k-dash
@deuxnan
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470
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6,741
heard thru the grapevine that ur pretty nifty
sydney
Joined April 2021
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Pinned Tweet
we're all just sleepy little girls locked in gods hot car
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my bf: i think it'd be fun to try on a maid outfit
stumbling into a wall as all of the blood in my body rushes to my head: [sfx of the halo energy sword being equipped loudly emits from under my skirt] r-really?
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breadwinner gf: *exasperated sigh* come on, you know you have to go to sleep, you've got a big day tomorrow buddy
me [dressed in an evangelion onesie]: *solemnly* i saw on 4chan that bedtimes are a psyop
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this is my wonderful boyfriend. he has five (5) distinct emotions and three (3) of them are designed to be cute. he cries and wails a perfect sawtooth wave, sometimes, when he thinks im not there. not so cute
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i regularly do this for work on a printer five times as big and every time it feels like an Event. i'm real careful like, give the old gal a pat and make soothing noises; she's a hard worker. hands coated in neon residue like i just got done servicing a clown in a rave bathroom,
Does your printer use fuel rods for toner, or are you normal?
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be careful not to have all ur hobbies be on The Computer. someday The Computer will stop working and then what. nothing. no more hobbies. they're dead now. that's why i deliberately cultivate a passion or two in The Outside. such as throwing glass bottles in abandoned buildings,
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YOU'RE TUNING INTO YURI FM, THE STATION WITH THE HOTTEST IN GIRL LOVIN' SOUND. WE'VE GOT KNIFEPLAY [splatter sfx] TENDER TOUCHES ["a-ahn~"] CANNIBALISM [loud chewing] HELPLESS PREY [sfx of a steak being punched] AND NONSTOP UNREQUITED LOVE [quiet sobbing] YEARN LIKE NEVER BEFORE
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(french chaser) there's a... certain je ne sais quoi about you...
(british chaser) there's an... inscrutable air about you...
(american chaser) are you one a' them girlyboys or naw
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bitches be tucking.... let that shit hang free sister. it ain't right seeing you wear grey sweatpants like that. 7/11 cashier should be stuttering when you shamble in for the cheapest 20 pack. you think the cis girl with cookie monster pyjamas would tuck if she was packing??
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trans woman i just met: i'm mtf too, like an actual female transsexual. one of the normal ones you know? well, judging from your brows you don't but you'll get there sweetie
heard tf2, female and sex in the same sentence and got so hard i become nauseous: i think i need A medic,
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you cant even joke about killing yourself in excruciating and plausible detail now without everyone freaking out. because of woke, of course
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friend: so you're wearing makeup and skirts as some sort of joke? i don't get it
me: well it's like a prank on society i guess, a subversion of expectations if you will
friend: and you also need to inject estrogen to do this?
me: dude it's called dedication to the bit
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when an egirl deactivates, their most devout reply guy effectively becomes ronin. they drift through the for you page, met only with scorn from midbie farmers tilling the land. only their treasured daimyo can shield them from the cruelty inherent in life beyond the castle walls
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just got an estrogen implant and in retrospect i think a not insignificant amount of ppl following me would have folded halfway through. older gentleman grabs my stomach, cuts me open and says that im "being good and still" for him. y'all would have tapped out panting n shit
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currently reading queer theory in online bodybuilding circles. it's nice to see so many knowledgeable allies in the community :)
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trans woman scared of becoming her mother: pedestrian, overdone, expected, affirming
trans woman scared of becoming her father: subversive, traumatic, alcoholic, good taste in music
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goon cave? how crude and hormonal of you. this is my yearn den. for 48 hours i've been edging my tender heart beyond compare. i'm imagining vivid scenarios that have made me swoon like never before, only to stop them before any payoff. your goals of carnal release are beneath me
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(greasy girl suffering from black mold poisoning who hasnt had human contact in 3 days longingly staring at violent lesbian drawings at 3am mumbling out loud to herself) can we get some me and who's in chat
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there's more to life than using computer inside. imagine the possibilities. such as using computer outside,
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(at an animal shelter soothing a she/it puppygirl) don't worry sweetie, i'm taking you home with me where you'll never be a punchline for twitter jokes ever again, m'kay precious? (a frail catboy gently paws at my arm and i spritz him with a spray bottle) fuck off twink
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i've discovered a book that seems to be aimed at most twitter users despite being published in 1994
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(puppy gf) im such a bottom, this goth mommy's in my dm's and i cant stop barking...
(thumbing the hammer of my pistol) mhmm
(puppy gf)...and i wanna die in her pits sooo bad! hey are you listening?
(gazing into the middle-distance as i do another press check) that's nice dear
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i don't care what anyone says, How to achieve trap-mode aesthetics no HRT edition v1.jpg would never lie to me. you're just lacking the sheer dedication it takes. genetics isn't even a factor. we all have a twink inside us-(i become obscenely dizzy) hhrrng.,, um what was i saying
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@Ranting_Trans
first time girlmoding was with friends i hadn't seen in over a year. as we were leaving a restaurant everyone used the bathroom while i awkwardly stood outside, and a cis friend came back out of the women's bathroom and pulled me in by the wrist and told me i was being silly lol
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she/it girl i'm meeting for the first time showing me her dirty plush collection: gimme uppies please ehehe :3
completely misreading the vibes and heavily overcompensating trying to act casual: heh, you want uppers that bad? damn bitch, you must be fiending for a bump right now,
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(older gf who 'ironically' wears an ushanka) kitten, daddy's crushing the ottoman empire right now. remember what i said about how good girls behave?
(hugging my knees and chewing on my tshirt) if theres a big map on the monitor then i'm supposed to play the silent game
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"i'm an incel." "i'm a femcel." "i'm a volcel." what if you were all friends. what if you all went out on a lovely picnic and basked in each other's company and the golden rays of the sun. what if you did that. i think that would be nice
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me approaching the scrawny tall girl drowning in a hoodie with asymmetrical wings and unkempt hair from across the drugstore after i heard her hoarsely mumble under a facemask to a pharmacist that she's refilling her zoloft and estrogen prescriptions
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my bf is adamant that hes a guy. but he knows what a blahaj is. hes been on egg_irl. he wants a maid outfit. i wont let him become reddit, ill save him. i'm giving him one of those otokonoko boxes with tren inside so i can become his brazilian moped princess
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cannot understate the importance of being chill as fuck. vibes theory remains undefeated in the face of the world's ills. beautiful women need me in a carnal type of way because i say things like "it's all gravy, baby" with complete sincerity. take the chill pill sis,
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hey can you keep it to autistic special interest stuff? the other puppygirls got scared yesterday when you said that you can drive a stick shift. wait what do you mean you have a fucking college degree? so, what, being a pathetic and brainless mutt was all just a *joke* to you?!
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@noteustress
i just really liked the thought of getting so hard that i make the energy sword noise. everything else is just superfluous set dressing
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me after a hard day's work of binge drinking: don't know what i'd do without ya. you always know jus' what ta say,
comfortingly large woman with glowing aura smiling down at me serenely:
ⓘ ʙᴀʙʏɢɪʀʟ, ʏᴏᴜ ᴄᴀɴ ʀᴇᴘʟᴇɴɪsʜ ʏᴏᴜʀ 𝙃𝙋 ʙʏ ᴇᴀᴛɪɴɢ ᴠᴀʀɪᴏᴜs 𝙁𝙤𝙤𝙙
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did you know that you can get any doctor to prescribe you with whatever you want with enough dedication by wearing down their resistance and will over the course of time?
in completely unrelated news, guess who just started prog?
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"if you played fallout new vegas as a teen you're a trans girl now, those are the rules. wow, based caesar and his hegelian dialectics. remember sexbot? that was so funny."
(voice quivering, tears in my eyes) shut. up. i liked Raul. Danny Trejo was my friend. he called me boss
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@Ranting_Trans
The range of reactions from cis women I've told has been "we need to get you some clothes and makeup" to "awwwwww, omgggggg." I've gotten the same responses from women my age to women more than twice my age and not once has anyone said anything negative
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offering to roll a cig for a woman that looks like she could kill me: i'm not the best at this (dropping the filter) u-um just give me a second (hands shaking as the paper rips)
she eyes the worst cigarette in her life before crushing my throat: you're pathetic. i'm keeping you
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*new followers after i post a niche joke tweet*
Steve Jones
27, PhD, Lover of nature and humanity, Ally, he/him
Combat Doll
#487
this one is a machine built to destroy/rusted husk/MDNI
sissyfan321
I am here to see beautiful sissies and have a good Time .Proud father of 3 girls
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i think my most attractive quality is my resting suicidal face. mouthbreather extraordinaire. dial up internet brain. the eyebags just appeared one day and they've never really left. i tried falling asleep to leekspin last night and started crying. do you have a rewards card sir?
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you're puppy? wow. i didn’t know that. you’re telling me now for the first time
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bro what the fuck even is a sneed. dr seuss ass slurs being concocted by some of the most anti-social minds to exist. "brickhondosemoder" oh wow very clever, i'm sure you'd fit right in with the team that comes up with pokemon names
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gf excitedly showing me a /tttt/ greentext: omg sooo me! i'm such an agp!
realising she's too far gone and chambering a round into a rifle as i cry silent tears: c'mon girl, i'm taking you to a farm upstate. it'll be nice there, i think you'll like it. you'll finally be free
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im a 23kB 115×120 image file in your computer. hello world. please don't delete me. i'm not malware. i'm just a girl. can you set me as your desktop background. it's dark and cold here in this forgotten folder. the hard drive won't let me die
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trans girl that's been on hrt for nearly a year and suffers from crippling impostor syndrome because she still doesn't have a blahaj
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i possess boyish charm that a boy could never have. rugged yet lithe. defined yet ephemeral. the old lady next door says i'm a handsome young man but there's something wrong about that comment she can't quite place. 7 inches means nothing to the girl that's perpetually soft
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i'm like schroedinger's fag. occurring simultaneously are two possible realities; one where i'm an effeminate boy, and the other in which i'm a dykey butch. and until a woman demeaningly calls me one of these after spitting on me then i exist as both, like fruity superposition
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@Ranting_Trans
"I have relentlessly DRILLED these known scientific facts about BIOLOGICAL women into my daughter and she no longer LOVES me. this is because TRANSGENDERS MANIPULATED her against me. my son REFUSES to talk to me after I told him that he is a NATURAL PREDATOR"
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Call Me By Your Name was the first socially acceptable movie for fujoshi's to hit the mainstream. i think Sufjan Stevens bridged the divide between girls on tumblr who stink bad and the judges at Cannes. Timothee Chalamet has live action anime adaptaion yaoi boy physiognomy
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sometimes your autistic friend stunlocks you for an hour with the infodump tech, and buddy, you just gotta ride that shit because they're having the absolute time of their life telling you what a John Eggbert is
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gf breaking up with me: it's like i can never have an actual conversation with you! just talk like a normal person for once in your life! you know what, i dont even care anymore, i've been cheating on you for 3 months now
doing a terrible Halo announcer impression: BETRAYAL...
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typing "russian trans girls sitting on bed injecting heroin video" into my computer just to try and remember that i can still feel something. a bored federal agent monitoring flagged searches smiles to himself and mutters "jackpot" under his breath
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giving my autistic gf a big cardboard box to play in for her birthday this year
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@Hannah_bmbmbm
i will never escape dasha red scare. i have never wanted to know less about a woman in my life but she's inescapable. she's the chris-chan of twitter and i hate it
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they ain't rocking with the girlboys on transsexual twitter. they don't get it, my gender is purposefully misgendering myself for the bit. yeah i'm a doll, but i'm a matryoshka doll, comprised of irony nested in self-deprecation inside a shell with tr4nny f4g scrawled on it
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mutual of two years with the handle @ TW1NK_ENTROPY replying to a tweet i posted at 2am saying "im like if a marlboro red was a woman": you're so real for this
me, deep in the throes of a depersonalisation episode: i-i am...?
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(tears in my eyes as i clench my fist and grit my teeth) don't you *ever* say to me again that i'm not silly. i would do *anything* for the bit
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(most depressed woman alive) i'm sick as a dog, haven't showered in weeks. don't think i can do this anymore. anyone wanna take me out back and give me a happy ending à la live ballistics demonstration?
(most depressed woman alive in an unfathomably horny way) i need u so bad,
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being born after 2000 is lame, everything cool was shut down years ago. if i was around earlier i could've permanently altered my brain chemistry through silk road. now what? an elf bar? why would i want to huff cough syrup steam from a device that's implicitly calling me a slur
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@ANGELGIRLMODER
to be called a shemale in that accent would be a uniquely horrifying yet funny experience
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frail boymoder 2 months on hrt seeing an out trans woman in public for the first time: one day, i hope i'm like her...
hacking up phlegm onto the ground while i give her the side eye and talk like a divorced roofer: fuck ya lookin at cunt? you want a fuckin light or somethin?
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watching evangelion for the first time and visibly going through the seven stages of grief as it dawns on me that shinji and kaworu don't kiss once
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HEARTBREAKING: Your Favorite Relatable Shitposter Is Actually An Unemployed Fucking Loser In Real Life
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anime pfp with 2k hours hardstuck in silver who genuinely believes he would be fixed if the government gave him a gf: holy FUCK you guys are shit! fucking KILL yourselves!
using my mic for the first time and chewing on my tshirt while sitting on a 0.2 kd ratio: cheer up buddy :3
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(autistically monologuing to myself) i wish i was mute, no one should be subjected to my putrid frequencies. vile static pours from between my teeth. i swallow back the gravelly tones fired from the loaded gun jammed down my throat
(twink at the club) luv the f
@gvoice
hunny!
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why did estrogem have to give me these useless boobs instead of a Big Gun
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@bonobomindset
it does make a satisfying *shuunk* noise, but the whirring and roaring of the printer when its loaded does give more of a mech vibe imo
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tgirl barks in dm's and asks me for tastefully blurry feet pics. this is bad. this is a parasocial. im using my platform for positivity. i have to be accountable. i can't have esex with you on the telephone because ethics. im not a femcel im a good person. you're welcome ma'am
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if u do this in the shower for long enough it aligns ur chakras to unlock a new, previously hidden facet of ur identity. if the water isn't burning u and ur eyes arent unfocused enough then the reification process will fail. i self-actualised bicurious tendancies in The Shower,
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yeah dysphoria's just like a dykey haircut, or a shirt that would get a man called metrosexual; just a quick fix. i strip off the stained, greasy top adhered to my skin, rotted flesh tearing with it, hoping to reveal the woman underneath. but no, i just see a pulmonary embolism
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i haven't taken my hrt in a week, and i'm noticing that cis women are staring at me now, salivating and brandishing sharp objects, eyeing my waifish form and whispering into my ear, "oh the things i would do for your hair..." it seems my natural male pheromones are in full bloom,
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rich ppl buy "adventure experiences" so an adrenaline surge will make them feel something for once. but u can just walk thru the city smoking a cig n the irl equivalent of m'aiq the liar will come up to u and start chattin. full on random sidequest with a map marker n everything
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i think every person on this wonderful earth needs an article of clothing that makes them feel the same way cishet dudes feel about wearing the scorpion jacket from Drive
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to goon as a man is to succumb to base instincts that have no place in today's society, steeping in your primordial juices, prolonging your moral failing. the Modern Man has priorities. your primal neurochemical makeup is a relic of days long gone. to goon as a woman, however...
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(grinning extra wide so the transgender knows im an ally) what pronouns ya rockin bro
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i'm in love with a beautiful ascii woman trapped within a readme.txt file of a torrented anime seeded by a gopnik that had police called on him after a particularly bad match of counterstrike. she looks at me from behind the screen, frozen in digital amber. i'll free her someday
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the 'guy subconsciously putting a hand down his pants' to 'girl distractedly squeezing their boob' pipeline
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