Ty Ngachira
@anto_ty
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Stand Up Comic based in Nairobi Kenya. (Comedy videos on Highlights tab) Kalasha Award winner. Reluctant Lawyer. History Buff
Nairobi, Kenya
Joined November 2010
When this kind of music plays in a movie, you know they are about to start whipping black people in slow motion.
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Thou art fast, thou art furious.
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Alfred Mutua realising Juliani contributed to losing both his wife and his job
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Accent challenge:.How different African countries sound to the rest of Africa
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Even Kenyan doctors drink like they are well paid.
Kenyans drink like our doctors are well paid. 😂😂😂.
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Kahush: ."all my boys are planners so we holding pangas.She is not a hoe but she's grabbing my jembe".
Agriculture is boring, I will make it cool for the youth: CS nominee Kagwe
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If I send you this pic, it means I'm outside your house and standing on business
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The slow but sure realisation that luck, poor governance and policy means that your most productive years are being spent on bare economic survival or some political struggle and your true self actualisation may never happen compared to your peers across the world.
What’s worse than a heartbreak.
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Wameanza news na Choral verse from 4 different anchors.
@anto_ty @citizentvkenya Wameanza aje?.
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Meshack Yebei - body discovered at Man eaters Tsavo Park after being abducted on his way to see his family in Eldoret (suspected of switching sides from prosecution to defence and back). Lawyer, Paul Gicheru - Had late lunch and felt unwell and went to bed, but he did not wake up.
ICC cases collapsed, not because the accused were innocent, but because witnesses were forcefully disappeared.
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These guys were such hot air yaani.
Anonymous issues a warning towards the Kenyan government to respect the rule of law and right to protest of #RejectFinanceBill2024 participants.
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Rest of the world: So there I was, waiting. Kenyans: So, si me am there waiting. .
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A risky joke that Kenyan, Ugandan, Nigerian, South African, Haitian, and African American Twitter find funny. The black diaspora may unite, and the world heal
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Here they are in 2016, chasing away the VC because he was from another tribe 🥲🥲.
Moi University staff apologise to former VC Ayiro, blame local leaders for challenges
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Roll call: Let's get to know each other by sharing the county we are currently in! . Me: Nairobi. ✅.
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name a time a celebrity gagged their interviewer😭.
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Reckless on Khali cartel 3 had was facing eviction.
name a track where a feature rapped like their rent was due.
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Seeing your friends thrive and achieve the things they spoke about
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The lilac-breasted roller is Kenya's national bird
Do you guys know there's a kenyan national bird? Gai 😐.
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J Cole and Sammidoh passing each other when my playlist is on shuffle
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"I went to Alliance" crew are about to face their strongest rival. "I will still wear my mask" gang.
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Ever look at someone, and you just know they listen to "patanisho" ?.
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70 year old me when my parents ask me to choose a side when they argue.
But at 25 haufai kuwa kwa nyumba ya babako.
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How do you politely tell someone “nimekumark” ?🧍🏾♀️.
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Dear DCI,.
The Directorate of Criminal Investigations has recommended the withdrawal of the Sh1.1 billion Finland and Canada Education Programme Scandal case facing Uasin Gishu Senator Jackson Mandago and two county officials.
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Alternative Superman origin, he is raised by a Kamba peasant family, Kìlakì Kenti.
🇰🇪 A resident claims the 500kg metal ring that crashed in Mukuku village damaged her home. The crash, just 50km from #Nairobi, caused no reported injuries. The #Kenya Space Agency is now investigating the object in Nairobi.
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Said, "I was at my father's house" in front of Joseph after they spent 3 days looking for him and finding him at the temple . At 12 years old.
do u think jesus was ever passive aggressive.
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Marie Storks.
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He looked like a Kikuyu man who struggled a lot during childhood but after a while, Riverroad spare business finally came through with the millions in his late 30s. Left his baby mama for a light skin waitress at Kamakis and is always at Quiver Thika Road or wherever Mike Rua is.
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Also, when playing away, don't bother with tiki taka, stats, and XG. It's not your stadium. Get your win and leave.
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My patriotism is being held together by Eliud Kipchoge and chapo ndengu.
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Rest of the world: They are triplets. Kenyans: Wao huwa ma-twins watatu.
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Kenya, our foreheads were just chilling. Kumbe they are a proper reference point
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Listen Keter, we are happy you're out and all, but couple of years ago, it was you threatening police for not letting your 'cargo' through. Reminding them you are the government and have access to State House. Create systems that protect you even when powerless
Alfred Keter: I will not be intimidated. I am coming on stronger. Kenyans are tired of this heartless regime. #RutoMustGo!
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Find a man who has passed his sex craving stage. who craves for peace of mind,financial stability and setting down. .
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Wore a baggy trouser without a belt today. My pronouns are now Rigathi/Gachagua.
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Edgar Obare carrying Kenya on his back all this time 😂.
A reminder that Africa holds a good percentage of the world's known mineral reserves. A continent that has massively been blessed with vast resources! ✊🏽
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When the date is tomorrow , you're still cramming the differences between Kabaka of the Buganda and Asantehene of Ghana
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Smokies?.
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Kenyan dads walking around the neighbourhood to release election tension after staring at the TV all night.
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We're living in a black mirror episode.
Isukuti dance in Karen as new Co-operatives CS Wycliffe Oparanya is welcomed in his Karen home after swearing-in
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1. Started a daycare. 2. People brought their kids.3. She made the kids act out p**n with each other, and she also inappropriately touched them.4. Recorded all of it.5. Sold it to people who paid via an Equity paybill.
Kiambu daycare operator arraigned for exploiting children to make sexual videos
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History repeats itself. Listen to Koigi Wamwere's mother ask for her son in court. After he had at first been sentenced to death then after pressure from all over was sentenced to 4 years (long story, a tweet won't do justice maybe @tooearly4birds will one day).Translates loosely
Billy Mwangi’s father breaks down as he pleads with court to help him find his abducted son
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Kinda looks like Matiangi and Murkomen had a baby.
MP Reuben Kiborek: I congratulate President Ruto for balancing the CAS position; the appointments show the face of Kenya . @TrevorOmbija: But who is a hustler there?. Kiborek: Cate Waruguru & Dennis Itumbi; they started from the bottom and now they are at the top #DayBreak
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We take random points. Say she works near Upper Hill School and gets her next mat at Archives to get home. That's approx a 5km walk. At least 5 days a week. Physically, she gets improved cardiovascular health, manages her weight, stronger muscle and bone, better digestion, and.
Corporate baddies wanatembea kutoka town hadi upper hill kusave 30 bob.
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No one:. Random 1824 guy after being kicked out by bouncers:.
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Born to say, "ici akīrī ngoma". Forced to say, "People are raised differently.".
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I'm afraid that Trio Mio will no longer release bangers akimaliza shule, no prep, no exams. There is a certain spice that suffering adds to content. Kama Miguna akiwa Canada.
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Serial jailbird.Killed Mercy Njeri as a drunk driver on his range rover in 2015.His church sits on illegally acquired public land from . One small rant against a govt reclaiming the land his church sits on, you think he is a revolutionary?.🥲🥲.
Mnaonaje wasee tukiamua Sunday moja we pay him a visit tumsalimie na tumnunulie soda? This is the only pastor who stood with us
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"I plead the fifth" is an American way of saying you have a right not to give self incriminating evidence at trial. If you are Kenyan, however, that right is guaranteed under Article 50 (l) of the constitution . So next time, just say. "I PLEAD THE 50TH".
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All these senators suddenly sounding very statesman like. Watu walingia baridi.
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Killed a suspect in the cell. Continously bashed his head in with a metal rod. Immersing his head in water, only letting him breathe for a few minutes. Framed another cell mate for the murder and charged him himself.
All those police officers thinking they're above the law should go pay a visit to Nahashon Mutua, former OCS, Ruaraka police station who's currently serving life sentence at Kamiti Maximum Prison.
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Random but during the large "salamia yeye" wave of May to June 2024. Used some waheshimiwa numbers at places where they ask for your number to prompt mobile money payment. Didn't always work, but the few times it did, I am grateful for the shopping. Do as you will with this.
Name: Senator Cherargei . Phone Number: 0723400821. Position: Senator. Offense: Sponsored the Constitutional Amendment Bill [2] 2024 which proposes the extension of term limits of elected officials from 5 years to 7 years. Action: Send Salamu!!
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She fell in Tanzania, the healing/treatment was done in Kenya. But the headline is just "Africa".
'Black-ish' star Jenifer Lewis fell 10 feet from a hotel balcony while vacationing in Africa. @JeniferLewis came on TMZ Live to open up about her near-death experience.
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Rest of the world: So there I was, waiting. Kenyans: So, si me am there waiting. .
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Morara's videos start out funny, and then you slowly start to mourn at the realisation of what this country could have been
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Mayonde basically told Nyota Ndogo, "The landlord is at the door"
Give me an example of someone singing like the rent is due.
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When the hyena wants to eat her children, she starts accusing them of smelling like goats.
"If you cannot keep time with your employer you have basically dismissed yourself". President Ruto asks members of the Executive who arrived late at Cabinet Appraisal meeting, to submit written explanations.
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To be Kenyan most of the time is to have a false "humility.".You are allowed to be great as long as you don't act like you are aware of it. From our athletes to our artists. We only love them after the rest of the world does, rarely before . "Salimia watu. " narrative
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Mkae mkijua Tems ndio wa mwisho. After this, concert next Homeboyz wanaleta Don Moen na NRG wanaleta Hillsong.
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Kikuyu accents from Kirinyanga to Nairobi because I have a bit more time
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Pamela, seeing how Ringtone's life turned out.
Ringtone arrested after he stormed a residential area in Karen (near Bomas) with thugs. He is being held at Langata Police Station.
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In another life, Crystal Asige would be preparing to perform bangers at Sol Fest.
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Rwanda peeps may be too scared to say it, understandably so, but their famous beauty usually revolves around the features of one ethnic community. The majority of Rwandese look nothing like this.
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This must feel like, " Listen Raila, you are a great guy and any girl would be lucky to have you. Its just. ".
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Used to the "b" in Kikuyu being pronounced as "f" in English but my my mom saying Uber as "UFA" takes me out bana.
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You get a virtual call one day. It's from Newyork It's a writer from "The" Daily Show, worked with John Stewart, Bill Maher and wrote for President Obama. They watched your comedy and say your the guy for the job here. And you work with a team of amazingly talented people
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It's the early 2000s,.Get into a Kenyan barber shop.THIS JAM IS PLAYING on an old radio,.Barber has a fly whisk, bicycle brake fluid and methylated spirit. Ludacris pictures are everywhere. You say "nyoa box". Greatness tupu
Which Reggae song you think was created PERFECTLY?.
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Owen in this video, is why y'all should believe in witchcraft.
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Courage is contagious. Uganda has a long way to go, but they are getting there.
Lone Voice! 🇺🇬 He was the first successful protestor to beat heavy security deployment in Kampala to reach Parliament as part of the #March2Parliament protests. But they couldn't allow him to finish speaking to the media!
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Imposter syndrome ends when you realise how many people who are not even that good at what you do are in positions higher and making moves more daring than you.
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