Stephen Graham 🇺🇦
@StephenCVGraham
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'the historian' - the Times. A poet, a preacher, a fool and a rake.
Edinburgh
Joined April 2012
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Last Seen Profiles
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Anyway, today marks one year since a World Event in publishing and biographical history. My chronicle of the early lives of Mussolini, Hitler and Franco! Buy it if you haven't already!
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The fact it's basically LinkedIn with stonings.
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Suspect was last seen guarding a Soviet base in GoldenEye 64.
Investigators have released a computer generated image of a man they would like to identify in connection with a burglary in Tunbridge Wells.
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'You'd be speakin' fahkin' dragon if it weren't for St George!'
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Idle thought: every monarch would be expected to attend one funeral of a predecessor, but the Queen must be the only one to have gone to three - George VI, Edward VIII and, in a twist nobody was expecting, Richard III.
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'So Kwasi, there's a gap in your CV here of thirty-eight days; care to explain it?'
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'Do you know what dad said to me on his deathbed? He said, make sure you get the spa put in.'
Captain Sir Tom Moore's family defend unauthorised home spa
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Billie was up for a BAFTA last night. Her ex is shouting at a traffic light today. The way life pans out, eh?
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Look what they did to John Motson.
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If everyone had as quick a turnaround as Channel 5 documentary makers, this country would be an economic megapower.
"Wonka: The Scandal That Rocked Britain"
It will air on Channel 5 on Saturday 16 March at 7.35pm
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'To access Canal Street must ye first answer these riddles three...'
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Sick of hearing about that tennis wanker, as well.
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He's only been in office a few hours, but Starmer has already made a mixed race family homeless | Owen Jones
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Well, she's a very talented actress and a lot of people go in for her androgynous look.
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It was its own fault it was closed in the first place.
Last surviving gaslit cinema in world to reopen in Leeds
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Sorry, for a moment there I thought you said Kiss star Gene Simmons calls for restoration of power-sharing in Northern Ireland.
Kiss star Gene Simmons calls for restoration of power-sharing in Northern Ireland
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Hate to break it to people, but a 40-year-old wanker getting a deserved hoofing for rollerblading into an obvious high-security zone isn't a police state.
"Why are you strangling me? I didn't know!"
A teenager is manhandled by police for innocently rollerblading in the direction of the Royal convoy in London.
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Well I fucking didn't.
Lancashire councillor defending PM Boris Johnson says 'everyone broke rules'
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Me and the lads having a fantastic time at Straight Pride...
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Looks like the cover of one of those 'Take a Break' magazines - 'He married my dad while the nurses weren't looking!'
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He planned every last detail.
BREAKING: Topless woman arrested outside Windsor Castle during Prince Philip's funeral
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Re-pitching my idea for a reality show with Jordan Pickford and Mary Earps just going around getting angry at stuff
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'He's trained in espionage and survival, the police will never get him.'
Daniel Khalife in Chiswick:
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Haven't seen this many disappointed people since thirty-one seconds into Spaceman by Babylon Zoo.
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If England win it'll be this generation's equivalent of Katrina and the Waves winning Eurovision the week after Blair got in.
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Bill Gates will now know where Bill Gates is at all times.
One of the benefits of being 65 is that I’m eligible for the COVID-19 vaccine. I got my first dose this week, and I feel great. Thank you to all of the scientists, trial participants, regulators, and frontline healthcare workers who got us to this point.
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That cunt Jim Davidson's trending, so I share the scout story. That's the rule.
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Had fish fingers and chips tonight, followed by Wall's Viennetta because I'm now spending lockdown in 1992.
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My Therapist: Benidorm Tom can't hurt you.
Benidorm Tom:
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Sad news about Baroness Trumpington. Here again for your enjoyment is the opening paragraph of her autobiography:
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No wonder Microsoft is buggered, just spotted Clippy now working in Waverley Station
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'She's gone to live at her favourite farm shop, alright?'
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Farage telling people on his radio show to get out today and enjoy the the sunshine. Hope a mob publicly shave that cunt's head once this is finished.
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Well that aged like a fine kipper behind a radiator.
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Looks like a sticky-floored flat-roofed pub you'd go to to buy either a gun or a very dangerous dog.
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Hear there's a dreadful woman going around identifying as a headmistress.
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At my parents', so looking at an actual newspaper like it's the First World War or something. Enjoying the Daily Record's party leader graphics.
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The whole Captain Tom business really was a masterclass of grift, marrying public anxiety to the twin state religions of the NHS and the Second World War.
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Of course, before those dastardly redcoats arrived in the Middle East, you couldn't move for Pride marches and Madonna concerts.
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Have I Got News For You is thirty years old today. Thanks for eleven years of comedy.
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'Crowds were booing Johnson: why this spells the end for Starmer' | Owen Jones in tomorrow's Guardian
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'My mate says you have Sky, could you tape Summerslam '93 for me?'
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Lozza Fox watching the footage coming out of America, developing a semi as he imagines it's him doing it at the borough council.
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The people who compare everything that moves to 1930s Germany will be oddly quiet about this.
A kosher restaurant has been smashed up in Golders Green, North London overnight.
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Literally standing in a glass house.
NEW:
@NicolaSturgeon
tells me Boris Johnson is in “engulfed...in a series of grave allegations”.
@theSNP
leader says the fact PM won’t transparently lay out funding arrangements around Downing Street flat suggests something “very murky” going on.
@LBC
|
@LBCNews
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'Now tell me, I understand you have a very funny story about the time you dated a zookeeper, can you tell us about that?'
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TV announcers: This programme was filmed before the lockdown.
Me:
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Listening to Sara Cox breaking the news about Steve Wright reminds me of how he was the one who broke the news about John Peel. Instantly turned his show into a tribute, and he was pitch perfect.
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This map has been hidden from you all your life
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Today in History: twelve years since television's peak moment.
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Desmond Swayne, the villain in a movie where the hero is a dog.
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'Koop ma wiff's name out of your fooking meth.'
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'So the rent on the room would be £800 per calendar month... Unless, um... We could come to some sort of... arrangement...'
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Police are looking for a hardened criminal
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You can't order me about, Bez. Just because you've put on a suit.
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The last thing an Afghan heroin lord sees after he hears a noise in the night
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Glad to see the law has finally caught up with Dr Robotnik.
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Guys, I've got a feeling we're going to be okay during all this.
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'Hi Lee, it's your agent. Do you want the good news, or the bad news?'
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John Savident in Man in a Suitcase. He was 29 here. TWENTY-NINE.
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'Boris will be different now he's PM'
'Boris will be different now he's been re-elected'
'Boris will be different now he's a dad again'
'Boris will be different now he's had covid'
'Boris will be different now Dom's gone'
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The Guardian has spent the last decade treating Owen Jones like the kid from The Last Emperor, letting him run around and demand the removal of anything he dislikes, and it's had the usual result.
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When do we get the Car Shot? It's my favourite photographic genre.
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Happy Four Seasons Total Landscaping Day to those who observe
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I dunno mate, Googling for the nearest restaurant to the Isreali-Gaza border, then going on Trip Advisor for a user picture to save and re-upload in order to prove some nebulous point about Jews being bad people seems a bit unhinged to me.
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'Hello, Carphone Warehouse? I think my pager might be broken. Oh, no reason...'
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Slipped on a patch of ice on my way home. Didn't fall, but my sudden movement triggered a motion-sensor Santa outside a Christmas tree market I was passing, so the fat bastard laughed at me.
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'Tap tap tap at the bleedin' window, an' you know who it was, don't you?'
'Who was that, then?'
'Bloody Dave Grohl doing a surprise gig.'
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Big respect to the geezer who isn't letting events get in the way of enjoying his chips.
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RIP Jack Karlson, inspiration for the best bit of the Napoleon movie
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'So you're telling me the PM gifted Keir Starmer statesmanlike photo ops with the King, Macron and Zelenskyy to go on ITV...?'
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Very rare to see this level of tailoring nowadays, even on the wealthy. So let's talk about some of the reasons why it's great. (1/94)
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One day, I'd love to compile a toilet book of scary flat-roofed pubs.
Fife Watering Holes: The Craigie Bar, Benarty Square, Ballingry. (Pic: Prime Location)
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Going into the ad breaks of tonight's Dispatches like
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