ellory smith
@ellorysmith
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3x Emmy nominated writer who is always looking for corporate work
Joined April 2011
Hi everyone!. Someone is impersonating me on Snapchat offering to “sell content”. Do not give them any money - I do not have a Snapchat. I do not sell content. Please report that account.
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When my dad got cancer they tried to kick him off his insurance so as he was dying his life was paperwork and phone calls 👍.
He took the life of a dad who did nothing to him and has *ZERO* remorse. This is your hero?
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Can I ask a stupid question. What’s wrong with trees.
Scientists create Liquid Trees; a tank full of water and micro-algae that could be an alternative to trees in urban areas.
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I know that kitchen staff wanted him dead.
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The quality of sweaters has declined so greatly in the last twenty years that I think it genuinely necessitates a national conversation.
Ben Schwartz recreates Billy Crystal’s look from ‘WHEN HARRY MET SALLY…’
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My cat when I sleep at someone else’s house for a night.
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This is what working in an office feels like.
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It’s so funny to read these headlines if you remember what the Bush Twins were like.
Malia Obama takes smoke break in LA weeks after sister Sasha was also spotted smoking cigarette
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You must be this tender and loving with all of God’s creatures and I’m being so serious about that.
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Me in the summer before seventh grade the night before school starts.
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I do think if you made a kardashian live my life on my income for a single month they would kill themselves.
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Can I suggest that the mundanity of life is actually very special so things like going to the gym and playing with your dog might be the best you ever get and that’s still a good life.
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Will never forget a rich guy I dated who once told me I was “so good at using all my groceries”.
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When I make a typo in the group chat and my friends use that misspelling as slang for the next six years.
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NYT Connections is NOT the game to play when you’re in a bad mood. “Types of salad” okay kill your self.
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Accidentally spent $300 trying to get 4 comedy tickets on my phone to a cheap show at Fringe. They would not refund me. Also the comedian came out expecting a full crowd and there were like 49 empty seats, because I had accidentally bought all the tickets.
My most millennial trait is big purchases must happen in big laptop screen.
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Begging an insurer you pay monthly to cover your care and then dying anyway. He was in a shared hospital room as he died. Fuck your CEO.
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But surely this wouldn’t happen to me. Like my black spatula is probably fine right.
Black plastic products—such as spatulas, sushi trays, and children’s toys—are regularly made from recycled electronic waste. Many of these products contain concerning levels of flame retardants—and they are leaching into our food, @ZoeSchlanger reports:
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I saw a dry January tip list that suggested you avoid friends who want to go to bar. as a non drinker can I weigh in and say that actually going to a bar, ordering a basket of fries with a soda feels like going to the moon and seeing god there.
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I mean genuinely what’s the downside now of running a truly leftist party? We tried centrism and it lost. Whats the worst that can happen if we go left - losing again?.
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They banned teenagers from my hometown mall. You now have to be 18+ or with a chaperone.
Teens who meet up with their friends 'almost every day' is down from 50% in the 90s to 25% today. Falls off a cliff around 2010, alongside the rise of smartphones and social media.
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Rich folks I dog sit for have switched to Hulu with ads. The recession is here beloved.
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My cat is on a (MEDICALLY PRESCRIBED) diet and it’s making him so violently pissed off it’s bringing the whole household to their knees.
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Larry David wrote Seinfeld while living in subsidized housing for artists. We used to do things just like this. Grants for artists, public funds for them to live and work.
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Whyyyy does it look like a British solider violating the third amendment.
A thread of 20 Survival Tips And Tricks You Might Not Have Known Before. 1. How to break a door
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It’s incredible how many people didn’t understand that Brexit would mean a British Exit from the EU.
“I’m fed up with going away to Europe and apologising…you feel embarrassed.”. Lorraine Kelly says queues at passport control post-Brexit make her feel like a “untermensch.”. @reallorraine | @HugoRifkind . 📻
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Every day I log onto this website, see four of the strangest sentences ever written, and then go about my day. The long term effects of this on the human brain are unknown.
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This type of study is done endlessly in all parts of the world. Every time we learn the poor people don’t waste money. And then we just move on and do nothing with that information.
Researchers gave homeless people $750 per month for a year, no questions asked. The recipients spent the money on food, housing, transportation, clothing, and health care. And after six months, only 12% of those who received funds were still homeless.
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It’s because we have done the work of training these machines for free by using ChatGPT and uploading our pictures to see what we’d look like with a goth yearbook picture.
Mind u this was AI not even a year ago. somebody needs to break into the server rooms & pour pepsi on all the racks 😭
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To have been loved is to have been changed.
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“As I remember it, the Civil Rights Movement had no arrests, the Vietnam protests were peaceful, and no bricks were thrown at Stonewall.” That’s how a lot of you sound this week.
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I think it all speaks to a selfishness of a certain generation whose refusal to step aside or let go of an inch of power to let the next generation in - and there are a million examples. Diane Feinstein. Nancy Pelosi. Mitch McConnell. RGB. Biden.
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Honked at a car this morning that turned out to be my therapist while we were both on the way to her office. I’m sure we will be getting into one today.
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i asked SARAH, the World Health Organization's new AI chatbot, for medical help near me, and it provided an entirely fabricated list of clinics/hospitals in SF. fake addresses, fake phone numbers. check out @jessicanix_'s take on SARAH here:.via @business.
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My therapist had no idea there was a Barbie movie coming out. She said it’s live action? I said yeah. She said this year?.
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Ohhhh my gosh you’re in love. Thts nice. I bet you aren’t as productive as you used to be.
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I loovve saving a stupid picture to my phone and then never deleting it. My phone is screaming, stop! I can’t handle anymore ! But I cannot. Another stupid picture must be downloaded and saved.
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Easily one of the major benefits of having a sibling is getting to talk to someone who knows *exactly* what your parents are like.
For parents with more than 1 child, can you tell me a really positive thing about having a second child? I don’t want the “they’ll be bffs!” Bc while there are chances they’ll be friends they could also be enemies. it’s true they can love each other they can also hurt each other.
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Robert Frost was born way too early. The nickname Bobby Chills would’ve gone so hard.
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Not employed or unemployed but a third worse thing (freelance).
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As a Los Angeles babysitter I have seen children’s birthday parties that would make Bernie Sanders kill himself.
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Coffee shop near my house has started charging $14.50 for a bagel with cream cheese , not all small businesses deserve to make it.
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Not the triangle shirtwaist factory strategy.
Emergency exit gates at three subway stations will soon take 15 seconds to open, MTA officials announced Monday, as part of an effort to crack down on the “super highway of fare evasion.”
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Girl, the deregulation.
Boar's Head has recalled 207,000lbs of deli meat. A street value of $28B. Was it sabotage?
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When you work in service spaces it’s well known that the holidays are jam-packed with certain people and groups helping out momentarily while the rest of the year they actively work against helping people get fed or housed.
Billionaire Jeffrey Katzenberg could single-handedly end homeless in Los Angeles if he wanted to. Spare us the photo op
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Scully: Mulder be serious. You can’t possibly believe that. Mulder:.
I think a grey alien would like Pepsi and a green alien would like Mountain Dew. I am working on evidence to support this.
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All of the men I know who are craftsmen (potters, carpenters, etc) are absolutely knee deep in offers from women.
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Crazy that the response to this is never “we need to pay our teachers more”.
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My dad died at 62, begging his insurance to cover some of his chemo, while Henry Kissinger had access to three heart surgeries and will to live to see 100. Just something I think about when I feel like being angry.
Henry Kissinger turns 100 years old tomorrow and his son reflects on the secrets of his longevity. Hint: It's not the diet heavy on bratwurst and Wiener schnitzel.
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When I say the light of god shines upon me I don’t mean it in a religious way I mean it like this
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Engagement photo shoots are so funny as a concept. Like girl, we believed you.
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I don’t trust anyone who says they hate small talk. Umm. Sorry there are a few hoops to jump through before you can tell me something really strange.
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Direct cash payments to working people. Could his father say the same.
BREAKING: it was just revealed that Hunter Biden spent a staggering $870K on prostitutes, porn and sex club memberships
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This is a great way to spend time if you can’t donate financially!.
btw here’s how to find and report predatory landlords in LA who are price gouging in the wake of the wildfires ✨which is illeeeeeegal✨
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I’m at the vet sitting next to a woman who keeps loudly going “uh oh” any time someone leaves crying. Unfortunately it’s making me laugh really hard.
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Woke up in a cold sweat remembering I voted Republican in the fourth grade mock election because I liked elephants better.
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If you have more than $15,000 worth of work done to your face you shouldn’t be able to start a beauty line. Willing to die on this hill.
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It is interesting that violence carried out abroad does not count as “killing in cold blood to resolve policy differences”.
Governor Josh Shapiro comments on the arrest of Luigi Mangione:. “Some attention in this case, especially online, has been deeply disturbing as some have looked to celebrate instead of condemning this killer. […] In America, we do not kill people in cold blood to resolve policy
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This is how much empathy they have for you. How much empathy will you have for them?.
“Get over it,” says the CEO of the most profitable bank in U.S. history to Americans fearing Trump’s tariffs will send the meteoric cost of living even higher.
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There is a part in the Robbie Williams Better Man movie where the monkey’s girlfriend leaves him and get pregnant by Liam Gallagher of Oasis and I thought the monkey might kill himself. Beautiful movie.
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15 years ago I learned to play this on the trumpet and every member of my family wanted me dead.
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Naming your WiFi connection is a sure fire way to let everyone know how old you are. There are maybe ten thousand households of thirty five year old men whose internet is named Pretty Fly for a WiFi.
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Do we think she knows the full story or did she stop reading after “died in Iraq”
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When I was in the third grade a girl in my class told everybody her brother killed Saddam Hussein and we all believed her . Our teacher let her make a little announcement about it. The early 2000s were just like that.
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I know 30 year old men who are 40 and I know 30 year old men who are 24. Hope this makes sense.
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Rumpelstiltskin as hell.
George Santos just left Tim Burchett’s office with a baby in his arms. When asked if it was his baby, he said “not yet.”
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Having to pay taxes on unemployment money is soooooo petty. Can you not just give me the amount of money you’d like me to keep.
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She is older and more beautiful
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Okay I’m learning a lot about trees, concrete, and algae thank you for humoring me everybody.
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The problem with making your entire personality being young/hot is that eventually you might be neither of those things and you’ll still have to find something about yourself that feels important and true.
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We need an education program in this country that explains to people the point of a government service vs a business. A government service isn’t losing money - we are paying for the service. The “profit” is getting to use the thing. It does not generate income. It’s a service.
A government-run grocery store in Kansas lost $123,000 last year and the "goal" is to lose only $100,000 this year. Now Chicago wants to open its own.
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I showed this video to an ex boyfriend once and he said, that’s not funny. Put yourself in jimmy’s shoes.
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I think if we all had any back bone we’d stop treating AI as an inevitability rather than something we can decide not to accept. We do not have to accept jobs training AI models. We do not have to watch as it collapses industries.
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22% of US renters spend entire income on rent, per Redfin.
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Will never forget the guy I saw on raya whose bio said “I prefer reading books to texting” like those were the only two options or even comparable choices.
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When I worked as a line cook at a donut/burrito place, burritos stopped at 3pm. When I got an order at 2:55 I wanted violence.
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If I take even 6 hours away from this site something happens that leaves me hunting for clues for the next three days.
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Don’t ask me why I didn’t give the tickets away I didn’t know until after when I checked my debit card statement and put it all together.
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Social media/phones obviously cause anxiety and hurt self esteem but when kids have no where to be the only option is scrolling.
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Well, unfortunately in California we have earthquakes.
This sounds naive, but what keeps the USA from adopting stone, concrete, brick houses in general? It is the richest country on the planet. Why do most people live in rickety wooden tinderboxes?
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Sorry want to come clean about being mean to my cat earlier but it’s not about being perfect it’s about trying
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Anddddd I am telling you, I’m Not Going! I’m staying - I’m staying. And you, you, you. you’re gonna love me
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And they tried to make you scared about a “Chinese social credit score”.
Oracle's Larry Ellison says “citizens will be on their best behavior” with an AI surveillance system .
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When a restaurant only has their own homemade ketchup.I’m like don’t you know hubris is the hero’s fatal flaw.
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I’m sorry when you told me your grandma died I said diva down. It was a knee jerk reaction.
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“Because it would be nationally crushed” ok let that happen then. We’re already losing? Doesn’t seem like a huge change!.
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Welt, I been on an elegant walk. To the town where my internshit is taking place.
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The IRS has to track every $600 you get *because* the Pentagon can’t pass an audit. Ditto with millionaires. You’re more likely to get audited if you make 80k or less because it requires less man power, so the poor end up subsidizing taxes that the rich won’t pay.
The Pentagon can’t pass an audit, but the IRS will track every $600 you get on Venmo. They can’t account for trillions for wars and genocide, but they’ll find every last penny when it comes to you.
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It’s soooo drama when someone says an event was cancelled due to “unforeseen circumstances.” Babe describe the circumstances.
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Craaaaazy that there is no shorthand for “I am addicted to the way you are bc of the kind of childhood I had but I don’t think you are a good or interesting person “ … there should be like an acronym or something.
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