gabbi (toxic version)
@its_GOP
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walking into the office and realizing you’re the only one in from your team
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all the nyc vs sf commentary fails to take into account that people in nyc don’t think about sf like ever
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Did you just wanna say arbitrage bc you thought it would make you sound smart so you just tossed it in and crossed your fingers
I want to buy a $2 million ranch in Montana. Monthly mortgage, taxes, hired help, upkeep, amenities are $12k
I’ll arbitrage 4 homes on Airbnb which will cash flow $12,000 month.
I just covered the cost of my ranch with an asset.
This is how you need to think 🧠💡
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airlines? you mean plane-themed credit card companies?
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“yeah so it’s a midwest-based 3rd gen family-owned hvac business and what we’re going to do is buy out the family, lever it 8x, and then start buying up a bunch of other small hvac businesses in other markets — that’s called a rollup, right? it’s basically recession proo—”
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suits is hilarious bc they show lawyers and bankers all working on laptops and no one has a single external monitor or real keyboard in their office
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why are you as a man wearing shorts anywhere but an athletic or water adjacent setting? incredibly unbecoming
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cannot emphasize enough how low probability this scenario is
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I am trying to be less condescending (condescending means talking down to people)
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we are long overdue for a return to traditional values
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this is literally what it’s like to work with the french
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how to survive on a $150k salary in NYC (time tested)
- post tax: you're at $88k
- after rent on a studio in fidi: $64k
- after taking ubers instead of the subway: $55k (back up to $59k after getting ~half expensed)
- after you skip lunch 3x a week and drink iced coffee instead:
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coming to the conclusion that many of you:
1) do not walk / live in an urban environment
2) do not have a job or understand what it’s like to have an office / desk to leave some of your things at
3) do not value convenience
4) have not found a good pair of shoes
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you’re laughing? a personal finance columnist put $50,000 cash in a shoebox and gave it to a stranger and you’re laughing?
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I’m not the first to say this but you are the age you are until you’re 25 and then you’re 25 until you turn 28 and 28 until you turn 30. after 30 you go up in 5yr increments until you hit 60 and then it’s 10yr increments. no one is 29 and no one is 32, that would be ridiculous.
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one of my fave nba facts is that the heat have their g league team in sioux falls, south dakota to keep the g league guys from partying in south beach
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“you’re the type of girl they write books about”
the book:
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how it feels to drop the phrase “whole enchilada” in a meeting
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BREAKING: Jordan says it is ready to shoot down any drones that violate its airspace
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I am so over student loan discourse like I’m sorry you weren’t smart enough for a scholarship please stop talking
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why are you, as a 22 year old, worried about work life balance?
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if you’re still using vlookup and not xlookup or index match you should just stop using a computer altogether
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Guys keep asking how they get a girlfriend. I tell them it’s simple — via a mixture of debt and equity*
*debt = amex platinum, equity = your soul
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hottest thing a man can do is be slightly afraid of me
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emergency alert 40 min after earthquake is very much like taking yourself off mute at the end of a zoom to say thanks
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she taught him how to tell his right from left by making L’s with his hands
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we don’t talk enough about the memo bush senior sent out to tell everyone to stop giving treats to his obese spaniel
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having hobbies / work life balance in your 20s should not be a thing (working out doesn’t count as a hobby)
my hobbies are 1) work 2) reading about things mostly related to work 3) drinking 4) my dog and 5) quarterly botox
wdym you have a pottery class every weds??
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why do you as a man even know this many brands exist
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today was such a perfect day in manhattan for rotting in bed like almost on a cosmic level
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finding out the nuggets mascot is getting paid $625k a year has ruined my week
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murray hill is like a halfway house between college and real life
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mba associate headed to dinner leaving you with a ref’d out model and a pitchbook filled with colors and fonts that aren’t in the brand template
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you wouldn’t last an hour in the asylum where they raised me
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I don’t want to BeReal I want to Be a Drexel Burnham Lambert VP in 1985
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before this goes any further let’s all just remember that we have two men furiously writing poems about each other
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how it feels to move assets to an unrestricted subsidiary
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hinge profile of the average west village guy:
— boat pic with five of his absolute boys (they all look identical and are wearing sunglasses but are of varying heights)
— tells you he works in finance (he means ops)
— grew up on long island (you will never hear the end of it)
Hinge profile of the average girl living in West Village:
-sunset pic in Positano wearing a sundress and Cartier bracelet
-works in marketing
-grew up in an insanely wealthy CT suburb
-first prompt:
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you don’t see anyone popping off like this anymore
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99.9999% of the time if someone has a flag in their bio you’re dealing with a lunatic does not matter which flag
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@cleonightxxx
like I said…cannot be comprehended. the fact people think they are breaking after a month is stupidity on an unmatched scale
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I am really glad I got all my activism out of my system with my 4 week fascination with kony 2012 in high school
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extremely unbecoming to itemize a bill in a restaurant — everyone needs to just act like an adult and throw their card down for an equal portion
plus it’s beyond inconsiderate to the staff!! learn some decorum
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I’ll never forget my first year when one of the other analysts on my desk loudly proclaimed she had “just learned what a balance sheet was”
that girl went on to become a single name credit research analyst and is now getting her MBA
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once I withdraw cash from the atm, I treat that money as gone. it’s out of the budget, it’s monopoly money, I will not be using it for anything productive or accretive
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for everyone being purposefully obtuse…the shoes purchased in earlier years are now coming to the end of their useful life. I keep two pairs at the office and two or three at home usually. the shoes purchased one-off were for emergencies (I was traveling and realized I forgot
@ddiiggss
@fetacheesepls
I generally keep 3 or 4 pairs on hand and rotate them each day so they’re all broken in the same
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Children are the product of a low interest rate environment
If you run the discounted cash flow model on a baby you will realize that having children is a bad financial decision
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logan roy and cousin greg
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I once went on a date with a guy who complained that the cacio e pepe was too spicy for him and looked at me like I was supposed to somehow fix that for him
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the y axis can be anything you want it to be if you just believe
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whenever I start to get annoyed with my father I remind myself that this is a man who for two years drove 6 hours twice a week and lived in a holiday inn express to avoid moving his family to ohio and if that’s not indicative of love idk what is
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not getting a return offer from an internship is an interesting definition of quitting but ok
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part of growing up is realizing you don’t want to be a socialist, you want to be a capitalist with tax breaks
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with college football fast approaching, a quick reminder of schools that are definitely cults:
1. texas a&m
2. notre dame
3. penn state
4. michigan
5. ohio state
6. clemson (up & coming cult; awful color scheme requires indoctrination)
who am I missing?
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could y’all focus on maintaining profitability instead of whatever this is
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me at work every day of my career
Playing around in calculator app. Some of these numbers are huge
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private equity sponsor bf, disqualified lender list gf
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if this generation can’t be straightforwardly asked to complete tasks, we are so beyond cooked
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the board of directors (the gc) has decided to go in a different strategic direction (I will not be texting you back)
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christopher columbus did not discover america for me to have to go to the office tomorrow
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hinge will give you an alert for your “most compatible” potential matches and then show you a literal goblin with no job
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sick of seeing all this “meanest girl from your high school is a nurse now” commentary like first off I’m in finance
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hey real quick before you set yourself on fire have you considered doing literally anything else
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actually can’t imagine anything worse than working fully remote hunched over a laptop
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@ddiiggss
@fetacheesepls
I wear these basically every day to work and out around the city bc they are super comfy and go with everything, I like to keep a couple pairs in the office in case I wear diff shoes and want to change for a last minute meeting, walking around manhattan does a number on shoes,
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when the bartender is dressed like he dabbles in sleight of hand magic, you know the martini is about to cost $28 minimum
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in fourth grade I came home asking to start clarinet lessons with my friend and my father said “I’m not raising squidward” and that was the end of that
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hunter might be the closest we’ll ever get to a real life kendall Roy
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“can you just give a brief overview of the company?”
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imagine if there were diet coke flavored zyns is anyone working on this
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does anyone actually like matcha or is it performative
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