(doctor) Alex Grease
@dodgonkulator
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SUCK SMEAR GUNK HEAVE, PhD.
lost angeles
Joined November 2018
why do they still even make porn it's been done to death. "ohh what's gonna happen in this one" take a wild fucking guess. idiot.
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doctor: are you sexually active?. me: no I usually just lie there 😜🤙. doctor (writing in my chart): effortlessly witty. and quite beautiful, I might add.
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whoa dude you're in a twitter group chat called "the boys"? that's awesome. and you say "cum" and "gay" a lot? and workshop each other's tweets? wait dude you also get in huge fights with strangers because they're "woke" in a way that annoys you? fuck yeah bro. happy 31st btw.
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Dude. Did you seriously just abandon me at the outskirts of the grazing area? You KNOW that I'm at increased risk of predation as one of the weaker + sicklier members of the herd.
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(learning the rules of blackjack for the first time) so you're just trying not to bust? ohhhh ok yeah I have played games like this before.
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Don Jr faking a positive result so people think he got to spend time with his dad.
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Hannibal Lecter actually contributed very little to the buffalo bill investigation if we're being perfectly honest.
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2002 nyt crossword clue: Deuteragonist of a "forgotten" 1926 operetta. PS You are dumb as fuck if you don't know this. 2024: Captain ___ (patriotically named hero of Marvel Studios films).
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i like how elon musk wasn't even particularly socially conservative until recently he was just susceptible to alt-right messaging in the exact same way as a 14 year old gamer.
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This pic got me crying cause why was he doing her like this?????
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i'm showing you an older comedy movie that i spoke highly of and whenever there's a joke that hasn't aged well i turn to you and say I Condone This.
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most unrealistic part of breaking bad was that Gale was a self identified libertarian but when the police searched his hard drive all they found was videos of him being goofy.
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this is a pretty good feature for a car to have
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he is literally gob bluth.
Junior: “Remember when Trump visited Afghanistan on Thanksgiving? I do, because I showed up for Thanksgiving dinner and my father wasn’t there.”
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my new band We Steal Microphones And XLR Cables is struggling to book local shows for some reason.
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beatles rock band should have let you create a custom character and started with a cutscene where brian epstein says ah! you must be the new member of the band. i'll bring the lads round for introductions but first, i'm going to show you 'ow to save your game progress.
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you dont have to watch movies if you dont like them.
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me: hey man would you mind emailing that to me? if it's not too much trouble. my cyberpunk friend: No promises muchacho. They got a layer of ice on this node so thick even my primo subroutines can't chew through it. Unless. .
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back in the 70s you could "get involved in the music scene" and within a month or so you'd be watching the sunrise in joni mitchell's backyard. these days you have to settle for pretending to be internet friends with a few guys who at any point could have some allegations emerge.
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work trips make you feel like a big man even if you're not going anywhere glamorous like yes actually I am urgently needed in Muncie IN.
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(at subway). my wife: can i get a 6" hot italian. me: yeah you sure can 😏 (unzipping pants). my small sexy friend Enzo who was hiding in my pants: 🙋♂️. my wife: Ciao Enzo !. subway worker: 😒and do you want that toasted. Enzo: Ah of course! (holding up thimble of wine) Abbondanza.
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(when other people are hungry and I just ate) jesus christ get ahold of yourself. it's really not that serious. (when I'm hungry and no one else wants to get food) I don't think you guys understand the severity of the issue at hand.
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hey man is there an in-universe justification for your behavior?.
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@redditships i like that he goes out of his way to mention that his son is a real stud with a rockin bod who lays mad pipe all around town.
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i like how the indiana jones origin story establishes that his whole vibe really just came from imprinting on this random guy to a frankly alarming degree
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pitchfork should have a weekly "punching down" feature where they just eviscerate some kid's terrible bandcamp album.
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remember when there was a guy named Reince Priebus.
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john: welcome to the beatles mate. now, pick up your rock band(R) guitar controller and try playing the notes you see on your screen.
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do you know of any evil bars in town? yeah that's what I said. you know like, where do the bad guys hang out around here.
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@himbodotgov @JaneOst_ They owe me royalties
I'm such a big harry potter fan that I got a lightning bolt tattoo and then because I'm an even bigger fan than most I got a second one right next to it.
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kyle rittenhouse is the type of mf to tuck a big checkered napkin into his shirt collar and hold up a knife and fork vertically while he waits for someone to put down a whole rotisserie chicken in front of him.
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guy who always describes things as "lynchian" but the only david lynch movie he's seen is Dune.
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donaldtrumpjr 8h.Hello patriots Unfortunately I have tested positive for covid after spending the day with my dad, our great President. We tossed the ball around and shared an ice cream cone, and he must have infected me when he leaned in close and said "I love you, son." #MAGA.
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@ohwormongod @LASERGIANT1 I hope you're happy asshole I just saw some unmistakable sudden movement out of my peripheral vision and you've SEEN how ineffective I am at evasive maneuvers.
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all the really odd women and gay men on here seem to have access to an alternate version of family guy that's really low-res and every episode is about various characters putting on minxy outfits.
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also let's appreciate for a second that the image URL looks a bit like it says "ROBOTOMIZE" which would be a very cool name for a sci-fi inspired thrash band
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my friend just got downed! i revived him now we're heading southbound
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i always like these kinds of posts because they read like reports that the Crunchwrap Supreme has broken the record for Most Lunchtime Units Sold In Q4 Snacktime Zone with 100 replies about how it's got extreme fast food staying power and charm.
Sabrina Carpenter becomes the first female artist in history to chart at least three songs in the top 10 on the Hot 100 in six consecutive weeks.
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It's interesting how Bernie was TOTALLY that guy you dated in college but Biden was never, for instance, the creepy boss who got away with unwelcome touching because he was well-respected.
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hey man-- I couldn't help but notice you opening up a bit and letting some quirks of your personality through in a genuine way and I just wanted to ask if you could kind of tone that down.
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@HelloCullen @MaraWilson Sleepovers are the first time you experience being fully out of your element in a way you can comprehend.
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@GemOfAmara (after reading slaughterhouse five) wow that was a freaking grimdark ending. that was some heckin edgy sh*t. this was like. some kind of 18+ darkfic and NOT wholesome.
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I've been working on this huge bottle of conditioner since college and it's gotten to the point where I don't even use the cap anymore I just stick my finger into the jagged hole in the side and scoop some out
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@venturecommunis @Speediest_Sloth Implication here seems to be that the cops are so dumb they'll eat anything that looks somewhat like food. I like to think they kept going after realizing it was concrete.
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@rhinosoros me when my buddy buys a mall and asks if i want to spend 10-15 hours a week de-icing the parking lot
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@PEWilliams_ this was already inspiring violence but the way she says "tiktok" at the end pushes me over the edge into chimp warrior mode.
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if I was a cashier at trader joe's every time I took an item out of the cart I would be saying things like "what is this" "what the hell is this" "are you really going to eat this" etc.
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I'm such a big harry potter fan that I got a lightning bolt tattoo and then because I'm an even bigger fan than most I got a second one right next to it.
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@on_da_spectrum also if you were listening to good enough music you would have no reason to have sex during it.
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@abernothing everything tame impala has been trying to achieve in the last 5 years was already accomplished in Electric Feel.
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@blobhoskins something a little off about saying they specifically want a POC roommate when they're both white.
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@NewSovietPoster even more fascinating than the man with tiny feet situation is the implication that people wear different size shoes than usual for luck.
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staple food chat. dailybread55: been on a huge barley kick lately.🔥5 ❤️2. GranaryKing: 🖼️ all stocked up on rice and beans for the winter!.😲3 🔥3. inthepot9daysold: damn. jealous. delicacy_fan: sea scallops tonight. a rare treat indeed!! 😋.👎13. GranaryKing: just fuck off dude.
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Watching the Simpsons with a girl I just started dating and trying to impress her by loudly stating the name of the voice actor whenever a new character starts talking.
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@ActAndRead @yourtweetingson In the last episode the kids have to team up to fight a young Bernie Sanders.
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will arnett you don't appear to have a taggable twitter account but if you see this. you could get insane money replicating this exact video on SNL.
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@dogfightin2 i would guess it's 100% motivated by having very publicly fallen for a past one.
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@RachelMComedy my mom once came to my band's show and handed me a "please donate money to us" letter from my university right as i was about to go on stage.
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@JordanUhl it's messed up how a) they really think this is a "beautiful tribute" or whatever and b) kate mackinnon has not evolved her idea of an impression beyond making her eyes real big and doing this face
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They got dude shampoo now that looks like a bottle of whiskey
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1960s pop song: I'm going to the Mystery Man, to buy a sack of Dreams. the audience: OHHHH FUCK he's talking about (whispering) wheeed. 2010s pop song: used to do percs (yuh) when i was 15 (yuh) now i'm too old for that shit (woohoo). audience: this kid sounds lowkey gay 🤣.
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Going to start talking like a college freshman on tumblr and use phrases like "extreme chaotic energy" to describe going to IHOP at 10 pm on a Saturday.
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to all the geniuses in the replies: i know the vaccine is free!!! the point is that they botched the rollout and barely anyone is able to actually get it so her line rings pretty hollow!! i want the vaccine too and i'm not trying to discourage anyone!!! also my post is from april.
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Why would I listen to new Grimes when I could just put on 2 chvrches songs at the same time and then ask a 3 year old to explain robots to me.
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it would be so cool if grimes was still dating musk she'd be on here saying some shit like Listen 👁️ kno you all are afraid for the future. but E told me he's adding a feature where bots can feel sexual pleasure through the blockchain and the concept art is beautiful. ~c.
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(a lot louder/more effeminate than I had intended) MY TINCTURES!!!.
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Hey man can I ask a sexual favor real quick?.
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@licensedt0ill (between every song) WE ARE FUCKING TAKING THIS SHIT HOME WITH US AFTER!!!!!!!.
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@douzmanian it's cool that every city gets to exist as a zero-consequences playground for tech millionaires now.
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(me watching better call saul and the beginning of the episode is a silent long shot of an object in the empty desert) let me guess. someone was killed horribly and this item was involved somehow. vince gilligan (getting defensive): you don't know that. shut up.
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(on a first date where i told the girl i was an astronaut who just got back from space) . (picking up a full bowl of soup and dropping it 2 feet onto the very edge of the table) oh sorry i keep forgetting i'm not in space.
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@steinkobbe "hey baby I run a pickup artist Twitter account called The Psychopathic Edge so do you want to bang now or in 10 minutes?".
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