ralphgarman
@RalphGarman
Followers
114,604
Following
2,910
Media
2,909
Statuses
24,983
Philly boy goes to Hollywood to sell his soul ... Still looking for a buyer.
Los Angeles, CA
Joined August 2010
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For the folks asking where they can find me ... You can hear
#TheRalphReport
every Monday thru Friday right here:
Join the GARMY!
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I have lost several dear friends, both parents, and a son. I hated my own sorrow until tonight, when I heard: "But, what is grief, if not love, persevering?" Heart-healing poetry. Thank you,
@wandavision
.
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I am shattered, but, I'll always be grateful for the bit of cosmic magic that allowed my boyhood hero to become my close friend. RIP Adam.
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This morning, we lost my dad, Ralph Garman Sr., after a brief battle with brain cancer at the age of 89. I think it's unlikely there was ever a more loving husband, father, and "Pop Pop". Rest in peace, Dad. We will miss you and love you forever.
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This guy stood in front of America and lied on a daily basis. Now, the country is supposed to accept him as a cuddly dancing clown as he makes six figures? Nope. Fuck
#DancingWithTheStars
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What is wrong with you? My dad died of brain cancer on the first day of this awful year. I kissed and hugged him every time I saw him, and him me. Every time. I wish I had his kisses now. You need help.
Does this look like an appropriate father/son interaction to you?
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Today at LAX, a guy named Michael walked up to me and wanted to shake my hand just to thank me for the laughs I've given him. When I landed in Denver, a guy named Tony did the same. I am a lucky bastard. Thanks, everybody. You heal my heart.
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What a coincidence! I'M concerned that somebody with a platform like the POTUS is inciting people's worst instincts! Small world, right?!
.
@KellyannePolls
: I'm concerned that somebody with a platform like Meryl Streep's is inciting people's worst instincts
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Over 10 thousand fans came out tonight to honor Adam West. It was magical, and I was honored to be there. Thanks,
@MayorOfLA
.
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My friend told me his 4 y.o. son is obsessed with the 1960's "Batman" TV series, and asked me if I would be willing to record a message for him using my Adam West impression. This is little Hunter's reaction, that my friend recorded.
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First Christmas with both my Mom and Dad gone. First Christmas with my own family broken up. Turns out, under just the right circumstances, wrapping presents to Christmas music is fucking depressing. 🤣 Here's to all of us doing the best we can! HAPPY HOLIDAYS!
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A year ago today, some folks blew up my life and knocked me to my knees. I was down, but, not out. So, today, I thank the friends, family, and most of all the supporters out there, who helped me get back up on my feet. I am beyond lucky to have you all. -RG
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I like to watch REAL TIME on HBO. Always great guests and interesting conversations. But, watching Bill Maher continually chastise his audience for not laughing enough, quickly enough, or at the "wrong" things makes me nuts. Just do the job, dude. They don't owe you anything.
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An end to an era. Congrats to Bean Baxter on a spectacular 30 year run with
@kevinandbean
on
@kroq
! I'm so glad I was a little part of that. Mostly, because I learned so much about broadcasting by working with Bean. A true pro. Best of luck in your next adventure,
@clydetombaugh
.
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R.I.P. to my pal, Reggie the Wonder Dog. Loyal loving friend to us all, and protector of my daughter Olivia from the day we brought her home. He was a good boy.
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MERRY CHRISTMAS! I wish you health and happiness with all of my heart.
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IT'S TRUE! Starting January 22nd, I'll be back daily with THE RALPH REPORT!
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I want to start a GoFundMe campaign to raise a hefty reward that will be payable to the first reporter to publicly ask the question ... "Mr. President ... Just what the fuck is wrong with you?"
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Sending my love to all these good people. For almost two decades, I was in the trenches with most of these folks and they were all talented, hard-working and kind. I am so sorry to hear it all end like this. I stand with them today.
Hey party people! Not sure how to say this, so here it is:
Yesterday,
@kroq
called every one of us on the morning show and told us we were fired.
Me.
@alliemackay
@JensenKarp
@kroqkom
@kroqbeermug
,
@Old_Man_Ruben
and
@destinymlopez
(cont..)
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It was true when I was 6 y.o., and it's true now ... Nothing is more fun than goofing around on the playground with your friends!
@ThatKevinSmith
@JayMewes
#JayAndSilentBobReboot
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Wow. The man created a universe of imagination and inspiration. What a remarkable thing. RIP Stan Lee. Excelsior.
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Happy New Year, everybody! If you need me in 2018, here's where you can find me! ...
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My dream job would be a morning radio show with
@ThatKevinSmith
.
@FOXLA
@RalphGarman
Its a shame they let you go, you and
@ThatKevinSmith
need to start your own radio station
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The exceptional military final honor for my Dad at the Miramar National Cemetery. He was so proud of his service in the Navy. He would have loved this.
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A president who wants to lift us up and make us better. I will never take it for granted again.
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I didn't basically cry. I straight up cried. I was a leaving a job, audience, and friends of almost two decades. It was emotional. It's called having a heart, you souless fuck.
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On this day, 54 years ago, my old friend became Batman forever. I miss him so much.
#Batman66
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Well, it turns out I lost a bunch of podcast subscribers this week becuase of my one plea to protect children from assault weapons. They claimed they had no room for my "political lectures". I never mentioned either party. How is not wanting kids to die political?
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It took years and miles, but Mom and Dad are together again and back home in Philly.
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RIP, June Foray. The Queen of Voice Acting. A true legend.
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Nice try. We saw the first one.
Congratulations to the Kansas City Chiefs on a great game and a fantastic comeback under immense pressure. We are proud of you and the Great State of Missouri. You are true Champions!
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Today would have been my friend,
@therealadamwest
's 92nd birthday. Not a day goes by that I don't think of him. My friendship with him, and his family, is one of the great joys on my life. Miss you, ol' chum.
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When Broadway re-opens, tickets for
@RandyRainbow
's one-man show will be harder to get than HAMILTON's.
🎶What a guy, what a guy, what a lovely guy, like he only wants us not to die...🎶 💘😷
#GeeAnthonyFauci
#Fauci
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I'm wishing the happiest of birthdays to my Babble brother,
@ThatKevinSmith
! My life got significantly better when we met. A man of tremendous kindness, talent and wit. Truly, the best pal a guy could ask for. Love you, buddy.
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14 years ago today, the most amazing thing happened to me. I married a beautiful, wonderful woman, who turned out to be the best wife and mother anyone could ever ask for. Happy anniversary,
@KariGarman
! I love you!
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The train hit a vehicle.
A fire destroyed that section of I-95. (Which is up and running again, thanks to Dem leadership and unions.)
And, you voted AGAINST the infrastructure bill.
So please, fuck all the way off,
@laurenboebert
.
An AMTRAK passenger train just derailed in California.
Two weeks ago a highway collapsed in Philadelphia.
Stuff like this is going on constantly in America.
We’re sending our money all over the world but our own country is falling down around us.
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Our dear friend, Steve Ashton, has died.
Steve was a huge part of The Ralph Report and of my life. His wit and energy quickly became a staple of the show, and just as quickly we became the closest of friends. Brothers, an ocean apart. I will miss him more than I can possibly say.
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So thrilled for my "brothers in Smod" today! Congrats to
@thatkevinsmith
and
@jaymewes
for the well-deserved honor of getting their hands and feet in cement in front of the
@chinesetheatres
in Hollywood!
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I'm not greedy. I don't want to live forever. Just long enough to take a long, steaming piss on
@realDonaldTrump
's grave.
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I gotta admit, this new billboard for
@TheWoodyShow
made me laugh hard. Well played,
@ALT987fm
.
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Happy Father's Day to all the dads out there! From me and the kid who made me one!
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I just got turned away from the
@IMDb
party hosted by my buddy
@ThatKevinSmith
. I am officially nobody. LOL
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The real sadness here is that these voters actually think Trump will do anything for them. They are the true victims of this con job.
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Missing my friend today. If you'd like to listen to a 2012 chat we had about his life, I've made it available here:
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Hang tough, Jason. I'm working on fixing that.
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I haven't really talked about it since, but, the nice folks at
@FOXLA
have asked me to stop by at 5pm today and talk to
@DevineNews
and
@lauradiazanchor
about
@kroq
and stuff. So, I'll be there!
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Everything is ready. My wife and kid are in bed. And, I'm up watching IT'S A WONDERFUL LIFE. And, it is ...
MERRY CHRISTMAS!
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On behalf the grieving families and friends of 200,000 Americans, fuck you. Fuck you right into the ground. You never cared about any of them, and still don't.
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"And there's one thing they can never take away: Nobody had more fun than I did." - Burt Reynolds
RIP
#22
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@GovRonDeSantis
It's hardly in Florida's best interest to attack one of the state's biggest revenue generators, Gov. Butthurt. What's next? "Fuck Orange Juice!"?
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Remember when all the cities used to be American cities? Back before the president declared them Republican or Democrat cities? Yeah ... Good times.
@realDonaldTrump
is a cancer.
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Chatting with my soon-to-be-ex wife this morning:
Me: This is terrible. They're closing the bars.
Her: The bars? What about the GYMS?!
*sigh* We never stood a chance.
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I just heard that
@kevinandbean
are in the class of 2019 "Radio Hall of Fame" inductees! Congrats to
@thekevinryder
and
@clydetombaugh
!
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All these folks telling me to "shut up and stick to comedy" have such a hard-on for the 2nd amendment, and yet so little regard for the 1st.
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I couldn't be prouder. Of course, it's very likely he thinks I'm that bus driver from THE HONEYMOONERS.
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Connery was my movie hero. Sure, it started with Bond, but, I would rush to see him in anything because his work on screen was a magic trick. How could he project such power, but also make it seem as if the camera was eavesdropping on him? I never caught him "acting". A legend.
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My little girl has graduated from 6th grade. A little girl no more. I'm so proud of her, but I have to admit I am handling this MUCH worse than I imagined I would. 😥
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I promised my kid I'd get the Cat In The Hat to read his book to her kindergarten class for "Dr. Seuss Day". So ...
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In a related story, Entercom has announced today they will be changing their name to "i NOheart Radio".
Shame on you
@kroq
"management" for caring so little about the people who gave you so much. Especially now.
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Is it HALLOWEEN? "You're darn tootin', Vladimir Putin!" Y'all have fun and stay safe, kids!
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We're mourning the loss of our good girl, Pheobe. She gave us so much love, and got so much in return. I guess you can't ask for much more from a life than that. ❤️
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That role was such a gift from
@SethMacFarlane
. It was right after my son had passed away. Shooting that movie was the first joy I experienced after that, and it lifted me out of the darkest time of my life. I will always be so grateful to him for that.
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On this day in 1966, TV history was made. Happy anniversary, old chums.
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Fuck you.
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Happy birthday to my beloved buddy,
@ThatKevinSmith
! Sometimes, if you're lucky, you have a friend who only brings love, joy, laughter, and all other good things into your life. I got lucky like that when I met Kev!
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Another Daddy badge earned today. Taught the kid how to ride a bike. I figure now I'm good until I have to walk her down the aisle, duty-wise.
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Thanks to everyone for the kind words regarding my parents funeral. It is all so very much appreciated.
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Hey, it's officially my birthday! What a great way to kick it off with an amazing HOLLYWOOD BABBLE-ON show at
@TheUptownNapa
! Thanks to
@ThatKevinSmith
and all the great folks in Napa, CA who came out to help me celebrate! I'm a lucky guy.
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Thank you, sir.
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Hey,
@realDonaldTrump
, I have a kid in grade school. She has transgender classmates. They're brave, sweet, brilliant kids. So, fuck you.
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A stuffed Winnie the Pooh given to me by my mother was my first childhood friend. Took my kid to see
#ChristopherRobin
today. Started crying at the opening scene. Still weeping. lol
#BringTissues
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What amount of emotional damage could create this level of agitation in someone who is simply being asked to be considerate of others? His parents must've been real assholes.
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In case you missed it yesterday, I was so glad to be able to celebrate
@clydetombaugh
's last day on the
@kevinandbean
show. Here's our chat:
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Thank you, James. Love you, buddy.
Dear
@RalphGarman
- my alarm clock and I missed and will miss hearing showbiz report on
@kroq
@kevinandbean
this morning. You are one of the funniest ever and I hope someone has the good sense to snatch you up...
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Spent the day making Easter cupcakes with my kid. Life is good. Find those moments and hold on to them tightly.
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My elf and I had a hell of a tree decorating party tonight! I am all nogged up!
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No one has ever been more proud of how stupid they are.
In the beautiful Midwest, windchill temperatures are reaching minus 60 degrees, the coldest ever recorded. In coming days, expected to get even colder. People can’t last outside even for minutes. What the hell is going on with Global Waming? Please come back fast, we need you!
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I thought THE LAST JEDI was fun. But,
@HamillHimself
's performance was spectacular. He earned applause several times in the screening I was at.
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This X-MEN reboot looks awful.
Headed to the Senate floor with my colleagues to protest Nancy Pelosi’s tyrannical mask mandate
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You got it, buddy.
Shocked & sad to know
@kroq
will no longer have the brilliant & hilarious
@RalphGarman
on air. Maybe I can convince him to call me every morning?
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Fuck.
Paul Reubens, the actor best known for portraying Pee-wee Herman, died Sunday night after a private bout of cancer. He was 70.
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