Murderbot
@MrBure
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@Arsenal lover, exhausted Nigerian, pre-emptive blocker of eejits
Orbiting Sag A*
Joined April 2009
During my dad's funeral, I heard that my aunts were talking about my mum's hair and the cutting thereof. They were saying something along the lines of, "If she refuses to cut it herself, we will come and cut it for her.".Now, in the lead up to the funeral, I somehow became seen.
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My first UK student visa application was denied because I "failed to demonstrate a strong enough relationship with my sponsor to justify their sponsorship of my studies". The sponsor? My dad. Confused doesn't even come close to describing how I felt when I read that thing.
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NDDC gave people scholarships to universities abroad, then abandoned them. When the issue hit CNN, the President was "shocked and appalled" (as usual) and ordered that all outstanding sums be paid immediately. NDDC has still not complied with the President's order.
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@NorwayMFA @TwitterSupport @jonasgahrstore @AHuitfeldt Can you loan us your Prime Minister for, say, 6-8 years?.
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I went to my mum to ask her if anyone had talked about her hair and before I could ask, she hugged me and said, "They didn't know I brought my egbe wagers with me." And then she laughed, and I laughed too because my own mum had just basically called me a tout. I was so proud. 😁.
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From "hot gal summer" to "I said Oga is not on seat!" in 60 seconds.
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Did you go to some kind of institution where they trained you to be this stupid or is it a natural gift?.
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I hope her husband knows he's married a war masquerade 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣.
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Yesterday, Tolu was defending the open borders. Today, Tolu is announcing and hailing travel restrictions. Life comes at you fast in this admin.
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I'm sorry, but she can't quit that job. His mum, her mum, and the pastor's wife are now the nannies, they should urgently set up a childcare schedule. And that arrangement will continue until the twins are in university. Shey they wanted kids?.
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It's why I struggle to muster up any sympathy for their people's complaints about the information they have to provide or the queues they have to join in order to enter EU countries now. It's not even up to 0.000001% of what they put us through on a daily basis.
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Anyway, here I am now, and they're talking about forcibly shaving my mother's hair. So, I turned to their emissary and calmly said, "Go and tell them two things: 1) Our grandfather's house isn't far from here; and 2) It's a good thing we're already in the mood for burials.".
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Heck, I appealed the decision and asked them what possible relationship could be stronger than father to child, or whether it was strange that a parent would sponsor their own child's studies, and someone eventually replied saying they stood by the ECO's decision.
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The IGP says he's ordered his men not to assault peaceful protestors, and then his men go ahead and assault peaceful protestors anyway. So, either the men do not obey the orders of the IGP and he should resign, or they ARE obeying his orders and he should resign. #EndSARS.
Awkuzu Sars did this. Opened fire and threw tear gas!!!.#EndSARS .#EndPoliceBrutalityinNigeria #EndSWAT
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They actually looked at this boy's face on the day his mother was buried, and thought he would grow into the kind of man who'd stand by and willingly let his wife experience the bullshit they put his mother through?
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Maybe it was the look in my eye, maybe it was that I didn't raise my voice when I said it, but the fellow scrambled off like a thousand demons were after him. I never heard talk about my mother's hair again after that, and the uncles and aunts began giving me a very wide berth.
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If NDDC that has no guns can blithely ignore the President without any consequence, imagine what the police and military can do.
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The most hilarious thing about President Trump's tenure is that in less than 4 years, he has completely dismantled nearly a century of carefully-crafted Hollywood propaganda. Toto has pulled back the curtain, and the "great and powerful Oz" is nothing but a tired, old, con man.
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all the room we could spare. You know, reasonable like. I could have told him to geddifok out of my face with that nonsense, but Actor always said that people could call him stubborn, but nobody could ever say he was rude, and so I tried not to be rude.
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The numbers in this report are absolutely insane. Almost a billion dollars trapped here. Abuja and Lagos are the two most expensive airports to operate from in Africa, we have the most expensive insurance, and the most expensive fuel. Are we sure we're not mad like this?.
Some foreign airlines may quit Nigeria, IATA warns FG
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If this administration announced something utterly insane tomorrow like, say, a tax on atmospheric oxygen, some of you on here will come and tell us that we don't really need to breathe so deeply anyway and shebi you people have been shouting who dey breet since?.
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I want to have sex in Nekede. I'll let my partner take off my clothes, and when she removes my boxers, I will shout, "Chai! They have nakeded me in Nekede!".
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as the "reasonable" one amongst my siblings, so they tended to pass their most ridiculous requests to me instead of my brothers. And maybe I helped create that situation because I'd always listen and then say I'd see what could be done.
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One time, an uncle came to me and asked for the keys to the house in the village on account of my dad promising him he'd always have a room there. I listened, and then told him I couldn't give him the keys because we had people coming from all over for the funeral and we needed.
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I just know that somewhere in Lagos, Ambode is shouting, "I need igbo and shayo" at the top of his lungs 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣.
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Here's Kemi's baseline for the uninformed:.Her father was a GP and her mother is a professor of physiology. She was born in the UK, and spent parts of her childhood in Lagos and the US before permanently settling in the UK at 16.
Kemi’s story is not mine to tell. Maybe some day she will share it herself. But I know our stories are very similar in a lot of ways. This tweet from Andrew just made me laugh. I guess if your dad was a governor, your baseline is different
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The water does not recognise Yoruba people with "pure" blood? Na wa o!.
This is Ojota, Lagos. We are all stuck in this traffic. The bridge to Maryland is flooded because of the rain that fell this morning. And we all have to wait for hours till we can pass! I could not have imagined that a bridge this important would have a blocked drainage. Whew!
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A single guy at the club - Task Force, do nothing. A single lady at the club - Task Force, arrest her because she's a prostitute. Also, rape her because prostitutes don't have dignity and it's not rape, it's theft.
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Chicken in EGG sauce? That's like a cartel vendetta. "I want that chicken dead! I want his cousins dead! I want his unborn children dead!".
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So, the West wants you to invest in the West, but one day they can wake up and seize your investments and call it sanctions? Might as well keep your money in your own country.
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"I Wanna Dance With Somebody" isn't about dancing.
What's the most misunderstood song in history?.
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@LizzInjinia @annemariezbooks You'd have gone, spoken at the conference and snagged one 9f their scarce eligible bachelors. They had to protect the rights of British women.
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It had been a particularly bruising year of battle. The troops had lurched from debacle to debacle and all that remained was the finishing blow. Brave soldiers one and all, but their morale was low. Every time it seemed a rally was on the horizon, it merely heralded the start of.
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@shearm President Trump, his Chief of Staff, and his Press Secretary are all lying about Congresswoman Wilson, and you somehow found a way to blame #Manysides.Wow.
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Judging by their actions, many Nigerians are actually atheists. A person cannot hold a genuine belief in a God who will judge their misdeeds at their death and possibly sentence them to eternal damnation, and still brazenly do the things these people do.
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AMAC is sending people letters demanding that they pay for a certification that their premises are "fit for continued use/habitation". Banks are to pay ₦1.8m per branch.Multinationals are to pay ₦40m.Oil companies are to pay ₦10m.Where does it end?.
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First of all, you'd have to completely shut down pumping operations to make sure there's no pressure in the line before cutting can begin to install the joint. Then you'd have to pressure-test it to make sure it holds, and then resume pumping. This didn't take 5 to 10 days.
I studied petroleum engineering. I served in oil creek Bayelsa. I visited a couple of Flow stations. You cant tell me otherwise. this is a well organized oil theft. NNPC could have easily detected this in many ways; thru Pressure drop, fluid velocity, leak detection, pigging etc
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Fans raised a banner insulting a rich, white man, and the ref immediately stopped the game. But when it's monkey noises being made toward a black player, there are "protocols" to follow.
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And Abike Dabiri can't tweet. Tragic.
Photostory: Nigerian, Uruemu Adejinmi Becomes First Black Mayor In Ireland
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So, I came across this thread earlier today, having been led to it by some men enthusiastically cheering Daniella come to judgment. And now, having put on my hotep, fake woke, virtue-signalling dashiki, deh strinf of deh patriarchy has been szripped eweh, so here goes:
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Harry is using his own mother's story? As in, the story he lived through? Which makes it his story as well? He's using his story to his advantage? 😂😂😂😂😂.
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So, PDP really looked around, gauged the mood of the nation, and chose Atiku?.
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So, saying men need to stop sexually harassing women and also speak out against bullying, is an attack on men?.
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@temiokomi Or you could try talking to them and developing a healthy, trusting relationship, but what do I know?.
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@I_Am_Ilemona @urchilla01 But they didn't say Atiku said "mere disturbances", they said Atiku described what happened as 'mere "disturbances"', indicating using that word to describe the event was downplaying the gravity of what happened. Scores of people killed is no simple "breakdown of law and order.".
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@Nwankpa_A In Chief J. J. Enwezor v CBN, the appellant had £26,659 in old Nigerian pounds, which he submitted to the CBN. They gave him £20.
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The number is
How many MVPs and former stars do Nets need to beat 36 year old LeBron and the Lakers?.
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It's not just the passengers. It's the Immigration officers, Customs officers, cab drivers, household staff, friends and family that they've come into contact with and THEIR contacts. Do you see the utter insanity in STILL allowing non-essential travel into the country now?.
Breaking! #COVID19Lagos Updates .If you are a passenger on flight BA 75 that arrived in Lagos on 13th March, 2020, stay at home and isolate yourself for 14 days. Call @LSMOH hotlines now; 08000corona, 08023169485,.08033565529,.08052817243, 08028971864, 08059758886, 08035387653
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I had to go deep into this thread before I realised she wasn't talking about Nigerian legal practice. Africa is a country.
My pupilage experience made me steer off law firms. I once attended an 'interview' at a certain well known firm in CBD where I wasn't asked a since legal question but rather told I would need to maintain how I looked by the 2 male interviewers.
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@uncletypewriter Bonus tracks:.Valid Questions.Why Did She Go if She Wasn't Down?.But Your Dad and Brothers. Daughter of Chimamanda.
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They've even stolen the money meant for their OWN healthcare, and we're supposed to be empathetic?.
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B&I claimed they couldn't represent Jennifer due to conflict of interest under Rule 17 of the RPC, and then recommended a former employee to her in DIRECT violation of the same Rule they had just cited. Amazing!.
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@bigbrutha_ The entire visa application system is a racket they use to make money off us. Deny your application for insane reasons which you can't appeal, and then you have to pay another fee to reapply, which they can also deny if they feel like.
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@crybabykinah They also added that I had therefore failed to demonstrate the benefit my sponsor would derive from paying for my studies.
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The United States of America, hands down. Hollywood is the greatest propaganda machine ever created.
Which country has the best PR?.
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Suddenly, everybody is talking about "slippery slope" this and "slippery slope" that. Go and wear your grippy shoes.
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So, the man who was a victim of police brutality and the denial of his fundamental human rights, is now an advocate for reporting issues to the very same police force that brutalised and dehumanised him. Funny.
If you can report a rape allegation on Twitter, it shouldn’t be hard to report to a police station. We must go beyond trends to punishing rapists.
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Imagine your administration being so hopelessly inept that Fayose sounds like a reasonable man.
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Narrator: In only a few hours, it would be revealed that he was indeed one of the horny boys here for girls. In fact, he was here for fat girls specifically.
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OK. D'Banj didn't rape her, but he paid for a hotel room for her and her mother so they can discuss settlement. What are they settling?.
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Monkey no fine, but him mama like am. I no fine, but see my mama! Happy Birthday Mama G!
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Very good. This government does not deserve the distraction of a World Cup. Plus, that's one less opportunity for theft.
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I once saw a video in which a pair of female detectives treated a man who came in to report a robbery the same way women are often treated when they report cases of sexual assault. They asked the guy why he wore a fancy wristwatch in that sort of neighbourhood.
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@marsokaytweets To paraphrase Bernie Mac, if Big Sean pulls his shit out, the whole room will get dark.
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So, as the election draws closer, more and more of the "Third Force" are prematurely revealing themselves as having been APC's Trojan Horses all along. 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣.
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The day belonged to the Patriarchists, and NOW they could face the terrors of #NoNutNovember with a smile. A tight smile, yes. But a smile just the same. HEIL SANDAL!.
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@crybabykinah This was way back, but I remembered it today because some English fella posted that Malta was asking him and his family for "humiliating" financial information before letting them enter the country.
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Dear Lagos men, it is time to upgrade. Retire the tired, old "I wish I'd met you before my wife" line, and use this instead: "Love has no timeline." Take risk and succeed!.
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@gunnerblog And how was this feeling expressed? With vile abuse and disrespect, with snide punditry and stubborn refusal to give him even a soupcon of praise for any achievement, with twisting every statement to find a stick to beat him with. The hypocrisy is thick today.
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