Tiger Webb
@tfswebb
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dour bureaucrat at a public broadcaster
Sydney, New South Wales
Joined April 2011
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found out my friend’s wife runs a croissant influencer account so when meeting her for the first time said “oh you must be ‘the croissant slut’!!” long story short that’s a different sydney-based croissant reviewer and air quotes aren’t always obvious in connected speech
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find a man who looks at you the way russell crowe looks at maps
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quotes really ramming home how much these guys were writers on disco elysium
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just nearly combined “no worries” and “all good” into the powerful concluding remark “all worries”
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that's correct officer. two beers in the hours to 8pm and seven thereafter -- which are to be counted in the "tuesday beers" figures
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my girlfriend left me alone with the cats we’re sitting. is this normal
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weird how a foundational myth of australia is that we’re a nation of subversive larrikins, when in actuality everyone here is an ultracop
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insane quote to include in a news story when most renters can’t legally hang a painting
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i assume this is viral marketing for, like, Hamstr or w/e given the first image is a stock photo
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the premier saying "nobody should feel any pressure about their financial situation" and then not announcing any financial support is the most sydney thing ever
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SISTER: [opening xmas gift] this is just a copy of bloc party's 2005 album "silent alarm"
ME: have you heard it recently tho. it holds up
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guy in march 1805 thinking he has a pretty steady handle on things: battlefields are on land ☺️
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just went on abc radio to chat Labor/Labour spelling, a guy called up and said the ALP adopted the "or" ending in 1975 because gough whitlam told them to; i said federal labor used the "or" spelling from 1912 and he said i was just too young to remember
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someone with a hawaii area code has started messaging me accidentally
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please please please make BACHELOR’S HANDBAG the macquarie word of the year
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my mum once ate a bit of popping candy chocolate by mistake, assumed she was having a massive stroke, and lay down on the couch to die
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millennials are now killing [spins giant wheel] golf, because of [turns again] our short attention spans
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at a birth class on the weekend everyone had to say what they loved about their partner and one guy said he loved his wife's pregnancy cans
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if you think LGA boundaries are arbitrary i have some terrible news for you about nation-states
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congratulations to chris uhlmann on another successful week holding the public to account
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@kimT9410
I'm one of the dozens of people worldwide that live in a country that's not America
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said goodbye to dad yesterday. probably the most-loved man in australian film; certainly the most-loved man in our house growing up
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[to the tune of “california love”] boris johnson / has got the roni
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when i asked the member for grayndler’s office to confirm the pronunciation of “albanese”, they helpfully referred me to this transcript
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what was the reason women supposedly “make up” assault allegations again? fame? money? celebrity lifestyle?
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hi america! don't believe we actively disrespect our politicians? once we lost a PM in the ocean then named a swimming pool after him
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Exclusive: A whistleblower at Brisbane watchhouse has sent me shocking recordings of officers joking they want to “bury and beat the f**k” out of black people, referring to Nigerians as “j***boos” & saying “let’s hope Ebola works”.
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if i was ever yellow carded at the world cup i would simply talk to the referee and make them see reason
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thinking about whether millions of other people have applied this logic to property, and whether that might indicate a larger problem
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to a pounding billy eilish bassline, love island just introduced a new guy named “ched”
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men will literally join the fellowship of the ring instead of getting therapy
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punctuation is SO important: it's the difference between "helping my uncle, jack, off a horse" and "helping my uncle jakov (a horse)"
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whenever you see those weirdly orientalist "untranslatable words in foreign languages" articles, think of this
English has a specific verb for tricking people into listening to Rick Astley's "Never Gonna Give You Up"
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puffins always look like they've just been hugely bullied but are keeping it together until their tormentor leaves the room
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if someone says it's raining and another person says it's dry, it's not your job to quote them both. your job is to not put nazis on TV
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"greater sydney" implies the existence of a second, lesser sydney
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how's this. heard variant pronunciations of jacinda ardern, so called her office. got JA on the blower immediately. she confirmed: AH-durn
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money for nothing is crazy: one of history’s all-time riffs for a song primarily about installing fridges. and there’s a slur in it
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a little tennis player trophy on greg hunt’s desk inscribed with “i stopped these”
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just saw a cat try to walk into a cafe. “you can’t come in here!” one of the waitstaff said. “we can’t keep having this conversation!”
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in high school our careers adviser used to always say “find a job you love and you’ll never work a day in your life” so someone asked if she liked being a careers adviser and she said no
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at this point it hardly seems ethical for universities to offer degrees in journalism
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gaming at night? player's delight
gaming in morning? depression warning
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bewilderingly specific number
Tourists will come down the Hume Highway for the “ACT party lifestyle” and can do “about 15 lines” bc of drug decrim, Libs say.
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just heard a tradie answer his phone saying “big balls! how ya garn”
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australians love to believe a) they are anti-authoritarian b) everything their sixth form english teacher said about grammar was correct
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the sydney medical facility baboon escape happened on 26 february 2020
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Perhaps it is coincidental, perhaps not, but no Australian Prime Minister has served a full term since TES IV Oblivion was released.
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UN inspectors: hi there we'd just like to pop into this prison for a moment and check you aren't doing any torture
NSW: no 😊
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NSW Police Commissioner says officer who kicked Indigenous teen during Surry Hills arrest 'had a bad day'
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invited on radio today to talk about whether textspeak (!) is good or bad. a woman called in and said she worried because abbreviations always leave out vowels (which she called “the emotional letters”) but leave in consonants (which she called “the intellectual letters”)
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dominic perrotet has announced a $1000 fine for anyone who mentions george orwell. really chilling stuff
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