Heretic of H&H
@Heretic_of_HnH
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The ‘Hidden Heretic’ (wife, a/k/a DW) of the @hasid_n_heretic duo.
Joined July 2022
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According to frum TikTok, misogyny doesn't exist in Judaism because women are inherently holier.
Phew 😌
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What does a frum girl gain in being married? Nothing.
What does a frum boy gain in being married? Everything.
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I keep thinking, I should probably say something. But, nah!
If I - having watched my brothers suffer because of their education neglect and having a son in the system - say something, they respond: so send your boys to another school...1/3
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If a temporary mikvah strike destroys your marriage. Good!!!! Your wife isn't a doll to be played with.
Oh, and your wife going to the mikvah does NOT indicate consent.
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This is something I always found so amusing growing up with Rebbisha maases. The most mundane thing becomes heroic when a leader does it.
Roshei Yeshiva save lives. 💪
Rav Neuberger protecting Rav Schachter and Rav Rosensweig from a car that ran a red light. 🦸🏻♂️
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BUT then someone who has never experienced it and whose family members will never experience education neglect agrees with them, they're all 'check out this
@TabletMag
article!'
All I will say is don't look away! Watch how *frum* Twitter treats people this week...3/3
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It's Sukkos night. I am helping my parents clear the table when Chaim Walder comes into the conversation.
And then my father said something that made me go weak.
"Nah, I believe Chaim Walder was innocent"
...1/5
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In my community, some girls and boys are coerced into getting married. They also don't know about sex before they are engaged. They are also taught that they *must* have sex on their wedding night.
So yes, some girls and boys feel like they were raped on their wedding night.
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I don't think this is halachically true. It doesn't matter. It's taught in Kallah classes, and women whisper it among each other.
Some women aren't even safe in their own beds. It's awful 😢
I just wish there would be more awareness and education about this!
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Somedays I feel so immature for being afraid to report the man who sexually assaulted me. Not today.
The world is cruel. The frum world is crueller. I hope I'm proven wrong one day. I doubt I will.
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Frum people love making fun of OTD's for throwing out the baby with the bathwater, but at the same time, they keep begging the frum lgbtq+ community to do just that!!
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frum tiktokers are so cringe. They're like - domestic chores is a Jewish women's special mitzvah.
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If someone who's struggling because of their education neglect and has left the system says something, they respond: it's none of your business...2/3
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I’ve come to the beautiful conclusion that I can’t predict how people will respond because my prediction was all wrong!
@Hasid_of_HnH
family has been so supportive and accepting today, my heart is so full right now 🤍🤍
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The urge to make a TikTok account debunking things Jewish influencers say 😬
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Imagine just starting to grow breasts, and your brother comes home for a Shabbos meal and then refuses to make kiddush until you change into something more tzniusdig.
The embarrassment I felt 😳
Fanatic people are the worst kind of people (and the frum world is full of them!!)
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Seeing how frum people acted yesterday (in the name of god 😩) made me so sad that I need to bring up my kid's frum!
They don't deserve this!
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Let's teach the frum community about mental health!!
Now the frum community is like...
He's gay because he's mentally unwell
She's OTD because she's mentally unwell
They got divorced because they're mentally unwell
I hate that it's become a word to insult people.
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The MO community is okay with the fact that I'm not frum, as long as I pretend to be a zionist.
Some family members are okay with the fact that I'm not frum, as long as I pretend to be straight.
People tend to ONLY care about “their mitzvah!” Being frum is a extra credit.
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Did you know a mother's heart is too weak? She'll get distracted and crash if she hears her baby crying while driving 🤯
A big gadol hador said this, or so I was told!
Anyways, that's why women can't drive. Also, sitting in the front seat is not refined, because we said so!
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Omg, I love my new life. Since I've come out, my life has gotten better and better. It's pretty insane 😆🥳🙏
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Growing up, I always found it amusing how little confidence parents, educators and leaders have in us staying frum.
If you truly believe the system works, you wouldn't keep adding NEW measures to ensure people stay within the community...1/4
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I'm expected to have kids (lots of kids!), work, cook and clean (and of course greet DH with a smile!), while DH is expected to do one thing - learn Torah!
The inequality in our community is sickening!
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It makes me sick how nasty frum people can be around here. Gosh, why can't frum people act frum!!
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Flatbushgirl has been talking about the agunah crisis for months!!
It took a Mikvah strike to get you guys talking.
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Simchas Torah is a beautiful way to remind women they're second class.
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The idea that we need to ask permission if we can not have a baby... 😩
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Apparently, she was so special, she would force women to shave their heads, even if they or their husbands didn't want it done.
When I told my father I won't shave my head, he told me it would break her dead heart 🤮
forget telling me about your dad, tell me about your great-grandmothers
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Motherhood is a MUST in the community.
This means, thousands of people that are not cut out for motherhood, became one, despite that.
Leading to thousands of children being brought up in unhealthy or abusive environments...1/4
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It's so bizarre to read shocking allegations about my community when we knew all along.
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You know, you can be frum without being homophobic!!
You can also be frum and say God fucked up. He should have written that passage a little bit clearer. But hey, He's no saint!
@Hasid_of_HnH
it's okay, you don't need to like this post 😂
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ARGH, I regret seeing this 🤬
Going to a place where people are succeeding despite their lack of education as proof, is so disingenuous.
Find a kollel. Speak to unemployed fathers. See what's really happening!!
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by him saying that, he acknowledged that I had a choice.
I'm feeling lucky.
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I just remembered the time I accidentally said out loud that I couldn't wait to lose my period because I hate going to the Mikvah.
The looks I got. Awkward.
"you want to lose that special mitzvah?! 😲"
Argh, yes! But I couldn't say that. Chas V'shalom I'd be honest.
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I don't know what happened. I'll never know, but here's what I do know.
Women are taught, that on mikvah night, they must have sex. If not, their husband has the right to divorce them.
...4/5
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I'm living my best life thanks to my husband, therapist, SSRI meds and leaving my religion.
Feeling grateful!
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"did you know a father can sell a little girl but not a boy?"
"Why would I want Moshiach? My Rebbe says then they'll start stoning."
"did you know that a father murdered his daughter because he swore..."
And I'm supposed to sit there and stay quiet 😩
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It reminded me of the time when I was around eight years old, and I woke up hearing my mother screaming while running down the steps, "I DON'T WANT SEX!"
I don't think I knew what it means, but I did know, my mother didn't sound angry, she sounded broken.
...3/5
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Friendly reminder: we are not married for the kids and will never be married for the kids' sake.
There's nothing kind or healthy for kids to be in an environment where *both* parents don't love each other.
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During our meeting, I pointed out that a specific Rebbi hits the boys. There was no pushback. They silently agreed 😞
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It's totally not a cult, but women in my community can't drive, and no one knows why.
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"Oh, how convenient of you! It's your gender who tends to be the monsters in these stories"
And then, from the corner of my eyes, I saw my mother give me the sweetest smile, almost a sigh of relief.
...2/5
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"Don't say anything bad about the community because I didn't experience anything bad."
so self-centred 😩
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I strongly believe that my husband shouldn't change his frumkeit in any way just because I did BUT I really want him to meet me in the middle.
Argh! I make no sense!!
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If you'd kill 100 people to save your brother, you're a terrible, immoral person.
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Gatekeeping birth control is beyond cruel!!
I remember begging my husband to get permission from his Rav for birth control.
(It's not a cult, but we need to ask permission not to have a baby 🙄)
My husband was terrified. I had to do so much nagging to get him to go.
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This was so painful to read.
I've got a terrible memory, but there are a few moments in life I'll never forget, and this anecdote reminds me of one of them...1/5
This is like the Surrendered Wife, only in the Surrendered Wife she's supposed to respond "ouch" and buy herself chocolate and highlights at the salon.
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Teaching children Jewish beliefs and values, how to read Hebrew, our history etc., is different than making them keep Shabbos, kosher, tznius etc.
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One thing that was pointed out to me is that our community likes to pretend to be tight-knit when it works for them, but when it doesn't, they'll claim we are people from all around the world who simply believe in the same thing...
I got through 20 minutes of Chanale’s podcast. How is this not sinat chinam?
“Two selfish girls. Selfish girls who decided ‘you know what, we’re going to do it our way’ why couldn’t they be roommates? Why couldn’t they just move into an apartment together and just live quietly.”
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Please check in with your children.
Please remind them that they're just a child... that children can't sin, they can only try their best... and that they definitely won't be punished in this world or in the next...
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Oh, the hypocrisy! I recently learned that a Rav goes through every ad and photo in Mishpacha. His job is to spot anyone female that looks "too mature."
I repeat, they hired a ****guy**** to do that!
That's so creepy and so not frum.
Mishpacha Magazine quickly grabbing photos of the Statue of Liberty they can actually use
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You're so horny you can't look at *little* girls.
You're so horny you can't look at *little* girls.
You're so horny you can't look at *little* girls.
You're so horny you can't look at *little* girls.
Also, we don't have SA problem!
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Kids from broken homes struggle.
The boy that needs to collect $2,000 struggles.
I'm sure I've missed many more.
But no one talks about it, it's so hush-hush, because it's *supposed* to be a happy day.
Because we're supposed to be a happy community 🙄
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Is now a good time to talk about marital rape? Because some of you... 😬
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The house is a horrible mess, there's food all over the floor...
I'll never forget the look on his face. DH was so disgusted and angry... 😨
I remember feeling like the biggest failure, but also thinking just how fucked up the system is...4/5
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One thing I didn't expect to witness when I joined the OTD community was how much pain and suffering there is.
Pain is inevitable, but the kind of pain I'm talking about is.
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This idea that Hashem gives us hardship so we'll reconnect to him is so sick. I can't believe I fell for it!!
Imagine your spouse hitting you because you spend too much time on social media.
"I wanted you to notice me... you love spending time with me...it's for us..." 🚩🚩🚩
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OMG! We ate out this week. The guy served every course, cleared every course and washed the dishes while his wife,
@Hasid_of_HnH
, and I chatted.
I've never seen anything like that in my entire life.
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"This just isn't for you, and that's okay"
So many things about Yiddishkeit just never made sense to me 😩
I wish someone would have listened to all my questions and realized that living a frum Jewish life is just not for me. I'm not a believer, and that's okay.
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I gotta say, it's so weird sitting around chatting with mothers in the neighbourhood about Bobov's new sheitel policy, knowing, in a year from now, they'll be talking about me.
It's so sad... those poor kids...why didn't her husband leave her... I had a feeling... 😬
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I didn't think I'd discuss Taharas Hamishpacha so often in therapy. It's the halacha that fucked me up the most - I just hope I can fully heal from it one day!
Because it's not fair 😣
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Poor people struggle.
Alcoholics struggle.
Family and friends of alcoholics struggle.
People with no family or friends struggle.
Non-creatives struggle.
The no-longer-rich man struggles...
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omg, I just learned that people sending letters to OTDs is a thing. I want a handwritten poem 😫😂
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The other day, my husband and I were chatting with someone from the OTD community. At one point, my husband paused and said:
"I'm so grateful that my wife has agreed to continue to bring up our kid's frum - thank you!"
It moved me so much because... 1/2
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“The online world isn't the real world... people in the real world don't talk like that blah blah blah”
Ummm, every frum homophobic troll sounds like a family member. I've heard it all in the real world.
Don't fool yourself!!
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remember when men spoke about the agunah crisis because Friday night was cancelled 😂😅
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There's nothing I despise more than gossip. The frum kind. The kind where people joyfully discuss other people's private affairs.
The kind that is collectively used as a tool to keep people in line and punish those who don't.
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I don't know who needs to hear this, but you're a monster if you choose PR over your community's well-being.
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So many similarities 😢
"my father used to say to me... it was like that for me, so it will be like that for you. That doesn't make sense! ...if you suffered, do everything you can to make it right for your kids."
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Just watched this heartwarming video of a man caring for his wife after giving birth. Simple, but so beautiful 💛
Being taken care of after birth seems like such a special experience. Even just a comforting hug would have meant the world to me!!
Oh well! Some Rabbi said no 🙁
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Coming out is one of the hardest things to do because it requires admitting to having lied (often for a very long time 😨).
I'll forever be grateful that
@Hasid_of_HnH
helped me do it.
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If someone tells you something is the most important foundation in Judaism.
They’re highly uneducated.
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Wives don't need to hold their marriage hostage.
Parents don't need to abandon their kids.
Abuse doesn't need to be ignored.
The number of men living in love-less (controlling!) marriages so that they can be in contact with their kids. It's heartbreaking 😢
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You've got to be a conformist, traditionalist or the spiritual kind to survive in the Hasidic community.
I'm none of those. That's it.
It took me my entire life to figure that out. Or more like I tried so hard to be those things and failed badly!
So I'm opting out...2/2
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It doesn't have to be this way!!!!
I still don't get it! What's the point in being frum if it doesn't make us "better than the goyim."
There's just so much pain and suffering in the OTD community *caused by frum people*
Argh, I wish the frum world would do better...
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I remember exactly where I was standing when I caught the principal (a man) in Satmar day camp hitting a little girl. I was in first grade.
Corporal punishment is the norm here, especially in boys' schools...1/2
WHAT THE ACTUAL F 👿
I was slapped, hit in the face, by hand and stick, by several teachers in my Hasidic elementary school.
There isn't a single teacher that didn't use corporeal punishment on some students.
CORPOREAL PUNISHMENT HAPPENED DAILY IN HASIDIC SCHOOLS.
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Frum leaders don't care about frum people's well-being. I've seen it over and over again.
I just hope I'm proven wrong one day.
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This is a critical point. I am a bitter person. I've seen and experienced so much pain and suffering in my short life, and NO ONE was ever there for the people I love and me.
The communities selling point is that they are a community... we have each other's back, blah blah
@Heretic_of_HnH
You sound very bitter. 'cause if you would look around you'd see all the individuals and organizations who specifically look out for those type of situations you mentioned and do their best to help. People struggle, but they're not forgotten! Sadly some do fall thru the cracks
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I've been awfully quiet, sorry! I had a medical procedure and then got Covid. I haven't gotten back to myself. My brain and emotions are foggy 😶🌫️
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Probably the biggest reason I don't want to come out to my family and friends is because the thought of being gossiped about and added to everyone's Tehillim lists makes me 🤮🤮
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🤔 TikTok Q: are converts treated differently?
🤥TikTok influencer: That is baloney... it's a mitzvah in the Torah to welcome them...
🫣 Oh, really! Why are they so lonely? Why do frum people refuse to marry them? Why do they have a hard time getting their kids into school?!
The urge to make a TikTok account debunking things Jewish influencers say 😬
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But more importantly, I don't want my kids to be.
If you're on Jewish Twitter, remember, people are reading what you wrote.
And here's a deeper question, if being frum ≠ being a good decent person, what's the point? 🤔
(7/7)
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Men have a mitzvah that they can only fulfill by using a woman's body 🤮
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...they banned snoods (making it harder for them to hide their ponytail).
But what is so interesting, the more outlandish they are getting, the less people are listening, and the shakier the leadership looks to the community...4/4
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Nah, I'm off the derech. I'm off my ancestor's derech.
It's a derogatory term, but I'm totally fine with that. I think it's beautiful that I've chosen my own derech. My people don't, and that's totally okay.
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Imagine how you'd feel if you returned to your home after the war and found a Cross hanging in every room.
Imagine how you'd feel stuck in a refugee camp with little food and comfort and hear the Lord's Prayer in your shul.
These things should be pretty easy to imagine & yet..
Wow. American Jews are sending Israeli soldiers Mezuzahs to put in Palestinian homes. Mi k'amcha Yisrael!
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It bothers me that Hashem doesn't see two women having sex as good enough to ban. So rude!
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Telling your friends you can drive if you choose to, knowing that's not an option for them, is beyond evil and so not frum 😬
I don't know who needs to hear this, but you're a monster if you choose PR over your community's well-being.
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My mother LOVED reminding me that while friends come and go, family is forever, and all that blah blah blah
Well, she's not wrong... The pain and religious trauma inflicted by her and other family members still haunt me - (hopefully) not forever.
My friends' drama - not so much
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This song 💛💛💛
It makes my heart ache for the younger me, my mother and way too many mothers in my community.
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When Mesorah becomes a tool to control. But it's totally not a cult!
Also, everyone shaves their hair because they wanna. No one is forcing them, of course 🙄
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If there's one thing I learned from Heretic in the House, it's this.
The bar is so low for frum people.
This podcast celebrates "soft" shunning (just be glad they didn't sit shiva for you 🙄)!
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I remember my teacher telling us a story about someone dying because he combined two words, which created an entirely new meaning.
Scaring kids is really popular in Bais Yaakov and Chassidisha settings! I hope MO schools take a different approach.
I just remembered the color-coded Shema cards we used to use and the fear I had if I combined words...
I lived with so much unnecessary fear and guilt 😩
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#metoo
unless it's someone so nice, who does so much for the community. The money he gives... I know him.... he's a tzaddik!!
You don't believe and support your people! You're just like those anti-zionist liberal nutjobs.
You too choose who to believe.
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