Björkus 'No time_t to Die' Dorkus
@__phantomderp
Followers
12,915
Following
1,500
Media
181
Statuses
19,845
The C Standard Cannot Be Replaced And Will Never Be Destroyed. ➡ | Avatar @KIINGKIISMET | Banner @Reckless_Moss
Hell (Eventually™)
Joined November 2020
Don't wanna be here?
Send us removal request.
Explore trending content on Musk Viewer
Liam Payne
• 2140858 Tweets
Hobi
• 843316 Tweets
ブロック
• 353054 Tweets
Twitterくん
• 274290 Tweets
西田さん
• 177734 Tweets
西田敏行さん
• 163060 Tweets
俳優さん
• 133294 Tweets
#AgathaAllAlong
• 113001 Tweets
ツイッター
• 100544 Tweets
東京の自宅
• 81006 Tweets
Bluesky
• 79812 Tweets
ミュート
• 62303 Tweets
規約変更
• 56206 Tweets
イーロン
• 47277 Tweets
pixiv
• 44595 Tweets
महर्षि वाल्मीकि
• 44128 Tweets
AI学習
• 41377 Tweets
ブルスカ
• 40519 Tweets
ぐりとぐら
• 35342 Tweets
中川李枝子さん
• 30009 Tweets
#ArrestMaulanaRashidi
• 28387 Tweets
#INDvNZ
• 21896 Tweets
블루스카이
• 21891 Tweets
他のSNS
• 18428 Tweets
池中玄太80キロ
• 15861 Tweets
タイッツー
• 15765 Tweets
PLUTO PRESS TOUR
• 14335 Tweets
世田谷区
• 13853 Tweets
ドクターX
• 13654 Tweets
そらいろのたね
• 12780 Tweets
Misskey
• 11429 Tweets
IT WAS FUCKING C LOCALE BULLSHIT I KNEW IT I KNEW IT I KNEW IT I KNEW IT I KNEW IT AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
THE C STANDARD LIBRARY HAS AND CONTINUES TO BE A DISASTER FOR THE HUMAN RACE
29
253
3K
I go touch grass for a few days and when I come back C is illegal????
43
123
3K
We are entering the Cool Era of C.
38
252
2K
> Everything worked and the program didn't crash
Bro has a fucking prodigy daughter that builds shit that doesn't crash in FUCKING C++, FOR GOD'S FUCKING SAKE but he tells her that her code sucks I swear to fucking god brogrammers are the fucking wORST
65
185
2K
I will, unfortunately, have to disappoint you:
C is a High Level Language that compiles to an Semantically-Constrained, Nondeterministic, Abstract Virtual Machine (SCNAVM) that is then projected and modeled onto ${TARGET_PLATFORM}.
@__phantomderp
What’s your take on C?
(I get “it’s just a damn simple asm generator” vibes from you)
1
0
19
30
123
1K
The fact that Fortran has a package manager and HTTP support before C and C++ is one of the most hilarious things to me and it will never not be so fucking funny to me.
@__phantomderp
their rebranding was actually so impressive. also now has an actually neat package manager
1
0
65
14
93
1K
The strangest waste of my resources and energy in a long, long time.
The Pasture | I Am No Longer Speaking at RustConf 2023 |
46
149
1K
Finally, a global computer problem that's not rooted in C for a change.
10
21
856
For all he people that kept linking me that asshole's thread, HE'S WRONG. Provably so.
Here's an analysis from somebody who's head in on straight and is a literal world expert at this (also featuring a quick Godbolt snippet, praise be to CE!!):
This strange tweet got >25k retweets. The author sounds confident, and he uses lots of hex and jargon. There are red flags though... like what's up with the DEI stuff, and who says "stack trace dump"? Let's take a closer look... 🧵1/n
283
3K
17K
8
64
846
I'm sorry I spent...
(* checks hand *)
... 30 years putting typeof in C. That was too fast.
I'll shoot for 60 years, next time.
@__phantomderp
Why are you trying to rapidly change C? It should be slow/difficult to change.
Why not write your own language if you want massive changes from C?
4
0
3
12
28
814
Very cute that because I'm a person of color, Armin here thinks I'm just a Diversity Speaker and not anyone of technical merit.
Techbros stop figuring new ways to showcase their racism: still impossible
1
5
187
18
40
785
.... Ya'll.
I finally -- after like 8 years -- opened this keyboard up to clean it. And. ... The... the things inside....
...
.......
Anyways, getting a new keyboard,
23
22
770
I do enjoy the implication that if I continue to write C and C++, the government won't use my software to murder brown people.
It's a very nice thought.
21
68
724
Oh. I can't log in to my mac because my username has both (a) a space, and (b) an accent mark.
9
13
690
"How do I automatically label items in an enumerate list?"
500 answers: "Why would you do that? Don't you know it's brittle? Here's an alternative answer that doesn't do what that, because you're clearly too stupid to know what you're asking."
1 person, a Godsend: "here u go"
11
19
657
As a person spending a LOT of their time doing that,
uh. You might be better off investing in a new language, idk!
It is like new C-killer programming languages are popping up almost every day: Rust, Zig, Odin... you name it. I wish folks would stop reinventing the wheel and instead would spend their valuable time and intellect on solving the issues with C ecosystem.
79
23
374
8
20
613
(I'll be the contra-take here.)
C is not a language for direct control of the hardware. C is a langauge that is coded to the semantics of an Abstract Machine specified in a document. It's no more capable of hardware control that e.g. Rust or Zig.
What it has is ⬇
27
41
595
Me, ignorant: "Going over CVEs is a great way to learn what exploited weaknesses C has and the things human beings truly struggle with that are at risk."
Linux kernel, snorting a fat line: "Weeeeeoohaaaaa!! What if we turned every fix commit into its own CVE using grep???"
FYI, 200 new Linux kernel CVEs just from Friday and today.
13
79
730
11
35
583
Me when I find out this was exactly C and C++'s fault.
This Crowdstrike issue seems to be an issue with addressing invalid memory space...
#Crowdstrike
#BSOD
93
378
3K
14
26
581
Sigh. I and everyone else are officially out, now.
Sorry. Good luck with whatever reflection direction you pick. Maybe I'll be able to help in 2026 or something.
26
42
575
I never, EVER want to do asynchronous or coroutine programming again. Holy shit give me my single threaded, single-stack, single-heap programs!!
ADDRESS SPACE IS FLAT. THERE IS ONLY ONE HEAP. IT'S ALL CONTIGUOUS. THERE IS ONLY ONE CORE. THAT'S ALL THIS BIMBO NEEDS, BAYBEEEEEEE
30
31
566
> Why is Fortran still used in so many places?
Eternal question I'd actually like an answer to, so here I go reading!!
30
30
566
2
66
549
Something that bothers me a lot in Python is not really Python's fault but when I use it and make a bug and my brain immediately goes
"Nye heh heh heh, if you just had a type system that wouldn't have happened!"
24
33
553
IF I HAD A KID AND THEY SHOWED THIS KIND OF PROMISE I WOULD RUN MYSELF INTO THE GROUND DOING CODE REVIEW UNTIL 4 AM. YES, MY CHILD, YOU HAVE FIGURED IT OUT. YOU WILL SURPASS ME IN EVERY WAY. YOU WILL GO FURTHER THAN EVERY SINGLE PERSON IN THE ENTIRE INDUSTRY. FIRST PRINCESS,
9
16
536
I can't believe I'm the one who's scared of taking jobs working in the kernel/ring0 and writing drivers but these 80billion USD-valuation companies can just no-protection rawdog the kernel with the sloppiest practices I've ever seen and it's totally okay.
Sweet mercy.
Crowdstrike party time... it looks like the data was uninitialized, but not intentionally. The mismatch in the code run at ring0 was them fucking up validation, and they failed to account in their C++-built interpreter. It accessed data that was "supposed" to be there but wasn't.
9
7
253
10
46
549
"C/C++ is not a real language and it pisses me off when they don't separate them"
dear sibling in Christ half of the people training for C++ explicitly went to C shops and sold it as "you only have to make a few small changes and then incrementally improve"
you made the C/C++
15
41
528
Well. My C library is internally implemented in C++ because I was sick of writing my 4th high-quality <vector>, and writing an even higher quality dictionary type is just literally too much damn effort after my 40th go-around.
I also do not feel like writing my 80th linear find.
13
22
513
"Hardware guys are much better put together and way more talented than those web people."
Me, hearing this while working with the worst C toolchain I've used in a decade for a really fucking popular chip that has several undocumented quirks not obvious from the chip design:
16
29
454
A lot of people would get along great if they used a scripting language for design and a compiled language for their core, tbh.
18
24
486
Damn this is thicc!!
I can't read it yet but here's to making good progress on a better C compiler.
7
10
489
> Python was not found but can be installed from the Microsoft Store: ms-windows-store://pdp/?productid=9NJ46SX7X90P
I hate Microsoft for this, SO fucking much, you have no idea.
15
28
474
Buddy, you're not gonna believe it when C23 hits and -std=c2x/-std=c23 is in your hands,
I've recently been deep into "I wish C had:", and recently realised I would like multiple return values done in a way that's super easy. and behind the hood it's just making an invisible struct
with my custom transpiler/assembler I reckon I can get something like this working:
18
8
193
20
41
477
fish getting rewritten in Rust by one of the most competent programmers I've heard about in a while, damn!
Rust is selling itself to the smartest people I know, whereas I still need to make diagrams and slides and a bunch of shit to have people feel like they should use C++.
12
21
473
Because we have not yet eradicated C from the earth. And even with encouraging mandates going in place, it doesn't look like anyone will be able to given the massively extraordinary volume of C code in the wild. Daniel Stenberg has issued a challenge for some 10+ years now:
@__phantomderp
I ask this with curiosity and interest, not malice. Why do you work so hard to improve C? What drives you? Why do you feel it is worth doing?
(These are meant to be probing q’s, again — not to say you should stop.)
3
0
41
12
28
475
The worst part is we keep constantly talking about C code as the unbeatable to-the-metal code, but like.
Victor Zverovich kicked printf's ass with some basic modern C++ code and {fmt}. Rust code has been universally spanking C code in both readability and perf when rewritten.
@__phantomderp
It feels like C has almost singlehandedly induced the brain-damage of both "worse is better" and "never rewrite your code". I rewrite shit in Rust all the time, randomly pick up 4x speed buffs for everyone.
3
4
137
10
38
465
It's not lost on me that C and C++ toolchains, loaded with static analyzers, could barely reach ASIL B and just barely scratched ASIL C, but Rust got to ASIL D on its first publicly-released verified toolchain.
8
34
466
Anyways, even if the Rust Project's weird "Shadow Leadership" group that did the run-around on the actual voted direction of the rest of the Project won't tell me what they found objectionable, here's what the topic WOULD have been about:
11
60
465
dawg these 2 young uni students are talking about c and c++ vs java on the subway bro they cookin' c++ help i wanna mansplain solutions so baaaaaaaad
17
12
458
Coming soon to a C standard near you,
14
22
456
(* fixes lots of problems with C *)
(* writes up full frameworks that people base their work on *)
(* fixes long-standing industrial problems *)
"but was he a diversity hire???"
5
20
448
Using a VPN is so goddamn difficult because every service in the world is extremely hostile to it. I've been getting my e-mail blacklisted from services and accounts nuked left/right/center just from starting to use a VPN.
This is awful.
25
10
442
What you see: a 45 line C file.
What the compiler sees: a 90.7K line file filed to the brim with code.
This compilation model is definitely broken as hell, lmao.
13
13
431
While C as a programming langauge seems easily searchable, searching for D stuff is like trying to find a needle in a haystack. Searching with "D {topic}" is fraught with despair, searching "dlang {topic}" is only marginally better.
Please name your languages something zesty.
43
14
419
The C allocation model has damaged people's brains on this subject material and I actually quite hate it.
c is just cope for people who can't understand fast allocators
6
3
196
8
17
422
"Hi Jeanheyd - I'm connecting with female software developers.
I noticed you have Rust on your profile. …"
Welp. Just 2 months in to working on Rust stuff officially and it's already trans'd my gender.
It could happen to you, toooo...
12
15
411
"It's just so much better, working with a dynamic language that doesn't do all that dumb type checking. I can program so much faster!"
Me, using your work, 500 years later:
"97.6.. 97.8.. 98.. 9-- no. NO WHAT DO YOU MEAN A PROPERTY IS MISSING, MISSING VARAIBLE?! NO! NOOOOOOO!!"
11
24
409
Is there some kind of competition on twitter dot com to make me, the C Project Editor, lose my mind at all the C takes?
28
12
404
Real glad this shit is being shoved into every editor worth a damn. Almost makes me want to become a vimhead.
turns out using copilot for coding, neither increases productivity nor reduces burnout but increases (by 41%) bug rate according to a study that assessed 800 developers
2
696
3K
24
40
403
BDSM culture is wrong the same way C and C++ are wrong; I should have an unsafe word that grants permission, not a safe word that stops things,
20
25
380
"Don't you think there's fault on both sides, here? Don't you think you did something wrong?"
No, have a nice day.
9
24
376
hhhahahahahahabababababahahshdhsfhhsdbdjsbdhxidbdisbx dhdhdodbdudbdhsix. u cjx xhdbf dhe s rhe dbd!!!!!!!
*shaking voice*
"so, here's the thing — you're not gonna force all of us to learn rust"
the way this is said... you'd think they were being deported or something. incredibly childish people at the helm there.
44
78
1K
7
5
383
C HAS DONE IT AGAIN, BOYS!!!!
"You need to change your system locale to Japanese or the Fate/Stay Night VN won't work properly"
Boys, we're so back. It's 2005 again.
56
3K
12K
9
20
376
Yes, it is absurd.
"yes that seems absurd now". Does it?? I still think it's terrible to use a space in a filename. Am I alone?
339
64
2K
23
23
369
This headshot is actually kinda OD I might actually use a real life picture instead of art for some of my future appearances....
14
4
372
I regrettably must say that I actually have no will to keep working on it now. What I know now, presently, is that someone in the Rust Project has misgivings about the direction. They still won't tell me, and rather than tell me they'd rather snipe at my technical talk.
I hope the current Rust drama doesn't kill the idea of compile-time reflection, because the ecosystem's reliance on re-parsing the source code in procedural macros is one of my least favourite things
7
9
267
4
17
373
How in the world to C people cope with the lack of generics or higher-order anything.
57
15
366
This is one thing I WISH I could fix in C.
Alas.
16
6
365
> C is a demonic language made by demonic people. why can't i return arrays? nobody knows. why can't i return strings? oh because you can't return arrays. why does the program segfault when i try to use modulo on a double? well you see …
Preach.
33
27
366
Oh cool, another Chrome 0-day abusing integer overflow.
Neat.
Great.
Awesome.
8
17
349
Every damn day, can someone just PLEASE evaluate my fucking work?
4
7
350
Hot Take: C++ lambda captures are the best control mechanism for "function with data" that we've seen, and every other solution barely comes close to the level of flexibility and power it gives.
27
26
348
"But it maps straight to assembly"
This has not been true since the late 90s and every time you walk in with that assumption, somebody (namely, you the developer) get your feelings hurt, or worse:
8
11
342
"You should come up with a design for the entirety of C."
Gonna level with you, chief; that is an absurd request and unless someone pays me 1979-guaranteed-sit-around-and-think-AT&T-researcher-money (adjusted for the country's expected wages and inflation) to
5
12
343
Me, desperately avoiding concurrency and parallelism: okay, now I can just do a little Rust, and it'll be fine.
Rust, when I start diving deeper: "Have this free book, on us."
10
6
337
Remember, everyone:
PREFIX YOUR MACROS
PREFIX YOUR MACROS
PREFIX YOUR MACROS
PREFIX YOUR MACROS
PREFIX.
YOUR.
MACROS!!!!!!
28
29
337
Oldest C and C++ programmers on the planet struggling to not release code like swiss fucking cheese onto an unsuspecting populace but here we have someone just making crashless videogames on their first go-around like holy goddamn whAT.
2
3
326
(* whispers *)
that's good
Scary thought:
New programming languages, or even new features in existing programming languages, will face a huge uphill battle in the future because LLMs won't have huge numbers of training examples for them and won't be able to help people use them
80
30
469
8
18
326
THEN QUEEN,
THEN EMPRESS OF ALL THAT YOU SURVEY.
1
5
320
I'm actually a bit sad reading through the thread because what it looks like the Rust Project did this to MULTIPLE speakers at RustConf, and most of them bowed their head and accepted what was clearly an intentional cutting-of-the-legs. Or maybe they felt forced to?
They pitched tweaking the label, and
@__phantomderp
saw right through it because, duh, and because they weren't approaching all this from our "this problem again? Just make it go away!" perspective. They published their post, and here we are.
1
1
66
5
18
329
I JUST FINISHED DEBUGGING A QUADRUPLY NESTED COROUTINE BUG I AM THE GREATEST ENGINEER ALIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIVE
8
12
328
> sizeof(bool) is not required to be 1
.... is C++ okay?
27
8
327
Things I've learned about memory management in C in the last 12 hours, a 🧵.
- Only have on return statement, pre-allocate any memory, file descirptors, or whatever up front, use goto exit; to get to the end of the block prematurely, check everything in exit to then delete it
10
33
326
... Wait. If I stop working on Rust stuff, does my gender go back?
W-Wait hold on I didn't stockpile enough E--
😰!
"Hi Jeanheyd - I'm connecting with female software developers.
I noticed you have Rust on your profile. …"
Welp. Just 2 months in to working on Rust stuff officially and it's already trans'd my gender.
It could happen to you, toooo...
12
15
411
13
9
321
Worst part about this is my name is ALL OVER THE PLACE. A simple google search before you decide to smear this as All People Of Color Cannot Possibly Write Worthwhile Or Good Code, And Therefore Must Be Here For Diversity Reasons, would have saved you.
Nah, be racist first!!
3
8
320
It's not lost on me that C folk sort of smugly enjoyed the coercive power of it being the go-to ABI layer in that they tell anyone building other stuff they will never escape, but subject to a mere fraction of that power in reverse they get **EXTREMELY** annoyed.
if c is good and here forever how come all the stupidest people online piss and cry at the slightest hint of alternative choices
1
5
121
9
18
316
Alright I guess I have to write an article on "Why you can't just shove Constructors and Destructors into C", I guess.
19
9
306
... No. No no. No no nonono,
wait wait wait wait wait wait,
Me when I find out this was exactly C and C++'s fault.
14
26
581
9
6
309
I just spent the last 7 hours metaprogramming in C.
Never fucking again.
15
5
302
I'm not putting out anything anywhere until the personal accountability statement(s?) come out. Sorry if me being quiet is bothering some people.
(Also I finally slept okay. 😭)
8
0
303
... Oh. Uh. How badly would everyone hate me if I wrote a paper that allowed
T foo[2];
and
T[2] foo;
to mean the same thing as far as type declarations go in C?
60
7
303
GIMP 👏 IS 👏 TRASH 👏
Get Krita.
yall need to stop pushing GIMP its so bad
1K
2K
37K
25
13
298
(Not a dunk.) C/C++ Attributes are ignorable.
"Who would ignore them?"
MSVC was present for the discussion of [[no_unique_address]] in the Committee. They gave feedback. It reached consensus. Finally, implementation time.
Their compiler decided to ignore [[no_unique_address]].
11
18
302
Forgot my charger but thanks to the EU being amazing I can just use my other USB-C charger and my laptop is fine.
God Bless The Regulators. 🫡
8
10
304
I'm gonna put this feature into C even if it kills me.
20
10
300
It's very cute how everyone's like "THIS DOESN'T AFFECT LINUX SERVERS, WHAT A NOTHING BURGER"
And then half of those same people turn around and go "THIS IS THE YEAR OF LINUX ON DESKTOP!!"
Yeah? You sure about that?
9
12
301
Hot C take:
no string library anyone writes is going to be good enough for general-purpose use without a real slice type.
11
5
297
"C is a simple language that is easy to parse"
I think this is my first biggest red flag.
19
11
291
It's actually been extremely harmful to C's development and deployment as a language to treat it like magic secret sauce and not a programming language with specific qualities and tradeoffs that can be understood if reasoned about.
2
17
296
If your partner likes C 🚩🚩!!
NOTHING more disappointing than asking a girl what their favourite programming language is and getting "Python" or "JavaScript" as an answer. They're just wrong things to answer. They can't be your favourite languages and you just have to look harder
74
28
455
18
16
294
Getting to give a quick talk at MIT about C.
Time to corrupt the impressionable, brilliant youth. >:3
14
7
294
One of today's lucky 1 in 10,000!
See also;
somehow I just learned today that `xxd -i <file>` will output hex dump as a C include file.
29
119
1K
5
17
294
Me, changing "if else" ladders to "match"es:
YEAH, I'm a FUNCTIONAL programmer now, CHECK ME OUT baby, I'm DIFFERENT from those IMPERATIVE folks,
8
13
277
Time for me to put my performance where my mouth is and show everybody how it's done.
Can a generic text encoding library be both versatile and fast? At
#P99CONF
on Oct. 23-24,
@ShepherdsOasis
'
@__phantomderp
will share how to achieve top speed without sacrificing user-friendly APIs. Don't miss this interactive session!
#ScyllaDB
#DevTalk
0
2
52
4
18
281
You would not BELIEVE the number of C and C++ folks who would fight to the D E A T H for these awful loop idioms lmao.
the labels also don't have to be unique, so you can use the same name every time, which is nice (unless you start nesting them I suppose)
much better than uh
for(b=true;b;b=false){ ... } or
do{ ... }while(false); or
(()=>{ ... })();
5
0
87
10
11
280