JVG 骨
@JasonVanGlass
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standup comedian and dog haver Teacher @PackTheater + @WestsideComedy & 'The Guy Who Runs The Clubhouse' in Los Feliz
縄文杉, 日本
Joined June 2009
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Trying to balance my dream of living alone in a cave, with my dream of receiving constant overwhelming praise.
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told my friend he should reluctantly agree to let his kids (4 and 7) watch the new Batman movie, but give a big speech about how he's trusting them, this is a very scary and serious movie only adults should see... and then show them the 1966 Adam West film
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I saw this piece of crap TWO YEARS AGO on the paramount lot and I had to sign an NDA that I wouldn't talk about it. TWO YEARS
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They'd spend YEARS assuming EVERY movie for adults is like this
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This mf'er been talking about how you can't make comedy anymore. They gave you a blank check and you filmed you and 40 famous people just standing around in Halloween costumes
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You'd think more people would be talking about the Steve Buscemi / Peter Serafinwicz / Daniel Radcliffe sitcom now entering its 4th season
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I was legit surprised when they started putting up billboards for it. I honestly thought it had already come out and been memory-holed already
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<turning directly towards the two-way mirror Seinfeld is standing behind> Well, it's not funny. That's something I'd change about the movie
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Man goes to hospital, asks to see great proctologist Pagliacci
Butt Doctor: I'm Pagliacci
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There's never been a better time to invest in one of these stone coins
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James Bond fans can expect a relatively unknown male in his 30s to take over the 007 role.
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Like 6 people I know were in the movie, and I just want to clarify: they were fantastic
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Did you know you only use 10% of your brain? Everyone else can use 100. It's why you've been struggling
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Shout out to everyone who wants to use a time-machine to stop the holocaust: This is your chance, no time machine needed! Go for it!
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RRR was insanely great! Just walked out of the theater in a euphoric daze. Kung Fu, romance, dance-competitions, and 3 hours of British soldiers being killed in slow motion!! RRR!!
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This joke is from an episode written by Tina Fey and Tracey Wigfield with a full room of talented writers. Ai will never in a million years write something this funny.
It is priceless, but the WGA is willing to meet half way and are only asking for a reasonable share
#WGAStrong
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@fritzisdead
114k likes with only 40 replies is an incredible anti-ratio. I congratulate you on your ability to go viral without starting discourse, and apologize for being one of the replies
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Today's youth don't have the attention span to appreciate a show that wraps up a story in 44 minutes, 22 times per year. They need their murder mysteries and space westerns to unfold incredibly slowly over a 10 episode season, including 8 episodes where nothing happens
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Every Olympic event should include one random person, chose by lottery, to compete against the real athletes, for context.
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My theater got more and more vocal throughout the screening... but frankly we shoulda been going apeshit the whole time. Whata movie!
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Bobby Seale is still alive and has been trying to tell his own story but netflix paid aaron fucking sorkin to do it
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HBOMax needs a 👎 feature so users can hide Bill Maher content from the homepage forever
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U.S. Viewers Overwhelmingly Want to See More TV Shows Depicting Realistic Work-Life Balance, Family Care and Gender Equity: Survey
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Cookie store employees have a bet going to see how much they can charge this one asshole
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@Srirachachau
Each season is totally unrelated but with same actors (Black Adder style) - so I'd start with 2 or 3. It's fun!
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Wow the original Tick cartoon is on Hulu now including the never-released-on-DVD (and best) season 3
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Better to tweet and be thought a fool, than to buy a blue checkmark and remove all doubt
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I am onboard a
@Delta
flight right now and this guy behind me keeps tapping us on the shoulder to tell us about age of consent laws?? Flight attendants can't move him (flight's full) but he won't shut up
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@jeremygratil
@AndrewSolender
@WakeUp2Politics
@politico
and also, everything else she's ever touched
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"POV" is correct here because I'm taking the photo and I'm wearing the correct kind of hat to prevent mind control. This woman's hat does nothing. I have never felt more free
instagram reels has taken me to places no human mind should ever be
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@RollingStone
The whole thing was such an obvious scam from the beginning, cynically promoted by total grifters. I wonder how it ever got so big
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One reason I think this will work is when I introduced the kids to Batman The Animated Series, they couldn't understand it at all because >>>they didn't know that Bruce Wayne IS Batman<<< and I had the joy of being like "psst wanna hear a secret? See that guy? That guy's Batman"
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I remember exactly where I was when I first saw this (I was watching Conan)
I saw this the night it aired and almost had an accident I was laughing so hard. Enjoy….
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@headfallsoff
In the original movie Ben just grabs a random helmet nearby to blindfold Luke, but it turns out that's the official training method: we blindfold the kids with visionless helmets, hand them a sword that cuts through steel, and set 'em loose
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I swear to god that one guy in the focus group gave it a perfect score, and when they asked him what he liked about it, he said "I like that it's about poptarts"
I saw this piece of crap TWO YEARS AGO on the paramount lot and I had to sign an NDA that I wouldn't talk about it. TWO YEARS
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Transitioning to an All Plant-Based-Buttermilk Diet, for financial reasons
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NBCUniversal has launched an initiative designed to turn TikTokers into its next generation of television creators
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Throwing away my collection of boomerangs is one of the hardest things I've ever done.
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Comedians are crazy people because comedy has the biggest disparity between immediate gratification (you tell the joke, it gets a laugh) and delayed gratification (you are acknowledged for your abilities / hard work and receive any sort of career opportunity because of them)
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It's so perfectly sunny here in LA today, that I can't help but think of Randy Newman's classic words, "short people got no reason to live."
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The stock market is just gambling, there is no logic to any of it. The 1% expend a lot of resources to convince you the market is important/provides a valuable service/is operated by smart people who deserve insane paychecks - But intuitively you know: It's just rigged gambling!
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👏 LET 👏 ICELAND 👏 HOST 👏 SNL 👏
Some said an open-world experience this immersive wasn’t possible. But it’s already here. And you don’t even need silly VR headsets.
Introducing, ✨Icelandverse✨
#icelandverse
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@andy_sell
what if I told you Margaret Cho, Kerri Kenney, and this guy from Righteous Gemstones are also in it?
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Ok this got enough likes that people are debating parenting techniques in the comments
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"Boycotting Matisyahu" is an incredible concept. How do you boycott something that no normal person has encountered since 2005? I'm boycotting Circuit City
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Hello Angelenos, you - YES YOU! - probably need to officially pay the city of LA $0, or they will come after you for hundreds of dollars in "late" fees for not registering yourself as a business.
If you plan to report even $1 of income from freelancing in 2020.... /thread
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Asked my friend who teaches high school in nyc what the kids are into right now and without missing a beat he answered “Deftones and Smashing Pumpkins” lol
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@GabeDiani
No one has ever mentioned it even once in my presence, and I spend hours online every day !!
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3 Best and 7 Worst Ricky Gervais Things, ranked:
1. Karl Pilkington
2. Extras
3. Music he made in the 80s
4. The Office
5. Awards Hosting
6. His Standup
7. His Movies
8. His Atheism
9. Podcast Laugh
10. Show where he plays a mentally handicapped person
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the only good standup video I've ever seen
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"I don't even want to be around anymore"
Mark Zuckerberg surfboards in Hawaii with way too much sunscreen
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Bill Gates gets a lot of credit for "giving away" x billion dollars, but he's never given away any of it. He spends it. He dictates where it goes bc he is buying power, and respectability, and making himself the gatekeeper and leader on a bunch of subjects he has no expertise in
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@Smlarg
Real ownership comes from the blocks and chains you use to move it into your front yard
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"real men own bed frames" is propaganda invented by Cats and propagated by the Cat Hiding Places Industrial Complex
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Keep protesting. Protests work.
BREAKING: The 3 other officers involved in
#GeorgeFloyd
's killing will be charged with aiding and abetting murder, reports the Minneapolis Star-Tribune.
Derek Chauvin's charge will be elevated to second-degree murder.
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@JohnnyAkzam
A guy who pays $8 for twitter telling a guy that made hundreds of millions of dollars doing business in the U.S. that he's obviously 'never done business in the U.S.'
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Thinking about the time I helped a semi-famous create a pilot presentation AND OUR SHOW GOT PICKED UP and then I didn't hear another word from the guy for years, until it got cancelled, and he DM'd me out of the blue to ask if I knew of any LA standup shows he could get booked on
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New: Allegheny Co., PA latest count adds 5,425 votes to Biden's margin, pushing his statewide margin over 27k.
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Unbelievable. This is the Crystal Store in Atwater Village right now
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