Bella DePaulo
@belladepaulo
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Lifelong lover of single life. "SINGLE AT HEART: The Power, Freedom, and Heart-Filling Joy of Single Life," gold medal winner, Independent Publisher Book Awards
Summerland, CA
Joined July 2015
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Pinned Tweet
People who are
#SingleAtHeart
are happy and flourishing because they are single, not in spite of it. My book, “SINGLE AT HEART: The Power, Freedom, and Heart-Filling Joy of Single Life,” is resonating. Here’s some of what has happened in the first 8 weeks.
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Perspective | I study liars. I’ve never seen one like President Trump.
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Amidst all the talk of
@KamalaHarris
‘s marriage and wifedom, remember that she was single until she was 50. Her single life is also worth celebrating!
@NicolleDWallace
@clairecmc
(thanks,
@OMGchronicles
)
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I'm 70, always have been single, always will be. The risk to the
#SingleAtHeart
is not what we will miss if we do not put a romantic partner at the center of our lives, but what we will miss if we do
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My TEDx talk has now been viewed more than a million times. Counter-point to all the family talk during the pandemic?
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Many single people are flourishing BECAUSE they are single, not in spite of it, as I show in my forthcoming book,
#SingleAtHeart
, 1/
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My TEDx talk, "What no one ever told you about people who are single."
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Here's a stereotype-shattering take on single mothers: Single parenthood frees women from the performance of motherdom. via
@slate
@larabazelon
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I would love to see a NO-ROMANCE theme -- people who are single at heart and live their best lives by being single
What are stories, characters, buddy tropes and romance tropes do you never ever see represented on TV and really want to?
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Or vote like a person who is not a parent and cares about the future of all kids, not just their own
#childless
#childfree
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MSNBC anchor calls out Halperin: ‘You’ve gone out of your way’ to give Trump favorable coverage via
@bi_politics
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How about canceling it for all PEOPLE, not just "working families"?
Medical debt shouldn’t exist. Let’s cancel it for working families.
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We
#single
people have gotten unsolicited advice about how to be happily single our entire lives. That’s not fair to married people. They also need help. Here I explain how they, too, can be happy, even though they are married.
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A study of 10 kinds of households found that adolescents did best when raised by single (never-married) mothers in multi-generational households; discussed here
@LenMandy
@inclusionist
“One way to think outside the monolith of the American marriage is to imagine a world without it.” Quite so. The Case Against Marriage
@mwyarbrough
@belladepaulo
@AfterMarriage__
@SuzanneHeintz
@Oprah
@maddow
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Singles who are sad: It’s because you are single.
Couples who are sad: Relationships take work. It’s not because you are coupled.
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70 yrs old, lifelong single person
#SingleAtHeart
The comments on this are great 🙂
If y'all wouldn't mind dropping a comment/quote tweet of where you met your spouse & a pic - people seem interested 🤷🏻♂️
We met on hinge 🙏
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Just got my author copies of "Single at Heart" in advance of Dec 5 pub date. Celebrated at
@LoquitaSb
, one of my favorite local restaurants, with a friend visiting from the UK.
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Here’s how
#single
people are flourishing, and how deficit narratives still prevail. I have been building up to this article since I first started taking notes on singlehood in 1992.
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My forthcoming book, Single at Heart, is a real work of passion for me! It is starting to show up online as available for pre-order. (
#1
of 2 tweets)
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“When couples get discounts on insurance, memberships, rental cars, travel packages, entertainment, or anything else, and single people pay full price, single people are subsidizing couples. That’s singlism in the marketplace.” —
@belladepaulo
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Why You Want to Be Alone and Why That Matters | Psychology Today
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Couples with emotionally supportive friends and relatives are more likely to divorce. Some think that’s a problem. I don’t.
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Better still, don't give romantic couples access to special benefits and protections just because they are coupled. Single people deserve the same perks.
#SingleAtHeart
Giving marriage-like perks to long-term, financially interdependent cohabiting couples is great, but what about giving marriage-like perks to long-term, financially interdependent live apart together (LAT) couples?
@TheRegReview
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Women like being single more. If they marry, they are more likely to want out. When marriage ends, men want back in. After 65, more women live alone
@CCF_Families
@cisasite
@FamilyStoryProj
@wrightenough
@SinglehoodS
@OMGchronicles
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This essay I wrote for
@HuffPoston
being a lifelong single person at 70, and why so many people flourish when single, is really resonating. It’s the message a lot of people were waiting for.
#SingleAtHeart
book will be published tomorrow, Dec 5.
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“When hospitals require patients to have another person (and not a taxi or Uber) drive them home from a procedure, and maybe stay with them as well, that policy can disadvantage anyone, but it is especially likely to disadvantage single…” —
@belladepaulo
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“Work-life balance” is not just about coupled people with kids. People who
#LiveAlone
and have
#NoKids
have a life outside of work, too.
#childless
#childfree
#single
Research by
@DrKrysWilkinson
and colleagues in
@WESjnl
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"Single" does not mean "alone," as I will explain. Thank you for inviting me. Looking forward to it.
RSVP- Tuesday, December 19 at 5pm 👉
@camforum
is in conversation with
@belladepaulo
and Fenton Johnson on making the choice of spending own's life alone.
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Not necessary for a healthy life, either!
*whispers* sex and romance are not essential parts of a healthy relationship. pass it on.
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Or maybe, for some, it is validating and inspirational!
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Want to help single people? Make sure they are financially secure. They are systematically disadvantaged in laws, policies, and practices.
Want to help couples? Make sure they are financially secure. Then, maybe, relationship education can be icing on the cake.
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Women Who Never Have Children: A 33-Year Study | Psychology Today
@SF_Journal
@SavvyAuntie
@meghan_daum
@PsychToday
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When employers allow their married workers to take time off to grieve the death of a spouse, but do not let single workers take time off to grieve the people who are most important to them, that’s singlism.
Fourth Wave just published "Structural Singlism: The Unfair Treatment Experienced by Every Person Who Is Single" by
@belladepaulo
#singleism
#women
#prejudice
#bias
#culture
#society
#ideas
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Think single people are alone? Studies based on hundreds of thousands of people from dozens of countries suggest otherwise: The Social Lives of Single People | Psychology Today
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How President Trump’s Lies Are Different from Other People's | Psychology Today
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I just discovered, after reading this, that Canada has a grocery rebate, and it includes singles with no kids.
“Single adults are perhaps the most overlooked group in the country in terms of thinking about strategies to alleviate poverty and food insecurity," says Elaine Power, a professor in the School of Kinesiology and Health Studies at Queen's University.
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How studies of loneliness and “aloneliness” are both telling the same story
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I wrote about anti-asexual bias previously. We know less about anti-aromantic bias.
@asexuality
People Who Are Aromantic: Are They Targets of Bigotry?
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I’m 70, always have been single, always will be. Those of us who are
#SingleAtHeart
are happy and flourishing BECAUSE we are single, not in spite of it.
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Because of all the interest in this, I wrote more about it
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Biased Against Asexuals? Let Me Count the Ways | Psychology Today
@asexuality
@GordonHodsonPhD
@aceagendablog
@azejournal
#asexual
#sapiosexual
#singlism
#authoritarianism
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It is not just "working families" who go broke after medical emergencies. What about single people, who do not have the back-up income from a spouse?
.
@KatiePorterOC
is a consumer advocate, a congresswoman, and my former student. We spent years studying how working families go broke after medical emergencies.
I’m grateful down to my toes to have her endorsement. Katie, I’m glad we’re in this fight together.
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I'm not a mom, so of course I think it is totally fine to rip kids from their parents and lock them in cages
As a mom, I can hardly read this headline, let alone the story, without having to fight tears
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GOOD reasons some people are happily single; they are not just avoiding relationshp conflict
http://t.co/IEhHtiuMT5
http://t.co/GYcCWhEd6S
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Very happy news – my
#SingleAtHeart
book is an award contender – it has been named a Forward INDIES of the year finalist!
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Feb 21-27 is Aromatic Aspectrum Awareness Week. Will there be less casual bigotry toward aromantics by the end of it? Maybe more awareness that aros exist?
@aromantic_aurea
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Flipping the script on the condescending things said to
#single
people. Generate some of your own and share them here – it’s great fun.
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I'm a joyful childfree, husbandless woman
. . . and I always have been.
I'm 69.
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Some findings and perspectives that complicate that favorite pastime of blaming single parents.
@nsrodgers
@ShawnFremstad
@CCF_Families
@drmcclain
@BethanyLetiecq
@doc_thoughts
@ReginaSBaker
@CoffeeBaseball
@nytopinion
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The average cost of not dating: $0.
The joy of living single: priceless
The average cost of a date in the United States according to .
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On Deception: Understanding Lies in One Simple Step | Psychology Today
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Family leave needs to cover more than a spouse and children. Single people with no kids need to be able to care for others and receive the care they need.
We need to create an economy that works for everyone, not just the few. It’s time for a national commitment to good-paying jobs, affordable childcare, and paid family leave.
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Some women are not mothers. They also need "equal pay, sick leave, & access to quality, affordable health care!"
Women are 2/3 of minimum wage workers, 66% of grocery store clerks, 77% of health care workers & 93% of child care workers. This
#MothersDay
let’s show real thanks for
#FrontlineMoms
by ensuring child care, equal pay, sick leave, & access to quality, affordable health care!
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My alma mater hosted an event w limited seating and said that the only guests allowed would be a spouse! I told them what I thought and they changed it.
@belladepaulo
you'll love this : just getting ready to send in a donation to my sorority but as i was reading the letter, it says, "we look forward to seeing you and your significant other at our next event" !?! oh well, i guess they won't be seeing me 🤦♀️or getting my donation😉
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Thank you for saying "every single worker" and not just "working families"
Every single worker deserves paid medical & family leave.
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My
#SingleAtHeart
book is going to be translated into Spanish! The deal was announced back on Valentine’s Day. Didn’t think I deserved to mention it until I have the complete first draft written, but what the heck – I’m getting close.
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This counts as exciting in my life: My publisher made a trailer for my SINGLE AT HEART book. I’ve never had a book trailer before.
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How about including single people next time? There are well over 100 million of us in the U.S., and more than 36 million live alone. We put up lights and celebrate holidays.
It’s dark outside. Families are putting up Christmas lights early to offset the gloom.
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Around the World, Marriage Is Declining, Singles Are Rising | Psychology Today
@UN_Women
@CCF_Families
@FamilyStoryProj
@nsrodgers
@inclusionist
@socwkinprogress
@OMGchronicles
@WilcoxNMP
@EliJFinkel
@cisasite
#marriage
#singles
#divorce
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This just in -- audio book version of "Single at Heart" is in the works! It will probably be a while before it is available. Will let you know.
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You did it! I have heard from so many people who fantasized about saying something like that, but never did.
@StephPenny1
@belladepaulo
Once at a larger dinner gathering, one patronising individual asked me very loudly (I assume to embarrass me in front of the whole table, still don't know why?): Sooo, when are you getting married?.. as the table went quiet I asked, Sooo, when are you getting divorced?
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“We should think of our singleness as a point where we are happy, healthy, and whole. Once we’re in a partnership, you’ve now had to share yourself so you’re not whole.” --
@drkrismarsh
@shanisilver
@PeterMcGraw
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Neither should single people:
Working families should not be paying more in taxes than corporations.
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#Sad
. News flash: You are NOT REQUIRED to be married or in a romantic relationship.
#SingleAtHeart
Is normalizing hatred what people do when they are scared to be single?
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What matters more than a romantic partner to your psychological health?
I get asked about this a lot because I mentioned it in my TEDx talk, but there was not time to say much about it.
#Singles
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In 1970, midlife US adults who had never married were rare; now they are common. I think that rewrites what it means to be
#single
. Research by Francesca A. Marino
@bgsu
, insights from Keturah Kendrick
@HappySingleGal
#SingleAtHeart
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Thank you for saying "every worker and family" instead of just "every family"
As a former public school teacher, Gov
@Tim_Walz
has never forgotten the people.
He fights for every worker and family that calls this country home.
I sincerely can't wait to call him Mr. Vice President. That Harris/Walz ticket is the one. Let's go!
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To make this point, she did not think she could use her real name:
As cabin crew, I’ve had enough of pushy parents demanding special treatment | Meryl Love
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So happy that “Single & flourishing” was a
#TopCitedArticle
. It is so important to transcend the deficit narratives of single life and to recognize the systems of inequality that advantage couples and disadvantage singles. And still, many singles flourish!
#SingleAtHeart
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On average, single people are MORE connected to other people than coupled people are, research from national surveys shows. Single people typically are not alone. The
#SingleAtHeart
do appreciate alone time, and that protects them against feeling lonely.
while I am sympathetic to efforts to de-stigmatize singledom and to question the logic of the family which centers romantic coupledom, I do think it can also glorify aloneness to an excessive degree, and I say that as an introvert.
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Only "working families"? What about the single people who can't cover an emergency expense and don't have back-up income of a spouse?
Nearly 40% of Americans can’t cover a $400 emergency expense. A trip to the ER or a car repair shouldn’t upend your life or bankrupt you. My LIFT Act would raise incomes for working families by up to $500/mo.
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Here's the good news: The woman who laughed is the weird one. I did research on this:
To the lady who laughed and said I looked sad dinning out alone at one of my favourite local restaurants this afternoon I have a lot of words for you. But I enjoyed my experience, and above all, I’m supporting a local business. I don't need a man on my arm to do that.
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Celebrations of anniversaries and other milestones and accomplishments are not just for coupled people!
#SingleAtHeart
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"Liberty is a better husband than love to many of us." Louisa May Alcott
"I'm not afraid of storms, for I'm learning how to sail my ship."
American author, Louisa May Alcott died
#OnThisDay
in 1888
#ReadMoreWomen
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Thank you,
@ucsantabarbara
!
.
@UCSBpsych
academic affiliate
@belladepaulo
's research shows that for some people — the "single at heart" — life without a romantic partner can be even more fulfilling, allowing for more freedom to devote their time and energy to their true passions:
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For plenty of people, getting to live alone is a triumph. Now we need practical and attitudinal changes to catch up.
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My
#SingleAtHeart
book got chosen by
@AARPas
one of their top books to read in December! (Wish my book cover showed up below, but if you click you can see it.)
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Unafraid of Being Single? You Handle Breakups Better | Psychology Today
#BadassSingles
#SingleSuperpower
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I'm sick of the deficit narrative of single life
Singles Under Quarantine: Are They Really Disadvantaged? | Psychology Today
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Come join us at the Singles Studies conference on FRI JULY 5, in Boston or by Zoom. It’s free! You will be treated to many great presenters.
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Maturity is also understanding that you may be someone who flourishes when single, and not try to become romantically involved just b/c it is what you "should" do
#SingleAtHeart
Maturity is giving up the adrenaline of chasing love to settle into the ease of a true partner. Someone who pushes you to be the best version of yourself. Someone who invests in “we” instead of “I.”
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Committed couples who live apart share this with people who love being single
@WeAreSoloLiving
@Mike_JIS
@SOARinSolitude
@PeterMcGraw
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Why is
@nytimes
only interested in how families use Alexa? What is the point of erasing the 37 million Americans who
#LiveAlone
or the millions of
#single
people who live with someone other than family?
@HannaIngber
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#Single
people are tired of being asked questions that presume some deficit. To the people in our lives and to social scientists, here are better questions to ask.
#Childless
#Childfree
#Asexual
#Aromantic
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“There are many more of us than people realize who don’t see living single or living alone as some sort of burden, but instead embrace it as something that we really just love”-- What I told
@CatherineCNN
. Research by
@Brownsl_BGSU
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I love what you are doing and it looks great! Good luck finding a publisher
@FromPhDtoLife
Well, I'm currently working on an illustrated book about the history of women without children that looks like this ⤵️ I'm hoping to find a publisher for it 😊✨
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For those of us who are
#SingleAtHeart
, our most brilliant life is single life. We are happy and flourishing because we are single, not in spite of it.
The stories of old told us this: that the hardest part is finding the right person and making them fall in love with you... and the easy part is living happily ever after.
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Over time, and over the course of our adult lives, being single gets better and better, research shows – despite all the singlism. Happy Singles Week.
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Single people have true love in their lives. Romantic love is just one kind of love. And some single people are not trying to find romantic love -- they aren't interested.
If you can't find true love, work hard, make money and enjoy your single life in peace. Nobody has ever died from being Singe, but people have died from being with the wrong partner. Life is too short to be wasting your time with the wrong person.
#MondayMotivation
#mondaythoughts
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