IT’S HERE!!💥🥹 My special The Hustler is on YouTube and it would mean the world to me if you watched it and shared it in any way you can. I’m proud of this hour of jokes, and there’s a fun foosball surprise at the end 🤗 I hope you love it!
WATCH:
Easily the coolest place I’ve ever sat in my life 😳 I can’t believe I got to sit on the couch on
@FallonTonight
! Watch my set here if you missed it:
#FallonTonight
Photo by Andrew Lipovsky/NBC
This timing is wild but it’s my birthday and my special is getting *dangerously* close to 1 million views 🤯 It would be insanely cool if it hit it today. Would love if you can watch and RT to get this link in front of some eyeballs 👀
I flew to Memphis and OKC to watch
@thatchaddaniels
on the
@bertkreischer
stadium tour, and got surprised with guest spots in front of the biggest crowds I’ve ever performed for 😭 Thank you so much Bert—it was a dream! Come see me in Phoenix this weekend at
@cblivephx
!
I’m impressed by the dumbest shit in hotel rooms. I leave my fully furnished apartment and walk into a 300 sq ft hotel room like “OMG it has a bed AND a couch?! What am I, a King??”
Sitting next to a girl on the plane who has binge watched Keeping Up With the Kardashians for the last 6 hours and when the flight attendant came by with a bag for trash I tried to put her in it.
My special crossed 800K views in 3 weeks!! If it hits 1M in a month I’ll cry 😂 this is wild. Thank you guys so much. Watch and share if you haven’t yet!
Found out someone is using my photos and name to catfish dudes on Tinder. If you want to bust them, start asking in-depth questions about foosball. If they say that spinning is allowed, it ain’t me babe.
Heartbroken. I was lucky enough to open for Bob years ago, and from that night on, he told me that he wanted to help with my comedy career if he could. And he genuinely meant it. Having a mentor like him meant the world to me as a young comic & always will. The kindest man. RIP❤️
This got over 12 million views in 2 days on TikTok and has been absolute chaos 😂 the problem with dating your favorite comedian is that he’s other people’s favorite too lol
🚨WHOLESOME CONTENT🚨 I love how much you guys love my Dad’s insanely wide range of talents. He used to tour all over the world as part of a professional Yo-Yo team 🤯
#yoyo
Oh man my special crossed half a million views!! 🥹 what a wild couple of weeks. Thank you guys so much for watching and sharing. If you’re looking for something to do today, check it out!
First time playing foosball in a bar in over a year 😭 felt so good. We’re shooting more Wrists of Fury episodes soon!! Let me know who you want to see on the show 👊🏻🔥
An older woman on my plane asked the guy sitting next to her how tall he was, and when he said 6’4”, she said “No you’re taller than that.”
Imagine having the confidence to think u know more about a stranger’s height than they do.
I’m doing The Tonight Show this Friday!! 🎉🎉🎉
Please tune in. I’ve never been more excited for anything in my life and I saw *NSYNC in concert so that’s saying something.
This month marks 10 YEARS of me doing stand up! 🎉 I’m so happy I get to do what I love for a living. My legs are way pastier now, but I do get to perform in some cooler places that Mike’s bar in Pullman.
This timing is wild but it’s my birthday and my special is getting *dangerously* close to 1 million views 🤯 It would be insanely cool if it hit it today. Would love if you can watch and RT to get this link in front of some eyeballs 👀
I’m back at
@americancomco
in San Diego this weekend, and I will forever use this video from there a few years ago as promo because nothing can top this. I hope they hang the poster higher this time.
You ever walk through the airport before your flight and get the urge to try and board a different plane that goes to like Tokyo or Jamaica and just abandon your whole life?
Woman sitting next to me on the plane pulled out nitrile gloves & Clorox wipes, sterilized her entire area, and then started coughing without covering her mouth. I’m gonna spray some perfume and then fart all flight.
30th bday party was a success! 🎉 Also this is the only outfit I will be wearing for the rest of my life. Skates included. Marry me in it. Bury me in it.
My dad is a symphony trumpet player and I played him some of my favorite songs that have horns. By ear, he wrote the trumpet parts out and played them 😂
#DMX
Trumpet Tuesdays Vol. 5 🎺
Ol’ Stanky Face Magoo returns 😂 As always, we hope this makes you laugh and dance. Keep leaving your song requests in the comments!
The woman next to me just did a 6 hour flight without watching a movie, listening to music, or reading a book. She just looked straight forward the whole time like she put herself in time out.
I’ve never been more afraid of someone.
If you’re a comic and you’re not following
@GaryGulman
on here, you’re missing out on invaluable comedy tips. They are free and they come out daily. Go read all of them. Go now. Don’t be a goddamn fool.
Thank you for all the love so far on my special The Hustler! 🥰 please watch and share if you haven’t yet—it’s on YouTube for free and is a great watch for the weekend! WATCH HERE 📺👇🏻
This woman on the airport shuttle is playing I Spy with her little boy. She said “I spy a mustache.” He stared right at me, squinting, and I glared at him like don’t u fucking dare kid.
Fun fact: when you’re wearing a giant wedding dress and you have to pee, you have to reverse cowgirl the toilet while your friends hold your train.
#themoreyouknow
It happened 🧡 we shot the special and I can’t wait for you guys to see it. Thank you sooo much to everyone who came to the shows. I know some of you flew out just for the taping, and it means more to me than you know. The Stanley Cup can s my d.
My favorite pastime is accidentally choosing the slowest line at the grocery store & having a mini panic attack deciding whether I should stay in the line or move to another line but risk someone else getting into that line before me & be forever trapped in limbo like Inception.
Thank you for 6 sold out shows, Chicago!! 🙌🏻🙌🏻 I had the best time. Denver is next weekend and there aren’t many tickets left so snag a few while you can! Uncasville, Salt Lake City, Vegas and NYC after that! ✈️
Had to ask a drunk woman in the front row to shut the fuck up and she said “yeah you’re right” and has been perfectly pleasant the rest of the show.
I’m assuming she’s gonna stab me in the parking lot because it’s never that easy.
Performed with a pool between me and the crowd last night. If I bombed I was just gonna walk into it fully clothed and catatonic like Skyler White in Breaking Bad.
First time breaking 1 million views on YouTube! 🎈If u told me when I was 15 that one day over a million people would know how I broke my vagina, I would’ve had a full blown panic attack and paid any amount of money to keep that story buried forever