Illiterate Autodidact 🇺🇸☹👎
@cigarette_liker
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Father Abraham, have mercy on me, and send Lazarus, that he may dip the tip of his finger in water, and cool my tongue; for I am tormented in this flame.
penn sylvania
Joined September 2019
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i think about this interaction literally every day of my life
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Me explaining the concept of "burning cds" to my nephew
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JOHN FETTERMAN ‼ the High Council Of Pennsylvania Fat Boys have deemed you unworthy‼you are hereby EXCOMMUNICADO‼ your Shorts In Winter privileges have been REVOKED ‼ your Sheetz card will be DESTROYED‼ May God have mercy on your soul ‼
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Listen up Liberals, I'm a BIBLE- BELIEVING Christian. I believe in BIBLICAL values like DEBT CANCELLATION and COLLECTIVE WEALTH OWNERSHIP
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It's interesting how like 90% of being a reactionary online is just dudes constantly falling for each other's psyops
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Do you renounce the Hamburglar? And all his works? And all his empty promises?
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one thing I learned from reading the old testament is that when kings ignore the voices of prophets things usually turn out fine for them
Obama to Sanders in 2018, via
@AriRabinHavt
:
“Bernie, you are an Old Testament prophet—a moral voice for our party giving us guidance. Here is the thing, though. Prophets don’t get to be king. Kings have to make choices prophets don’t. Are you willing to make those choices?”
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ACAB:
All non-denominational
Churches
Are
Baptist
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(Trying to not break TOS) Let's say I hope he uhhh receives mental health care.. in Canada
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@gayest_tone
I manifest thousands of dollars every month.. it's called having a freakin job!!
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July 4th was originally a pagan holiday
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No religious person actually believes God is some guy living up in the clouds stop saying that lmao
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It's so funny that the showrunners of this have less faith in the media literacy of their audience than the showrunners on the original series, which was - I cannot stress this enough- a show for actual children.
“There are certain roles I think that Katara did in the cartoon that we didn’t necessarily also do here. I mean, I don’t want to really get into a lot of that, but some gender issues that didn’t quite translate from the cartoon.” - Albert Kim, producer of ATLA Live Action.
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Thinking about how every time Kirk Cameron kisses a woman in a movie it's his wife in a wig. King. The GOAT of the wife guys
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It's so funny that obama didn't realize he was the bad guy in his own analogy
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Nick Adams using gender inclusive language for his romantic partner ⁉️👀
If my significant other voted for Joe Biden I would dump them.
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My father passed away several minutes ago, would appreciate prayers
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For the record, Cohors simply does not miss and is one of the funniest guys on here
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It's so funny that we still know basically nothing about how consciousness actually works, but we still see a new article every week on "the danger of AI" because a STEM guy will type 7734 into his calculator and then turn it upside down and get scared
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Uhhhhh let me be clear, if you like your child sacrifices to moloch, you can keep it
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It's interesting how "grooming" is the current RW bugbear but they've also crafted a definition of "grooming" that excludes their own desire to have child brides
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Me when the customer comes in 5 minutes before closing time 👇
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In the past I have tried to argue that the understanding of God in Christianity is not just "some big Guy who lives up in the sky", but after reading tons of annoying atheist posts, I have decided that I believe in a Guy in the Sky now out of pure spite.
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"I'm a different kind of Christian,, i CUSS and i DRINK and LIKE SEX. u probably never met anyone like me."
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the most vocal CisHet supporters of LGBTQ ppl on Jesus Twitter are like "yeah I'm a freakin deconstructionist! I'm freakin decolonializing traditional theology" and the actual LGBTQ Christians are like "yeah so my cousin had a literal demon in him, but he's fine now."
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There should be a version of batman where he's not a billionaire. Just drives a Corolla and wears tapout shirts and gets into fights in a denny's parking lot, etc.
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It's weird praying for Twitter friends who's real names u don't know. It's like "Lord please help
@BonerDestroyer
in his job search; pls heal
@fuckhead911
of their upset tummy from eating olives;
and *checks prayer journal*
@genitalagent
who's just having a hard time right now."
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Catholics will dunk on anglicans for liking tarot or whatever and then be like "here is my pendant, it's a real tooth from Aaint Joseph it gives me +30% resistance to Curse damage"
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(Lib voice) Actually the Gnostic texts were not included in the biblical canon because the church fathers wanted to maintain power and were patriarchal and...
Gnostics texts:
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People ask me if I believe in Santa. I don't even understand the question.. I live as though Santa exists..
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L + dont care + didnt ask + not in the Bible + Papist nonsense + the bishop of Rome hath no jurisdiction
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@tropicalcamatte
It's like when the nazis introduced The Protocals to the Japanese and the Japanese were like "yo we gotta get some of these jews on our side, they have this shit figured out."
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My priest caught a glimpse of my phone lock screen and she said it is "beautiful".
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The bishop of Rome hath no jurisdiction over this fight with my step dad in the waffle house parking lot
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CisHet white ally lady: "uhm the doctrine of hell is actually p damaging :/"
Christian trans woman: "if hells not real where do all the billionaires go when they die ??"
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I wish I worded this differently but it got too many likes and rts....
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Cenk Uygur is like "you believe in a sky daddy? What other wacky things do you believe in, the Armenian Genocide??"
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Unironically correct. It's insane to me to think this is not the case.
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Take 👏 my👏 church's👏 food 👏bank 👏 offering 👏and👏 use 👏it👏 to 👏bomb 👏the👏 middle 👏east👏
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A beautiful and moving essay by my friend Honor Jones, who is also the most talented editor I've ever worked with:
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"I don't believe in some sky fairy" no one does. Shut the fuck up haha
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It's a tiny pogo stick for a frog or maybe a field mouse
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Weird Anglican Twitter owns because where else can you see lgbt communists arguing about whether or not angels exist?
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My dad got a CT scan today, and the results were.. not good. Not going to say anything more until we get a concrete diagnosis, but my family could really use your prayers.
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One thing I'm reminded of by the anti-mask discourse is the depressing reality that so many Americans are unable to conceive of "freedom" in any terms other than "my ability to do what I like without any regard for externalities".
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This sort of thing makes sense once u realize that for Amerikan Christians, Jesus is just the guy who gives u burger after u die
This is the result of an emasculated, broken culture — and I don’t care how many people get mad at me for pointing it out.
He’s making excuses for his son’s murderers (“we don’t know their story”) with absolutely no context. That’s not Christian strength — this man is afraid.
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Evangelical Sedevacantist "the chair of liberty university is vacant"
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I adore these types of memes I find on shady parts of the internet
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my favorite thing St Paul wrote was one line in 1 Corinthians where he made the offhand comment "don't you know you are going to judge angels?" And never elaborated on that or brought it up again in any of his other writings.
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Why did this do numbers, stop that right now. I didn't even put any effort into this post. All of these likes and re tweets are ashes in my mouth. I feel nothing
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We are quite possibly the stupidest country to ever exist anywhere in the history of the world
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@horngal
It's like the only genre people do this with. No one says "were making a fps game but without all of that 'aiming' shit we've decided people hate so much"
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Zoomers discovering Johnny Cash- "umm yikes. he literally killed a man in reno? Just to watch him die? Can we please talk about this?"
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How does the modern world cope with knowing this exists?
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Been in a bad mental state for several days now.. please press R to rebuke the bitch ass devil..
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U should set up a game called "going to church"
Set up a game called "bar crawl", where a man and a woman interact. The man wants to get laid, and doesn't want to buy unnecessary drinks. The woman has two possible types: PRUDE and SLUT.
PRUDE wants the drinks, SLUT wants the drinks and sex.
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Jesus was nice :) christins were nice until paul came along and told them to b mean >:(
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Haven't smoked a single cigarette since the beginning of lent.
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Jordan Peterson's whole project is a defense of reactionary Christian social mores but whenever he actually talks about God it's just warmed-over liberal protestantism, which means he was able to find the most annoying permutation of religious/political convictions imaginable imo
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I'm going to become an Anglican missionary in vatican city. Running from the vatican police and hiding from the vatican snipers. Spreading the good news that the real pope is the queen of england
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It's pretty cool how the babylon bee has morphed from "moderately funny evangelical inside jokes to send your memaw and pep-pep" to "openly bloodthirsty posts about killing libs to show your racist uncles on the Racist Uncle Web Site"
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Normie Lib atheist reddit coworker: "you know Christmas was originally a pagan holiday? It was originally a feast for the pagan sun god before the Christians stole it."
Me: "haha fuckin OWNED 😎"
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I recently learned there are high pedigree cats that people spend tens of thousands of dollars on?.. that's insane to me.. u don't *buy* a cat. just go outside and grab one. They're all over the place just pick up the cat and put it inside your house. It's yours now.
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If I were going to make bold historical claims about the origins of a major world religion, I would simply provide sources and evidence for my claims.
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When ur in church and the Lay Reader dosen't know how to pronounce Melchizedek
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My ideal society would be one in which we transition into a 100% turn-based economy. Me and three other homies walking in a perfectly straight line, getting into random encounters with ghouls and/or goblins. After battle we distribute our exp to each according to their need.
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Andrew Jackson owned slaves but like, not in a racist way
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Why do they hate him so much? He was a devout Christian and a man of honor.
Why do they hate him so much? He was a devout Christian and a man of honor.
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Hog Chat:
They just filled the trough with Slop
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Theyre leading us to the slaughter house rn lol. Normal world 🤪
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Toddler fell into our pen. we eating good tonight ‼
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Great news! 71% of Americans think the US should spend more on "assistance to the poor"
... but call if you call it "welfare" that number drops to 30%
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Let’s say tomorrow, Pope Francis announces the following:
1. God is fat.
2. And She twerks marvelously.
3. And you know what? You don’t fucking know if She has diabetes.
4. And it’s none of your fucking business.
5. She’s glorious either way.
What would you do?
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MDivs be like "im tired of the trads telling me I'm not a real Christian, just because I I don't believe the events of the Gospels *literally* happened, and just because I don't think God is real, and just because i view the majority of Christians with suspicion and contempt"
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Fellas, is it gay to be Christian? You're literally inside the Body of Christ.
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Wow this ones doin numbers. Follow me and I'll burn you a copy of Where Blood and Fire Bring Rest by Zao that u can listen to in your mom's Dodge Caravan on your road trip to Cornerstone
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*getting owned by lgbt Anglicans* "looks like the trads are mad at me 😏"
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Usually I don't care about this stuff, but this is such an incredibly annoying response.
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*at the final judgement* Lord- what u have to realize is that most of that stuff was just done "as a bit"
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I want to make fun of this take but only because it's accidentally correct in that demons are real and capitalism is one of them
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It's so funny when prison abolitionists will talk about what social programs we should fund instead of jails, and they are all different variations of "A Building That You Are Not Allowed To Leave"
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Submit to Rome? What, you mean where all the 𝘐𝘵𝘢𝘭𝘪𝘢𝘯𝘴 live?? No thank you. I'm anglican, I worship the queen of england like a normal guy
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