Ben Jenkins
@bencjenkins
Followers
26,831
Following
1,527
Media
386
Statuses
3,399
Explore trending content on Musk Viewer
Maggie Smith
• 854338 Tweets
Netanyahu
• 683742 Tweets
Beirut
• 596917 Tweets
Nasrallah
• 368085 Tweets
Zelensky
• 266767 Tweets
بيروت
• 192623 Tweets
حسن نصر
• 153530 Tweets
الزمالك
• 140001 Tweets
Acapulco
• 102707 Tweets
#الضاحيه_الجنوبيه
• 97555 Tweets
マクゴナガル先生
• 68083 Tweets
Asheville
• 33264 Tweets
Willie
• 31229 Tweets
Independiente
• 29662 Tweets
FONDEN
• 29493 Tweets
#حسن_نصر_الشيطان
• 25844 Tweets
#SmackDown
• 17895 Tweets
Ranger
• 14497 Tweets
Laso
• 11375 Tweets
Chimney Rock
• 10980 Tweets
Chucky
• 10337 Tweets
Do you reckon the queen could identify Mario? Like if you showed the queen a picture of Mario, would she be able to say “that’s Mario”. Genuinely quite torn on this. Apologies if it’s been covered in The Crown.
367
8K
118K
Genuinely think this is one of the funniest jokes ever put to air.
121
3K
76K
Friend in Hamburg just sent me this like he'd just papped a celebrity.
159
4K
64K
You should be able to purchase a big swig of Sprite. 90% of the time that’s all the Sprite you need. 40 cents seems fair.
139
3K
60K
A fun thing for an author to do would be to have the last line of the book be something like “he said, in his Jamaican accent, which he’d had this whole time.” Make the audiobook narrator have to start the whole thing over.
56
2K
43K
Whenever something like this happens Twitter gets huge "there's a bird in the assembly hall" energy.
78
2K
36K
It’s truly insane how I’ll still stay stuff to my five year old like “hang on mate, you’ve been saying you’re hungry all afternoon, and now you won’t eat your dinner” as if he’s going to turn around and go “that’s such a good point yeah. You’ve bested me with logic this time”
28
1K
32K
I've been laughing at this for over a week now. Absolutely perfect.
47
2K
18K
For years I thought there was a song in Guys and Dolls, the opening number in fact, that went “Guys and Dooooolls, we’re just a crazy bunch of guys and dooooolls (yeahyeahyeahyeahyeahyeahyeah!)”
This brings up a delightful question: what joke in the Simpsons did you think was a real thing and only later realized was just a joke? Or vice versa?
589
304
6K
91
280
7K
Trying to think of other actors who meet the John Goodman Criteria: Been in Bad Stuff, But Has Never Been Bad In Stuff. Brad Dourif is another.
719
136
6K
A friend of mine just described the central premise of all M Night Shyamalan's films as "what if an interesting situation happened" and he's bang on. Very few filmmakers working today are as fascinated by interesting situations unfolding as MNS.
24
198
4K
Hangovers are so wild. Imagine having those symptoms in any other context. You’d call an ambulance.
33
182
4K
Oi. My sister runs a street kitchen in Martin Place where they give rough sleepers a feed twice a week. ALL she asks is that you follow their Insta. Maybe also give this an RT. They do good work, who are you to refuse??!?
94
2K
3K
I'm not sure if Americans are aware of this, but the McDonalds you have in your country is worse by several orders of magnitude than any Mcdonalds I've tasted anywhere in the world. Absolutely boggles the mind. The French are kicking your ass at McDonalds.
388
199
3K
One thing they don’t prepare you for when your kid goes to school is that you need to get like four apps, all with names like “BOINGO - Parents”, all of which serve a function that could be an email or a piece of paper in a school bag, and none of them work.
53
209
3K
No toddler has ever been more "on one" than my son has been today. Asked me non stop what wood was made of for an hour and then had a screaming floor tantrum when "wood" then "smaller bits of wood" then "atoms" weren't good enough answers.
91
57
3K
One of the more fucked things about all this for Australians is that all currency bearing her image, and that's all the coins and the $5, will cease to be legal tender in a fortnight. You can swap it at the bank but a lot of people won't have time. Seems insane to me.
258
145
3K
I really think I slept on how funny this post was. Possibly the funniest post by a politician from any country in the past five years.
15
181
3K
Little update on this: I did some digging and it turns out it was made up, by me. Still, I think it says a lot about society that so many people thought it was real.
48
25
3K
Frydenberg has incredible “Dad saying a couple of words at a 21st after twelve crown lagers” energy here.
33
156
3K
We need to go back to the time when Australian TV was just Mike Whitney wandering round a Westfield offering people $50 to eat some bugs. Absolutely flawless broadcasting.
44
204
3K
It's so funny when a Prime Minister's problem is that everyone just fucking hates them. How pollsters break that to them. Ah sir, there's a lot of factors at play here but ah...they hate you, personally. It's your whole deal, sir. [gestures to PM] This thing.
42
262
3K
Computer. Show me Donald Trump and Martin Luther King bonding over a single, enormous latte. Interesting. Latte must be larger. Larger still. Enlarge latte further. Interesting.
18
145
2K
Weird there are no Zuckerberg fan boys. Like, who's out there every day defending The Metaverse in the same way that those guys turn up for Musk whenever a Tesla swerves to hit dog then explodes. No one's simping for poor ol' Mark, and I think that's sad.
48
94
2K
@Mesut_Ausil
The first time I saw Mrs Featherbottom crash through the coffee table I had to get my housemates to pause the episode because I was laughing so hard. I don’t think I’ve had that since (am a husk)
18
3
2K
This is easily the funniest outcome. Just a gigantic rube badge, like those markers hobos used to put on people's fences to show other hobos who could be easily fleeced.
24
231
2K
Something anyone can do, and it’s completely free, is look at a piece of news and say “I simply do not have an opinion on this”
24
150
2K
Here’s my prediction. When vax rates plateau here, which they will, the discourse will enter a phase so completely bananas that it will make right now seem like a calm disagreement between old pals.
34
103
2K
It’s amazing the moderate Liberals’ pitch of “Don’t get rid of us, it’ll just be the psychos left in the party” didn’t have the desired cut through.
14
167
1K
I think the big lesson screenwriters can take from Banshees of Inisherin is that if you like, you can pop an evil witch in your screenplay and not make a big old fuss about it. Just pop an old sinister crone who's probably magic in there if you like, it's up to you.
10
116
2K
With a bit of distance, I really think Morrison was the PM with the most unknowable motivations for wanting the office than any to ever hold it. I will puzzle over this for decades.
280
87
1K
@LindseyDorcus
I was just listening to a Tana French book where a character’s deep voice is mentioned one hour from the end!
1
1
1K
A guy at the donut shop I’m at just asked two questions
1) so what happens here, we just pick a donut? (Yes)
2) and we can order however many we want? (Yes)
and he said this with such genuine awe and curiosity that for a moment I thought I was dying.
42
32
1K
We welcomed our son Arlo into the world today. He’s beautiful. Don’t wanna put his photo up on here but we’re all so thrilled so here’s a photo of a can of delicious pasito (also beautiful).
50
4
1K
PSA: If there’s a Squid Game set up actually happening in South Korea right now — or anywhere for that matter — we need to stop it, pronto. No ifs, no buts. Shut it down. Now.
34
55
1K
Apologies for bumping an old piece of mine but I really had forgotten how fucked that whole period was.
47
436
1K
Dunno who needs to hear this: You might disagree with the politics of some people who lost their seats last night, but remember that they’re human beings. Human beings who were paid extremely well to not work very hard at making life worse for a lot of people.
7
137
1K
What seems to get lost in so much of the lockdown discourse is that compliance is a finite resource. To say well we need to go harder than strictly necessary to send a message completely ignores the fact that good will from the population is key to the whole thing working.
35
213
1K
A lot of so-called progressives seem pretty happy that an 80 year old man has been cut off from any kind of income. That’s interesting. 🤔
499
61
1K
Does anyone here listen to podcasts while not doing anything else? Not walking or driving or cleaning, just sitting on a chair and listening to a podcast? Because to me this is the behaviour of a serial killer.
78
49
1K
@Brocklesnitch
Don’t you think that, unlike you’re Nanna, the queen has to get briefed on things on a semi regular basis? This is the the nub of the problem. (Apologies if your Nanna needs to be briefed on things on a regular basis)
6
1
1K
I think my favourite thing of the whole campaign has been the attempt to paint Morrison as, sure, an unlikable guy, but one who gets results. This is the “Dr House Strategy” and it really only works if the guy is an asshole but also — and this is crucial — very good at his job.
14
151
1K
Rereading How Fiction Works by James Wood. Genuinely don’t think anything has had a bigger impact on how I think about writing than this little paragraph and the ‘stupid tears’ example.
7
43
1K
Someone just brought this to my attention. I am getting absolutely bodied in the Online Thomas The Tank Engine community.
36
45
1K
A few years ago I was in QLD during daylight savings and I was changing my watch in the cab from the airport and the cabbie said, verbatim, “From south, eh? Yeah you folks love to meddle with time down there.”
12
47
1K
When my wife got her wisdom tooth out the other week she said to the anaesthetist “hey is it true you guys don’t really know why anaesthetic works?” and he went “yeah basically” and that’s the last thing she heard before she went out. Amazing question to ask, incredible response.
18
47
965
PRESS GALLERY TWO YEARS AGO: Say what you like about Morrison, but we’re watching one of the best retail politicians of his generation at work.
MORRISON, TODAY: Who here has seen The Croods,
14
107
953
I hate to repeat myself, but remember when Extremely Serious Commentators were saying that Morrison was a very savvy operator who should not be underestimated
29
72
936
The Gambler is probably the most popular song ever written about what it’s like when a guy dies next to you on the train.
17
84
919
As I always say when he comes up, don’t be mad at Leunig - it’s not his fault a horse kicked him very hard in the head. Be properly mad at the publications who are denying young, great artists space and money in favour of whatever Leunig faxes them once a week.
19
79
889
I use semi colons in two situations:
1) When I think something needs "a comma but bigger".
2) More or less at random and at the whims of my fancies.
29
49
890
Oh it's freedom day? I hadn't noticed. I've been experiencing plenty of freedom lately via great works of literature. One day I'm walking the grimy cobblestones of London with my friend David Copperfield, the next, I am at the beach with Grug. But do go on about your pubs. 🙄
10
37
860
Absolutely impeccable. You'd try 30 takes with an actor and never get something this good.
In her final sign off from A Current Affair, Tracy Grimshaw channels Alan Partridge. This escalated quickly.
@AccidentalP
8
63
508
5
42
864
He's hitting Musk's leg with a rolled up magazine in the first line.
5
3
835
One of the weirder things about Australian Twitter is that the fringe weirdos don’t have fringe politics. Politically they’re establishment Labor centrists, they’re just absolutely hogshit nutso on the computer about it.
25
87
845
Mo was just chucking stuff around and I told him if he threw one more thing he’d have time out in the corner for a minute. He put down the thing, went and stood in the corner for a bit, then came back, picked up the thing and threw it. We are absolutely fucked.
18
21
843
There’s a really good chance that you’ve said something to someone that you don’t remember but that they think about most days.
29
46
836
God Sam Campbell explaining Plucka Duck on Taskmaster is incredible TV
SAM: It’s from an Australian show called Hey Hey It’s Saturday.
GREG: Right, and that was hosted by this…plucka d-
SAM: No. Darryl.
GREG: I see.
SAM: Plucka would just walk on and stress everyone out.
17
41
848
Good satire will upset people. That’s the point and I’m not going to apologise for that. It is a privilege to turn up to work every single day and hold the powerful to account.
31
28
769
I just remembered, as I do every three months or so, the time Kevin Rudd was asked by Rove who he’d turn gay for and he said “my wife”. Laughed out loud to myself in an empty room.
8
18
756
Just rewatched the Sean Lock Carrot In a Box segment. Easily one of the greatest five minutes of live television ever broadcast.
13
16
755
I don’t know if there are any plans to do this, but as this image shows, it would be a gigantic error to do so.
25
44
749
The more I think about it, the more I believe that we should treat being a full time columnist like they did with those guys shovelling debris at Chernobyl. You just can’t let anyone do it for too long or it will kill them, and ideally no one would do it at all.
9
69
731
I wonder if the reason we think of ghosts as transparent is because it was a relatively simple special effect in early photography, rather than any literary tradition
12
14
727
Every time I’m at my parents’ house and they ask me to fix some tech issue for them it starts with me all confident and ends with me saying “I don’t understand how you’ve done this. It’s simply not possible to do this to your Amazon account. How did you do this.”
17
15
731
Toddler has a fever again. Were I a one year old with two lovely parents I would, out of respect to them, ensure my core temperature remained between 36.5 and 38 degrees Celsius at all times.
6
7
734
It's strange there's no appetite from Labor to talk about strengthening tenancy rights. I get it, in Australia we think of renters as "temporarily embarrassed homeowners" and so maybe trying to make it so you could actually live in a rental long term seems unaspirational
23
77
720
I don't know how non-Australian audiences are expected to enjoy Furiosa when they can't lean over to the person next to them and say stuff like "wait is that Tim Rogers? Is that Danny Lim? Why is that Danny Lim?!?!" every three to four minutes.
30
40
716
Logging into MyGov to get my vax certificate and then running out of there like it's a haunted temple and I've stolen an enchanted jewel.
12
45
704
One idea I just had about how to end Neighbours -- and its probably too late for them to use it -- is that it's revealed to be all taking place in the dying and unknowable mind of an ancient God.
26
29
691
Just watched Children of Men again. Freakishly good movie. Only thing they get wrong is that everyone on earth hadn’t become an armchair fertility expert.
8
38
680
There should be a function on Twitter where, just before you tweet, you can fill in a secret little thing where you predict what a common response to the tweet is, and if someone responds that they get a notification and you get, I don’t know, some gems you can spend on items.
15
37
676
OZYMANDIAS: Hey, how’re my works doing? What’s the sitch on those works. They’re gone?! Aaaaah that’s a shame. Anything left? The sign about the works is still there?! No, that’s not good news! Now I’m gonna look like a fucking asshole!!!!
10
100
681
I've heard depression described really well as "the absence of possibility", and lockdown is a great sampler for those who haven't felt it before. It blows, is what I am trying to say.
9
52
684
Would this moment in The Shining be quite as iconic if Kubrick had used the original line from the book? Impossible to say.
6
23
659
Everyone in my generation freaks out when they realise that they are older than Homer Simpson, but today I realised that at 35, I'm older than Mr Bean in his prime and that really got to me.
22
22
651
This is super interesting, and a lot of people are asking how this could accidentally happen. As someone who uses photoshop a fair bit, I think I have a plausible explanation. 1/
76
79
656
@i_zzzzzz
Frasier is actually set in the Mad Max universe. It’s just that the roving gangs of warriors in Australia is not something that ever needs discussing by any of the characters.
8
27
631
If you think there is going to be any political consequence for anyone in power over the rollout's fuck ups, I have around a century of Australian history you might be interested in checking out.
9
53
601
This is just objectively such a funny thing to have decided to do. It would have been so so so so easy to not do this. Incredible watching this very savvy retail politician at work.
Scott Morrison granted ACT travel exemption for Father’s Day dash to Sydney on VIP jet
@newscomauHQ
784
878
2K
9
48
609
People saying oh but lockdown WOULD have worked if people had complied miss the point that policymakers need to bake compliance probability into their policies. This isn’t to excuse non compliance it’s to say that its bad planning to just assume people will do the right thing.
39
41
594
There are millions of toddlers just getting around speaking German. Just saying stuff in German as toddlers. I hope we can all agree that this is objectively funny.
18
27
589
I reckon Morrison has had absolute jack of this prime minister caper. Every morning he wakes up and lets out an audible little whimper that he still has to do this. Aides have to coax him into his little suit and tie with biscuits. He will win the next election.
15
43
581
I was just reminded of how close we came to living in a world where this took place. We are forever robbed of watching Trump “Willy Wonka” his way out of a hospital.
9
42
582