Garrett Green Profile Banner
Garrett Green Profile
Garrett Green

@garrettgreen

Followers
4,761
Following
5,244
Media
6,029
Statuses
128,272

Software Engineer | Made @PhishtoryToday | 👨‍💻 @BroBible @garyvee @VaynerMedia | 💚 @Phish @PredsNHL #BBN | 👨‍🎓 @BelmontUniv @Fullstack | LEX➡️BNA➡️NYC➡️CHI

Chicago, IL
Joined September 2009
Don't wanna be here? Send us removal request.
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@garrettgreen
Garrett Green
7 years
Bishop of Rome God blowing up my phone Got your girl on her knees For confessions not dome
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@garrettgreen
Garrett Green
6 years
cancelling all my plans for the day so I can get stoned and watch this on repeat
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@garrettgreen
Garrett Green
7 years
oh my god send this to every person you have ever met in your entire life
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@garrettgreen
Garrett Green
3 months
serious question because I’ve never seen it… is this movie awesome? it looks like it might be awesome.
@Lulamaybelle
Courtney Howard
3 months
Philip Seymour Hoffman’s Freddie Miles has one of the best character introductions on screen ever in THE TALENTED MR. RIPLEY.
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@garrettgreen
Garrett Green
6 years
the world needs more @JohnMayer x @Thundercat
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@garrettgreen
Garrett Green
4 years
“Any plans this weekend?” me:
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@garrettgreen
Garrett Green
6 years
Bae: Come over, I’m ordering a pizza. Me: On my way! Bae: Just ordered Papa Johns. Me:
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@garrettgreen
Garrett Green
4 years
in honor of Easter - a top 5 comeback performance - here’s the greatest outtake in television history
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@garrettgreen
Garrett Green
8 years
it's a tough day when the dictionary basically tells you to go fuck yourself.
@MerriamWebster
Merriam-Webster
8 years
@gabrielroth No one cares how you feel.
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@garrettgreen
Garrett Green
5 years
sucking dick to save america >>>>
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@garrettgreen
Garrett Green
8 years
*[NHL Team] eliminated* Coach: We had 3 forwards w/ broken legs, 2 d-men w/ prosthetic arms, & our goalie is a zombie - he died in round 1
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@garrettgreen
Garrett Green
8 years
When you see your girl talking to Ken Bone
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@garrettgreen
Garrett Green
5 years
HOLY FUCK
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@garrettgreen
Garrett Green
5 years
I managed to propose to her without making a single phish reference
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@garrettgreen
Garrett Green
5 years
Well now he’s just showing off. ...I don’t hate it one bit.
@finnthebatdog
Finn The Bat Dog
5 years
Double fence jump anyone?
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@garrettgreen
Garrett Green
6 years
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@garrettgreen
Garrett Green
6 years
🚨🚨 IDEA 🚨🚨 The #NCAAChampionship but 90 minutes earlier and on a major network.
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@garrettgreen
Garrett Green
6 years
this is art.
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@garrettgreen
Garrett Green
7 years
watching the jets fully commit to tanking like
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@garrettgreen
Garrett Green
8 years
Fixed it for you, @CNN . #debate
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@garrettgreen
Garrett Green
1 year
@chrisxmunn don’t sleep on Waco!
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@garrettgreen
Garrett Green
5 years
How long was The Rock in labor?
@ComplexPop
Complex Pop Culture
6 years
Congrats, @TheRock ❤️🙏🏽
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@garrettgreen
Garrett Green
4 years
My plans 2020
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@garrettgreen
Garrett Green
2 years
“You take drugs, Danny.” “Every day.” “Good. So, what’s the problem?” “I don’t know.”
@RexChapman
Rex Chapman🏇🏼
2 years
42-years ago today “Caddyshack” premiered in theaters (1980) …
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@garrettgreen
Garrett Green
2 years
@ABC7 fuck you
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@garrettgreen
Garrett Green
6 years
when I hear someone playing phish within a mile radius
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@garrettgreen
Garrett Green
9 years
This is still my favorite thing from the Internet, ever. http://t.co/CBaBeBZckY
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@garrettgreen
Garrett Green
8 years
This is amazing. Imagine it with the sound effect from hitting a banana in Mario Kart on N64. #SB50
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@garrettgreen
Garrett Green
8 years
"The name's Bone, Ken Bone. I'm just a man with a mustache living a commitment free life." #debate
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@garrettgreen
Garrett Green
7 years
@WorldofIsaac "What if I told you, getting cut doesn't mean you won't make your own team"
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@garrettgreen
Garrett Green
4 years
new favorite reaction gif @SHODesusAndMero @THEKIDMERO
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@garrettgreen
Garrett Green
7 years
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@garrettgreen
Garrett Green
6 years
these new UVA jerseys are 🔥🔥🔥
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@garrettgreen
Garrett Green
5 years
Boss: Why don’t you take a stab at... Me:
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@garrettgreen
Garrett Green
7 years
Vatican is my city Never seen a titty But I still spit fire Drop Psalms like bombs And prayers mad witty
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@garrettgreen
Garrett Green
7 years
“We’re starting a podcast”
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@garrettgreen
Garrett Green
7 years
when the dabs takeover:
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@garrettgreen
Garrett Green
5 years
when you’re hungover and don’t think you’re going to throw up but you’re definitely not NOT feeling like you might throw up but maybe you won’t because it comes in waves
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@garrettgreen
Garrett Green
7 years
you vs the guy she told you not to worry about ...because they've already slept together but then he was a jerk so she settled for you.
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@garrettgreen
Garrett Green
7 years
Bucks a zillion every game for the rest of the season
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@garrettgreen
Garrett Green
4 years
HBO made a show about how fucked up the world would be if 2% of the population disappeared.
@TheyLoveDjJigga
Grand Master Jigg
4 years
Corona virus got a 97% survival rate nd the whole country panicking
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@garrettgreen
Garrett Green
8 years
Life goals: completed. #NHLAllStar #NHLFanFair
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@garrettgreen
Garrett Green
5 years
bike bro vs short finance guy is an all time douchebag matchup
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@garrettgreen
Garrett Green
7 years
@bessbell @amandamull ugh, just can’t stand when rape stories don’t have a hero.
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@garrettgreen
Garrett Green
7 years
@BrendanClancy @FeitsBarstool @EKANardini Erika has that Zoolander Blue Steal face on 🔒
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@garrettgreen
Garrett Green
2 years
ya boy is getting married today.
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@garrettgreen
Garrett Green
5 years
I still can’t get over the music. That score tho. #GameOfThrones
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@garrettgreen
Garrett Green
8 years
"Most 31 year olds are doing things like this." - @BarstoolBigCat
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@garrettgreen
Garrett Green
5 years
what the fuck is going on in tennessee
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@garrettgreen
Garrett Green
5 years
good vibes/prayers/thoughts/whatever welcomed as I’m headed to a job interview I’m really, really excited about! 🤞🤞🤞🤞🤞🤞🤞🤞🤞🤞🤞🤞🤞
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@garrettgreen
Garrett Green
2 years
@spidermannwh @nicolerovine “Regards” lmaooooo
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@garrettgreen
Garrett Green
7 years
#4 ’s Reaction >>>>>
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@garrettgreen
Garrett Green
7 years
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@garrettgreen
Garrett Green
7 years
Midnight. Tonight. #BarstoolRundown on @ComedyCentral .
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@garrettgreen
Garrett Green
5 years
just call your mom today, there’s no need to post an instagram story like its becky’s 23rd birthday.
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@garrettgreen
Garrett Green
3 years
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@garrettgreen
Garrett Green
5 years
shouts out to all the amazing, supportive twitter homies 🙏🙌💚 hyped to share i've officially accepted my first software engineering job and start at @paro_io a week from monday
@garrettgreen
Garrett Green
5 years
good vibes/prayers/thoughts/whatever welcomed as I’m headed to a job interview I’m really, really excited about! 🤞🤞🤞🤞🤞🤞🤞🤞🤞🤞🤞🤞🤞
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@garrettgreen
Garrett Green
4 years
JUST BECAME AN UNCLE LFGOOOO
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@garrettgreen
Garrett Green
6 years
international house of baby, oh no what is you doing
@garrettgreen
Garrett Green
6 years
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@garrettgreen
Garrett Green
6 years
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@garrettgreen
Garrett Green
7 years
Run the church so long Got two Testaments Rap game so raw Had to give it up for lent
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@garrettgreen
Garrett Green
7 years
Glenny Balls, porn star Asa Akira, Mr. Balls, and Mrs. Balls do date night. The world needs this content more than it needs anything else.
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@garrettgreen
Garrett Green
7 years
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@garrettgreen
Garrett Green
5 years
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@garrettgreen
Garrett Green
7 years
jfc @BarstoolTrent ... not exactly easing us into this week, are ya?
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@garrettgreen
Garrett Green
6 years
BIG. MF. MOOD.
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@garrettgreen
Garrett Green
7 years
@chrismelberger @frankiegreek When* chance the rapper becomes president he'll be Chance The Presidential Rapper
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@garrettgreen
Garrett Green
3 years
@People4Bernie @therecount we need some ‘Official Mittens of Bernie Sanders’ in the online store ASAP, please
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@garrettgreen
Garrett Green
7 years
News: Let's talk to some dumb local. Guy: SCIENCE, BITCH!
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@garrettgreen
Garrett Green
5 years
whos moms is this?
@TSSteinbacher
The Big Guy
5 years
Insanely powerful vibes coming from this divorce photo shoot.
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@garrettgreen
Garrett Green
6 years
omfg
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@garrettgreen
Garrett Green
6 years
Imagine being this big of a fucking loser.
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@garrettgreen
Garrett Green
6 years
what is going on?
@YahooFinance
Yahoo Finance
6 years
Domino's Pizza unveils U.S. infrastructure project filling potholes by @aarthiswami
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@garrettgreen
Garrett Green
7 years
*smokes weed once*
@danielsinger
daniel singer
7 years
screenshots are the selfies of the smartphone.
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@garrettgreen
Garrett Green
7 years
*extremely Jon Gruden voice* ‘Hey man - I gotta tell ya, man. This guy was crazy, man. He had a sandwich that, I tell ya, was as big as a football. Looked like he could feed an O-Lineman with that thing. Had a bite & I tell ya, made me wanna run a Flavortown 2 Y Banana Split.’
@TheWilderThings
Charlotte Wilder
7 years
TFW Guy Fieri is trying to feed you
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@garrettgreen
Garrett Green
3 years
you know the vibes @desusnice @THEKIDMERO
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@SHODesusAndMero
DESUS & MERO on SHOWTIME
3 years
It's not a real Chocha Beach day without the complementary plate of sandy spaghetti. @JBALVIN #DESUSandMERO
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@garrettgreen
Garrett Green
8 years
Hi all! I'm helping my bossman @garyvee sell books via @AskGaryVeeBook account, I'd ❤️ to help you order some books!
@TeamGaryVee
Team GaryVee
8 years
Preorder & get your copy ASAP! Signed: Amazon/Audible: Book Barter:
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@garrettgreen
Garrett Green
7 years
'there is no @barstoolsports ban. period.' - roger goodell
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@garrettgreen
Garrett Green
5 years
using speaker phone in public should be illegal.
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@garrettgreen
Garrett Green
8 years
Happy Vaynerversary to @davidrocknyc ! @garyvee 's man behind the 🎥 & 🔑 part of @VaynerMedia . Just ask @CaseyNeistat !
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@garrettgreen
Garrett Green
7 years
No one is having a better morning than Steve Harvey
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@garrettgreen
Garrett Green
6 years
me when I accomplish literally anything at all:
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@garrettgreen
Garrett Green
8 years
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@garrettgreen
Garrett Green
6 years
This is the one day every year that the whole country looks at the state of Kentucky and is like, “eh, maybe it isn’t worthless” #KentuckyDerby
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@garrettgreen
Garrett Green
7 years
so excited to post my snapchat story on all 37 different apps.
@ProductHunt
Product Hunt 😸
7 years
Introducing Snapchat Stories, now by Facebook Messenger.
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@garrettgreen
Garrett Green
7 years
Happy birthday to friend and former boss @garyvee !! Thanks for everything and enjoy all the love today. #HBDGaryVee
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@garrettgreen
Garrett Green
7 years
99% chance this dudes name is Chaz
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@garrettgreen
Garrett Green
5 years
she is beauty and she is grace.
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@garrettgreen
Garrett Green
6 years
hello @police , I’d like to report a murder.
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@garrettgreen
Garrett Green
8 years
"I believe you have my stapler."
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@garrettgreen
Garrett Green
6 years
@rebeccaglynne right?? big same
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@garrettgreen
Garrett Green
6 years
NOTHING BUT RESPECT FOR MY PRINCE #StandWithUs
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@garrettgreen
Garrett Green
7 years
One name, Pope Rhymes tight like rope Used to cook crack Now I slang hope
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@garrettgreen
Garrett Green
7 years
TRACKLIST 1. Closer 2. Closer 2 3. Closer 2 (Reprise) 4. Closer to Paris 5. Paris 6. Something Closer to Paris 7. Paris Like This 8. Closer
@AppleMusic
Apple Music
7 years
🙌🙌 IT'S HERE 🙌🙌🙌 Listen to @TheChainsmokers new album #MDNO .
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@garrettgreen
Garrett Green
7 years
FUCKING LAVA
@YahooSportsCFB
Yahoo Sports College Football
7 years
Colorado State's alternate uniforms incorporate the Colorado state flag. They are gorgeous.
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@garrettgreen
Garrett Green
7 years
respect the good boy in blue
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