Guys, if you receive an email that says "The whole truth about COVID-19", don't open it. It's a virus.

The best life choice I ever made was to always take responsibility and never put the blame on others, no matter what. This decision changed my life, literally. One day, I got a huge promotion offer at work. Which I rejected respectfully, only to start my own business.

RT @TheRealDudish: When aliens come to destroy the Earth, they'll be happy we did all the work already.

- Mom, what is a lesbian? - I'm busy, sweetie. Go ask Mom.

@lynnwar23990144 @ughwoes I wouldn't know. Never been in such a situation.

@lynnwar23990144 @ughwoes If by typical you mean realistic, then yes. I have zero empathy for women who choose to be in a relationship with assholes.

@lynnwar23990144 @ughwoes They should have chosen better.

RT @benboven1: Got fired from the movie theater for putting subtitles on all the big screens.

I didn't say you're being over dramatic. I just asked if you could turn down the violins in the background.

@ughwoes Quite an imagination you got there, girl. You should write horror stories.

Me: Did you lock the front door? Her: Yes. Is that why you woke me up? Me: Sorry, but it's starting to get chilly outside.

@TheJniac If there was a competition to get it all wrong, you would win all the prizes. Respect.

@Bethey26717153 And you ruined the moment...

RT @jusnoyar: Mastodon to Threads to Bluesky. The options just got bigger where you can go and make an ass of yourself.

@RabbitHarring Would you believe me if I told you this is exactly what I'm listening to right now?

@pearly_sinner Damn! Who have you been talking to?

@AgainAquaa Self-awareness.

RT @TheRealDudish: When I go to the barber, I hand him a note saying "I want a haircut." He thinks I'm deaf and never talks. Sometimes I ev…

RT @Davidnolastname: I am pretty sure I wouldn't complain if more Bollywood style dance numbers broke out in my life.