๐ผ๐๐๐๐๐๐ต๐๐๐
@MulletFarm
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1
11
108
Dear Mr. Godec
@USAmbThailand
my beautiful wife is on her way to your office this morning. Please grant her a tourist visa to visit the family. God knows she deserves it.
We are simple Udon coffee farmers, dog people and NY merchant seaman.
12
0
108
Now she can also experience the joys of American public toilets, Walmart, the New York City subway, and domestic economy air travel.
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88
Buddy in Bangkok simply messaged me, "They're back."
4
3
86
Dear
@USConsChiangMai
WED at 8:00 AM you will be visited by Isaan's forward-thinking hard-working-est most spell-binding coffee farmer and part time Buddhist nun, my beautiful wife Wilailak. Kindly grant her simple powerful wish to travel once to the U.S.
Return proof attached
15
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81
"OK your papers are in order. Husband's wages look sufficient. You've traveled abroad before, good. Married 3 years. Wait what? You're an actual Isaan farmer? Visa denied."
Second denial in 4 years. Consultants didn't get a different result.
Dear Mr. Godec
@USAmbThailand
my beautiful wife is on her way to your office this morning. Please grant her a tourist visa to visit the family. God knows she deserves it.
We are simple Udon coffee farmers, dog people and NY merchant seaman.
12
0
108
48
7
83
There are no cane field fires in our Isaan county this year. Zero. Local sugar factories "Gum Pat Wa Bi" and "Nam Tan Udon" no longer accept burnt product. Police are enforcing ban.
10
4
79
Fuck cobras now I'm worried about these things.
28
2
79
My buddy exited ASQ a week ago. His internet Thai girlfriend eagerly awaiting his release turned out to be a Nigerian (in Nigeria). We, his friends, are shocked.
12
2
77
Return to the scene of the crime.
1
1
77
Buying ice cream for every kid on the block for $8 far more rewarding than throwing $50 at a New Jersey stripper.
6
2
78
There's a 90 pound Thai girl at this party whiskey drunk at 2:30 on a Sunday trying to fight people.
Oh wait that's my wife.
2
0
77
Long abandoned but I always come back to my first bungalow. 25 years of Koh Ma.
3
1
71
Happy anniversary my beautiful bat-shit spell-casting machete-wielding Jack guzzling silicone cyborg country Isaan wife. 'Til death do us part. In a shallow grave in a fit of passion.
6
0
65
I married a saint. With a hair trigger and a taste for Jack Daniels and Buddhism. I chose wisely.
1
0
65
Appendix surgical removal, 4 days private room hospital stay, all the trimmings: $480 (16,000 B).
Thailand's healthcare system is a crown jewel. I'm speechless.
@SangratTanee
7
0
61
1 American football, 12 mason jars, a case of Old Spice, size 16 shoes for
@BkkGreg
, a new iPhone for a Thai wife, and enough makeup for all of Na Na. Let's do this.
6
0
61
Johnson & Johnson single dose COVID vaccine scheduled for tomorrow. Have been in the United States for 1 hour.
4
3
59
We built a farm out of an old sugarcane field.
4
0
57
An important rite of passage for greenhorn deckhands: go stand on the bow in foul weather with tin foil in each hand so I can calibrate the radar.
*there is no such calibration
9
1
58
Our Bangkok apartment door has been open FOR 2 MONTHS with no one inside. Not a single item out of place. Second time it's happened.
8
0
57
Lessons from a Thai traffic accident (minor): keep a cool head and be nice. Follow your wife's instructions. The less you speak the better.
8
0
57
NY Harbor. 0400 start. The spice must flow.
1
1
57
"Yes hello security? There's a white guy with a mullet and a Slayer t-shirt and a stripper in the lobby bar."
"Uh yes m'aam they are in the presidential suite."
3
0
55
She boiled successful marriage down to bare elements, "You do what you want to do for happy, I'm do what I want to do for happy. Never talking bad. Give me the time. Trust me. Just be good wife and husband together."
I find no fault. It's Isaan Hemingway.
6
3
53
The water guy is onto me. "Why you need all this water so far out here alone?"
[looks around]
"You're that farang making the whiskey."
3
0
53
I've been out Farang'd. There's a guy in Udon Thani town with a custom Roadrunner hot rod tuk tuk. Respect, sir.
4
0
52
They had a discussion before taking a vote to "let the farang have it."
6
1
52
Khao Yai is out. Loei is fucking in.
4
0
50
I got 10 jars of North Georgia moonshine, a beautiful dog, a dirt bike, and a stripper wife that's good with knives. Nowhere to go from here. We've arrived.
2
2
49
Thai Wifeโs PCR test 4,900.
My PCR test today 6,500.
Same hospital. No budging.
The going rate is 1,350.
Capped by gov at 3,000.
@RichardBarrow
20
7
47
0
4
49
Yo
@RichardBarrow
where are those TAT culinary people? Fresh grilled pig, fresh jungle mushroom dip covered with hibiscus, waterfront seating, bottomless LEO. That's just breakfast.
0
1
48
The mayor of our town just dropped off a case of beer.
"Welcome home."
Serious Isaan street cred.
2
0
47
Fun fact: the monk sitting next to her got a U.S. visa.
He owns a pair of flip flops, a toothbrush and an umbrella. And we wish him well.
6
0
46
They literally made a sign for the temple food tent that says "Free food from the white guy's wife's team [MIA FARANG]."
6
0
46
I believe the market is saturated. 20 B a tree.
4
3
45
"You've just received a U.S. visa, what are you gonna' do now?"
"Go to
@OlearysBangkok
this Friday at 5:00 PM."
Ask us anything.
4
1
46
"Of course my love. I just flew 24 hours straight through to get to you. I'd be happy to stop at Makro."
5
0
45
Wife, "Your dog not to get up since you go back. Just be sad in corner. Not to play or go out."
"Let me talk to her."
2
0
43
She's acting like she doesn't know me.
7
0
44
Nong Khai is not for beginners. It's a dusty Mekong border town for die hards looking to fall off the grid or on the run. There are actual tumbleweeds.
7
0
43
"Good morning my dear. No there were no girls at Thanksgiving dinner."
3
0
45
4 years together today. We defy logic and natural order. An Isaan success story.
4
0
44
Never forget: one Sunday 6 years ago a man rode out of the woods on an elephant and asked for directions.
5
0
42
Somewhere, on a farm deep in Loei, a police chief unfurls an American flag his Isaan farang buddy gave him.
5
0
43
There she goes. One of God's own prototypes. A high-powered mutant of some kind never even considered for mass production. Too weird to live, and too rare to die.
3
0
44
Sometimes we get stuck for a tide cycle in Flushing, Queens Chinatown. Wu Tang is forever.
6
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42
She's just doing Aussie beer commercials now.
3
0
43
If dogs could talk she'd say "FUCK YOU."
3
1
43
6 weeks down, 2 weeks to go. Isaan calling.
1
0
41
2,000 B a month. Furnished. No weirdos. No meth heads. Waterfront. Utilities not included.
8
0
41
Songkran [Thai new year week] starts now.
1
0
41
Featherbeds, clean tiles, coated concrete, custom dog houses, fans, and she will always choose wet dirt.
4
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41
Some girls just say "Safe flight."
3
0
41
This crippled/disabled man has been walking the highway northeast out of Udon Thani rain or shine heat wave or hail storm collecting bottles from the ditch for as long as I have known my wife. To support his mother. Miles a day on one and a half legs and one arm. He's a lion.
1
5
41
Leave me unattended and you get what you get.
4
0
41
Thai wife heard a female United States Coast Guard officer from traffic control on the boat radio and of course demanded to know "WHO THIS GIRL? YOU TALKING WITH WHO?"
7
0
40
If she hands you a 1,000 Baht note and says "Sure can go to NaNa with
@chasngthedra8on
for 1 beer" it's a fucking trap.
7
0
38
Granny is like the Isaan tooth fairy. I just wake up everyday to treats.
1
0
40
If this guy sets her up with Twitter I'm done for.
1
0
38
Final delivery. Put the LEO on ice.
1
0
39
"Pa! We win lottery. We WIN!"
"Hot damn baby. I can stop working?"
"I win 2,000 Baht. Go to eat moo-ga-ta [barbque]."
Small victories.
3
1
38
Here is my beautiful Thai wife bashing some salted water buffalo testicle skin she roasted on an open fire with a sledge hammer. Because that is a thing normal people do before they consume it.
5
1
38