Max Garcia Davison
@MaxGDavison
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Writer (Simpsons Comics, the Top Gun and Entourage pieces in McSweeneys). Occasional Jeopardy contestant. Still wondering what happened to the Oneders.
Los Angeles
Joined February 2011
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Pinned Tweet
Doctor says, "Treatment is simple: Read comic books. Laugh. That'll pick you up." Man bursts into tears. Says, "But Doctor, I write comics."
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This one goes out to the man who taught me the true importance of five,
@WWEBigE
. Three ain’t enough, man.
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I’m not sure how you found that clip of my father and edited this together, but you have our thanks forever.
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@mrdougellin
Doug, I wrote this piece. It’s satire. It’s taking sensitivity readings to the extreme of editing shows from 15 years ago. The ET joke was quite intentional.
I’ve always wondered what it would be like to have Ari Gold scream obscenities at me. Now I know.
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I snapped a photo of the puzzle and posted it online and soon someone liked it. Then another person liked the photo. I felt strong and for that moment my fear of chaos vanished. Then I returned to how I felt before. I poured another whiskey. That would make sense of things.
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After more than a decade and four auditions, this gentleman will finally be a contestant on Jeopardy.
Who is me?
Yes, the boyhood dream is coming true. On TUESDAY JANUARY 10th, I’ll be behind the podium on the Alex Trebek stage.
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Not a dream. Not an imaginary story. The good people at
@Jeopardy
invited me back for the Second Chance Tournament. The most shocking return since CM Punk at Survivor Series.
On THURSDAY 1/4, tune in to watch the next (final?) chapter of this childhood dream come true.
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Some final thoughts about Jeopardy (before the coach turns back into a pumpkin):
My dad gave me two pieces of advice before going on:
1) Know your Canadian capitals
2) Enjoy it, because it goes by so fast.
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My only hope at the end was to bet $0 and hope for a very hard final. Which allowed me to write “Who is Valentina?” for my nine year old cousin, the same way in which my father answered “Who is Max?” for his nine year old son.
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My fiancée has also asked me to post this photo of the amazing cake she got for tonight.
#Jeopardy
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I am tired of women playing games with me. Seriously, I have lost five straight games of Scrabble to my Mom and I am not a good loser.
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After all the years of religiously watching at 7pm, tonight I’ll be on your TV screens on
#Jeopardy
Tune in and hope (for my sake) that there are clues about Oscar winners, obscure Batman villains, Mike Piazza, and the lyrics to We Didn’t Start the Fire.
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Being on Jeopardy is a damn dream come true, but it happens so fast. Thankfully having a second chance to stand on that stage gave me an opportunity to really savor those moments and appreciate being in that Oz-like world that is the Alex Trebek stage.
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I got to hear Johnny Gilbert announce my name and hometown.
I ran two categories.
Got to say “Interrobang” on national TV.
Stood on that stage, under the lights, in front of a live audience.
Last night I saw the amazing promo video featuring my dad.
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Finally, since some have asked, the final exchange over the end credits went as follows:
KEN: You looked out of breath at some points.
ME: Running categories tires you out.
KEN: That’s quite the
#Jeopardy
humblebrag.
Which I suppose it is.
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In between episodes, I sat on the Wheel of Fortune stage with a dozen other trivia nerds and watched Jeopardy together.
NOTE: You are not allowed to touch, look at, or even acknowledge the Wheel.
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@rodger
It’s like Gerhart, Luck, and McCaffrey getting passed over for the Heisman, but on a conference scale.
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Post-credits scene for Fantastic Four is Nick Fury sneaking into the Fox offices and bringing the movie rights back to Marvel.
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The pin I wore was Nicole Kidman from the AMC intro. And much like that, on the Alex Trebek stage, somehow heartbreak feels good in a place like this.
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Son, you think you can simply hit “next episode” and learn what’s in the hatch?People my age had to wait an entire summer!
My latest in
@mcsweeneys
is a life lesson to the next generation: don’t binge-watch LOST. Savor it and become unhealthily obsessed.
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Most shameful part of the Diddy story is that he was flinging the kettlebell with his arms and back rather than popping his hips and hammys.
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But now that the episode has aired, there’s closure.
Ken told us that even though we might not win, there will be lots of smaller victories along the way.
And who would've thought Ken Jennings would be correct re: Jeopardy?
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First thing you do in Supermarket Sweep is go straight for the high value items.
1993: Ham, turkey, steaks.
2023: A dozen eggs.
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Above all, I'm grateful for everyone who texted, called, emailed, tweeted, sent a raven, etc. Reconnecting with so many friends and family is the true prize.
...Although realizing that "1000 days" equates to "1001 Arabian Nights" would've been nice.
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Hangman doesn’t know who Bonnie Raitt is. This episode will definitely give them something to talk about.
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This is better than when Jerry Bruckheimer thought “Heterosexual Undertones in Top Gun” was real film criticism
@mcsweeneys
‘Entourage’ Creator Doug Ellin Flips Out Over Suggested Sensitivity Changes to Show
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Voting for my favorite
@ComedyBangBang
episodes is like being forced to choose my 10 favorite children and tell the other 42 that they suck.
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Before seeing Top Gun 2 this weekend, be sure to read and process the recent scholarly paper from
@mcsweeneys
that recontextualizes the original film.
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Getting on that stage was the realization of a lifelong dream. A once in a lifetime experience. But sadly those only happen once.
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2023:
-After 15 years of auditioning, I appeared on Jeopardy
-I got married in an Irish castle
-Lost my mother after health battles claimed her body and mind
-And the creator of Entourage called me “a talentless revisionist hack.”
Life can be funny and cruel, but never dull.
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I would’ve loved a few categories about sports, movies, TV, non-jazz music, the Muppets, etc. But such is the luck of the big board.
Yet I still managed to do a terrible Jeff Goldblum impression, finally got a daily double correct, and told the story about how I got engaged.
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I sold a script. Deal closed, check cashed. It sold.
I wasn’t sure whether to say anything, as it would be bragging or too self congratulatory. But I don’t know when this is going to happen again.
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Thankfully this time my dad and my wife got to be in the audience. I’m very grateful that they got to see it live.
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Whether it was a single question, the FJ think music, a round, the game, the day, it went by oh so quickly.
Taped it two months ago, so I’ve been holding onto it ever since, replaying it in my head. “If I had selected X instead of Y...” “If only I would’ve wagered less...”
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Found the Subway in Kilkenny, which is very important to the set up of one specific Mitch Hedberg joke. Somehow no one else on the tour wanted to take a photo.
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Very proud to have a piece on McSweeney's today; a scholarly look at how we may have misinterpreted Top Gun and missed its subtle subtext.
Thanks to
@SeanFennessey
@MalloryRubin
@ChrisRyan77
@CKlosterman
and
@ringer
for bolstering my works cited page.
"Whether it is a glance, a throwaway line ('You always go home with the hot women'), or the scenes where Maverick has sex with a woman, there are subtle instances of straightness that are impossible to deny."
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For my latest in
@mcsweeneys
, I take a look at two groups who are very defensive about what should and should not be considered canon: Star Wars fans and certain state legislatures.
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If my ideas are intriguing and you wish to subscribe to my newsletter, Choo Choo Choose me and check out my latest in
@mcsweeneys
.
If you don’t, you can actually pinpoint the exact moment when my heart breaks in two.
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Now that the second chance has come and gone, a few thoughts about my time on
#Jeopardy
.
Not the ideal outcome (no one wants their career Jeopardy record to be 0-2), but being on that stage is surreal and damn if it wasn’t great to be back.
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And even though it was more familiar, the game is still nerve wracking. I literally pictured a map of Denmark in my head before saying “What is Finland?”
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Second time around was certainly more relaxed. There were three familiar faces from my original taping. Everyone shared stories from their Jeopardy come down. Much less competitive, really felt like nine trivia nerds enjoying another opportunity.
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My dearest wife-
Today marks day 11 of being unable to find Kerrygold butter on California shelves. I used my second to last pat in my bulletproof coffee this morning, and I dread the moment that stick is finished. Morale is low, but we shall persevere.
Love always,
Max
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The story of how one man’s obsession can make life a living hell for the rest of his crew.
My latest in
@mcsweeneys
#HappyBirthdayMelville
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Apologies for the lack of quality wordplay as of late. I’ve been otherwise engaged.
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@SeinfeldToday
Elaine starts CrossFit. George watches The Wire. Jerry goes vegan. The bet? Who can go the longest without talking about it.
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Stop by
#2519
for a sketch variant cover of Simpsons
#230
and this poster that's smooth as velour.
@yodaredux
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As a lifetime J! watcher (and my dad was a one day champ back in 1997) it was a surreal experience. Tune in to see if all the years of bar trivia, obscure “fun facts” and encyclopedic knowledge of the 1988 Dodgers pay off.
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"I'm not shallow. I am not here to just make out with guys on TV!"
CUT TO:
Kaitlyn making out with a guy on TV.
#TheBachelorette
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@connordsears
and I spent the previous day together in the contestant pool. Very proud to share the stage with him.
#Jeopardy
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I got the call for
#Jeopardy
when Kate and I were flying back from Italy. While waiting in the customs line with a legal (?) amount of meats and cheese in my luggage, I was on the phone with the contestant coordinator, doing my background check.
TONIGHT!
@MaxGDavison
will be on Jeopardy. Please watch.
There is nothing like seeing the person you love get to experience one of their life long dreams. I'll take smarty pants fiancés for 1,000,000, please.
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Poker players always remember the hands they lost. And I’ll always regret missing Tucson. Especially as it’s the hometown of this great American bartender.
#jeopardy
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Can we joke about the Dodgers’ trade deadline or is it too soon for Gallo’s humor?
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"We’ll teach you how to fight back against both a kimura lock and a financial system that is rigged by Soros-backed global elites."
My latest in
@mcsweeneys
, covering the overlap between Libertarians and Mixed Martial Artists.
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In my latest
@mcsweeneys
piece, That Guy from your writers group explains how to craft an unlikeable hero. And if you find that character to be vain, delusional and unreadable? Well then you just don't get what he was going for.
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By now, Reaganomics would almost have trickled down to my tax bracket
#IfThe80sNeverStopped
@midnight
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Got my masters, then graduated from business school and now I am out! So long, higher education!
#MaMBAOut
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Were you aware that local florist Trader Joe’s also sells a wide variety of seasonal snacks and beverages?
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Come on,
@CBS
. Think about all the lazy advertising puns you can use for
@normmacdonald
"The New Norm!" Writes itself.
#LateLateNormNorm
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Good lord, this person at Trader Joe’s has no idea how to walk, let alone push a cart down the wine aisle, and if they bump me one more time—
Wait. They also clapped along when “Private Eyes” came on the radio. We’re now best friends.
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@ComedyBangBang
"Our next guest reminds me of a great Miami Dolphins quarterback. He has the same haircut as Bob Griese. It's Ken Marino!"
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Some people like spinning blades to create a breeze, but I'm not a fan.
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And
@suzgraggen
was a pleasure to meet and shared some great stories about Grand Teton national park.
#Jeopardy
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Anagram categories are much easier when you’re at home. Time flew by quickly on those!
#Jeopardy
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.
@mcsweeneys
was kind enough to publish this piece of mine. Finding true love isn't easy. So trust the process.
@ZachLowe_NBA
"We all want to find the One, but maintaining a 'Win Now' mentality isn’t practical."
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@TomBrevoort
X-Men
#85
by Joe Kelly and Alan Davis - Disguised as a human, Magneto bases the future of mankind on the beliefs of one construction worker.
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HAPPY ENDINGS DESERVED TO BE CANCELED!
Ok. Now that I have all twentysomethings' attention, I'd like to talk about student debt relief.
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The Andromeda Strain is worse than first thought and is now the Andromeda ACL Tear
#NewSpaceFacts
@midnight
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Dwayne ended Cody’s story like it was the Black Adam franchise.
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@ringer
The film that made me see Jamie Dornan as one of the finest actors of his generation. No, not Belfast. Barb and Star.
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