Ag Retail Problems
@glysophate
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Every day is an adventure when you sell Avadex and 34-17 for a living
Joined May 2021
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The Chinese sky balloon was actually just Bayer checking to see how much glyphosate everyone has on-farm so they can raise the price back up
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Maybe the vaccines would work better against the delta variant if they added a little extra surfactant to it
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That week in the crop inputs business when you’re selling fertilizer, seed, pre-seed products, in-crop, and fungicide all at once:
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He’s a 10 but he calls it “glyphosphate” or “glysophate”
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Ahhh- the long and stressful soil sampling season is coming to an end. Countless hours in the field to help farmers make the best fertility decisions. But it’s all so worth it when we get to see you completely disregard the results and do what your neighbour does anyway 🥰🥰🤗🤗
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Farmers: I’m not paying for that bag of canola you bumped the forklift into and lost 391 seeds out of
Also farmers:
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Getting close to “well we used to spray at 2 gpa” season, folks!
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Another year. Another taped over handle.
#ChemshedWorkersAgainstTapedOverHandles
✊
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Awful nice of them to let that product they made in December appreciate by 40% before they sent er out to retail! 💸💸
Enjoyed touring our newly expanded production facilities in Regina with
@LanaZdunich
and Kaleb. Good to see production on track for 2022!
@BASFAgSolutions
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“Yeah send the hired guy in we’ve got lots”
*farmer shows up for 162 jugs and you’ve got 11 in the shed*
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Farmers when you tell them the price of fertilizer did not miraculously drop in half just because the canola markets are crashing:
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Yearly reminder that whoever is in charge of punching the holes in chemical boxes should be fired. We should not have be proficient in martial arts to be able to carry a box of 24D by the handle holes. Rant over.
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Some farmers are getting too much rain. Some farmers aren’t getting near enough rain. Yet, we can guarantee the farmer who gets the perfect amount of rain will complain about the price of roundup, then return the tote with 20 litres in it
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Check your kids Halloween candy! I just found 2 bags of L345 treated with vercoras in their bags. Some real sickos out there 😭😩
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Farmers when you tell them the summer fill urea price starts with a 6 after promising it would start with a 4 two months ago:
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Friday plans:
-continue to to find ways to not answer the question of “what’s urea at?” from the farmer who bought in December
- avoid the customer who bought extra glyphosate in the fall
- pester canola seed reps for more seed even though I know they have none left
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Me when i find out there’s no free lunch at the plot tour
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PSA: hoping that foliar fertilizer app will save your canola is like hoping that one glass of water will save your hangover after 22 beers
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When you send the summer student on delivery and tell them to hurry
#ShrinkWrap
Someone missing 10 bags of L340? Found 1/4 mile east of Pete froese yard. Someone please claim so I don’t have to grow canola this year !
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Friendly reminder that your local retails cannot control inflation, you assholes. Happy Tuesday.
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Farmers will really try to return this but then also refuse to take a box that got lightly rained on
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Ok so Canadian farmers will travel 4 hours one way at -37 degrees to get their kids to a hockey game but if it isn’t between -4 and plus 3 with a southwest wind of <10 km/h you can’t haul your fertilizer. Gotcha.
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FNA and FBN salesman adding the trucking shortages to their pile of reasons why your glyphosate showed up 5 months late:
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When a customer asks for an allocated product and you’ve actually got it in your shed for once
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34 degrees celsius. Sweating like a summer student on a product complaint today.
#AgRetailProblems
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Why is it that when a jug of seed treatment goes up 5% chem companies are greedy scummy bastards but when a pickup truck goes up 20k, farmers open their wallets like a virgin in a strip club
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Mark my words the US government confirming the existence of Aliens will somehow be used as an excuse for the increase in the price of fertilizer. Book it.
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Return rained on chemical boxes and this is how we will deliver your canola seed. Assholes.
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How have these companies literally created chemistries that have changed the agriculture world before our eyes but they can’t figure out how to punch holes in the damn boxes
Here me out Chem companies. Handles on boxes that are pre punched 🤯 A true Ag retail problem
@glysophate
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Farmers spraying clodinadop every summer, forgetting they haven’t killed a wild oat in 10 years
#savings
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Farmers getting through the gates at Ag in Motion this morning to ask the chem reps why their chemical is weaker than it used to be:
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Best wishes to everyone who’s harvest is underway. Make sure to complain at your local retail about all the chemicals that didn’t work 3 months ago! It always helps!
#AgRetailProblems
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Being in ag retail is really fun when the expected yields and grain prices are decreasing and the fertilizer prices are increasing 🥰🥰 all the farmers are so happy 💞💃🏻
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PSA: this does not mean call your local retail and ask why the price isn’t lower than it was yesterday
#Nitrogen
#fertilizer
prices down again today as a lack of demand and continued world production push the global S&D even more out of line.
World is looking for demand that refuses to step forward which is keeping the pressure on.
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How is Jeff Bezos cruising around in space and we are all just hanging out here trying to figure out how to kill kochia weed
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Yeah FBN is Amazon for farmers but I’ve never waited a year for the package I ordered on Amazon
There's an "Amazon for Farmers" worth $4 Billion...
And you've never heard of it.
Here's how two guys started it with a $600 subscription:
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If they put rates and rainfasts on boxes we would be out of a job! What’s next?? Computers that take your orders at McDonalds?!? Tractors that drive themselves?!?
Petition to put the acres per case and rain fast on every box of chemical.
That’s literally all I need to see
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“Mix this with your seed treatment and you’ll see a 8-10 bushel bump at harvest time. It’s a no brainer at only $10/acre.” 🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩
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The look she gives when you tell her you’re a Certified Forklift Operator
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Why am I seeing all these tweets worried about a measly .75 bushel loss in your drop pans? There was like 50 guys at the crop show this summer who could’ve gained you 10 bushels by throwing in their micro-rich donkey piss in with your in-crop app
#couldashouldawoulda
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In other professions, a satisfied customer may give a thank you card or positive online review.
In ag retail, you get random texts containing a blurry picture of dying weeds & no caption.
#sprayszn
@glysophate
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POV: trying to get a farmer to say glyphosate properly
@27vladdyjr
SASK-A-TOON! See you next week! You will have plenty of time to learn it with the Saskatoon Kinsmen crew!
@SNETCampbell
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The greatest time in Western Canadian Agriculture history was when Viper boxes hissed at you. Not even close.
The greatest time in Western Canadian Agriculture was the day we got rid of the Canadian Wheat Board. There is not even a close second.
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I tank mixed Pfizer and Moderna and am substituting whisky for my phenoxy so I should be protected against the Omicron right
@NufarmCA
???
#MultipleModesOfAction
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Bring. These. Back.
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Logging in to twitter every facking day to see a plethora of male farmers in their 60s liking pornographic accounts. There are other sites for this guys. Someone tell them we can see their likes
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Happy crop production show week. For those of you in the industry, please enjoy 3 days of farmers asking why your products can’t be sold for less money! It’s the funnest.
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More of this!
Always look after your fert plant operators , you never know when you’ll need a favour
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When the snake oil salesperson tells you their product will “relieve crop stress in extreme drought”
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Say less brother
Would be lovely to see more accounts on 𝕏 simply posting beautiful content
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Huh. Most local spray plane pilots just double as “150mph agronomists”. Looks like this one drove the F-14 in Top Gun. They really are versatile folks
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Rain days. Coffee row is alive and well. Bicker all growing season about best farming practices but the best yields always go to the best bullshitters
#HowToFarm101
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A customer just told me he didn’t pay his monthly inputs bill because he lost his invoice in a crack in the ground
#Drought21
#AgRetailProblems
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Me this fall when I walk into the bars wearing one of those Reglone Ion trucker hats 🔥🔥🔥
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Pretty sure I just saw our local BASF rep getting pelted with gravel like he’s Justin Trudeau or something
#Group2Gate2021
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Introducing Climax. The product that will keep the customers coming!
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The real
#tinderswindler
are the guys who buy a jug of 2,4-D for $95 and return it for $102 at a different retail down the road
#MaximizingProfits
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*2 weeks of 30+ degrees in the forecast with zero rain*
Fungicide reps:
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Crop inputs folk watching Ag Twitter complain about equipment dealers customer service at harvest time haha sucks to suck
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Me driving back to the field with a load of expensive fertilizer after a heavy set, middle aged guy with handlebars and his cellphone attached to his belt calls me babe
I can deal with the guy at the fertilizer plant calling me “babe” if it gets my tanks filled first. Sometimes ya gotta take one for the team.
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The best part of the first hard frost is that it gives farmers something to talk about, other than just effing complaining about everything for once
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Death, taxes, and this 👇🏽
35°C today and you can bet your ass Clean Farms showed up for jug bags
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It’s even more wild how literally walking near a jug of aim makes you smell like aim all day long
It’s wild how a ML of diesel spilled on you makes you smell like diesel all day long
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@TinyFarmer306
They only come for empty pickups when it’s scorching hot or raining
#AgRetailProblems
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Overheard an old farmer in a cell phone store today asking for “an older iPhone with a button on the front so I know the damn thing actually works”.
I just know he left the place and immediately went to the local retail hoping for a barrel of Rustler
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I'm going to close the week with this statement:
When you go to buy your
#fertilizer
, BE NICE TO YOUR SUPPLIER/RETAILER/COOP. They DID NOT do this. They would rather sell you cheap inputs.
You can be pissed but do not misdirect it at the group trying to help you.
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Sure sex is great but have you ever perfectly lined up the ridges stacking two 800L totes on the first try?
#CertifiedForkLiftOperators
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There are 0 days of grazing restrictions with Coragen because there IS no Coragen
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Matador® 120EC insecticide available for horticulture and pulse growers across Canada. Read the full release here:
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Who’s angrier right now? White girl who hasn’t got dragonfruit in her Starbucks lemonade for the last 2 weeks or farmers getting shorted phos at the local retail?
#ShortageSzn
White girl
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Farmer
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Look at the bright side- we will no longer have to explain why you can’t use your 5 gallon nozzles for your proline application
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“I said I wanted octtain in the orange box not the green box!!!!!!”
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Tweet of the year candidate 👇🏽👇🏽
After throwing an extra jug of Interlock in the sprayer with the Liberty cause the agronomist says it’s too windy for dicamba.
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QOTD: Is it more appropriate to get completely bundled at the plot tour/golf days during a drought or less appropriate? ⛳️🍻🌾
#AgRetailProblems
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Actually
@costcocanada
please start selling crop inputs so we can wander over to sample crackers between sales calls
How much longer until I can pick up combine parts at Costco?
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This guy wouldn’t last 4 hours dumping clumpy 34-17 into 3 tons
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Option E: we farm so there’s something to talk about at coffee row
Question for all farmers and ranchers:
Is farming just a business to you. Profit above all else?
Or is it a lifestyle. As long as I can pay my bills, I’m happy?
Or maybe a bit of both?
Explain in comments👇
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Spring: not it’d sure be nice to have one of those cushy rep jobs
Summer: sure glad I’m not the BASF rep
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This is a serious
#AgRetailProblem
. Farmers- be better.
Had a customer today ask me if “my mood changes based on what time of the month it is”
Gentlemen - and those who aren’t - your agronomist will be a lot more willing to help if she doesn’t have to wonder what wildly inappropriate question you’re going to ask her that day
#NoWords
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This is a pandemic
@glysophate
is it just me, or is the biggest pet peeve when working in the shed when the handles on the box of chemical you are carrying aren’t strong enough to carry said chemical? Pisses me off, everytime!
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A quarter pounder with cheese meal is worth roughly the same amount as a litre of 540g glysophate. Not so bad when you think of it that way is it??? 😬🍟🍔🥤
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If we had a dollar for every time a customer called it “glysophate”
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