The Gurgling Cod
@TheGurglingCod
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Asst. AD for Non-Compliance, Protect Trans Kids University. Maple influencer. DBA IRL @ThatJBF . Words @BostonReview , @decider , etc.
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Joined January 2009
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This is how I found out
[adjusts protective goggles, begins refreshing TexAgs]
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It would be cool if once in a while College Gameday went to a campus that does not have a football team. Like just show up at Sarah Lawrence and see what happens.
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@jodieegrace
Not seeing anything in this thread to contradict my hunch that sleeping over at a boy's house is basically camping.
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Just got this from my dude experiencing his first Easter in SEC country.
#SECEaster
#itjustmeansmore
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@latkedelrey
“Do you remember back when you could hit kids with a cane if they tried to write left-handed? Simpler times.”
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You don’t have to call this contractor darling, darling.
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I love Charleston, but it does feel like New Orleans got Philly pregnant.
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Someone just told Kim Mulkey about no-kill animal shelters.
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I have a fucking remote control if I wanted to watch the fucking baseball game I would be watching the fucking baseball game
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Beto might have used a metal spatula in a nonstick pan but you know Mayor Pete would totally put your cast iron in the dishwasher
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Put this Bronx liquor store in charge of higher ed COVID policy
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@celebrityhottub
I have given this a lot of thought and the most Dad thing I did was get an Infrared thermometer to see how hot the cast iron gets on the new gas range. Realized I can also use it to determine the coldest spots in the fridge for storing beer.
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If you gave me (famous bassist) claps back at (famous novelist) regarding (famous directors') adaptation of (famous novelist), you would have me guessing a long time before I got to Flea/Joyce Carol Oates/Coen Bros/Cormac McCarthy.
Dear Joyce,
Though it would be difficult to capture the nuance and depth of the novel in a feature film, the Coen’s definitely established the action as a metaphor for a much deeper look at humanity, as Cormac did. It’s a great movie. - Your fan, Flea
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This is one of those games where they should put a lead apron over you like at the dentist
Iowa opened at -8 vs. Michigan State this afternoon and is already up to -12 within a few hours
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Once again, hockey is the only sport that does it the right way, and hands the trophy to the captain of the team, rather than the owner.
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I am no public health expert, but getting a vaccine should not be like getting tickets to Hamilton or the Producers.
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Clemson goes into Papa John's Stadium and orders themselves a Tombstone.
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If you want recipes and no scrolling, buy a god-damn cookbook.
a hill I will die on is let people say why recipes are important to them, it’s a nice little story and scrolling past is not hard to do!
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Hit Judge every time with the first pitch and never buy a drink in a college town again
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I struggled a lot in elementary school because my handwriting was so terrible. Now, whenever I see a kid with a Chromebook I take it away and smash it.
I think Dems are wildly underestimating the intensity of anger college loan cancelation is going to provoke. Those with college debt will be thrilled, of course. But lots and lots of people who didn't go to college or who worked to pay off their debts? Gonna be bad.
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@amandamull
My students sometimes notice that settler colonialism seems a lot like gentrification. Might have to add this to the syllabus. What's the show called?
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"I drive an M1 Abrams tank from Montauk to midtown Manhattan five days a week and it is Joe Biden's fault that I am spending $1000 a week on gas. "
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S/o to Burt Reynolds' undertaker, currently struggling with how many shirt buttons to leave unbuttoned.
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Congrats to American Pharaoh. And good luck in you new career. Sex work is lucrative, safe, and respectable, if you are a horse.
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He got that Hawg in him
it is officially Arkansas Big New Saturday week at Homefield
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A quick Google suggest there are about twice as many students enrolled at HBCUs as there are at Ivy institutions. You would never know it if you read the New Yorker or the New York Times.
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The person who said this is school board member Karin Rajnicek, who runs this salon in Waukesha, in case anyone in the area needs a haircut.
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Boss: “Do you have the February picture for the UConn mascot calendar?”
Photographer: “Sure do, boss! Real fucking sexy just like you asked.”
Boss: “What”
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If you voted for him, if you have his sign in your yard, if you have his sticker on your car, this is what you signed up for. You knew that. You bear some of the responsibility for the obscenity that is unfolding right now.
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@ProfaneFeminist
I am working on an essay on the ways that the idea of "puritanism" is deployed against critiques of objectification/sexualization.
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If Roe V. Wade is being overturned, remember this: it won't stop abortions. What it will do is stop poor people from getting safe abortions. If that's what you and your God want, please fuck all the way off.
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They’re good dogs Brent
Under socialism, both of these dogs would be paid the same.
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There was a time in my life where this image might not have made me laugh. That was before I found the world of the
@EDSBS
Extended Universe.
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Some friends in NOLA have a Jewish Space Laser-themed house float.
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It is kind of too bad that the conscience of college football media is pretty much these two little ole podcasts, but I am glad they are willing to put in the work.
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Seeing a lot of overwhelmed parents in
@celebrityhottub
's feed. If you are WFH and parenting, that's 2 jobs. Teaching is a 3rd job. As a teacher, let me suggest this -- keep your kids fed, washed, and safe, and we can pick up w/ algebra and spelling etc later.
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If only there was some sort of way to align the demand for workers with the supply of workers.
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If this is your first one of these days in the No Mom Club, welcome. Unless something goes terribly wrong, all of us will be in this club someday. We don't have a pool table or a gym, but we do have one another. DMs are open.
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You know how they say "you look like your best friend died"? Well, that's today for me and many others. Love to Dave and his family.
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@celebrityhottub
Realized that my watering/outdoor shower setup with 3 of these = 64 different possible configurations.
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You would think a 9/11 parlay would involve the LIV tour and the Texas Rangers.
DraftKings blasted for ‘Never Forget’ 9/11 parlay
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For serious: I lost my dad in 2006 and I never got around to having kids of my own. It's easy to feel left out. But the annual
@celebrityhottub
Most Dad Thread makes it a day I look forward to all year.
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Beyond the money and the fame, one perk of studying early America is the potential baby names I encounter. If you are having a baby, I urge you to consider "Wrestling."
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Are you familiar with "cookbooks"?
Honestly, some days I want to start a recipe website with no ads and no long 10,000 word spiel to scroll past to get to the recipe.
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@rachelmillman
Dog needed on-leash walks while rehabbing from ACL surgery. I fell over a retaining wall in my own yard and broke 5 ribs.
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I am proud to say that I have also spent more money personally on Jason Kirk’s novel in the last six months than I have on illegal porn hush money
Actually, here's a fact for you: in the past six months, readers have spent more money buying my novel than Donald Trump spent on illegal porn hush money
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Night ham moves!
Just got hit on by a man eating ham out of a Ziploc bag
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Lots of talk about the Gazpacho Gestapo today, but let's not forget these folks
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I hope that when Taylor and Travis walked into Foxboro, she had some fun with it:
"They play football here?"
"Trav, you should see this place when people are excited about what's happening here."
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Very disappointed that Clemson invited the Falwell rape camp and diploma mill to compete on our campus
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@xeni
The smartest thing I have heard was from a produce clerk who said "the thing is, everyone is having a bad time right now."
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I am 49% kidding when I say that RTing
@celebrityhottub
to help get him into the Bloomin' Onion costume was the realest form of democratic action I've ever been a part of.
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I did not have "Terry Bradshaw stands up for science" on my 2021 bingo card.
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"Well, Regular Depression and Covid Depression have put up impressive numbers, the daylight savings time change just might give Seasonal Depression the boost it needs to catch up."
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If I were a digital media company, I would be on the lookout for sports media properties that do not depend on actual sports happening to attract and retain a loyal audience.
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So,
@SplitZoneDuo
has been a pretty big bright spot for me over a stretch that has been tough in lots of ways. When the Subaru needed new tires, it was a chance to support
@NokianTyresNA
, whose support helps Alex, Godfrey and Richard be able to keep doing the show.
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A dear friend is having a party tonight to celebrate becoming a US citizen. What is the most American gift I can bring? (Besides a gun.)
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I have been reading up on how to attract crows to your yard. I hope all the other dads are also thriving.
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I don’t know what is going on with LSU women’s basketball. I fervently hope it will accelerate Kim Mulkey’s permanent incarceration at the Don Cherry Home for Flamboyant Shitbirds.
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Just saw a big old F-150 with three empty flagpoles mounted in the bed. It was so sweet.
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Part of Q-Anon Clemson Mom's rationale against wearing a mask was a "99% survival rate." About 1,000 planes take off from ATL-Hartsfield every day. If ten of them crashed on an average day, we'd probably try to make airplanes safer?
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I mean I guess the wedding at Cana is the real world’s largest outdoor cocktail party
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Hearing reports that Don Cherry successfully fertilized three of the eggs Kim Mulkey laid pregame, and the hatchlings should be ready in time for the rumored Game of Thrones reboot.
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There is some good Sickos energy about scheduling an otherwise strong contender for Sickos Game of the Week opposite El Assico.
We thank you for writing this and you’re incredibly kind. Come along and enjoy the Sickos way to watch college football.
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Eat my ass, Gene.
Krispy Kreme offering free doughnuts for getting vaccinated is like Marlboro offering free cigarettes for getting a flu shot. We have an obesity epidemic in this country that is killing us. Corporations that ride the COVID-19 vaccine as a marketing ploy for junk food is terrible.
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I am embarking on a brisket journey. I’m asking all the dads and uncles of various gender identity and expression to hold me in their light. 🧵
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A cool thing about living with me is that I bought a tiny Crock Pot just for queso. An uncool thing about living with me is that I insist on referring to it, in my best Belloq voice, as a "machine for talking to God."
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I was skeptical of Clemson’s choice to perform Bonnie Tyler’s “holding out for a hero” as part of its 9/11halftime show.On further reflection though, what is more American than singing about wanting to be railed by a cowboy?
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Not even Condi Rice could convince me that this Clemson team has weapons.
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Choose your adventure
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There is a history of
@ShutdownFullcas
speaking things into existence. So, after 3 years holding a clipboard for the Colts, Stetson Bennett IV, really DOES open a Kia dealership in Waycross, and we all commit to the bit and buy Kias from him, and he's the
#1
Kia dealer in the SE.
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DC folks, maybe you can help me with a pizza question?
What is the best place that delivers pizza to Chevy Chase, MD, b/c I would 100% send some pies to the folks outside of Kavanaugh's house.
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A question as old as time:
If a live broadcast of you having sexual intercourse could guarantee world peace, who do you want on the call?
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I made a Pizza Hut personal pan supreme pizza in my own house.
Embarking on a remarkably perverse cooking project. Hold me in your light.
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I have said it before, but it would be cool if the draft continued indefinitely. Like sometime in August you get a call from the Cincinnati Bengals.
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The mentions on the
@amandamull
biscuit article are really something. If a Yankee in a bow tie said the same stuff, it would be gospel.
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I appreciated the shoutout on last week's
@ShutdownFullcas
. I get mistaken for John Daly even without trying, and now I am wondering if I could eat at Hooters for free.
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