This is my very cool new friend
@Ninja
, okay. He knows everything about video games. (I'm hoping he has a cheat code for lotsa extra V-Bucks.) Don't miss us presenting LIVE at
@thegameawards
tonight! Watch it here:
When you leave out milk and cookies for Santa this year, why not leave out $5 for Pepé too? You never know when I might stop by – especially if I'm getting $5, okay.
Did everybody but me know that the work day is EIGHT HOURS?? This is crazy! Who's in charge of this? I am calling in sick until they make it two hours tops, okay.
You know Pepé, I love to keep it hot and spicy. But this is not easy when it's so cold out!! Help me heat things up by asking me some questions, okay! Ask anything, I will tell the truth… mostly.
Need some summer style inspirations? You got it, okay! Any of these looks are guaranteed to make you the best looking one wherever you are this summer – unless you're at the same place Pepé is, okay.
This is the face of a very, very bored King Prawn. It's also the face of a King Prawn who's broke, so if any other bored peoples want to take me to dinner, call me, okay.
Happy
#ValentinesDay
! Here's a poem from Pepé for all the lovers out there:
Roses are red, money is green,
Wear something fancy tonight,
Because it's not Halloween, okay.
Every Sunday, I spend time in front of a mirror taking notes about how good I look. It's great for my self-esteem and will be really useful when I write my new book "How To Be Hot and Spicy in 30 Minutes or Less," okay.
If you GASP every morning when you look in the mirror, you must look pretty good. But if you pass out when you see yourself? You must look almost as good as I do in this picture, okay.
Hey, you. Si, you. I bet you didn't think I could see you. Well, I can. And you look fantastic, okay! Where do you get your clothes? Do they make king prawn sizes?
It's your lucky day! I want you to know more about the real me, so ask me some questions and I'll make us some answers that makes me sound good. Is incredible opportunity, okay. Ask Pepé now!
All five seasons of The Muppets Show are coming to
@DisneyPlus
on February 19. Is very funny show, okay. Of course would be funnier – and hotter – with me... but is still lots of the laughs, okay.
I'm so excited that it's Friday. I'm doing a "no spend" weekend where I don't spend any money. Well, none of my money. Please feel free to spend your money on me, okay.
Seems like everybody is leaving work early today to get a head start for the holidays... You all are crazy to wait so long! Me, I haven't even opened an email since Thanksgiving, okay!
This summer, I think everybody should meet new peoples, have new experiences, and get out of their shells. (That last one is easier if you are a crustacean, okay. Just don't forget the sunscreen!)
This is my favorite week of the year. Nobody cares if you do any work or not because nobody else is doing any work – it's like every day is another Christmas, okay!
Is crazy that last weekend was a long weekend but this one isn't. Who makes these rules?! I think I should be in charge of the weekend committee, okay.
Sí, I may be a spicy prawn, but I don't like spicy foods – especially not on dates. Is very tough to weep, sweat, and chug a glass of milk while trying to woo the one you love, okay.
It doesn't seem fair that weddings are the only time peoples get to have a gift registry. It's Tuesday, why can't I register for a new big screen TV to celebrate tomorrow being Wednesday. Makes sense to me, okay.
I thought I had an audition to host a new cooking show... but they just wanted me to be one of the ingredients!! Guess who's not coming to dinner, okay. Unbelievable!
I know peoples who have a bunch of monies hidden away "for a rainy day." This is crazy, okay!! Why would you want to spend your monies on a rainy day?? Spend it on a sunny day! Go the beach! Take me with you.
I still have some Halloween candies left over and I don't know what to do with it. I can't eat it: I only have one tooth and my dentist may be reading this, okay.
I finally got all my Christmas shopping done! I got all the gifts I needed… for myself. Like I always say: If you want something done right, give it to yourself, okay.
Dios mio, it's Friday the 13th! Be careful not to break any mirrors or walk under any ladders or text somebody too soon after a first date. Bad luck is everywhere, okay.
I got a million dollar idea and believe me, you gotta hear it! So... just send me a million dollars, then you get to hear the million dollar idea, okay.
It's after lunch on Friday! Everybody stop working! If your boss asks why you stopped before 5pm... just tell them Pepé said it was okay, okay. This never works for me, but if It works for you, I might try to get a job at your place.
Don't ask Pepé what he can do for you — ask what YOU can do for Pepé, okay. And right now...... you can like this post. Please and thanks, okay. Also, I'm available if you want to buy me dinner.
Is the first Monday of 2020. I dunno why, but I thought this would be cooler than other Mondays, okay. Is not. I'm still at work. Is still boring. Who keeps letting this happen?!
Come with me to the party of the year, okay.
#MuppetsHauntedMansion
, a
@DisneyPlus
Original Special streaming this fall! You wanna socialize with grim-grinning ghosts? Then stick with Pepe. Muppets Haunted Mansion!!!!
#HalfwayToHalloween
There’s no turning back now! Is the scariest place I’ve been since I accidentally showed up at a seafood buffet, okay. Here’s your first look at
#MuppetsHauntedMansion
, an all-new Original Special streaming this Fall only on
#DisneyPlus
.
Everybody needs a friend like Pepé! I'm very supportive of hopes and dreams, I always tell you your outfit looks good, and when you have extra monies, you can just give them to me, okay!
I love video meetings because I get to use fake backgrounds and I can pretend to be wherever I want! In my last meeting my background was an active volcano... I got to leave early to avoid the hot lava, okay.
If you wanna succeed at your job, you gotta make yourself irreplaceable. I do this by being the guy who says "Working hard or hardly working?" Every office needs someone to do this, okay.
Peoples often tell me "You scratch my back, I'll scratch yours." I do not like this phrase, okay. I've got four arms —You get twice the scratching! Is not fair, okay.
One year ago today, I went to a party at an old house, and it was a real scream! HA! Do you get it? Happy anniversary to
#MuppetsHauntedMansion
! Watch it on
@DisneyPlus
to see me, the ultimate Halloween treat, okay.
Uh oh. I just found out that I'm supposed to be at work between Thanksgiving and Christmas... did everyone know this?? I thought "the holidays" meant "take off a full month between holidays." Easy mistake, okay.
I may be a little guy, but I've never been a fan of small talk. You wanna talk about the weather? Call a meteoriteoligist... or whatever they're called, okay.
Peoples are always asking me, "Pepé, what's the best part of working with
@TheMuppets
?" And I always say "Working with so many talents… especially the ones who sign my paycheck."
Everybody wants me to teach them how to be cool. Here's the thing: You can't teach cool, okay. Is just a way of life for a special few: me,
@TheWeeknd
,
@JLo
... That's the whole list, okay.
I've got way too much going on this week! Anybody want to pretend to be me and do it all for me? Must have: four arms, the wicked good looks, and crustaceous charisma, okay.
Tired of people bothering you at work? I have automatic replies to my emails that say I'm on vacation on all the time! Because with Pepé, every day IS a vacay, okay.
The most exclusive Halloween party of the year is almost here, okay! I will be there. Be my plus one!
#MuppetsHauntedMansion
, an Original Special, starts streaming October 8 only on
@DisneyPlus
!
#Hallowstream
Does anybody wanna invite Pepé to their Big Game parties this weekend? I promise to only talk during the football parts and shush everybody who tries to talk during the commercials or halftime show, okay.
I've been ordering lotsa pizzas lately. Is much easier than cooking. Plus, only three more orders and I can finally finish building my pizza box fort, okay!
When you go to a complimentary breakfast, make sure you take as much as you can. Is free, okay. Luckily I've got four arms…. perfect for holding donuts.
What's the best first date you've ever been on? For me, it was my first date with
@JLo
... We got dinner, danced some salsa, and laughed all night long. Si, this only happened in my dreams, but is still wonderful, okay.
If you want to be successful, you gotta work hard, spend your monies wisely, and always look for the next opportunity. If you want to be REALLY successful, you gotta convince people you do all of these things without actually doing anything, okay.
Sometimes you gotta treat yourself to something nice…but all the other times, you want someone else to be treating you to something very, very nice, okay.
No pressure... but you'll really regret it if you miss my episode of
@CarpoolKaraoke
, okay. Si, Jason Sudeikis and
@TheMuppets
are there too, but we all know you're tuning in for Pepé. See the full episode, available for free on the
@AppleTV
app:
I really need a massage. Does anybody know a place that's good for crustaceans to go? Last time I got a massage the therapist brought out melted butter, okay.
Every day I have the same routine: Wake up, check my texts, check my email, check Twitter, take a nap, wake up, do all of this again, and repeat until dinner, okay.
Some peoples work so hard and get so much done in one day, it's like they're moving mountains! Other peoples (like me) don't even get out of bed. Which sounds better to you, okay!
I've said it before and I'll say it again, okay: The whole month between Thanksgiving and New Year's should be a holiday. Trust Pepé, nobody's really getting any work done anyway. At least I never do, okay.
I've got a new motto: If you don't have anything interesting to tweet, don't tweet anything at all, okay. Lucky for all of my followers, Pepé always has something interesting to tweet.
There's nothing like a Monday back at work after a long holiday weekend. Seriously, for me there's nothing like it, because I'm not going back until at least Wednesday, okay.
Three things you gotta make sure you bring on a date: Breath mints, your wallet, and a bouquet of flowers.
One thing you gotta NEVER bring on a date: Your Mamá. I've tried it, it doesn't end well for anybody, okay.
If you're ever at a restaurant that's too pricey, before you get the bill pretend you're an appetizer and send yourself back. But make sure you hit the exit before they put you in the dishwasher, okay.