raj.docx
@internetraj
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fintech lawyer | views are my own unless they get me in trouble, in which case they're not my views, they're actually someone else's views.
Joined October 2008
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Me this week listening to every single damn podcast available recapping the Michigan Ohio State game.
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A team of 18-22 year olds with whom I only share a tenuous affiliation, playing a game over which I have no control, beat another team I was trained to arbitrarily hate and backed up a bunch of shit I talked online.
BRAG ABOUT SOMETHING YOU’RE PROUD OF ACCOMPLISHING IN 2023 ✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨
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JD Vance is the most successful American under the age of 40. Veteran, college in two years, Yale Law, hedge fund, memoir that has sold more than 2 million copies, senator, now prospective VP. He should have overwhelming gratitude for this country. Let's see if he shows it.
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Dreams are realized on the shoulders of giants. Shout out the parents for paving the way for me and my sister to graduate from Michigan (5 times and 15 years between us, no biggie). We could lose by 1000 and this week will still have been worth it. Go fucking blue. And yeah my
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I asked AI to generate what a mosh pit at an Owl City concert would look like and the results are stunning.
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My 3.5 year old overheard the expletive-laden Sherrone Moore postgame interview. In the 36 hours since, he’s gotten a barbed wire tattoo on his calf, smacked me across the face and told me to get “Kraft” mac-and-cheese and not “that velveeta bullshit”, and held a sharp magnetile
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The University of Michigan is finally back in its rightful, god-given place in the Universe: that is, the Center of the Universe. Hulking, not shrinking, under the spotlight of international attention. Persevering through unjust persecution. Battling back with our most feared
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The best part about winning the national championship? The part of my brain that used to be hyper-fixated on these day-to-day machinations has completely detached itself from my mind and body. It is gently and aimlessly floating in the ether of enlightened Nirvana. The
The Harbaugh-Michigan negotiations are at an impasse, at least for now. It isn't money - plenty there - but the clauses: what should be covered by immunity (e.g. cheeseburgers, etc.), and what not?
Therein lies the rub. Stay tuned.
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Hold up you’re telling me a staffer was somewhere he shouldn’t have been in order to glean a competitive advantage ? Absolutely wild tbh. Tony Petitti must step in now and retroactively strip the Buckeyes B1G championship and the NCAA should ban them from their upcoming CPF game.
🚨 | BREAKING: Ohio State Coach Brian Hartline is being accused of tampering with 5🌟 Jeremiah Smith
Smith is the
#1
Overall Player in the Nation & has been committed to the Buckeyes for a year. However, he's left the door open for 1 other school - Florida State.
It's confirmed
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Charlie Baker does not “regret” his “unusual” decision to alert the Big Ten to the Michigan sign-stealing inquiry and believes it helps legitimize Wolverines title.
“No one believes at this point that Michigan didn’t win the national title fair & square"
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John O’Korn in two weeks enrolling in a Masters of Industrial Engineering for a secret 9th year of eligibility
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they said this man has a "vast network of spies"
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You just know this was the most poorly formatted spreadsheet of all time. I’m talking no wrapped text. Multiple fonts. Multiple font sizes. Zero shaded boxes. Inconsistent alignment. Absolute mess of a spreadsheet.
A former employee at a Big Ten football program has told The Associated Press it was his job to steal signs and he was given details from multiple league schools to compile a spreadsheet of play-calling signals used by Michigan last year.
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Things that make you go hmmmmmmmmmm (I am currently going "hmmmmmmmmmm")
The former Ohio State Director of Football video AND Assistant Football Video Coordinator are both employed by catapult as senior engineers. Very interesting stuff
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You are simply not a Ball Knower. Real ones know this is merely the Michigan defensive signal for cover 2 GTFOH double dog blitz.
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Alright. I’m caught up. I think the suspension is dumb. I think the manner and circumstances in which it was delivered was even dumber. Genuinely surprised Tony Petitti played it like this. The penalty and response letter seem tinged with personal animus. Cooler heads may well
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This guy is a one-man wrecking crew. Absolutely unhinged in the most delightful way. Insane Indian auntie calling the high school English teacher to interrogate her as to why her son got an A- on his Grapes of Wrath essay vibes. I'm in awe. Big fan.
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Tuttle jogging back to the locker room early to rebalance his Roth IRA
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Oh my god, this man really thought he was signing the Declaration of Independence. This is some dip the feather into the inkwell and contemplate the liberty bell swirl of the stroke kinda shit.
@internetraj
Not to jump too far ahead but I'm going to need your comment on Warde's signature
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I can confirm the mood was somber.
Report from a friend who’s in the Big House right now:
“It’s eerily somber in here. Fans seem to know deep down that there’s serious punishment coming and that likely includes Harbaugh. “Last Dance” has been referenced a nauseating amount of times. Like it’s the end of the
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Haters praying to the lord that I don’t respond to their old tweets
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Casually floated to my wife that I may need to fly back to the US for yet another football championship game and oh buddy the look I got.
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National Championship thoughts now that I'm back in Singapore and somewhat timezone-readjusted:
- Washington fans were awesome. I sat with my sister (UM grad) and her boyfriend (UW grad) and I had a uniformly great experience with Husky fans. I was momentarily taken aback by the
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About to board a 21 hour, 10,000 mile flight to Houston. Ask me anything.
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This is broadly correct. In each case, teams benefitted from advanced, in-person scouting done by others (Stalions' agents and other Big Ten coaches, respectively). The only meaningful difference[0] is that Stalions' agents recorded games, but recording games in connection with
@internetraj
It seems to me that receiving information from someone else about another game you aren’t involved in is “the agent relationship” referenced re UM allegations, and thus is illegal scouting in the same way
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My take on the potential Notice of Allegations for Michigan is that I hope the NCAA delays into perpetuity because I don't ever want posts like these to stop. This is one of the 50k+ messages in part 130 of a thread on the 11w board. Never take this away from me. I need this.
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All my Vanguard Target Retirement Funds have been pushed back 10 years. The trilogy is complete.
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Thanks for the memories,
@coach_Minter
! Suffice to say you exceeded some expectations.
BREAKING: Jesse Minter is leaving Michigan to explore NFL opportunities.
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Stalions went into those ncaa meetings saying absolutely nothing while twirling the cyanide pill hidden in his Michigan-branded dog tag chain
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I can’t believe all of our collective delusional fan fiction came true and this isn’t AI
Looks like Jim Harbaugh had some strong words for Tony Petitti
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This you?
Man I'm about to shed a tear. The F*cking did it. I can't believe it.
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lookin like a mannequin at JC Penny dripped out in Izod and Van Heusen
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My twitter algorithm has somehow been sucked into some crazy vortex of USC accounts breathlessly posting Zapruder films of inconsequential / nonexistent holding penalties. I don’t know what to make of this. UM didn’t throw a forward pass and still won.
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Instant reaction: excellent font choice. Big serif fan. But two spaces after periods is a gut punch. Reeling.
Here is Michigan’s 10-page letter to the Big Ten responding to the sportsmanship investigation, reporting with
@RossDellenger
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“Coach, Internet Raj has had his morning chai and is logging on to twitter dot com”
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I am burning this tweet on to a CD-R and priority FedEx-ing it to Jerome Powell as proof positive to keep interest rates higher, for longer. Unconscionable that losers have this much free time to produce such vanilla garbage.
A down in the life of Connor Stalions, lone wolf junior recruiting analyst. From the 2022 MSU-UM game. H/T Eleven Warriors and Red Cedar Message Board.
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Vocal tenor of an embattled CFO on an earnings call trying to explain why they missed Q4 gross margin guidance by 37% before hastily advancing to the slide about adjusted EBITDA
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As a few of my Michigan tweets got sucked into the twitter algo, by _far_ the meanest thing MSU / Buckeye fan have said to me over the last few weeks is that I'm a "crypto" guy. As someone who doesn't even own crypto and only logs onto the janky Vanguard interface to buy more
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To be fair nobody was ready for 19 botched snaps
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Screwedometer is down to 40%. Note that the Screwedometer relates to material sanctions (vacated wins, post-season bans, show-cause) after the full NCAA process is complete.
The "Cookedometer" relates to any sanctions this year. The Cookedometer is and has always been at ~5%.
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Tony ran away lmaoooooooo. My man bolted like he had the Strava on!!!! He trying to get those splat points! He just re upped the class pass so he can hit Barry’s!
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The funniest part of the JJ McCarthy draft discourse is that first round QBs have a roughly 50% base rate of being a bust. A material contributing factor for that variability is whatever random team, scheme, and circumstances they are dropped into. This is a science that
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A Michigan Man (
@LawrenceWongST
) will be the next Prime Minister of Singapore.
I will relinquish my role as PM on 15 May 2024 &
@LawrenceWongST
will be sworn in as the next PM on the same day. I ask all Singaporeans to give Lawrence & his team your full support, & work with them to create a brighter future for Singapore. – LHL
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Me on page 17 of a 39 page official gameday thread on rival team’s message board after they lose a big game.
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The year is 2020 and time traveller tells you that, within four years, Michigan will lose both Jim Harbaugh and Juwan Howard. One to the pros after winning a natty. The other gets fired in the wake of a losing season and dysfunctional culture. Life comes at you fast.
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“At the end of the day, it’s just a football game.”
- Kyle McCord
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