoom if they were serious.
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Orange shirt know weh him priorities deh fi real…di rest ah unnu can gwan dance and sing. Di man a focus.
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Bredda, di man seh him have we IP addresses lmfaooooo...hold on...is he not breaching the Data Protection Act? Aren't Digicel AND Flow also breaching the Data Protection Act by "providing" him with such information?
Aye, Jamaica ah one big poppy show enuh
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So people...if anno JEAN tief Bolt money...then...a WHO???
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Trouble when you start hear, "My life is a non-stop flex!" midway Bridgerton
BREAKING: Netflix set to consider cheaper subscriptions supported by advertisements
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Di way how mi grandpickney dem aggo haffi guh siddung and listen to me tell dem bout the drama weh did occur inna my 20s dem ears aggo hurt
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FOF was 8/10...unnu just haffi roll wid di right crew:
- drunkard to remind us to drink
- clown to laugh
- dancer to lead the movements
- loud extrovert to bring the hype
- driver who knows their drink limit
- the "mom" who keeps us safe
- cover "artiste" who know every song
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Oh my god…Kingston is really boring for real for real…all unnu do is nyam food and drink rum
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To be clear, doing this is just as insane as the people who go into tubes underwater and in space
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Di whola Jamaica a try find Bolt money and mi deh yah a try find miself
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Considering that we're covering both trips, to save money and reduce carbon footprint, putting them all on the same flight seems most appropriate.
A deportation flight to Jamaica from the United Kingdom has reportedly been delayed until after the impending visit of British Royals Prince William and the Duchess of Cambridge Kate.
Read more:
#GLNRToday
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Honestly, I think he can make it on one of those international cooking competitions. How we get him on?
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*Monday, when all Jamaican public sector workers go on strike*
Anju: “My fellow Jamaicans…”
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Unnu did know seh ALL of Jamaica's bauxite companies are Russian owned?
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Fell asleep for 5 mins at the funeral during a reading and somebody tief mi programme... honestly, even in the face of death, old people still a sin?
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So, if Jean, weh work from 19 how long at SSL cyah afford healthcare and funeral expenses at that stage and seniority of her career...wah dat seh?
Either she's a poor financial planner or Jamaica cost of living too high. Which is it?
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Do your parents ACTUALLY know and at least vaguely understand what you do for a living?
My modda just tell my uncle dem, when dem ask weh mi do, “You haffi guh ask him when you see him enuh”
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The BPO industry was never meant to contribute to Jamaica's positive economic growth. The design of its business model has allowed politicians to tick surface-level "progress" indicators while ignoring underemployment, inflation, and quality of work.
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Unnu did know seh the lion ova Hope Zoo did dead???? And we neva have nuh likkle funeral or ntn?
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I think I might shed a tear. Guys, this news from Island Grill is worse than when di patty price raise, cause weh dem mean by UNSEASONED FRIES?!?
THAT’S THE ONLY REASON WHY I VISIT 😩
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A whole Chilitos love story enuh
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Dolphins located in any waters that are this polluted with no living coral reef is not a good thing at all. In the case of Kingston Harbour, they are only there because we have destroyed their natural habitat and so now they are forced to find food under harsh conditions. 🧵 1/
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Everybody benefitting from Jamaica except Jamaicans lol
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Unnu nah realize seh if water gone, the farmer dem aggo suffer the most? 95% of NWC water usage is for agricultural purposes.
Unnu a worry bout bathing and nah realize seh food price aggo rise again because of damaged crops.
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Anju telling youth that we’re REQUIRED to take an interest in the development of Jamaica is laughable at best cause weh him aggo do? Beat we?
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Cyah believe inna my lifetime mi live fi see Lady Saw enter into dancehall, leave dancehall for the church, dip outta di church fi a likkle bit, and then slip right back in to now prob fully aggo re-enter the clash arena again wid a draw out 😭
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It really should be called the “cost of surviving” at this point
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You think Zack can look into Customs as well fi we? ...since him already deh yah pon we case
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This might not seem like an issue now, but the more the permafrost gets exposed, the more likely we'll have the introduction of new pathogens
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Idk why ackee and saltfish is our national dish when we haffi import saltfish fi mek it. Better we change it to beef patty and coco bread yah.
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Here’s a thread of some of the BEST companies to work at in Jamaica 🧵:
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Lmfao this lady announced that she got married in the meeting and then announced right after that she’s resigning 😭😭😭😭😭😭
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Megamart is for commoners. PriceSmart is for elites. Get it right people.
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"Babes, mi deh a HWT now by the clock...mi soon come"
"How yuh suh lie? Mi nuh see you!"
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Goats in Jamaica are just as polite
A Deer in Nara (Japan) politely waiting for traffic to stop before crossing
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Weh mi cudda really a write suh fi warrant this?? 😭
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Remember when Devon House didn't allow people to go on the grass so that it could "grow back"? It was supposed to be a 6-month timeline. It's been 8+ years now.
With this new renovation, it's even more evident that they just don't want people to lounge around in the space.
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Fun fact: Jamaica has gotten rid of Mangrove areas 3 times the size of the landmass of the UWI Mona Campus
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If you don’t force your parents to respect your boundaries, they’ll hinder your growth, I promise you
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This looks like a Dancehall concert flyer. Ah Sting? 😂
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My friend just sold her feet pics for USD 500. Stop fumbling the bag ladies 😭
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No I can’t. I aspire for the soft life, I’m sorry.
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Actually looking forward to this new WizKid album
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Anywayz, wear unnu mask and stop listen to rich people who can afford dem own hospital
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Won a machete at Denbigh on the first day. The second day, I won earphones. Today, I’m planning to win a cow. All mi need fi do a answer 2 questions.
If unnu have someweh fi store a cow, let me know please. Thanks.
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Imagine being a procrastinator and perfectionist. That's a special version of hell right there.
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If you see me as your next Uber driver, mind your business.
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Mi still cyah believe RDX bruk up because one man did still wah do gyal song and the other one did wah do chopper song. Madness enuh.
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Any entry-level jobs offering a salary of $480K per month locally? RT - my employer may be on your TL
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Work from home peeps. How unnu feeling? Unnu jussa wake up, don't? Everybody else jussa reach work because of 4 hours worth of traffic.
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I always pity AAs because they’re the ones with lost identities and muddled historical recollections based on what they were taught by their school system
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You always remember what you wanted to say in an argument AFTER the argument done kmt
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Fi real though, unnu memba when we did used to chat the whole night from 11 pm to 5 am to people with Claro/Digicel Free Nights?
Where are those people in your life today???
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Brushy One String from Rising Stars has an ALBUM enuh! And is touring INTERNATIONALLY…with ONE string!
Jamaicans are undefeated.
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I don't think people really understand the gravity of Noranda's mining permit application to NEPA. They asked for a total of 8,335 hectares of land.
For context:
- Spanish Town = 6,455 hectares
- Portmore = 3,579 hectares
We're digging up 2 whole cities for short-term profits.
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When I go out alone I bring a little notepad (usually for me to think through ideas) and the staff thinks I’m a food influencer critic. I tend to end up with great service and sometimes free food.
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At this rate you haffi be in a polyamorous relationship fi afford house out yah
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I’m now on a personal mission fi find out who tief di 500 truckload a sand from di beach inna 2008
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When I get the time, I’ll make an entire thread on legal avenues and pathways for Jamaicans to migrate to other welcoming countries in the face of climate change and crime & violence
Look at me doing the government’s work. Put me on payroll please.
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But wait. LMAOOOOO....Is....that....? No....?
So much is happening. One year missing from Beenie and Krystal relationship. Amari a mek her move. Krystal was in the “Straight Jeans and Fitted” magic video? The silence from D’Angel is deafening.
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I was having a lengthy discussion with someone who I met yesterday about how red velvet cake was JUST chocolate cake with red food colouring. Turns out she’s a journalist and now I have an interview for Bloomberg and the National Geographic. She also agrees with my hot food takes
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No, but intellectual compatibility is important. I promise you.
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Imagine when Feb reach and dem start show rose petal pon groun' again. STRESS 😩
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Every Sunday is a different ting. Now we haffi guh play Prime Minister fi defend the Minister of Health against our S*gar D*ddy Prime Minister while the real Prime Minister is having his Sunday dinner?
I'm tired.
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Honestly, I’m glad that the culture is moving away from harmful alcoholic substances to something more nutritious, Ensure. In this essay, I will…
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JPS is hiring heavily again. If you apply and get through, you get a discount on your light bill or sumn?
Somebody get back to me…
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Please. We don’t even have the capacity to ban it locally.
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And investor Twitter wah we put 2 and 2 together fi 30 years pon minimum wage when patty reach luxury food status
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Bolt tweeting like he's about to drop a diss track and it's concerning
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Shoppers Fair really told me that they don't accept 'tap to pay' from my phone because they don't "trust it". Like, hello? When are we going to address this low Digital Literacy issue as a nation? Please, I'm tired.
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At 10, my father left me to drive his manual transmission truck alone and got upset with me when it stalled. As if I was supposed to just know how to change gears without him teaching me.
Parents really be expecting you to be independent when yuh balls de'even drop good yet.
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Fun fact: Sharks don't actually like how we taste
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We’re developing roads with the wrong materials. Asphalt doesn’t fit our country’s climate profile or landscape . We refuse to put in the infrastructural foundation to make concrete exponentially more sustainable and viable.
What's preventing us from having decent roads in Jamaica? Seriously.
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Imagine you have Celiac disease. While everybody else a pay $400 fi regular bread, GLUTEN FREE BREAD is $1,800 PEOPLE!!
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