⛳️ Caddyshanks
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A newsletter about golf, but written by the drunk people who followed Happy Gilmore around. Join 50k other golfers and sign up below.
Philadelphia, PA
Joined March 2019
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Pinned Tweet
Jordan Spieth w Beard by AI.
My "Which pro golfer do you most want to see rock some level of a beard for a few weeks that hasn't previously gone down that road" rankings:
1.) Spieth
2.) Keith Mitchell
3.) Woodland
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RT if you love Hocus Pocus
Like if you love Hocus Pocus
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1K
3K
greeting men is so stressful you never know what weird combination of handshake, back pat and fist bump they’re gonna do. please gentleman can we just hug
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showing up late with an iced coffee to a zoom meeting just doesn’t hit the same
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if you add a single pea to your mac and cheese then it is heath food, that’s just how it works
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392
due to the hard work and effort I put into eating this snack just now I think it’s fair to reward myself with another snack
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Taco Tuesday is too restrictive! I propose we implement a new policy of tacos everyday, why limit ourselves??
my boss: why did you call this meeting
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me at 3pm: I’m so tired I could sleep right now
my brain at 3am:
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me in the mirror every morning reminding myself i’m beautiful, kind, and deserving of love
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me having a perfectly fine day when i suddenly remember something awkward i said five years ago
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either you die a hero or you live long enough to be the mom asking your kid to get the chicken out of the freezer before you get home
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happy birthday to every dog that’s having a birthday today!!! happy normal day to every other dog too
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🦎🌮🧂🌮🥤🐍
(they’re on a date, it’s going pretty well and they will probably see each other again)
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@Wendys
@BurgerKing
For years the king had reigned supreme, unthreatened.
Until one day a small, red headed girl came along and destroyed an empire, claiming the crown for herself.
Her name is Wendy, and this is her story.
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@3YearLetterman
@DisneyKid1955
@The_BDJ
@Adele
@Tesco
@KingJames
@PaulyShore
@peppapig
@longjohnsilvers
@eltonofficial
@Whitesnake
This is the energy that wins world wars. Take notes British people
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The
#CBD
hashtag is trash.
It’s like one long spam feed. Of people trying to sell, sell, sell.
So, allow us to educate in a little thread....
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@hclmes
@LoboExplosivo
@romemcelroy
I wonder how he keeps ending up with the bathbombs that are specifically for Rome
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hope the aliens see this and know we’re thinking about them
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It’s so hard to be dating right now, the chances of finding a man who doesn’t have a podcast are getting smaller and smaller
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if you write something on a cake i automatically believe it, cake would never lie to me it loves me
1
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@KieranSoFar
@DrakeGatsby
plot twist: after finding out so much about each other they fall in love and both start scheming ways to “accidentally” meet the other
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Hello, I’d like to pay for one month of your new gym membership. I think it’s great that you’re trying.
Like and RT
Then I’ll pick someone at random and Venmo you the money.
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Since the
@NFL
starts tonight, we’d like to remind everyone that pro football players SHOULD be able to take CBD or weed to manage their pain.
They currently can only take prescription opiates, as per NFL rules.
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i don’t know who needs to hear this but no one has this range
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studies have shown there’s no better way to stir up office conflict than pronouncing “chipotle” wrong
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CBD:
- is trendy
-takes the edge off without having to take the next day off
- tastes good in smoothies
Wine:
- makes you hungover
-increases likelihood of texting a guy who doesn’t deserve you
-is often used in weird religious ceremonies
YOU do the math
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@MyGolfSpy
In terms of priority?
1. Nicotine
2. Weed / Booze
3. Driver
4. Wedge
5. Putter
Nice to haves:
1. Remembering where I put my car keys at the end of the round
2. Half a bottle of water
3. The same balls I started with
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me at 3pm: I can’t wait to go home and fall asleep!!
The inside of my brain at 3am:
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Me running back in the house to take my CBD before having to be social
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so I ran the numbers and according to my calculations.... I need a nap
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if taking a one minute break from scrolling on my phone to stare at a wall counts as meditating then yes, I meditate
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Everyone letting their partner cut their hair right now deserves some sort of award for bravery
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@chica_2626
@LoboExplosivo
Well, it’s not just CBD, it’s clean skincare that happens to have some CBD and it can do a few things for your skin! In Collins case hopefully it helps with some of that puffiness
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showing up fifteen minutes late with coffee to my bed where i will be working all day
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what i thought adulthood would be like:
-staying up late
-eating whatever i want
-going out
what it’s really like:
-laundry
-laundry
-dishes
-laundry
-“sorry can we reschedule?”
-laundry
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20
What do plants and the homies have in common?
I love watching them grow
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As the new year slowly approaches, don’t get caught up in any pyramid schemes like that girl you know from high-school.
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Thursday riddle for you:
The more of me you take, the more you leave behind, what am I?
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self care is when you eat all the fries in the car in your way home and don’t even feel bad about it
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me waking up to the all three of the alarms i thought would get me out of bed
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do you prefer the center pieces of the brownies or are you normal
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Dude from Good Good (who is better at golf than me) absolutely creamed someone today
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i hope y’all are moisturizing and drinking plenty of water and plotting the downfall of your enemies and getting some fresh air today!
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me getting ready to rip a bunch of professional golfers for not playing good enough
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@ANGC_burner
The Saudi part still sucks… it’s the world we live in, but Jesus Christ man is there no American institution that ain’t for sale?
Let’s sell the Cowboys to N Korea and the Yankees to the Chinese while we’re at it
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who needs a date for Valentine’s Day??
buy YOURSELF flowers
take YOURSELF out
get in a fight with YOURSELF at a fancy restaurant
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@PresidentZT
@PGATOUR
Show us your bank account and we will tell you what you should do with your time
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@ShaanVP
Feels like a good time to mention that you can sign up organically for our golf newsletter here
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@acaseofthegolf1
I did my best to give proper credit. We don’t have the following they do but at least our folks know about the kind of work you’re doing
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2. Brands aren’t legally allowed to discuss the “benefits” of CBD, per the FDA. This is because the FDA doesn’t want brands making false health claims. So customers have to do the research themselves. What should they look for?
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my body: me: not now
can i uh have body i am having
a single nutrient my caffeine
😔 🤪
👉👈 💪 ✌️
👖 👖
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Without anywhere to drive to I’ve been forced to listen to the same two songs on repeat for hours from the comfort of my parked car
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they say you’re supposed to stick to your normal routines so i’ve been making plans to get dinner with myself but then canceling last minute every weekend
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@cottoncandaddy
how about a “the plants are my friends and i take them on picnics where we eat the bread” quarantiner
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i’m suddenly starting to understand why cartoon characters wear the same pants everyday
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One of our co-founders just cashed this out for 85k… would you have?
All he needed was a McCaffrey TD for 200k.
@FDSportsbook
you should sponsor our newsletter now for this kindness
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@LoboExplosivo
Wow going right for death and social uprisings.
Got anything a little more lighthearted??
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@3YearLetterman
@Franklin_Graham
@LilTunechi
@mrvincecarter15
@Shoneys
@CC_Sabathia
@Ripleys
@therealjleyritz
@DilfersDimes
@trentgreen10
@TiffaniThiessen
People who don’t think Ben Franklin was the greatest president of the greatest and oldest country on earth 👇🏽
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@ClubProGuy
Fortunately, Joyce was able to borrow one of Anastasia’s outfits… to keep the vibe the same.
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