morg
@candlekeeps
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28 y/o loser girl 🗡️ bg3 and overall fantasy enjoyer 🗡️ minors dni
Joined January 2020
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Pinned Tweet
the morg manifesto:
astarion is an ugly pathetic loser with a flat ass and an average dick.
signed: morg, march 2024
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in the new patch astarion can request a high five from the player at unexpected moments
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the fact that minsc says in the epilogue that he visits astarion's lair in the underdark even if you romanced astarion and didn't choose the underdark route. is minsc just stalking a random vampire he thinks is astarion
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bhaal making spawn after spawn but all of them keeps getting the flame neck tattoo and he can't figure out why
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it’s actually kinda genius that there’s one astarion for dark romance booktokers and one for us who likes swagless losers
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honestly i always find it funny that gortash explains his evil plan in detail in front of all the nobles of baldur's gate at his coronation and no one gaf
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when i played bg3 with my bf he randomly said ”i feel like she has a lot of fans” and this was who he was talking about:
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one of the best line's in astarion's romance is him gleefully telling you he didn't care for you when you first met right before he declares that he loves you
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i think it’s interesting that astarion is a vampire. you can tell from his fangs and in one scene where he tries to bite you.
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durge: what if i flop?
astarion: oh my darling, what if you slay?
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does anyone have a screencap of that one rare astarion dialogue where he talks about his wife from his magistrate days? i need to know the exact line
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no but bg3 is actually THE perfect game for me bc it's both an immersive fantasy world where i can pretend to be a cool elf and run around with a sword and do magic AND an oc/canon fanfic simulator
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must be real fun for minthara to arrive at camp after her harrowing experience at moonrise and see some random bitch wearing her outfit, the most annoying person she's ever met (astarion) donning her armor and then asking abt her mace only to be told it's been sold for petty cash
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honestly this doesn’t even look ugly to me anymore he looks normal
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astarion must be the worst rogue of all time. like what does he even do? picks your lock then stands in the doorway like this to get permission to come inside and rob you?
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would be funny if everyone in the party was just nice to durge's face but in reality they were like having emergency meetings ab wtf they were going to do ab the crazy murderer in their camp
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uglystarion my beloved
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comrade astarion unionizing the spawn
Oh, I'm well aware of what the master needs. But don't we deserve better?
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minsc running to get boo
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it just annoys me that you can tell yenna that the camp is no place for kids (which it isn't bc ppl are fighting and sucking and fucking and getting randomly kidnapped all the time) but she still shows up uninvited to ruin the vibe
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@LoovelyAstarion
or they tell him and minsc is like ”nice try astarion, but minsc is not so easily fooled 😏”
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No more meals, it's over
The final act, your doom
No more grace, it's over
This House of Hope
Your tomb
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#imagine
you come out of a teeth transplant... "astarion im out alive!" you scream.. "who do you fink gave you the teef darling?" he says smiling
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i think i personally don’t really like astarion paired with someone who’s like infinitely kind and patient and who can Fix him bc of that, it’s just so fucking boring when one person in the relationship acts like the other’s therapist and/or emotional support animal
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everyone wants to talk ab poor astarion hiding from the sun in his origin ending but i haven't heard a peep ab how he immediately after that kidnaps someone and performs an annoying little dance before presumably draining them
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crazy how no one talks about the fact that godey is cazador’s dead brother
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astarion's vampirism is not getting cured in my canon i can tell you that much
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we need to close the gender gap and hate on modded male tav's a bit more
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wyll: i hope tav can find my father and save him 🥺🙏
me in the iron throne:
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we should put astarion in outfits like this. he should be amadeusmaxxing
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tbh i think withers just stays in camp for the drama. he’s keeping track of everyone’s relationship status in that book of his
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whenever i call astarion an ugly loser there's always someone being like "uhm no he's hot actually?" yeah that's what i said?
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tav writing in her diary after finding out astarion manipulated her in act 1: s(he) be(lie)ve(d)
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seeing an astarion hater when i live my life in a bubble of astarionators
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redeemed durge feeling disappointment everytime they kill someone post-game bc it will never feel fun and exciting again
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me coming up with a million reasons why i don't think h*lsin or g*le are a good fit for astarion when i probably just don't like seeing my fav paired with my least favs:
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@TyrTheTaur
well that's where you're wrong bc one of the requirements mephistopheles had when the contract was made was that the dick would become smaller
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it's just so cuute...... also the sideboob and the wrinkly elbows........
nothing has delighted me more than the first time i got astarion's act 1 romance scene and he just gleefully jumped into the arms of my character to be carried like a little princess
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@Cheeseyboiiiiii
yes i would NEVER have guessed that i would be obsessed with the hot vampire but then they were like ”and what if he was kind of silly too?”
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