eddiepence
@eddiepence
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Actor/Comedian. Rear Admiral of THE RALPH REPORT w/ @ralphgarman on . Co-host of the Ramble w/ @rochacomedy
Hollywood, USA
Joined October 2008
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Pinned Tweet
There’s no integrity in comedy anymore.
#fyp
#comedy
#starwars
#jokethief
#hack
#dadsoftiktok
#comediansoftwitter
#dads
#backtoschool
#careerdayatschool
#comedians
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Don’t even know where to start. Steve you were insanely talented, quick, kind, funny, sort of a dick, giving, thoughtful and we didn’t spend nearly enough time together. I love you, you will be missed. Rest in peace, brother.
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It took 10 weeks, a gift from
@ralphgarman
, a lot of paint, some leather work, epoxy, sanding and a little help from a 3D printer but Boba “Colton” Fett is finally ready for
#halloween
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The 6-7 hours a week I spend with
@RalphGarman
are some of my favorite. Your talents are only eclipsed by your incredible kindness (and large testicles). Have the happiest of birthdays my friend, you deserve it.
12
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You’re Dad was the absolute best. I will miss him dearly.
I never thought i’d lose you so young, but here we are. Thank you for being my dad and showing me the kindness and knowledge i need to explore the world. I will miss you more than anything. I love you, dad.
Thank you to
@RalphGarman
@eddiepence
and the garmy for showing him ❤️
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This is a great billboard. You know what’s even better? THE RALPH REPORT w/
@RalphGarman
& his Vice-Host
@eddiepence
. Subscribe for $3/month and get new content 5 days a week at
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Hey
@RalphGarman
there’s a certain song stuck in my head that I normally want to beat out with a mallet but today I kind of want to sing it out loud.
#PhiladelphiaFreedom
#Election2020
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244
Today on
#theralphreport
we said goodbye to our friend Steve Ashton. We laughed, cried & talked about our fondest memories. This was one of my favorites. He surprised by dressing up as the Macho Man & then we did an impromptu Mega-Powers handshake. I will miss you. Love you bruv
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24
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Help me wish a Happy Birthday to my podcast pal
@ralphgarman
. I’ve said it before but it can’t be said enough your talents and work ethic are only out matched by your generosity and kindness…. unless I’m watching an Eagles game with you.
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In honor of May the 4th (it’s a thing), and the huge balls on Han Solo, here's your first sneak peek at my (Un)Special Comedy Special. Enjoy. Cc:
@HootyHooProd
@FoxInc
@netflix
@NetflixIsAJoke
#MayThe4thBeWithYou
#StarWars
#StarWarsDay
#eddiots
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Watching Colton win “Best Film” in the Walter Reed Middle School Film Festival nearly made my heart explode. So proud of you Colton!
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Attention good people of the world! This soulless shit bag w/ a personalized license plate stole my catalytic converter last Wed. If you see this shithead driving around your neighborhood call the police & report him before he steals yours. Where’s
#ThePunisher
when you need him?
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Happy birthday
@RalphGarman
. A man who’s generosity and kindness is only surpassed by his obnoxious love for the E-A-G-L-E-S Eagles. Being part of your daily show for the last 5 years has been a real pie in the face. (Ain’t we got fun, he said, famously)
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18 years in
@TraceyPence
and you still haven’t murdered me in my sleep. I’m a very lucky man and you’re a perfect wife, mother and human. Love you so much. Please don’t kill my in my sleep.
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I love you so much. Thank you for the amazing life we share. Happy Anniversary
@TraceyPence
!
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My podcast brother on The Ralph Report (w/
@RalphGarman
)
@steveashton
could really use your help. Please spare a little if you can. If you’d can’t please spread the word.
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I’m the father of a teenager now and my mind can’t process it. So I’ll just look at these pictures, smile and wonder where the time went. Happy 13th birthday to my son and my best friend. I love you Colton… more than you could ever know.
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3
188
Even if the
@commanders
go 1-16 I’ll still feel like a winner thanks to my
@nogginboss
courtesy of my bestest pal
@ralphgarman
!
#httc
#httr
#bighat
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5
220
Congrats
@ralphgarman
on 1000 shows. Such an amazing accomplishment & thank you for trusting me enough to be such a big part of your show. AND thank you for bringing the
#GARMY
into my life. AND thank you for for introducing me to
@steveashton
!
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4
195
Happy birthday to my ol’ podcast pal
@RalphGarman
. 4 years and nearly 900 podcasts later I still have a blast spending an hour with you every day. Have a great birthday and I’ll see you in a few hours….
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Happy 11th Birthday to this monster. By far the greatest thing thats ever happened to me. Love you buddy!
#maximumeffort
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The time from kindergarten to high school goes by insanely too fast. Proud of you Colton. In 4 years I can add a “first day of college” photo. 🤯 (p.s. universe, the emotional roller coaster of the last 5 days will not be forgotten nor forgiven)
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3
200
Guys just wanted to give you a heads up we’re going to take the week off from recoding
@podcastramble1
. With the loss of my dear friend Steve Ashton and with Jerry’s upcoming radiation treatments this week we feel it’s best to start fresh next week. Thanks for understanding.
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Still my favorite commercial ever and still have no clue how this got on TV.
10
23
165
You make my whole world go around. Happy 14th Birthday Colton. I love you. Now seriously learn to use the toaster oven without burning the house down.
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2
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So very excited to announce the official collaboration between
@comedydynamics
@HootyHooProd
& myself for the release of “The (Un)special Comedy Special”.
Check out the official press release at
@THR
@Variety
@DEADLINE
@Slate
@TheWrap
@CohenGardnerLLP
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23
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Happy Halloween from The Ralph Report. Screw the tricks and give yourself a treat by subscribing at . Indiana
@RalphGarman
& Han
@eddiepence
are tossing candy in your baskets 5 days a week for as little as 15 cents a day.
#Halloween2020
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9
149
Woke up at 4am, got to
@disneyland
at 6am, park opened at 8am, finally leaving at 12am, but we flew the Millennium Falcon twice....so totally worth it.
#starwars
#starwarsgalaxysedge
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I’m just a simple man trying to make his way through the holidays. Thanks
@ralphgarman
for a most epic Xmas present. Just know I intend to rule with respect.
#bookofbobafett
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154
🚨🚨 NERD ALERT! 🚨🚨
Somehow my offspring is the Michael Phelps of Academic Achievement. So proud of you and your (5) awards tonight at the
@reedmiddleschool
8th grade awards. Love you Colton!
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2
175
Bye bye fuckwad (I’d tag him on this but he’s not allowed to be on here anymore due to the aforementioned fuckwadness)
#InaugurationDay
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It’s been a long year but this kid learned self reliance & personal responsibility navigating remote learning & excelled with straight A’s and a membership in the National Junior Honor Society. I am beyond proud & sometimes that Apple does roll down the hill away from the tree.
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148
The first night of my (Un)Special was very special. Had so many old friends come out to support. Had so many new friends sending me warm wishes, not to mention the generosity of so many to make this whole thing possible. Amazed to have so many wonderful people in my life. TY!
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2006 I had my first TV spot on Comedy Central. Pay for that gig was $1200, as a result I had to join AFTRA which cost $1400. Instead of a pay check for my first TV spot I received a bill for $200. Thanks to residuals I’m earning that shit back! Heres to breaking even in 5000 yrs.
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Had a great cheesesteak today at Philly’s Best. While I was eating I noticed their two biggest fans! Hahaha see what I did there
@RalphGarman
?
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20 yrs ago today you were diagnosed w/ MS & every day since I’ve watched you grow stronger & more brave. I’m in awe of how you battle this disease w/ fearlessness & determination. You never let it stop you from being a mother, a wife or a lover of life! You’re amazing!
#FuckMS
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Holy Shit balls! You guys did it! Thank you everyone who donated to/or shared my campaign. Can’t wait to make the most Unspecial Comedy Special ever! You can keep donating & spreading the word, we can always use more funds. Seriously, THANK YOU! So humbled
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It was my honor to be sworn in today as the Rear Admiral of
#theRalphReport
as I retire my title as Vice-host. I will continue to serve
@RalphGarman
and the
#GARMY
and so can you by subscribing at
#Inauguration
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129
Colton took my phone and left a video message for Tracey and I. Honestly I don’t know how I screwed around and out of pure dumb luck ended up with the greatest kid in the world.
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Every great story has a beginning, middle and an end. Thank you Buster for letting us be a part of your beautiful story.
Rest In Peace Buster
10/11/2001 - 12/18/2018
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Hey guys! Have a happy
#thanksgiving
! But before all that here’s something I did a few years ago with some very talented people, who I am
#Thankful
to have worked with (see what I did there).
#Thanksgiving2019
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Thanks
@RalphGarman
! You put the Jumbalo in Skrimp.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY to
#TheRalphReport
's own
@eddiepence
! One of the best guys I know! (His tendency to make up his own words, not withstanding.)
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So proud of you Colton. I mean it’s insane they have 8th grade graduation, but you hit it out of the park. Here’s to you not peaking in middle school! Love you!
#graduation
#culmanation
#walterreedmiddleschool
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3
147
Thanks Magic Machine
Happy birthday to the Rear Admiral, the Sheriff of Ghosttown, the Mayor of Myrtle Beach, the Victim of Vandalism, the Dilf Pickle, Nipsey Muscle, Odie Gahuff ...
@eddiepence
!
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Happy Birthday to my favorite thing in the whole world. I love you Colton.
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Colton’s Halloween is about to be burdened with glorious purpose.
#halloweencostume
#halloween
#loki
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Guys! It’s finally almost nearly here! The (Un)special Comedy Special is now available for preorder! Arriving 9/1. Click the link to preorder.
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A year ago I was fortunate enough film a comedy special. I couldn’t have done it without the support from so many amazing people. We’re on schedule for a world premiere later this year. So to everyone who supported this project we’re almost there. Thank you guys so much!
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A single shinny, bright spot in the hellscape that is 2020, our little guy virtually graduated elementary school (that’s a thing apparently). Proud of you Colton! Enjoy middle school (pssst that’s a hellscape too)
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118
Happy Birthday to this hot, smart, kind, funny, loving, eternally patient, dark saber wielding bad ass of a woman. Love you
@TraceyPence
! ❤️
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1
119
In the mid 90’s I had a real thing for drawing Chaplin. It’s weird I know. Not as weird as what I was drawing in the late 90’s when I got super emo (coming soon).
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3
129
Happy Birthday
@TraceyPence
! I love you so much I didn’t even complain when you wanted to pull the hyperspace lever.
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1
135
At my kids middle school talent show and I’ve almost convinced him to do the “Like a virgin” monologue from Reservoir Dogs. If I can get 2 likes I’ll make it happen.
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0
117
Sorry there’s no
#ralphreport
virtual Xmas party today. Hope this makes up for it. Happy holidays from us at The Ralph Report w/
@RalphGarman
@steveashton
& me.
#xmas2020
#fuck2020
So sorry, Garmy. Today's livesteam event is CANCELED due to a power outage. Please spread the word. Fitting end to this year.
#Fuck2020
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We’ve been together for so long we have unironic Polaroid photos of us together. ❤️
@TraceyPence
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Guys! I'm making a 1-Hour Comedy (un)Special and would love...nay NEED your help if you can spare it.
Click the link below to help out!
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Happy (19th) Anniversary! I love you so much and I couldn’t imagine making this journey without you. We’ve never taken the conventional path but that what makes our trip so special.
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136
Good news, Garmy! This Monday, it's the MUNCHIN' MONDAY you've been waiting for!
#RockyMountainOysters
#CowboyCaviar
#BullFries
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THANK YOU to everyone, all 150 of you, who stayed at home and showed up to my show at the No Where Comedy Club tonight. I may not have the most fans in the the world, but I have the best fans. You guys are amazing!
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114
It’s fun watching liars accuse liars of lying while being questioned by other liars. America is killing it right now.
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106
Found this “Blue Steel” thirst trap headshot from 2006 in my garage. You’re welcome America.
#thirsty
#youth
#bluesteel
#zoolander
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125
Hey
@RalphGarman
what fresh HELL is this place
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2
132
Hollywood may not be what it was once as far as places to live, but you can still do some cool stuff. Like take your kid to experience “History of the World pt.1” on the big screen at the
@ElCapitanThtre
just as Satan intended.
#historyoftheworldpart1
#historyoftheworldpart2
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1
126
There aren’t enough words to describe the gratitude I have for the 350 contributors or nearly enough space to thank those who brought this to life. Just know it means the world to me that you all are a part of this. Thank you for making this Comedy (Un)special truly SPECIAL.
12
22
109
Happy 15th Anniversary to the best, most kind, most loving person I know. Thanks for being the best partner I could have ever found. And sorry you didn’t find someone else before I proposed. Love you
@TraceyPence
!
7
3
106
Thanks to everyone that helped us sellout
@flapperscomedy
last night for “The Ralph Report Live”. Had so much fun w/
@ralphgarman
&
@jenrenstewart
and all the
#Garmy
&
#Eddiots
. You guys are the best.
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128
So when’s the Trucker Convoy starting up for women’s reproductive rights? You know since they were all about “my body, my choice”.
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116
I’m usually not one to brag but when you win the Silver Award for Best Actor at the
#HollywoodGoldAwards
while wearing a mask and doing a dumb voice I think it’s warranted.
#cobracommander
#hasbro
#gojoe
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3
117
Your Offensive Player of the Week/Semi-Pro Division. Took 4 years, 12 seasons and a lot of work, but he did it. Proud of you buddy.
#flagfootball
#nflflagfootball
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If you’re not checking out “Cobra Commander Chronicles” during your free time I really don’t know what’s wrong with you. Created& written by
@jennifersterger
@Decker6
@eddiepence
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Four years ago today with the help of some really good friends and the support of so many wonderful fans I was able to make a lifelong dream come true. I think it might be time to do it again. How about it?
@jennifersterger
@dustinajacobs
@HootyHooProd
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11
123
Thanks to two amazing members of the
#GARMY
, Clay and Tammy, I was able to have a pre-birthday celebration at
@starwarsgalaxysedge
and fly the falcon with my Chewie. Thank you guys!
15
4
97
I’ve never spoken truer words
In these times, I think it's important to remember the words of
@eddiepence
as spoken on
@RalphGarman
#RalphReport
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The highlight of John Williams at the Hollywood Bowl tonight was his lightsaber duel with Gustavo Dudamel.
#hollywoodbowl
#johnwilliamsatthebowl
#starwars
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124
Hope you all had a Happy Halloween. We had a minor disagreement over candy distribution.
#halloween
#halloween2022
#candy
#starwars
#love
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