Ewen MacIntosh
@ewenmacintosh
Followers
16,433
Following
937
Media
1,469
Statuses
45,851
Still not sponsored by Ginsters
Pale Blue Dot
Joined June 2008
Don't wanna be here?
Send us removal request.
Explore trending content on Musk Viewer
Telegram
• 1251485 Tweets
#सत्संग_क्यों_सुनें
• 222356 Tweets
Sant Rampal Ji Maharaj
• 213352 Tweets
Hezbollah
• 104542 Tweets
嫌いボタン
• 61168 Tweets
ガッチャード
• 58946 Tweets
日韓百合
• 33650 Tweets
#UFCVegas96
• 27729 Tweets
Daytona
• 26924 Tweets
Nevada
• 26677 Tweets
プリキュア
• 24826 Tweets
Puebla
• 16153 Tweets
#LoveSeaFanParty
• 15395 Tweets
設営完了
• 12691 Tweets
FortPeat FanParty
• 12465 Tweets
Milito
• 11918 Tweets
Michael Morales
• 11190 Tweets
アルコス
• 10947 Tweets
So I landed the plane sideways, got out and said “What were you worried about?”
208
984
6K
Word of warning...
119
468
6K
Bad times for me I'm afraid chums. Stat strong out there 👍
320
14
2K
To cheer up the nation how about
@BBCTwo
show the whole of The Office again? I think that's an excellent idea.
52
58
618
£10 says Boris will pull further ahead in the polls after today
14
40
542
That's it then. The old teams on the scrap heap
Leading European football clubs announce new Super League competition.
21K
6K
24K
14
12
398
People who get on a train and then start asking where it’s going- you’re doing it in the wrong order
10
43
316
Went to see Paddington 2 and the whole afternoon was ruined by James Corden’s voice in the trailer for Peter Rabbit. I was far too angry for the next two hours to enjoy the film.
14
23
308
I have finally got control of my account back from the
#hackers
. Please disregard all my tweets from the last 12 years.
6
6
320
I see BBC 2 is showing a sitcom about a Slough paper merchants at 10pm tonight. Seems like a bit of a risk...
22
4
307
Fancy something different for your Christmas party? Why not suggest DJ Keith? Reasonable rates! DMs are open
47
60
270
Had a fun afternoon working with someone who a lot of people genuinely think is actually my boss. In a weird way I sort of agree and he's certainly a great boss to work for...
26
6
253
It’s weird looking back and thinking ‘You know what, George W. Bush had a real dignity and gravitas about him’
6
31
234
Just heard some great news. It's 20 years since The Office debuted on the BBC and to celebrate this milestone they will be doing precisely fuck all!
30
14
230
A much more exciting announcement would be that there isn't going to be a new Star Wars film
18
8
215
To any hotel: give me strong, free wi-fi, a plug socket next to the bed and control of the room temperature and I will give you a 5 ⭐️ rating.
17
30
196
Now taking bookings for Christmas Parties! Let DJ Keith spice up the festivities. DMs are open. Message me for rates/availability
49
75
190
4
4
172
Fairly sure that if we just permanently cancelled Glastonbury and Wimbledon this rain wouldn't show up.
8
139
167
This was how fun it was making "The Office" (UK version)
17
103
167
I was at school with Tom. Lovely lad but not the sharpest tool in the box unfortunately...
BBC pay: Casualty actor Tom Chambers says men’s salaries are ‘for their wives and children too’
94
16
19
20
27
161
If you didn't like the new Star Wars film just remember that James Corden will probably be in the next lot
11
9
158
Today several professional journalists wrote a story about a man dropping a phone.
9
151
144
Eastenders and Outnumbered?
Two of BBC iPlayer's top 3 shows over Christmas were comedies...
1. EastEnders (1.31m)
2. Mrs Brown's Boys (1.25m)
3. Outnumbered (1.24m)
1
2
6
3
72
140
Eric’s card has just been declined at Threshers.
Just had £3300 to win £1200 on real madrid to beat tottenham easy money
1K
4K
4K
2
24
125
Swindon lot are little slugs
Swindon
#EUelections
results:
Brexit Party 19,126
Lib Dem 9,511
Lab 7,838
Green 6,861
Con 5,550
8
19
23
10
10
134
It was amazing because, for once, we felt a bit like all the other countries- getting behind our team, enjoying the tournament and not behaving like entitled twats.
It was amazing because we got to a semi-final.
It was amazing because we didn't lose on a penalty shootout.
It was amazing because we played with love for the game instead of fear.
It was amazing because we played fair.
It was amazing because we're NOT SHIT anymore.
#BELENG
82
133
1K
9
7
131
@TwopTwips
EASE THE strain on the NHS by using out of work actors from Holby City and Casualty as auxiliary workers
4
35
131
For some reason the Polish DVD of The Office has recast
@rickygervais
with
@RickyGervais2
🤔
12
18
122
I cannot remember a better CB at Liverpool than Van Dijk. And I remember Nicky Tanner
#LFC
18
17
118
@susannareid100
You get paid to put up with Piers. Doesn't mean anyone else should be forced to suffer the arrogant twat.
4
8
116
Absolutely pathetic and an insult to Sunderland fans. Moyes is an idiot.
Good of David Moyes to agree
@SunderlandAFC
would kick the ball out on 26 minutes so John Terry (shirt 26) could go off to huge cheers
110
11
77
16
33
114
Yet again too many people will focus on shallow, earthly pleasures tomorrow and forget about the true meaning of the day. Namely that it's my birthday
13
3
125
An absolute honour to get the call up to be part of this...
***BRAND NEW***
***The Tories do The Apprentice - The Interviews***
***Episode Six***
***Claude grills the remaining contestants***
With Special Guest Star - Ewen MacIntosh!
#TheTories
#TheApprentice
#Interviewfromhell
187
992
3K
3
12
121
1st day of sunshine in London and so many couples openly snogging that I feel I might kill again...
15
159
113
@DaftLimmy
This is an absolute disgrace. Now you are back taking the sweet BBC coin you suddenly think you are better than all your fans who saw you through the lean years. Just fucking do the charity do tweet you twat
1
0
109
And his wife has alopecia so... not a happy home life
This is the one-liner that the papers are pretending was part of a serious confession: “I’ve been sober for 18 years. The first 18 years. Been drunk ever since, obviously”
188
354
5K
1
21
108
Big big thanks to
@tokyosexwhale
for sending me this marvellous picture which has cheered me right up
7
3
106
So I went to buy a Valentine's present and the balloon deflated overnight and...
http://t.co/eiiUL6iI27
5
106
105
To find out how many times better you'd be as President of America than Donald Trump take your age and multiply it by a thousand.
1
55
101
@TwopTwips
TRICK NEIGHBOURS that you're a serial killer by being unassuming and keeping yourself to yourself.
3
24
97
Surely ITV have to recommission Lewis but with a BAME female in place of Hathaway. It's a no-brainer
5
6
95
Hard to understand why
#InsideNo9
doesn’t win every award there is. It’s clearly the greatest television show of all time.
2
19
96
@TwopTwips
TRICK neighbours into thinking you're a murderer by being polite, softly spoken & keeping yourself to yourself.
2
78
88
Happy Birthday to the great
@rickygervais
If he doesn't retweet this I will look like a right cunt.
24
47
89
Mad how much love there still is for The Office. Thanks to everyone who came yesterday and today and to
@rickygervais
for letting Keith back
10
17
93
Does a scotch egg count as a substantial meal?
Very much so
287
To some extent
145
Don't know
176
What are the options?
330
23
25
95
I first discovered I had asthma as a kid when I used to laugh so much watching Cannon and Ball that it would bring on attacks.
#RIPBobbyBall
6
2
87
“Do your Ali G”
Ah the "I'm not racist because" card has been played by Boris Johnson I see.
Took longer than I expected tbh.
#partyelectionbroadcast
7
19
68
7
15
90
Mike Read should be arrested for his ‘performance’ at the Hammersmith Apollo this evening
#ChevyChase
13
12
81
Dear Diary,
Bit of a mixed day today if I'm being honest...
(Will Smith, March 28, 2022)
0
6
82
@DaBungalowClips
@DIHarryBatt
Totally my favourite moment of my entire career. The most talented person I’ve ever been sat opposite. An underrated genius and a legend.
3
2
78
It must be a great time to be a psychic. I think I might give it a go. DM me and for 50 quid I'll tell you how your Christmas is gonna be.
6
5
80
All the people gloating over Trump haven’t watched enough Dukes of Hazard. Boss Hogg always wriggles out of it and lives to fight another day.
0
9
81
.
@DuncanCastles
Hi Duncan. Currently setting up a podcast called ‘Cunts’ where I chat for an hour to people who are generally considered to be complete cunts. Could you follow me so I can DM you about it? Cheers.
2
10
72
Slough Town are on telly tonight so I thought I’d give punditry a go...
7
21
70
This kid Barry Keoghan is absolutely amazing in everything he's in. Stick a tenner on him winning an Oscar within 5 years.
He’s got issues, serious psychological issues. Meet Martin in the latest trailer for The Killing of a
#SacredDeer
. In Theaters October 20.
8
204
374
2
18
61
@TwopTwips
THERESA May: Relieve the pressure over what a shit job you’re doing by performing a silly dance and having everyone focus on that instead
2
20
59
A reminder that The Apprentice has not been cancelled and Alan Sugar will continue to appear on the BBC’s ratings winner
5
21
66
6
1
60
It’s easy to mock Celtic for crashing out of the CL early but I think Cluj will surprise a lot of teams this season. The main surprise being that there’s a team called Cluj
4
6
58
@Jackieholmes111
@paulross
@iainlee
So you falsely accused someone then didn’t apologise because you didn’t like how they reacted to being falsely accused. You are living in cloud cuckoo land
0
0
53
90 minutes until Alberto Moreno releases Jurgen Klopp's wife and children unharmed
#transferdeadlineday
3
32
53
"It ain't a proper league, Jeff. I'm sorry but it just ain't. It ain't".
"It's all well and good doing it against Je Suis FC, but he's in a proper league now, how many goals has he scored on Super Sunday Jeff?"
12
115
321
0
16
54
“Richard Johnson”
A glorified tosspot who is probably well hated in the office and pulls really shit jokes while taking multiple coffee breaks
26
21
174
2
10
54
