Kelsey 🎃
@KelseyDelave
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Following
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Media
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Statuses
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Artful melodrama. I'm just a kid from Brooklyn.
Brooklyn
Joined March 2009
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HAPPY TWENTY FOURTH
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Liverpool
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OFFROAD IN UBON
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Happy Mashujaa
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#スパスタ3期
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@DivaLaci
One time I landed over an *hour* early JFK>LAX and I still think of that flight in fear
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Is he free this weekend
16 years ago today, on three days rest and with a torn meniscus in his left knee, Johan Santana tossed a complete game three-hit shutout against the Marlins to keep the Mets playoff hopes alive.
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I'll tell you what we're absolutely not about to do and that's politicize waffles
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Not fucking Ashton Kutcher saying his friend shouldn't go to prison for rape because......9/11
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@halsey
It's like when you accidentally lean too far back in a chair and get that rush of terror but instead of dissipating it hangs around for 4 days
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And Chrishell deserves a hot young himbo that does want kids. If they propose a Romain-Jason partner switch, I need everyone to be cool about it. These people don't live on our planet by our rules, this is fine
mary and jason belong together. they both don't want any (more) children and take dog parenthood very seriously
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Tuned into Family Feud mid-episode Monday and I've spent all week trying to figure out what the question for this could be
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His lawyer literally thought of that on the spot because he passed the Costco down the street on his way to the prison
Costco tells TMZ they don’t even sell baby oil after Diddy’s lawyer suggested he had 1,000 bottles because he buys them in bulk from Costco.
“None of the company’s US locations carry baby oil”
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@BuzzFeed
Hey it'd be cool if the subject of the article's name was first in the headline instead of her ex-husband's
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@sugarscape
Heartbroken. Thank you guys so much for all you've done over the years. We'll always have 1D World NYC ❤
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@everywhereist
My mom lived in Florida and I live in Brooklyn, and every time I told her I was leaving town she'd still say, "okay, I'll miss you"
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Literally known people who'd be like, "wowwww, you took a prescribed xanax for your panic attack? That's so irresponsible. ...anyway, I did 3 rails of coke at the bar yesterday it was so sick"
if i’m here rambling about how xanax is the coolest fucking drug in the world and everyone should be fucked up on it all the time that’s one thing but if i just mention taking the drug try and refrain from making judgemental comments on someone’s life who you know nothing about
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May our Savior Tebow bless us abundantly today. In the name of Gary, Keith & Ron, amen.
#LGM
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@DeanBrowningPA
As a straight white man, I feel like I should remind you that Candace Owens isn't a politician broseph
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Explaining this election to your children will be like Ted telling the story of How I Met Your Mother
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I really respect how committed to her type Hailee Steinfeld is
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@chrissyteigen
Haaave you read about Hart Island, where Rikers inmates bury unclaimed dead bodies?
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Demi Lovato's voice cracks are better than 80% of artists' full voices.
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@Brunelle__
You in that dress is the most *stunning* wedding look I've ever seen, no exaggeration
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Hi, Russell's evolution over the years has been extraordinary and he remains hilarious.
#ReBirth
on Netflix ❤️
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@priya_ebooks
One of my favorite encapsulations of addiction was in Get Him To The Greek when his girlfriend said, "Then you did yoga for 5 hrs a day. There's nothing you can't turn into heroin." Highlights how sometimes recovery is a redirection of that energy into something less destructive
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A guy said "my favorite thing about you is your sense of humor" and I've never recovered
Imagine if a man said "I don't like you for your looks I like you for who u are on the inside" lol I'd be fuming mate
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@1followernodad
I cannot tell you how many people I've recommended read Kelsey Grammer's Wikipedia. It starts with his real name being Allen and just becomes a novel from there
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Me when I'm sobbing but a girl I follow posts a picture of herself and she looks great and I want to hype her up
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Narcissists are usually charismatic! Kinda their thing!
I like Greg and I’m not sorry ab it. I’ve met him and he’s a really nice person and a good friend. We all make mistakes dating, that’s how we learn. He does not deserve all the hatred. I will die on this hill
#TheBachelorette
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I have not followed
@BeeBabs
for years just to be killed by The Sea, absolutely not
Deep sea diving should be on everyone's bucket list unless your grown ass can't swim
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What about the ocean is inviting? She is beautiful and to be admired with reverence and respect. A cute little safe float upon her and that's it. She is alive and sentient and holds universes and you wanna play with her like she's your personal swimming pool !!!!
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@BeeBabs
Jackie's that funny girl I enjoy seeing when our circles overlap but I do not want knowing any details about my life whatsoever
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Hey great news, if anyone wants to commit a crime against Ashton Kutcher he won't press charges as long as you have a kid
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God I hate Nick. You can be entirely over the person you were dating (and in fact find them revolting!) and not "over" the damage they caused you. Wild how men can abuse you and ruin your life and have the ego to say, "she's obsessed, she can't get over me 😏"
Can u imagine if what happened to Ariana happened to N*ck V*all or any other man, really? He would trash that woman until the end of time, like he does for every single bachelorette lead and woman that exists.
When it’s a man who fucks up, the woman just needs to “get over it.”
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@priya_ebooks
Nick is literally incapable of lying which immediately disqualifies 99% of these dudes, who lie unprovoked
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Just saw someone refer to Lochte as "Aqua Gronk" and it's possibly the greatest thing ever said.
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@1followernodad
In my experience they also have no idea how obvious it is when they look at your chest. I once told a guy I was dating that I'd noticed he did it a ton on one of our first dates and he was *shocked*
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I think Peter is the only person in the history of this show to have a foot sturdily planted in reality
#TheBachelorette
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@BeeBabs
And one that they got *together* AFTER they had already broken up because "co-parenting works so well for them already." Massive yikes
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@AlabamaHannah
Never been a part of a vulnerable relationship moment where margaritas weren't involved
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I will never leave twitter as long as
@BeeBabs
is still here talking about the sea (monster gazpacho™)
Again I say believing mermaids don't exist is arrogant....did you know THAT exists???????? As far as we know....virtually..the sea has no bottom
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@BeeBabs
Honestly it's just the story of two rich white kids melting down after being told no for the first time in their lives
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Life was so simple last year
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@elizaskinner
Ugh, you're just trying to walk home from work and some biohazard death wish water spills down on your face
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When you play in Newark and your tickets resell for $6 and you have to resort to old GIFs because you have no playoffs highlights to post 😬
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This is like if your boyfriend cheated on you and his only comment was, "how upset you are is a testament to how much you love me!"
#VeronicaMars
: Hulu Boss Defends THAT Season 4 Twist, Calls Backlash 'a Testament' to Series' Popularity
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@Noahsyndergaard
Maybe just use the lightning this time. Can't eject you for a "random" act of "god" 😉🌩🔨
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It's SO good. I can't recommend enough. If you like Always Sunny or Community or anything entertaining, watch the whole season of
@mythic_quest
and especially this episode
.
@mythic_quest
's specially produced quarantine episode is TV's first coronavirus era masterpiece.
@lizlet
reviews:
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@KarenKilgariff
Lost my true crime loving mom recently and MFM has made me feel closer to her, and you being so open about your grief process has helped me more than I can explain. Hope you got through the day ok, thinking of you and the great stories you've told of your mom ❤️
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The fact that the most hated thing in northern Massachusetts is "Eli Manning" makes me feel warm and fuzzy inside
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Uhhh this is some black mirror shit
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@1followernodad
WOW, “oh she’s nice and I’d like to sexualize and romanticize her kindness" was a wake-up call to how I've been viewed that I didn't know I needed
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This is simply correct
A big conspiracy I have is that cheese cups, like for nachos and pretzels, used to be better.
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OMG
@DIVALACI
HELL YES!!!!!!!!! I AM VERY [WHAT?] EXCITED!!!!!💃🏼🥂🥲🥹
Laci Mosley's 'Scam Goddess' Podcast Set for TV Adaptation at ABC News
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What if I accidentally marry someone who doesn't get me access to baby ducks
My husband
@ecologistMC
out there weighing wood duck ducklings in solo cups and it’s so fluffy I wanna die
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Every girlie deserves an audience booing their shitty ex while they confront them for their behavior 🩷 The dream 🩷
#TheBachelorette
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@anylaurie16
This was on the soda machine at the hospital while my mom was dying and had to laugh. Nearly used this picture as my out of office reply that week
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@KarenKilgariff
George learning twitter is not the horseman of the apocalypse I was expecting but it's the one we deserve
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@anylaurie16
I told my best friend, "I genuinely don't understand how he has friends. How can anyone tolerate him?" and then continued dating him for like a year
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(if that is your boyfriend then dump him, we don't date Yankee fans ew)
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@IMKristenBell
My niece just stopped saying "swamich" for "sandwich" and I'm completely heartbroken
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The nicest man in sports
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I've got fantastic news for you
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@DivaLaci
I feel like we're in an epidemic of people having the boomer-esque misconception that tweets are text messages sent directly for them
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There's a girl I grew up with that I grew apart from but I absolutely love seeing the cool things she's doing with her life and it makes me so genuinely happy to see her thrive. Social media is very cool for that. I can only assume every man I've met feels the same way about me.
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@janellejcomedy
Any chance you can share where you got your jumpsuit? I'd love to order it, try it on and then be very disappointed that it doesn't look as good on me as it did on you
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Finding a cure to cancer discriminates against those of us who have already lost someone to cancer, thus it should be outlawed and all research ceased
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@scotus
got this one right. Student loan forgiveness discriminates against those who paid off their debt and those whose parents scrimped and saved so their kids wouldn't have debt.
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🥺
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@jennifermerr
To be fair, this did actually happen to me once with a rogue pair of men's underwear (🤮) so it's possible
...but yeah probably, men are trash
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