Jaime
@jaimejoshielder
Followers
680
Following
898
Media
1,718
Statuses
8,477
Writer. Gin Snob. Firecracker (I know what that means, dude.) Tweets are my own and much like myself, should never be taken seriously.
West Palm Beach, FL
Joined February 2013
Don't wanna be here?
Send us removal request.
Explore trending content on Musk Viewer
Garbage
• 1263268 Tweets
Joe Biden
• 595121 Tweets
River
• 381723 Tweets
Yankees
• 217828 Tweets
Gaga
• 164131 Tweets
LINGORM N2U LIVE
• 126425 Tweets
#nicetwoMeatuxLingOrm
• 126158 Tweets
Mineiro
• 118232 Tweets
ポケポケ
• 76100 Tweets
Warriors
• 61098 Tweets
Borja
• 59519 Tweets
#BABYMONSTER_CLIKCLAK_MV
• 54534 Tweets
Camila
• 54301 Tweets
Deyverson
• 53058 Tweets
Gallardo
• 52856 Tweets
FAYE 1M7 JOURNEY
• 49496 Tweets
Volpe
• 47063 Tweets
ヤンキース
• 46026 Tweets
Luana
• 28568 Tweets
트리플스타
• 22116 Tweets
ポケモンカード
• 17280 Tweets
Colidio
• 15730 Tweets
Milito
• 15728 Tweets
Meza
• 14699 Tweets
Everson
• 13987 Tweets
初恋の日
• 13301 Tweets
#SVT_RIGHT_HERE_IN_BANGKOK
• 11916 Tweets
Solari
• 11096 Tweets
@Lookingtooclose
@4lisaguerrero
And yet, you don’t call him out for not spending more time at home with you and being there for you when you needed him.
It’s almost as if you recognize your father’s inherent autonomy but not your mother’s.
22
471
16K
@Lookingtooclose
@4lisaguerrero
It’s interesting how your father receives effusive praise for his parenting and your mother is criticized for not being there enough when both seem to have been engaged parents.
27
121
4K
@aburducky
No rice? No plain naan? Children eat those things.
I'm so lost. Watermelon? I don't know what's happening here.
0
4
828
@CarolineMoss
Wasn’t she a size 6 in this picture?
God, it’s a wonder we don’t all have horrific eating disorders
32
1
473
@Lookingtooclose
@Freyja1987
@postition
@4lisaguerrero
You criticize her as a mother online for thousands if not millions of people to see but it’s ok because you sang a song to her last Sunday.
Good job, Pavarotti.
Interesting notion of respect you have there.
2
12
419
Is this what an erection feels like? I feel like this is what an erection feels like
#FINSUP
42
16
387
@LeslieStreeter
You are so much kinder than I was when I first saw that thread.
Love you, Leslie!
1
2
233
I’m a vegetarian but I would eat anything this baby made me and go back for seconds.
0
7
162
@clhubes
This happened to me with my son! After YEARS of self-loathing and insecurity - I looked at my son and thought, “My God, you’re beautiful…and you look like me…”
I still have moments of doubt but I’m less likely to be so self-corrosive now.
2
1
152
@LeslieStreeter
Two margaritas deep is the BEST way to discover Rumors. It’s like, the WORLD opens up.
1
2
143
@cheetodust666
I love the fact that your mom has strong opinions about Topher Grace and would like to know which other celebrities she has thoughts about.
1
0
62
1
1
56
@AkilahObviously
Oh, I hate to be the one to tell you but Brian Littrell and Nick Carter are kinda a mess :(
2
2
51
@MediumSizeMeech
Sir, please. Warn a person before putting this up in front of God and everybody.
I am merely human. My heart can only take so much.
1
0
46
@EyePatchGuy
@anothercohen
If you grow up without much money, it kinda is.
I remember Olive Garden being a "special occasion" restaurant when I was a kid. No apps, no dessert - just an entree, salad and breadsticks - but it still felt fancy and special.
1
0
46
Dalrymple is a brilliant historian (read The Anarchy - his amazing book about the British East India Company) + this definitely worth a listen.
I am of East African Indian heritage and grew up speaking Swahili (mostly food words) without even knowing it.
From Idi to Rishi:
How East African Indians became the most powerful & successful diaspora community in the UK
4
13
103
0
6
41
@LeslieStreeter
I swear to God, Stevie Nicks serves as the witchy consigliere for all women and helps us put right what men have made wrong.
1
2
39
Probably my favorite issue yet - Boss realizing it's a lost kid, Benny Blanco antagonzing Neto and Ian Wright's ass.
Just fantastic.
0
2
34
@WiscoDisco
@CarolineMoss
Accurate statement. A cup of coffee is not breakfast and yet, that’s all I have more often than not
0
0
31
It’s
#AAPIHeritageMonth
.
Hi! I’m your Indian mom.
Baby, did you eat? I’ll make you something.
I love you and I’m proud of you.
3
4
33
I wanna see Jason Kelce review every terrible movie ever now
bringing this back because it’s the funniest thing ever and jason kelce deserves the world
65
808
13K
1
1
32
FINS MOTHERFUCKING UP 🐬
Here’s the ENTIRE SEGMENT from NFL Countdown this morning. Truly incredible stuff about the Trials & Tribulations that Mike McDaniel had to overcome to reach where he’s at today. ‼️🍿
#FinsUp
39
447
2K
0
3
31
@OmariJHardy
Have you ever tried South Indian food? A masala dosa (lentil and rice crepe stuffed with spiced potatoes) might be more up your alley than the typical Northern Indian offerings of butter chicken and saag paneer.
2
0
30
@SkinnyMcGheee
Might I also direct you to Vince McMahon's face - Dude looks like if someone asked the question, "What if Boris from Rocky and Bullwinkle was an anthropomorphized penis?"
8
3
29
@CouchGnome
@CarolineMoss
I graduated high school in 2001 and the fact that my stomach was never knife edge flat like Britney and Cristina bothered me for a really long time.
4
0
28
Yeah....I'm gonna go ahead and do what Salma Hayek is doing instead...
All of the bone broth, fasting and dry brushing will not save Gwyneth Paltrow. 💩
481
145
2K
4
6
28
To all my fellow Arsenal fans - can we all date Anne Hathaway now?
Anne Hathaway's reaction to Leandro Trossard's goal for
@Arsenal
at the start of an interview this weekend is priceless 😂
🎥
@DCfilmgirl
65
949
7K
5
2
28
@_A_Nope
@CarolineMoss
I weighed 93lbs when I graduated and I remember weighing more than 99lbs was a legitimate fear of mine.
I cannot believe how much of this poison we were spoonfed and swallowed.
0
0
25
Wait. What?
No. That can't be right.
He's 40.
And I'm...40.
Oh dear God....
Time, you raggedy bitch....
0
5
25
I binged Murdaugh Murders on Netflix last night and holy shit, that story is batshit bugfuck bananas.
Like, William Faulkner could have written that saga.
3
0
23
Better take: This misanthropic asshole should just use Instacart because the less he’s in public, the better for us all.
You hate kids. Cool. You’re not funny nor clever. You’re boring.
Parents. Stop bringing your annoying shithead kids to the supermarket.
109
148
1K
1
1
22
If you never saw Studio 60 on the Sunset Strip, it’s definitely worth checking out.
Canceled too soon, funnier than most, clever.
RIP Matty.
0
1
20
@LeslieStreeter
Wildly unpopular opinion but since I've had a crush on the man since I was 15 (oh my God, that's over 25 years now...) - I've gotta throw my hat in the ring for Ron Livingston.
Berger was awful but...he makes this girl swoon.
1
0
21
@vurnt22
@SusannaHoffs
I saw her live a few years ago and I swear to God, she looked right at me.
I have never been more in love or the same since.
2
1
19
And Kyle Rittenhouse is broke?
TUCSON, Ariz. (AP) — Ex-police officer Derek Chauvin, convicted of killing George Floyd, has been stabbed in federal prison, AP source says.
3K
8K
56K
2
1
19
Naan-chos with cilantro-jalapeño chutne, spicy refried beans, tikka masala sauce, pico de gallo, corn, pan-fried paneer, sharp cheddar and guacamole.
It was really damn good. Next time - I’m adding cucumber raita with serranos.
3
1
17
My pav bhaji and mutter paneer game is good but now, I've gotta step it up.
Step one: Rava Dosa with a truly ridiculous amount of cumin and red onions.
2
2
17
What do we really want from Chris Brown?
Uh, to load him into a rocket and fire him directly into the sun would be a good start.
What do we really want from Chris Brown? How can the singer, his detractors, and his supporters — at every level — serve to push pop culture into healthier territory?
27
52
145
2
6
15
@ChefReactions
Who the fuck is throwing out this elite candy? Chocolate-Cherry anything is incredible.
0
1
15
@LeslieStreeter
The history of American music, the loveliest harmonies between Beyoncé and Miley Cyrus, Dolly P, Willie Nelson telling you what’s what and the prettiest that Post Malone has ever sounded. Also Blackbird to make you cry cry cry.
2
0
12
Who is the target demo for this?
Is “Karen” what you drink when you’re ignoring your own kids and calling the cops about “suspicious activity” (read: brown people) in your neighborhood?
I don’t need a “Mom” beverage.
I drink gin.
Like a grown ass woman.
2
0
15
@NeilThanedar
@theaerogram
If Indian dads didn’t show up their kids, would they even be Indian dads?
(I say this as a woman with two 100% Indian parents)
3
0
15
@VanessaMarigold
Lili Chutney - blitz cilantro, jalapeños, oil, salt and cashews. Use as a condiment on everything, slather it on naan with smoked gouda or mix with mayo to make a cilantro aioli and spread on a sandwich with tomatoes and mozzarella.
1
1
14
Naanchos redux with jalapeno chutney, tamarind chutney, lili chutney, guac, pico, korma sauce, masala refried beans, roasted corn, fresh jalapeños and colby jack.
7
2
13
How's this kid gonna be a firefighter when he doesn't want the smoke?
0
4
14
Things I Did Today:
- Drank margaritas
- Got my nose pierced
- Made corn fritters for dinner
1
0
14
I’m pretty sure it’s
@ChiefJosheola
who talks about posting your W’s.
This is a big one for me - my first cover feature story.
Check it out here:
5
1
13
The height difference between Gwendolyn Christie and Jenna Ortega is basically the height difference between me and essentially everyone I know.
0
0
11
Salt and sand and falling asleep in your mama’s arms at sunset, warm and safe and happy.
1
0
12
I'm having dinner at Flanigan's tonight and I literally cannot focus on anything else except a giant green cup filled with Diet Coke and tumbleweeds.
1
2
12
I could talk forever and I still not be able to plumb the depths of what a spineless sack of dogshit Vivek Ramaswamy is.
Also, Ann Coulter and I go to the same gynecology practice. Her hair looks like straw and I feel bad for whoever had to sweep up after her examination.
.
@AnnCoulter
told me flat-out to my face that she couldn’t vote for me “because you’re an Indian,” even though she agreed with me more than most other candidates. I disagree with her but respect she had the guts to speak her mind. It was a riveting hour. The TRUTH podcast is back
4K
1K
11K
1
0
8
I know people joke but this is actually pretty fucking great.
I’m glad that a whole generation of women and girls are learning about Patti Smith and Horses.
I mean, “Jesus died for somebody's sins, but not mine,” is an earth-shattering way to open an album.
0
1
11
Kid figured out that his mini bike handlebars are kinda like Paul McCartney’s mic at the piano.
I know every parent loves their kid, but goddamn, I love my kid.
2
0
11
@joannna
@CarolineMoss
I say like the taste of Diet Coke but I genuinely don't know if I actually do or if I've been lying to myself for so long, I believe it now.
1
0
11
When I was in Paris, we got Indian food and they put brie in my mutter paneer.
I am more angry about this than I was about my divorce.
I love French food but let’s not act as if all you get in the States is fucking Big Macs and deep-fried butter.
Americans *genuinely* believe they have better food than France. They really believe it. It’s truly extraordinary.
2K
359
5K
4
1
11
If my husband was the scion of a billionaire and I bore EIGHT of his children (apparently without drugs) and he got me a fucking egg apron for my birthday?
I would murder him dead with a smile on my face and feed him to the pigs on my farm.
Yall think that ballerina farms article is bad 🤭
Look what he got her for her birthday… the billionaire that owns an AIRLINE & listen…
1K
2K
30K
1
3
11
Y’all.
PLEASE stop fucking with stuffing.
It is God’s own perfect food and doesn’t need to be elevated with truffles or cauliflower or whatever bullshit is in your pantry.
Lots of butter, aromatics and crispy bits. That’s all anyone wants and needs.
2
2
10
To the cute girl who got stood up tonight at Duffy’s on Valentine’s Day:
You dodged a heat seeking missile. You’re gorgeous and he’s a goddamn idiot.
I’m here because my kid wanted a burger but what the fuck?
Duffy’s?
On Valentine’s?
Fuck that dude.
You’ll do better.
1
0
11
St. Totteringham's Day MIGHT be tomorrow so I need everyone to be super cool and not jinx it.
I don't believe in a lot of stuff - soulmates, the critical thinking skills of TV execs, a higher power that isn't Springsteen - but I do believe in sports curses.
SO FUCKING BE COOL.
0
2
9
Just made a salad with hatch-chili roasted corn, sweet peppers, red onions, green onions, tomatoes and Israeli couscous with a jalapeño-parsley-pistachio dressing.
I feel like I’ve been sleeping on Israeli couscous as an ingredient but don’t know what else I can use it in.
2
0
10
Happy Mother’s Day!
All Mommy wants is some damn peace and quiet and for Arsenal to go three point clear today
#COYG
0
0
9
This week,
@flmanmurders
boys cover bully Bobby Kent - the most Florida of all fuck around and find out true crime stories.
80s movie villain style bullying, murder, ruining Pub Subs and a cameo from
@byChrisJoseph
’s dogs!
Check it out!
@Ceejness
@DatRoroKid
@5ReasonsSports
4
7
10
Men admit things on this stupid bird app that I would lie to God about.
it's never not funny when conservative men admit publicly that they're absolute garbage at sex
48
449
5K
0
1
10
We were lucky enough to have John Candy make us laugh.
My God, we were so lucky.
Watch The Great Outdoors today. It’s underrated and perfect.
30 years ago today … feels like both a lifetime with and without you . Miss you and love you always ❤️
1K
2K
60K
0
1
9
I’m popping champagne. Who wants in?
Henry Kissinger, War Criminal Beloved by America’s Ruling Class, Finally Dies
More:
1K
14K
46K
1
0
10
Well, this is just genius marketing
27
46
1K
1
4
10
I pushed a 6lb 7oz child out of my body.
I’m 4’11” and my pre-pregnancy weight was 115lbs.
I had three stitches post delivery and PPD that lasted about two years.
Unless you are MY OB-GYN, I give zero fucks what men have to say about childbirth.
I truly believe men have a fantastical image of what childbirth is and they do whatever it takes to keep that image alive because if they didn’t, they would have to reckon with the cost of an unprotected orgasm.
211
396
4K
0
0
9
Is Ben Affleck seemingly annoyed all the time because J.Lo made him stop eating carbs?
I mean, don’t get me wrong - damn and everything but shit dude, it’s not worth it.
Grab a cruller with your Dunks and be happy for a fleeting moment.
2
0
8
I would listen to
@VanLathan
and
@charlesxholmes
discuss literally anything but I really LOVE listening to them talk about The Bear.
Join
@VanLathan
and
@charlesxholmes
as they cook up their thoughts on the third and fourth episodes of
#TheBear
Season 3
0
5
22
0
1
9
Sixteen years ago, I had just moved to Philly.
I remember looking at this picture and grimacing at how “chubby” I looked.
Goddamn, being a teenager in the late 90s/early 2000s was fucking poisonous.
In case you need to hear it - you are so beautiful. Please believe me.
2
0
9
Solid possibility I’m gonna have the house all to myself on Saturday night.
You guys.
I’m gonna drink a gin and tonic in the hot tub and go to bed at 9:30 and it’s gonna be fucking magical.
3
0
9
Thank GOD we’ll never play the Chiefs in the Superbowl because Dolphins Twitter x Swiftie Twitter?
Shit would explode.
0
0
7
The most engagement I’ve gotten here is from calling out a misogynist who was talking shit about his mom/mothers in general.
I’m kinda ok with this.
Call a mom in your life and tell her you love her. Your mom, your sister, your wife, your best friend…
We are so damn tired.
2
0
9
I have never heard of a country more committed to honoring dogs than Chile.
#OtD
2 Jan 2020 a fake protest was held in Antofagasta, Chile, to lead a street dog called El Vaquita to a vet. El Vaquita wouldn't let himself be taken, even though he'd been shot, but had joined previous protests, so voluntarily joined the march, which led him to get treatment
21
507
2K
0
0
9
Today in Holy Shit, I AM An Indian Mom: I started making Pav Bhaji at 8:00am.
It turned it great but next time?
Butter-caramelized onions and served on buttered, toasted Hawaiian rolls with cilantro chutney, chopped red onion and pomegranate seeds.
Who’s in?
3
0
9
