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@bristianchale
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oh there are definitely friends with consequences
friends w benefiits implies the existence of friends w consequences
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utah parents love to be like “my kids need normalcy! no more masks! only normal life!!!!” then send them to do pioneer cosplay in Wyoming for a week where they take their shoes away, give them a fake name, and make them pull handcarts in 30mph wind
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what is it called when you recognize he is hot as hell but you are not attracted to him at all but if a girl looked like this she’d be your exact type asking for a friend
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every hot girl deserves to have two bi guys fighting over her, with homoerotic overtones
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“Rapid tests aren’t reliable get a PCR”
“All PCR appts are 2+ days out and it will take you 3-5 days to get results”
“Oh by the way the new quarantine period is 5 days so by the time you get results it doesn’t matter”
“Actually don’t test at all, just guess if you have it”
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everyone confused about Ariana Grande dating Ethan Slater has never done community theatre and experienced the way a 5 can slowly grow on you, creating the illusion of being a 10, just because of the way they sing and dance
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I love collecting partially used journals from thrift shops and I found one recently that was a guest book at someone’s wedding in 2006 and then was later used in 2007 by the wife as a place to journal about her husband’s unfaithfulness and when I tell you the tea is PIPING
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An anxiety disorder has to be the silliest mental illness you can have because like why am I terrified? About nothing? At noon on a Thursday?
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Can’t post the full 4-minute video but this one is a classic
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“Turning Red is unrealistic because 13 year olds don’t have weird obsessive crushes on-“
When I was 12 my friend helped me code an entire website so I could write anonymous love letters to the guy who played Marius in our local high school production of Les Mis
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for 2022 I’m forcing myself to have the opposite of imposter syndrome where I radically believe I can do things I’m 110% unqualified for and seeing what happens as a silly little bit
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☠️☠️☠️
fuck most liked tweet what was your most hated tweet. a tweet that ppl bothered u about for DAYS & sent u threats over. i probably have like 30
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SLC needs more LGBTQ+ bars that aren’t owned by 45+ year old racist & transphobic business men, imagine a cute little disco ran by people who are actually in touch with the community and not just trying to capitalize off of the community
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Have I turned a corner with my mental health or is it just 70° outside: A Memoir
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THE PREGNANT MAMA DEER WHO SLEEPS IN MY YARD HAD HER BABY AND NOW THE BABY EATS LEAVES OFF OF THE SAME TREE THE MAMA ATE AT WHEN SHE WAS PREGNANT W IT WHY AM I CRYING ABOUT THIS
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Very fun and exciting to see the doctor who told you that your lack of focus causing you to fail out of college wasn’t ADHD but was because you lacked “the structure only a husband can provide” running for a seat in the Utah House of Representatives 🤩
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In Utah they only let you camp on the streets if you’re gonna wake up and watch a parade that celebrates a fake holiday dedicated to a group of people who also displaced indigenous people
UPDATED STORY: Police end University of Utah student pro-Palestine rally with riot gear and 17 arrests
With photos from
@bethanybakerpix
and
@samuelsski27
.
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it’s so pretty 🥲
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The “why I stay” crowd has been suspiciously but not surprisingly quiet since the AP article dropped
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Utah county moms: my son little McChicken shouldn’t have to wear a mask because it restricts his freedom!!!
Also Utah county moms: my dream is for my son to attend BYU where he can’t grow a beard, drink caffeine, & won’t see an icky woman’s ankle until marriage amen 😇
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RT if you wish your parents took you to a drag bar instead of putting you on a church bus to Wyoming to cosplay as a dead pioneer in 70mph winds where you had your shoes taken away and had to re-enact losing a baby by burying a sack of flour at age 13 to “test your faith”
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Utah Gov: PORN IS A PUBLIC HEALTH HAZARD
Utahns: hey some days we can't breathe bc the air quality is awful
Utah Gov: new phone who dis
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I do not seek a Twitter alternative from now on I’m just gonna write down my thoughts and put them inside little glass bottles and throw them into the ocean the way god intended
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if you’re a 30+ male photographer who only arranges photoshoots with 18-21 year old girls in lingerie or cosplaying come here I just want to talk
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hanging out with my m*rmon extended family is like “how would you like to hear 3 people share their worst takes while talking at the exact same time at a volume that is 15% too loud for an hour”
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26 years old googling “how to build a support system when you’re only really good at making acquaintances”
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Thrifted this dress for $12 yesterday without realizing it’s almost identical to my wallpaper ?!
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I can’t stop laughing at the “uH uh oh”
this is the best thing that's ever aired on the fox news channel
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the walk of shame but it’s just me bringing 15 cups out of my room
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who wants to have a gay fairy picnic at the 9th and 9th whale
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Ppl who exclusively back into parking spots are fighting demons I can’t even begin to comprehend
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I dressed up fancy & snuck into a premiere to see Andr*w G*rfield, got in line for a drink then turned around & nearly ran into a cutie and we joked about having the same haircut. I got home, set my tinder preferences very specifically, and we had our first date a week later 🥲
Couples… don’t all speak at once but… how did you meet your other half?
Indulge me I’m a romantic!
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The urge to say “guys I really needed this” after the threesome
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Utah: We can't legalize marijuana!!! It's bad!!! A drug!!!! CHURCH!
Also Utah: * is
#1
in the country for prescription drug abuse*
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Stepping foot in the SLC airport and immediately hearing “If you left your crockpot in the tunnel will you please come back and get your crockpot” over the intercom feels very Utah
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it’s so weird that society views your early 20s as your artistic prime when it’s the least amount of adult life you’ve lived, I wanna see 35-70+ year olds releasing debut albums, first screenplays, poetry collections, I wanna hear what ppl have learned across each decade of life
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I don’t understand how everyone in America isn’t radicalized just from going to the grocery store
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I need more friends who are down to hang last minute and do mundane things like who wants me to go grocery shopping with them, or go to your oil change appt with you, or sit and play video games in silence five feet away from each other but still enjoy each other’s company
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thought I saw a hot masc lesbian downtown but it was just a Mormon missionary
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Hi I’ve been sitting on big feelings for awhile that I never know the right words for but I love flowing between femininity and masculinity and if you don’t mind trying out strictly they/them pronouns for me I would truly really appreciate it 🤍
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The Airbnb collapse is real.
Revenues are down nearly 50% in cities like Phoenix and Austin.
Watch out for a wave of forced selling from Airbnb owners later this year in the areas hit hardest by the revenue collapse.
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Not now kitten, daddy’s overstimulated from recognizing generational patterns at the family holiday party
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Nearly everybody I know in America is struggling in some aspect of their life whether it’s with the cost of rent or paying off medical debt. I don’t think it’s radical to believe that our tax dollars should go back into programs that help us and not towards funding a genocide.
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someone tell SLC homeowners that their scary unfinished basement with no windows is not an $1800/month condo rental I BEG
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saw my partner in a skirt and wig and my pussy started whispering to me like the green goblin mask
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crusty dudes love being like “she hit the wall 🤢” and then post a photo of a woman I’d 110% let walk me around on a dog leash
Yes Sophie Turner has hit the wall. Accelerated by plastic surgery and pregnancy. Unrecognizable now.
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category is sleepy girl couture
Someone tell me why I have five giant gowns in my closet that I refuse to get rid of as if I don’t spend most of my day in sweats laying on my floor looking for freelance gigs
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How do you serve cunt in a way supports public transportation?
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POV: I’m your bf too excited to show you the cool shells I found for you on the beach
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this photo makes me look deceptively strong & androgynous and honestly I’m kind of into that
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need a wife who looks like this
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I love waking up and finding surprise selfies I took when I was feeling tipsy & feelin’ myself
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Okay real talk (do not ask why) but I just remembered I have 30 sequin butterfly tops in my closet and we could all match 🦋🤍
who wants to have a gay fairy picnic at the 9th and 9th whale
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Imagine if someone told you they were monogamous and you were like, “omg I would rip every hair out of my head, throw up, and gauge my eyes out if I had to do that! 😖”
Bc people feel way too comfortable saying stuff like this to those practicing NM and it feels so🧍🏼
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not only do Utah politicians have zero respect for transgender people, they don’t consider the effect this will have on sexual assault victims both cis and trans! The thought of anyone in power being able to do “genital inspections” should make everyone fucking angry.
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Guess who gets to watch their first feature length film in theaters tonight 🥹💕🌸
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I will never understand why dudes grab people without consent? I have waited years to see one of my favorite bands then spent half my night calming myself down because a dude inappropriately grabbed me when I walked by, I just want a safe space to exist and enjoy music goddamn it
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temporarily reactivating so my account doesn’t get deleted forever and so y’all can see how cute I was at the Chappell Roan dance party last month
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she’s just like me fr
Jamie Lee Curtis wonders why artists don’t have concerts during the day rather than night:
“Why are there no matinees? I'm not gonna go see Coldplay if they start their show at 9 and there's an opening act. I want to hear Coldplay at 1 PM.”
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really interesting that every Utah politician loves God so much, considering the fact that they’re all going to hell
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all I want to do is exude moody boyfriend energy but I end up looking like I run the teachers quorum
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Embracing my queerness and breaking out of heteronormative societal norms has quite literally been the most healing thing I’ve ever done for myself
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someone invite me somewhere cool so I can wear this bodysuit in public ⚔️
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Like “so happy you found such a fine man!” from a friend signing the guest book to “he sure knows how to ruin a good evening!! Hurt again.” I’m about to throw hands for Shirley 😩
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