Laurd Stanley
@LaurenBelfoy
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I used to tweet, I still tweet but I used to too
PacNW
Joined May 2009
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Pinned Tweet
The whole M&Ms “melts in your mouth, not in your hand” thing is the biggest lie of our time, bigger than anything any politician has ever said. Those fuckers melt in your hand.
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Imagine Dragons guy: “I wrote another song.”
Other Imagine Dragons guy: “Does it sound like something a sports team would use as their entrance music?”
“Yes.”
“Lay it down.”
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Because I smoked all of my quarantine weed in the first night
Me eating all of my quarantine groceries in the first night
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Felt cute, might get someone fired over nothing later, IDK
-Hockey Twitter
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Kale, Cale, Raddysh, Bean. If nothing else Team Canada has the makings for a nice salad.
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Kevin Haze is my favorite Sativa-dominant hockey player
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@natefridson
I once asked a cop to help me jump start my car and he said no he’s not allowed to do that. Dude what’s the point of ‘protect and SERVE’?
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@TheOfficialHDA
Anyone who thinks this player should’ve been given a chance because “he was 14, people make mistakes” is probably the type of person to make these “mistakes” themselves. People like this don’t change. There should never be a place in this sport for him.
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I got an Oculus Quest 2 for Christmas, please send recommendations!
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Makes you wonder how many super good hockey players there are out there that don’t know they are super good because they can’t afford to play the game. Hockey is one of the least accessible major sports to participate in, in the US at least.
The cost of hockey in Canada & the US had risen to unthinkable heights.
41% of hockey parents spend between $5,000 and $10,000 a year, while 16% spend upwards of $10,000+ a year on hockey-related expenses. Inflation added in now & parents are worried about costs to skyrocket.
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Britney Spears is wearing earplugs at the Kings game which is funny because that's how I listen to her music.
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Starting a petition to rewrite and reshoot this season of the NHL.
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These Joes ain’t loyal
Sharks icon Joe Thornton admits ‘it is’ tempting to get traded to a contender
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@voguemagazine
@SInow
Damn, as if men weren’t already better at everything than women, they’re even better at being women...
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My weed store has Kraken vapes, I love Washington State
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@PeteBlackburn
First of all, ignore anyone recommending Red Rose, PG Tips, or Lipton. They all taste like paper. And for the love of god do not put milk and sugar in it. Real tea should be hot leaf water and nothing else.
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It’s a skills competition for the guy in first place, it’s a field sobriety test for the rest of them.
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Not airing the Lightning and Hurricanes series on the weather channel was a missed opportunity.
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Oh man the ovation from the Oilers fans in Anaheim, I've never heard an away crowd sound so much like a home crowd.
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Q: How many NHL refs does it take to change a light bulb? A: Zero, none of them saw it go out.
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Guys you don't need a Condon if you're just gonna Spooner.
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That’s cool in honor of 90s Night at Staples Center the Kings are playing a team that hasn’t been good since the 90s.
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This Devils/Blackhawks game is just like my dating life: a lot of bad D.
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My advice to anyone who wants to actually enjoy hockey (or anything) is LEAVE TWITTER IMMEDIATELY.
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I got a black market Covid haircut in some guy’s basement yesterday like I was getting an abortion in Georgia.
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When you're feeling Hornqvist make sure to use a Condon on your Bonino when you make Lovejoy.
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Nobody ever takes photos of me so I have to take selfies to prove I exist
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@drewmagary
I’m not even gonna read it and just say avocados. The window of ripeness is like one minute only on a Tuesday.
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@DanReynolds
Whoa Imagine Dragons guy, I didn’t even know you were real. Also, why is this an insult? I think sports team entrance music is awesome.
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I bet Leonard Cohen's dying words were "don't you dare play fucking 'Hallelujah' at my funeral".
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So sad that a former NHL enforcer now works at a Tim Hortons instead of slowly killing himself with drugs like a normal person.
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Joe Thornton battling with Jake Muzzin looked like two Amish guys that got their plows tangled up.
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If all that remains of our culture in a thousand years is South Park episodes, they'd have a very accurate account of these times.
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Kevin Gravel rocks.............. sorry about that joke I'm STONED.
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I feel like if your parents can afford $500,000 to bribe a college then you probably don’t need to go to college. I’d be like “fuck college, just give me the money mom, I’ll start a new life for myself”.
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It would be a far greater insult to chant "Corey Perry" at a Katy Perry concert.
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Kobe broke Twitter, I think he should buy us all a Ferrari and a 4 million dollar diamond to make it up to us.
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They tried to make fun of Cartman in Anaheim and it backfired and started a Go Kings Go chant. That's enough of a win for me. Good night.
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Who wants McDonalds delivered? The whole point of McDonalds is to eat it while crying in your car.
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Growing up with Bob Saget as a tv father figure as a child and then watching him say he sucked dick for coke in Half Baked as a teen was a coming-of-age moment for so many millennials. RIP Bob.
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I love when teams throw it back to their old logos. Sometimes they hit, sometimes it’s like “here’s a crude sketch of a bear head drawn by someone who hasn’t seen a bear, graphic design doesn’t exist yet, you get what you get”
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There’s like no one in the crowd at Staples Center. Either a lot of people got caught in traffic, or the Kings are going above and beyond to make the Coyotes feel at home.
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Jonathan Quick is the kind of goalie that makes kids want to be goalies, for fun and not because they're the fattest kid on the team.
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Alex Ovechkin is exactly the type of guy you love to see celebrate with the Cup.
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@WSJhealth
I hate when they say “you can get drugs easily online” and then not tell you where to get them 😒
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An Ebola scare is no joke if you regularly make out with strangers on flights from Africa.
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Acting like I didn’t drive a pickup truck 35 miles to be here
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The 'Sorry We Planted Drugs On You And Terminated Your Contract' tribute video at the game tonight was a classy move
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