a;sdkfjasdlfj;d
@asdkfjasdlfjd
Followers
2,801
Following
794
Media
2,147
Statuses
20,397
Likes crustaceans. Buy my poetry collection DEATH EGG:
Joined March 2015
Don't wanna be here?
Send us removal request.
Explore trending content on Musk Viewer
#السعوديه_البحرين
• 168125 Tweets
England
• 159485 Tweets
Bloomberg
• 139709 Tweets
سالم
• 107947 Tweets
Tuchel
• 90070 Tweets
Ronaldo
• 66450 Tweets
Fields
• 64757 Tweets
مانشيني
• 54542 Tweets
Jimmy Carter
• 54000 Tweets
Portugal
• 53949 Tweets
Browns
• 44082 Tweets
Amari Cooper
• 41010 Tweets
Krypto
• 39578 Tweets
Córdoba
• 34771 Tweets
كاس العالم
• 33019 Tweets
المنتخب السعودي
• 30377 Tweets
James Rodríguez
• 26154 Tweets
علي المنتخب
• 26119 Tweets
#GHLímite6
• 26111 Tweets
Tapia
• 25124 Tweets
#TemptationIsland
• 23614 Tweets
#فزعه_الشعب_السعودي
• 23030 Tweets
LISA VSFS PERFORMER
• 20442 Tweets
Russ
• 19273 Tweets
Elsa
• 17950 Tweets
EU TE TRATO MAL
• 16108 Tweets
Durán
• 15631 Tweets
Dávila
• 14212 Tweets
Lucho
• 12021 Tweets
Pinned Tweet
My debut poetry collection DEATH EGG is officially out. It contains ~60 poems about love, loss, giant mecha, lobsters, beam attacks, the blood beam, jellyfish, and the samurai-like wandering loneliness of McDonald's drive-thrus. Buy it now:
10
34
282
Wanted to share my dull job. One button opens the gate, the other one closes it. 18 hours shift. 6.5h left
722
1K
64K
One thing I kind of regret is in my early 20s I thought it was evil and capitalist to have a career path and retirement plan and to own a house and lawn so I quit everything to be drunk for a decade and ruined my life instead
162
466
12K
Girlfriend's therapist thinks I'm depressed because she tells him I'm unemployed and sleep until 1pm everyday. I'd like to meet this little shrimp and explain to him that psychology is a pseudoscience and 'having a job' is a social construct invented by neoliberal capitalism
8
195
3K
Had to turn around on my afternoon walk today because I encountered a perilous omen
13
49
1K
My big 'return to tradition' stance is that every male should spend 4-6 of his 'prime' years unemployed paralyzed by deep psychosis living with his aging, increasingly senile parents
13
102
1K
I have an affinity for people who possess an almost superpower-like ability for staying unemployed
11
50
836
I genuinely think that the only cure for anxiety is pure, unadulterated delusion
5
75
610
Liked this Don DeLillo passage about only enjoying one cigarette out of every thousand. I probably roughly enjoy one beer out of one thousand as well
11
53
608
Me after drinking for 10 years straight and investing all my spare time and energy into 'online indie lit' instead of getting a career
9
12
420
Are you sure you want to be mean to me, dude? Me, a low-information voter in a swing state in the year of a crucial presidential election?
2
41
425
Your life will probably work out fine, unfortunately. There will be no great disaster. You'll work your middling low wage job, you'll hate your boss and having to shop for groceries, you'll do laundry every week. You will live to do laundry hundreds of times, thousands, millions
8
36
391
You'd think my worst addiction is drinking but it's actually competitive randomized online Pokemon battles, I had to legitimately go 'sober' for 5 years from it, playing online random Pokemon matches is the closest I can conceptualize being in debt to the Yakuza
6
29
371
I estimate the average daily task requires me 100x more effort than it does regular people, going to Walmart, taking out the trash; this does not make me weak, on the contrary, I am like a Dragonball Z character going through life with weighted clothes, I'm like Piccolo
3
48
308
Description of a character who just turned 30 in a Richard Yates novel
8
17
237
While checking my phone, felt a 'subterranean'-seeming urge to check my phone, but 'deeper'
4
33
236
It's fine if I lose my job because I'll just start drinking again and conceptualizing myself as a down-on-my-luck galactic bounty hunter drifting through the wastes of space between targets
1
25
225
Huge fan of your work, dude. I mean, haven't actually read your writing but I really like your publishing connections and what I perceive them as being capable of doing for me!!!
3
15
178
Feel like I have done something fundamentally wrong with my life that I can never take back
12
13
168
My advice for quitting drugs is one day you'll wake up and simply know it's time to stop. Your body will signal this to you via gut bacteria and you won't have any trouble stopping whatsoever, you won't even miss it. Until then enjoy your substance abuse as much as possible
10
9
159
Feel like I'm forgetting to be scared about something
3
28
161
Dude you're not being sincere online. Your posts don't articulate wonder and truth and it's really starting to fucking piss me off
1
17
149
Perhaps saddest thing I've ever seen is one of the bar regulars in my town tried to become an 'influencer' at age 50 and filmed a bunch of videos of himself cooking breakfast early outside, belligerent, 'The sun isn't even up and I'm already eating eggs!! Anything is possible!!!'
7
2
145
I had a 'John Green'-type 'cool' English teacher in high school who'd let me eat lunch in his classroom w him and would encourage my writing. I genuinely believe this ruined me more than anything else. Without his corrupting influence, I could've grown up to be a corporate banker
4
4
146
Deeply enjoyed this 2012 Tao Lin review of The Hobbit movie
2
15
140
'Detached irony online persona' is annoying regardless of which political side it falls on. My rage is total and sincere, I want to gnaw my enemies like a chihuaha, I am the most disadvantaged person on earth
0
21
126
The idea of Diddy Kong is insane to me. A monkey with a jet pack and gun
2
12
121
'Like' this tweet and I will personally sift through your twitter likes and use them as a framework for your overall politics and from there determine why you're objectively evil and should be fired from your job
103
1
115
I read 100 books this year, that's a lot of books, and reviewed each and every single one in a 14,191-word blogpost
15
14
111
There is literally no known causal explanation for depression. It's not your unbalanced brain chemistry. It's not the weather. It's not 'society'. You are literally just sad because your brain is unable to enjoy the gift of being alive in America, this is your own fault
4
8
107
I'm doing fine. I'm 27 and making exactly as much money as I was 6 years ago. I have no retirement to speak of, no assets outside a used 2009 honda civic, no skills or talents beyond the rat wheel of data entry. I just made a banger of a post that got almost 8 likes
2
3
104
I am online indie lit's bestselling author of 2023's third fiscal quarter. Tomorrow I start full time at a call center telemarketing for $13.80/hr. Never let anyone tell you that you can achieve dreams or significance in this world
6
1
104
Tentatively trying out a new threat: 'You wanted the clown, now you get the circus'
1
8
109
If your girlfriend gets pregnant you are also, in a sense, pregnant; if your girlfriend has BPD you also have BPD
0
5
105
@lolt64
god yes.... I've spent hundreds of hours of my life contemplating how impossible it would be to beat a droideka...
0
0
105
At times, a certain slug-like giddiness for the desolation of my life can overtake me. I make $30k/year, I live in a rotting apartment surrounded by trash and oversized squirrels, I descend ever-deeper into mud and muck: a leaf plunging in autumn, cold nights falling ever earlier
0
5
94
@fuckingnerd
☝️🤓👉 you really need to start with the Greeks and then progress century by century in chronological order to even begin appreciating literature
2
0
99
Really enjoyed the storytelling and pathos of this Facebook post
4
5
100
It's not enough to work a job. You must also be constantly scared and paranoid in your free time
2
9
96
Types of online indie lit books you can write:
--Dimes Square autofiction
--Bret Easton Ellis/Ryū Murakami-esque college drug novel
--'indie' horror that sells 13,000 copies
--chapbook about working a fast food chain abusing adderall & health smoothies
--Sonic Adventure 2 essays?
6
8
92
2,600+ likes on this and not one person even noticed my book is in the photo. 2,600+ likes and not a single Death Egg sale
8
1
93
While briefly dissociating, saw one of my own posts on the timeline and attempted to 'unfollow' myself
3
10
95
The way people irony their way into having an actual foot fetish, I have accidentally convinced myself America is the greatest nation on earth
3
9
84
'Just lock in bro 😂'. Ok. 'Lock in' to what, exactly? There are no footholds, no trenches into which to dig my heels. I have been vanquished without having ever had a way to fight back
4
11
92
girls in their 20s grocery list be like:
- smoked salmon
- berries
- organic sourdough
- pasture raised eggs
- greek yogurt
- flowers
- cottage cheese
- figs
- spinach
656
9K
139K
0
3
93
Not going to make it to 30 beers, to be perfectly honest. I did 27 beers and that seems to be my limit. I actually don't know if it's physically possible for a human to drink that much. Certainly not for me. 27 beers for my 30 years. I'll compromise. Happy birthday everyone
12
0
89
Felt good reading excerpt about James Joyce describing him as a monstrous drinker who also frequently underwent periods of temperance, unable to balance either extreme, feel justified in having a couple beers after work because of this, I'm like, yeah, I'm like Ulysses...
1
6
86
I like that really low, depressed feeling you get the morning after drinking 14 beers. I'm addicted to it
3
12
87
When I do good at work they'll sometimes reward me by letting me go this far out of the basement. Can almost see the sun
0
8
87
There is no apartheid system or ceiling preventing minority success in America. The little mermaid is black now. The M&Ms are nonbinary and have feet, feet, tiny crinkled toes of varying corn syruped sweetness sweating away in tightly laced shoes
0
5
81
'Girl Lunch' seems primordial, tiny canned fish, weeds that grow without light, bone broth -- whatever an ancient squid would consume
2
16
84
Worst part about being unemployed is the temptation to tweet during suboptimal engagement windows. For example, right now I'd love nothing more than to do a funny Israel post, but I can't get engagement til 3pm at the earliest given the midweek office meeting crunch
0
4
85
I take as many naps per day as possible to minimize the time I spend consciously unemployed
0
6
82
I'm pro-union, but if I got into franchising a Dunkin Donuts that would probably change, I'd probably want to pay my workers as minimally as possible, keeping expenses low to maximize profit. If employees want more money they can work harder for tips
1
7
77
I'm a very anxious person. I worry a lot. I feel frightened all the time
5
6
82
Tweets like this are what 'inspired' me to get into tweeting -- tweets that accurately capture the baffling, sweeping alienness of being human, elegantly pushing the artistic boundaries of what it means to 'post'. Now, though, I just regurgitate memes for 7 million likes
4
8
77
Most humiliating aspect of moving back in with my parents in my late 20s is there was a big storm and a tree fell in the yard and my dad paid a bunch of 12-year olds to chop it up with axes while I hid in my room playing video games
2
5
80
Writing groundbreaking literary fiction about being an unemployable white male in his 30s
5
8
81
In my journey to read 100 books this year, I have come to the conclusion that most writing is shit and I hate books
8
3
76
For weeks after deactivating twitter and deleting the app from my phone I would continue to reflexively try to open it every ∼45-90 seconds. An insect's severed head still twitching
3
1
74
Despite what I post on here, I'm actually a very bitter and antisocial person to be around
3
7
76
My advice to all aspiring writers: drink as much as possible while you're young because at some point someone's going to sit you down and tell you that you can't drink anymore because you 'have a problem' and 'will die from pancreatitis if you continue'. Always be drunk
5
4
77
I genuinely love the feeling of a corrosive liquid be it cold brew coffee a Monster energy or a shot of pure vodka smashing like a cinderblock into my otherwise empty guts, I'm addicted to it, I want my tummy to ache each and every day
2
1
75
Thanks for the support everyone
Should Dasha Nekrasova of Red Scare fame 'follow'
@asdkfjasdlfjd
on twitter?
While it may sound far-fetched, the 'darling of the dirtbag left' Dasha has a history of adjacency to the online indie lit scene, as seen by her friendly internet rivalry with Mike 'Crumps' Crumplar and
3
2
49
7
1
75
The period of deep unemployment I underwent in 2022-2023 where I would reply to all of Will Stancil's posts at 2am is a lot like when Hemingway decided to fight in the Spanish Civil War
0
7
76
Modest Mouse song about contributing $6,000/yr to your Roth IRA
1
10
75
@panoptisean
For real. Because of this asshole she's rambling about all this pseudoscientific shit like 'self-actualization' and 'narcissism' and 'stop drinking 20 beers a day'. It should be illegal for your girlfriend to interact with other men w/o your approval
0
0
67
Delicately explaining to a press that they should publish my book because they have 'published infinitely worse shit before'
2
8
70
hiiii ∼ you aren’t 'addicted to beer'. That’s not even a real thing. You are under supported, over stimulated, under stimulated, sad, AND you are doing your absolute best
2
9
70
People are asking what my new poetry collection DEATH EGG is about. It's about the death egg, the final egg. The egg of takeout receipts, etc. Also the blood beam attack. If you buy it you have to pee on it. Here's an excerpt. Preorder now:
3
16
70
It's the anniversary of my book Death Egg!!!
One year ago today,
@PatioBack
generously published my first book, a collection of poems about love, loss, crustaceans, mattress salesmen, and beam attacks.
This was my first foray into 'online indie lit'. In celebration of 'Death
9
7
74
I like to think that I am gently effeminate. Guys like me because it would be unsatisfying to punch me in the face -- I am weak, I'm like an endangered zoo animal kept in a specific cage. I can't work a job, you can't expect me to sustain a job
1
12
68
Growing up I believed I just have to write a Ryu Murakami-style breakout debut novel and I won't ever need a job. Then I sold mattresses. Then I was an unemployed drunk. Then I did data entry. Now I don't have a job again and if I just write a Ryu Murakami-style debut novel...
6
3
67
When you're young and naive all you care about is art, expression, forming lifelong memories. When you get older and wiser, though, you'll realize the only thing that matters in this world is getting the position for Administrative Data Entry Clerk I (Remote)
1
6
70
Dude it's so interesting how your opinions aren't tied to any actual moral principle and are merely a result of an ingroup/outgroup bias fomented by which friend groups decide to pay attention to you
1
5
68
'Internet musician' seems like the most personally degrading artistic path possible. You have to give your stuff away for free and people still don't listen to it
3
8
72