JusTurBeasT 🕊
@jusnoyar
Followers
6,412
Following
3,350
Media
1,461
Statuses
234,963
flawed & fabulous cos perfect doesn't exist and normal is boring • his chosen one ♥︎
free bird 🕊droppings here 👇
Joined August 2012
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Pinned Tweet
I wanna be 18 again and ruin my life differently.
I've new ideas.
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My wife's taken to gardening and dug up a pit 7ft x 4ft but won't tell me what she's going to plant.
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You gonna piss a lot of people off when you start doing what's best for you.
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Stock market crash is worse than a divorce.
You lose half your money and the wife is still around.
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You never realize how antisocial you are until there's a pandemic and your life doesn't really change much.
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Inside every person you know, there's a person you don't know.
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I owe myself the biggest apology for putting up with things I didn't deserve.
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I yelled "cow" at a woman on a bike and she gave me the finger.
Then she plowed her bike straight into the cow.
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Just because someone desires you doesn't mean they value you.
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Every woman's dream is that her man would take her in his arms throw her into bed and..
Clean the whole house while she sleeps.
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If you think women are the weaker sex, try pulling the blanket to your side.
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Please be patient, I'm fucking up things as fast as I can.
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I'm convinced women want only one thing from us...all of our hoodies.
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Older I get more I understand it's ok to live a life others don't understand.
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Therapy is nice but screaming FUCK at the top of your lungs is much easier and cheaper.
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Sometimes I wonder what happened to the people who asked me for directions.
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If you know why pizza is made round packed in a square box and eaten as a triangle, then you know women.
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Even the strongest feelings expire when ignored and taken for granted.
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Being kissed while asleep is one of the purest forms of love unless you're in a prison.
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If it comes with conditions it's a contract not friendship.
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Finally fixed that annoying noise in the car.
Just opened the door and pushed her out.
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I'm amazed at my wife's talent.
Being able to turn one sentence into six hour argument takes talent, right?
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I send flowers to my neighbour's wife every friday night and watch them fight from my living room while eating popcorn.
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You deserve someone who does the same wierd things as you do.
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Every girl looks beautiful when you're not married to her.
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In the end you'll remember more about the journey and talk less about the destination.
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My search history is all stupid questions I was afraid of asking other people.
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The best weight you'll ever lose is the weight of other people's opinion of you.
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Only a pillow knows the amount of emotions hidden from the world.
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Today's 13yo have relationship stress. At that age I used to watch the fridge door close slowly and how the light went off.
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You don't stop having fun when you get old.
You get old when you stop having fun.
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What doesnt kill you lives with you for the rest of your life.
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We went through all of that only to end up strangers again.
-a love story.
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People look so different once you don't care about them anymore.
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Sex after marriage is like a gas station.
Sometimes you get full service sometimes you gotta ask for the service and sometimes you have to be content with self service.
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Me to wife: I'm a grown ass man. Stop mothering me.
Also me: Where's my wallet? Did you see the key? I don't have any clean underwear!
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To the only woman who listens to me at home.
Thank you Alexa.
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I can look directly at someone when they're talking, may be even throw in a "yeah" and still not hear a single word they said.
Marriage teaches new skills.
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I can't wait to retire then get up at 9 on a monday morning, drive around in my car ever so slowly and make every motherfucker late for work.
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Relationships are worth fighting for but..
You shouldn't be the only one fighting.
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Somewhere between my old me and new me I'm in search of my actual me.
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Wife: why you don't say "I love you" anymore?
Me: I told you once, if anything changes I'll let you know.
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My wife winked at me while handing me the coffee this morning.
I've never been more scared of a drink all my life.
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The world is full of monsters with friendly faces and angels riddled with scars.
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They're called manhours cos a woman would do that shit in less than 20 minutes.
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Stop planting flowers in people's yard who aren't gonna water them.
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No man has ever won a game of "Notice anything different in me?"
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You only need to find yourself, everything else can be googled.
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Drink water and get sun.
We're just indoor plants with complicated emotions.
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Sometimes you just need the happiness fucked back into your soul.
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I became successful at work just by replacing "fuck you" with "ok, great"
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I have 'wtf is wrong with people' moment atleast four times a day.
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Can't. Busy unfollowing people who don't add any value to my existence.
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What I like about twitter is you're not required to reply to all comments.
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How do I tell her I've a crush on her without telling her I've a crush on her?
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A passionate woman is worth all the chaos that comes with it.
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Don't kill your happiness by loving someone more than yourself
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I'm slowly becoming the person I should've been a long time ago.
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Give a man a fish
He'll still be looking for other fishes.
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"A wine please.."
"Sir you're at McDonalds"
"Ok, a Mcwine please"
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When you care for someone more than they deserve you get hurt more than you deserve.
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I don't think anyone really understands how tiring it's to act okay and be happy always.
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My gf asked me if I'd continue to love her even after marriage and i said yes.
Then..she got married.
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With the right person you don't have to work so hard to be happy,
It just happens.
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Getting mad at your hair is a whole different kind of angry.
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Life's too short and happiness is too rare to not be your crazy self.
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Two richest men of the world could not keep their wives happy.
What hope do we have?
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Life gets better when you realize you don't have to be nice to everyone!
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Don't take life so seriously not like you're getting out alive.
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Let's go somewhere get lost and never come back kinda mood.
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Condoms do not guarantee safe sex.
A friend of mine was wearing one when he was shot by the woman's husband.
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Marriage is all fun n games until after you actually get married.
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When I've nothing to do I open the fridge to see if life's more interesting inside.
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Nothing has changed this year.
Boobs are still my weakness.
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