GOOPert Gottfried
@arielleaty
Followers
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Following
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Media
5,799
Statuses
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Survived cancer purely through spite. @supervidbros / @fraudsterslpn / @cvjc_comedy
New Jersey, USA
Joined June 2010
Don't wanna be here?
Send us removal request.
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All timer.
Where's that jaboukie FBI tweet in honor of today? It's my favorite.
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Do I leave my man for leaving too much meat on his wings? y/n
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🗣️🗣️ PETITION FOR GROCERY STORE WORKERS TO BE PAID $40/HR DURING THE RONA PANDEMIC
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This is how I'll remember you: day drunk at the Bathhouse with that huge smile of yours.
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Hey, guys. This is the worst day of my life.
I have a favor to ask. Everyone please follow
@arielleaty
My daughter. She is an up and coming Comedian in the NYC area. She has a podcast that she can tell you about as well.
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Can't believe I live in a timeline that features Jermaine Dupri as one of the members of the lollipop guild.
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Y'all keep saying avocado toast is the reason millennials are poor but tbh it's my addiction to fancy candles that keeps me in the red.
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The color jump from 1-2 is why so many of us petition for more foundation shade options.
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Music fact: this song was shopped to Janet first and she declined for...reasons.
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Serious question: did anyone have a great 2023? Or was it horrendous for all of us?
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If you order an Italian sandwich and you go pick it up and the shop doesn't have cop propaganda and/or a general feeling of racism in the establishment? That shit gon taste TURRIBLE
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...and THAT, my friends, is the power of a good chicken sandwich.
Popeye's will make you rethink your homophobia.
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@benkesslen
Same energy as my coworker that thought Monica Lewinsky was one of Nikki Minaj's aliases.
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@TheBaddestMitch
Ok but they actually both did look good at the end...I was definitely stressed watching that tho 😭
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I don't want to pay taxes anymore if this what y'all doing with it.
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I know it's late BUT: Jersey Twitter, Cuban Pete's is fucking cancelled.
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Can't believe y'all were waiting on the govt to forgive your loans when Jesus already forgave mine.
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@everlikeme
@PasteMagazine
...did you read the article? All it did was talk about the songs, lyrics, and past works from her that the writer enjoyed.
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@Naimaism
@JayJurden
It's the taking off the dirty shoes BEFORE he came into the house for me.
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I really love that this tweet has brought us all together. Long live jaboukie.
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You truly have not lived until you've experienced the true crime-ification of your good friend's death.
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Bitch, what is TODAY?!
Harvey Weinstein has been charged with raping two more women in California. He is serving a 23-year prison sentence in New York on convictions for rape and sexual assault against two women and is now charged with assaulting five women in California.
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Other people's dads pay for them to get stage time or a publishing deal. My dad got some other dads to follow me on Twitter. They will soon find out I treat this app as my own personal dumpster.
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I have been saying "on CHRISTMAS, Danita?" Literally all day. Bless Danita and this KFC.
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@thegates0fmel
I watched this on mute thinking she was eating fish or a chicken tender. I was incorrect in my assumption.
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You had to painstakingly build an audience, my dad got 1,000 strangers to follow me overnight. We are not the same.
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Rue and that suitcase
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My (racist) co-worker asked me to put on Christmas music so first I put on a Blackity Black ass holiday playlist and now I'm playing a 5 hour long Puerto Rican Christmas playlist. 🤷🏽♀️
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Ok so men DO NOT like it when you do a Ric Flair "woo" and bang your chest after a good set. They ESPECIALLY don't like it when you blame it on your "big dick energy."
Noted.
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Ugh I love this photo of her
I took this photo of Jax the last time I saw her. It was a good day. She was excited about working as a chef. We talked about knives and her newest tattoo and dating. It was always good to see her, and losing her is fucking tragic.
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You can tell Tyler Perry is tied to a project based on wig caliber alone.
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Where's that jaboukie FBI tweet in honor of today? It's my favorite.
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At the end of the day, Bran got those checks for minimal acting throughout the series and I wholeheartedly support a scam of that magnitude.
#GameofThrones
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Donna Summer's Love to Love You Baby was originally a 7 min long song. The first time it played at the club the people begged the DJ to play it again and again until they finally tired out at 17 minutes.
She then rerecorded a 17 min long version.
I don't know a better person.
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Absolutely unhinged lineup.
Introducing your
#DWTS
2020 Cast 🎉 Join us LIVE in the ballroom September 14 at 8|7c on ABC.
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I don't know who needs to see this, but please stop going live on Instagram.
We do not care.
Thank you.
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I knew he was bad, but this thread really lays it out there.
Mel Gibson called Winona Ryder, who is Jewish, an "oven dodger".
This was the moment after he asked her 'Oh wait, am I gonna get AIDS?' because the friend she was with was gay.
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I Hate it when a man with lil glasses and a safari fedora is right.
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White Boy Summer is hereby CANCELLED until further notice. Thank you for understanding.
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@ItsJewsie
friend of a friend: couple get to the altar after man already admitted cold feet. At "objection" part, HE objects & leaves her at the altar. They get BACK TOGETHER, engaged, & on the altar he does it AGAIN! They get back together one last time & he breaks off their engagement🤦🏽
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@esylle_
@TheBaddestMitch
Lol I agree with you I didn't say anything about it being a wise decision 😂
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baby, that's jon lovitz
My latest painting captures the true love of the President and Melania Trump, whose inspiring romance makes us all our hearts melt like butter.
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You're my Pink Sauce: I found you on the internet, didn't know a lot about you, and now I'm sick. ❤️
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Ethnics can have a little aisle in the supermarket, as a treat.
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Okay, so boom
@nickkroll
can we agree that it's between me, Cree Summers, and Regina King? 😂
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Almost walked into work with dried cum on my chin.
Wednesdays, amirite?
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so they're just lying on God's green internet
On average, men rank humor, intelligence, and niceness ahead of physical appearance.
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I was day drunk and the building mirror was hyping me. 🤷🏽
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Okay, but can we talk about the voice work here? I can appropriate "white interview voice" with the best of them! Don't sleep on me!
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Hi, guys. Am I an asshole or is it inappropriate to play your baby grand piano above your only neighbors at 6am?
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Imagine fake-hating socialism so much you accidentally fall in love with facism. 😂
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If it were me, I'd probably choose a larger font for the book title or leave her name off the cover all together.
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Steve Harvey deadass just told me that it's okay that I haven't written any new material during the pandemic. I love thinking like a man!
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You're saying you think AI could write an episode of television like this?????
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LITERALLY JUST STOP KILLING US NO ONE ASKED FOR THESE EMPTY ASS GESTURES
NYC Mayor de Blasio announces plan to rename streets "Black Lives Matter" at "crucial" location in each borough
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Just saw a gen z wearing a puka shell necklace what the FUCK is going on I'm genuinely asking
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WHO IS THIS WOMAN I LOVE HER
If you've ever wanted to see Kaley Cuoco meet someone who was NOT a fan of The Big Bang Theory, The Cabin with Bert Kreischer is for you
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When they said "too gay to function" in Mean Girls, this is what they meant.
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Fellas, is it gay to take care of your health?
3 things I will never let happen to me:
A vasectomy
A Prostate exam
And a Colonoscopy
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There is a GIANT ASS praying mantis on top of my window... What should I do
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It never occured to me to get upset at people for getting the vaccine before me. Y'all are weird.
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Khloe, can you handle this?
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I'd go a step further and say she started a rumor she was going to law school just to pull off this costume.
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Was feelin cute in front of my dirty mirror yesterday. 🤗
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This man has 2 children... Do I call child protective services or let him rock??
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I have a rap song that Jax wrote in my possession that is so ridiculously funny it would break the internet.
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