augustanian ✝️
@GnomeBasedman
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Grief, in that He was often wearied with His labours; joy, because He is the rest of all loving hearts and blessed spirits.
Joined July 2023
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A month ago today, I kidnapped an Open Theist from a local Methodist Church and held him hostage in my basement. I told him I would let him go if he read my entire Summa Theologica set. Today I'm happy to announce he finished and he's now a based and red pilled Thomist.
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"Wow, this liturgy is so beautiful!"
"St. Floyd, if you can hear us, save us."
"Well, except for this part. This part is a little rough."
"St. George Floyd, patron saint of fentanyl and counterfeit money, forgive us of our white privilege."
"..."
2) PCA is more conservative theologically but PCUSA is way more traditional liturgically. Worship in PCUSA Churches is far more sacred, beautiful, and less causal than in PCA churches
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"Wow today's sermon is on Romans 9. I really hope Pastor Susan cooks on predestination."
"Diversity and good vibes to you all. You are all... queer! God in xis absolute equitable decree predestined you to be gender fluid! Praise Floyd. Blessed be Planned Parenthood."
"..."
One reason I'm Reformed is that the Reformed tradition is the only one that CONSITENTLY teaches the doctrines of providence and predestination.
Catholics, Anglicans, and Baptists all have people that teach it, but just as many if not more who despise it
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"I hope P*stor Susan doesn't remember I was gone last week"
"Where were you Richard? You missed my sermon on how Yeshua's marriage to the Church is a metaphor for lesbian sex"
"..."
"Today I'm preaching on how St. Floyd is the antitype of Abel. Cops have the mark of Cain btw"
Update: Baptist church was amazing. Really felt the Spirit. It was ABCUSA, more traditional than most PCA Presbyterian churches Ive been to. Was solidly conservative as well. I owe all Baptists a massive apology
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"Oh my Calvin! A female pastor! Let's hope this Church is conservative..."
"When Jesus of Nazareth said 'blessed are the poor in spirit,' he was referring to abortion doctors who perform first trimester abortions. Not second or third trimester."
"Praise God. It's conservative."
@sgruber91
No, he's right. The people labeled "liberal" in Evangelical circles would be considered VERY conservative in mainline churches like mine (PCUSA)
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> In communion line at PCUSA "Church"
"I saw your Christology video Richard. Don't you know asserting Christ is God is a heresy in the PCUSA? You've been a very naughty boy."
"Patrix Susa..."
"It's Pastor* Susan. Now kiss my planned parenthood vestment."
"Yes Pastor Susan."
Why Reformed people should join PCUSA rather than PCA (a thread)
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"At this Church, we say the Nicene creed with the alterations."
"Nice! I am a big supporter of the filioque for..."
"No, not that.... Repeat after me:
.... and I look forward to the resurrection of the queer identity and the life of the BIPOC to come. Amen and awomen."
"..."
Sometimes liberal PCUSA pastors will say "oh I believe in the resurrection" but they define resurrection as "queer people finding new life once somebody affirms them" or smth
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"Repent and be baptized, every one of you, in the name of Jesus Christ for the forgiveness of your sins. And you will receive the gift of the Holy Spirit."
"Uh Mr. Pastor Peter, don't you mean 'be baptized, which merely represents the giving of the gifts of the Spirit?'"
"..."
The Nicene Creed, of course, affirms orthodox Christology and Trinitarianism. The rest of the Nicene Creed is incompatible with historic southern/American Baptist beliefs.
"We acknowledge one baptism for the remission of sins." We do not believe this. I know Baptists want to
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"Thanks for joining me today, Trent and Steven. Let's get started by having you each explain your views on the LGBTQ community."
"Yeah, so it's actually pretty nuanced. We have to remember that...."
"Kill the f
@gs
."
I love how liberal Protestants will call Evangelicals crazy evil fundamentalists for opposing LGBTQ, but then act all ecumenical towards Catholics/Orthodox who believe the EXACT SAME THING
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"Name the most essential thing a Church can possess."
"A beautiful building"
"........ Alright, Christian. Name the most essential thing a Church can possess."
"The jawbone relic of John of St. Thomas."
"........"
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"I'm so glad Pastor Susan affirms the Filioque! She is truly a real Presbyterian!"
"Peace and grace from Our Non-Binary Gender Fluid Cuddle Buddy Yeshua of Nazareth. Today we're celebrating the feast day of St Floyd. Let's take a knee and have a moment of silence for the saint."
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"After visiting a local mosque and observing how beautiful Islam is even without images, I have decided to become Muslim. It's basically Christian btw. Inshallah"
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"Shh quit yapping about the PCA... Pastor Susan is about to start preaching. The PCUSA has better buildings anyways."
"Diversity and fluidity from Yeshua our Maternal Guardian, who, when xe said God's kingdom is within you in Luke, was referring to sexual orientation."
"..."
If any institution is unable to build beautiful buildings, it's not a powerful institution.
For all of human history, buildings have been a SIGN of power. It is no different today.
There are ZERO Evangelical institutions, except maybe the SBC, that are powerful.
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"Finish the sentence: the man who betrayed Jesus Christ was named..."
"Thomas Aquinas"
"..."
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*Visibly sweating*
"Do you take [Future Mrs. Zoomer] to be your cis-gender female life-partner"
"I do"
"Then by the queer vested in me and fluidity of Judith Butler, I proclaim you heteronormatively partners. You may kiss the assigned-female-at-birth."
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"Wow the ELCA is such a tremendous mainline denomination. This building even has stained glass windows!"
"Plus sized grace and your truth from our brown friend Jesus. Today we'll be comparing the wonderful Tim Walz's holy military service lies to onlyfans girlboss Rahab"
"..."
Tim Walz being "Lutheran" shows why we need to take back the mainline churches. Even if you clarify "no I'm not one of THOSE Lutherans" people will STILL associate the denominational label with liberalism until the mainlines are retaken
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"Alright Richard, what best describes the PCA as a denomination?"
"My side hoe"
"...."
No idea why people think I’m anti-PCA. PCA is my backup for if I leave PCUSA, and I literally have dozens of PCAs on my map of churches that thousands of people look at. I just have my criticisms of it
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I don't think the Baptists sent their best in the replies. Truly some head scratching stuff. Leave the good man alone as he celebrates
Our dear son was given eternal salvation as his sins were washed away in Holy Baptism this morning. God be praised!
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"Shalo- I mean, Hello John Knox. You walked in just in time for the sermon."
"[unintelligible]"
"When MLK Jr. had all of his affairs, he did it steadfastly in the spirit of Christian liberty!"
"..."
"[unintelligible]"
"Shut up and listen. A black woman is speaking."
This is literally how Reconquista is gonna work. Yes the pastors are bad, but they're also disappearing. It's time for a lay revolution, just like John Knox did. It means you can legitimately join a PCUSA church and take it over
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"For all its very few flaws, the PCUSA really has the best stained glass windows. The depiction of MLK (PBUH) is my favorite."
"Let us now recite the Floyd Creed: Fent is great, Fent is good; let us thank Floyd for our hood. By His hands, we all are mugged. Amen."
"..."
@Brian_Sauve
It's a nice looking church but I'm not sure you understand what "Christendom" means. It means an established church that it dominant in society. It doesn't look like that's what this is
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I have new article at Mans World addressing some of the problems with Christianity as the guiding ideology of the Right, inspired by
@TuckerCarlson
recent appearance on Red Scare, maybe you read
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"Name something a husband should do immediately after his wedding nigh..."
"Go to confession."
"..."
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"You don't pass the physiognomy check."
"No. You don't pass the physiognomy check."
"I pass the physiognomy check. You don't pass the physiognomy check."
"No. I pass the physiognomy check. You don't pass the physiognomy check."
...
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"Abraham should have actually proposed reconquista for Sodom and Gomorrah to God."
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Total emotional slop fest designed to make money and placate people with shallow souls. Congratulations they just KFCed the Gospels
‘THE CHOSEN’, a series about the life of Jesus Christ, will be turning into a cinematic universe.
• A Joseph limited series
• A 3-season Moses series
• An Acts of the Apostles series
• A ‘Jesus’ animated series that follows Jesus’ interactions with children in the wild,
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Not talked about enough that Luther both wrote the Bible and invented German
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"Omg if you make fun of the PUCSA, your denomination drops a tier in my RPG power rankings!!!!"
I will immediately lose respect for anyone who gloats over the fall of the PCUSA and will be turned off from their denomination
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"Paul was bad at metaphysics"
Opposition to female ordination generally comes from people who can’t do metaphysics to save their lives trying to make metaphysical claims about gender. Or else from a view of authority that divorces it entirely from reason — against every instinct of the Catholic legacy.
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"Oh St. Floyd... may he rest in fent. I'm sure he's doing what he loves up there- robbing women at gunpoint."
Powerful write up on the faith of George Floyd. Rest In Peace and may justice be served.
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"Excuse me, Richard, I need your help. You need to kill me."
"..."
"I was turned into a pumpkin by crooked Hillary."
My fiancée just dragged me into Hobby Lobby. Not sure if I’ll ever make it out, boys
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"Babe, Jewish or not- I'm not naming my kid Yehudah. Is your foot feeling better from breaking the glass at the wedding? Oh Calvin the sermon is starting."
"Peace and fluidity from our Palestinian friend Yeshua. Praise NonBinary God for diversely allowing Muslim clergy!"
"..."
Hard pill to swallow: EVERY denomination (Presbyterian, Lutheran, Catholic, Orthodox) has lots of internal theological diversity, even on important issues. Not a single denomination has doctrinal unity on all major issues
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"..."
"Fabulous Richard! Now let's hear about the word of St. Floyd..."
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Project 2025 is when we ban all Papist women from Twitter
If all Christians only knew how much this works.
Mary is the chief intercessor for all Christians. She loves you. She wants to assist you. She wants to properly point you towards Christ.
Turn to your momma.
I did. And it worked.
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"Shh stop nagging me during the service. We're about to pray."
"Lord, in your mercy: hear our prayer. Bless the black indigenous disabled people of color. Bless the semibisexual transgender lupus patients. Lord, bless all of those who have taken the 600 lb vow."
"..."
the word “Presbyterian” is an anagram for “best in prayer”
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"Pastor Susan may be preaching again.. but ultimately I'm comforted half the denomination voted for Trump"
"Fent and Abortions from St Floyd and Bl MLK. When our life-guide Yeshua talked about the unforgivable sin he was referring to BOTH voting for Trump and being white"
"..."
Just like there are
@Evangels4Harris
there are always tons of Mainline Protestants (like me) against her. Half the PCUSA voted for Trump after all. It’s a myth that Mainline means liberal and Evangelical means conservative
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Here's an off the top of my head breakdown from personal/friend experience. Before that, let me briefly note that the whole women are scary thing is a meme/joke among men in reference to fear of rejection. Women are not actually per se scary.
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"Oh great, P*stor Susan is going to kill me for skipping even more of her sermons.."
"Where were you Richard? You missed my sermon on how Jesus loves Egyptians (black people) as a migrant himself"
"..."
"Europe needs to let in more Arabs. They are after all Oriental Italians."
Visited a very traditional PCA church today. It was amazing. I’m not leaving PCUSA, but will certainly get more involved in the PCA in order to help build bridges
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After careful consideration, I've decided to become even more hardcore pro-Reconquista.
Recently I carefully considered some retreatist ideas but gave up after seeing they're even stupider than I originally thought
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I can't make them anymore
Presby impastor proudly proclaims her two abortions were “sacred,” and follows that up with suggesting that Jesus would say "Blessed are those who end their pregnancies.” Reason
#267
women have no business in a pulpit. 😡🤮
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"This Church is so beautiful with its stained glass windows, grand architecture, and traditional liturgy. I love the PCUSA."
"We are happy to announce that as of this Juneteenth all of our clergy are now black women."
"But you-"
"Shut up and listen. A black woman is speaking."
I don't mind Juneteenth. The end of slavery IS a thing to celebrate, regardless of wokeness attached to it.
I say we make it more of a "civil war victory day" than a "diversity equity and inclusion" day
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"Well at least most people in these PCUSA Churches are fairly modest... in stark contrast to the non-denom ones"
"Today's first announcement- we are proud to announce that we will be erecting a massive naked non-binary medusa statue to celebrate the fruits of feminism!"
"..."
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I appreciate the honesty. If you're not in the mainline protestant churches on the grounds of them being too liberal, you're retreatist
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Build your ideal theologian
Raw Intelligence - Beth Moore
Knowledge of Scripture - Joel Osteen
Philosophical Aptitude - James White
Pedagogy - John MacArthur
Preaching - Mark Driscoll
Patrology - Jimmy Akin
Precision - Michael Lofton
Build your ideal theologian (not in terms of opinions; no repeats):
Raw Intelligence - Aquinas
Knowledge of Scripture - Chemnitz
Philosophical Aptitude - Scotus
Pedagogy - Augustine
Preaching - Chrysostom
Patrology - Gerhard
Precision - Quenstedt
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@TheOtherPaul2
Stay strong king. Many here who are holding tight to their false 20th century parody religion trying to guilt trip you for not being brainwashed.
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The face of instant radicalization
This is how normal everyday French people are reacting to the Olympics ceremony opening. This was not France or the French culture.
Stop defaming our brothers like some 3rd worldist piece of shit.
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"Oh hecking no! Susan is preaching again."
"Diversity and equity from our Teacher and Friend, Yeshua of Nazareth."
"Well, at least I'm conserva..."
"Last night my wife opened up the gospels and showed me a story that reminded me so dearly of the martyrdom of St. Floyd."
"..."
I'd rather be the most conservative guy in the PCUSA than the most liberal guy in the PCA
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Only whores say this
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Lutheran-Reformed fighting over "single" and "double" predestination is dumb
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"Of course Italians are white honey.. okay stop talking, the service is starting... Oh my gooning goodness! That pastor is dressed like a Muslim."
"As-salamu alaykum..... Wait a second... *sniff* *sniff* you're Jewish, aren't you?"
"..."
Some good news from PCUSA General Assembly - they struck down an amendment that would forbid discrimination based on theological conviction (and would allow a Muslim or Unitarian to be a pastor in any PCUSA church)
I know it's bare minimum but still
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"Alright guys, I regret to inform you that we will be entering into the dark ages."
Guy named dark ages:
"Hey guys, let's kill time at my place."
The kid named Time:
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"Omg omg you're Cornelius Van Til??? You're the guy who came up with TAG! Thank you for helping me convert to Eastern Orthodoxy."
"????"
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It should be apparent to any sensible person that the LCMS is in some serious trouble
Today on May 15th, 2024, a close friend of mine sent me a public Facebook post and YouTube video from First Lutheran Church. As read out by Reverend Joseph Highley on the morning of May 12th, First Lutheran Church in Ponca City has declared me excommunicated.
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This reprobate chick must have taken my Redeemed Zoomer PCUSA memes seriously
"Good morning! The Holy and Queer one be with you... Strange one, Fabulous one, Fluid and Ever-becoming one, do not allow us to make our ideas of you into an idol"
Students at the United Methodist-affiliated Duke Divinity School praying to "The Transman"
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"I should build a pizza hut Minecraft Church."
I must admit the Eastern Orthodox part of my Minecraft server is the most beautiful
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"Name the first politically oriented thing that comes to mind when you think of Christianity"
"Progressivism"
"..."
This year I'm going to stop calling myself "conservative". Conservatives are society's brake pedal and progressives are society's gas pedal, but the gas pedal always wins. We need to see Christianity as the new progressivism, progressing past leftism. The future, not the past.
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Most people don't want to hear this but if you take the Bible seriously on its own terms, you'll find more reason to oppose women's suffrage than support it. First wave feminism was unequivocally a revolt on Paul in particular
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Many Baptist pastors will stand before judgement and have to answer why they led their flocks astray on the basis of such deliberate and stubborn misreadings of the text
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@MysteryGrove
President Biden’s interview with ABC is going incredibly well. He’s answering these questions directly, talking about his record in depth, and using incredible specifics. Biden is fit to serve and he’s our nominee. I can’t wait to vote for him.
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"Okay Dr. White. This should be an easy one for you. How many wills are in the Trini..."
"Three. It's up there."
"..."
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Still my favorite
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I think even good women react like this because getting a prenup implies that the man does not fully trust the woman prior to the commitment that is supposed to signify complete trust. I'll let all 3 of my female followers confirm or deny.
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@StudentsforLife
Wrong mindset. If your pastor is pro-choice, kick THEM out of your church. Conservatives need to stop being the ones to leave all the time
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Just got back from leading a study on Romans. We finished Chapter 1. Don't be a queer.
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"St. Bartholomew the Carjacker of Detroit, hear our prayers. Grant unto us your lockpicking skill."
"..."
I can understand why people are going Catholic/Orthodox even if I don't agree. Cuz Protestantism is in the worst state it's ever been in
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Graduate computer science classes full of Indians with white professors have interactions that perfectly mimic those of Han Solo and Chewbacca. The Indians will say something unintelligible and the white prof will effortlessly go "yeah, I see what you're saying."
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Gen Z Dating issues with a focus on Christian dynamics:
1) Gen Z Men and women are extremely divided politically and morally. Young women are overwhelmingly liberal and closet feminists, even the Christian ones. This reality disgusts most men I personally know.
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These universities are longhoused. Lord save me from bugmen
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I am a sensitive young man
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Guy who posts goodnight and then just continues to keep posting
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???????
Yo if I leave the PCUSA I'm going PCA, not Roman Catholic
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@memeticsisyphus
My recent Science Fiction class in college had a pretty good professor but I knew it was going to be rough when early on one of the students said she liked "Afro-Centrism" and analyzing stories for power dynamics. Makes me even more grateful for my Classical Christian education
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Some dudes will see this and say "need"
Russian chess champion caught on video trying to poison opponent
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@antytheprotogen
@sonicsmash259
@SoulFangRawr
Lmao some of the worst arguments I've ever heard (I've heard them all)
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> At the pearly gates
"WHAT DO YOU MEAN ONLY CATHOLICS GET IN? WHERE IS NETANYAHU? HOW DID LUTHER GET IN?"
"Hey"
The Nicene Creed is the first step in the road to Rome.
This is only the beginning of them becoming Catholics.
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This face likes horses
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Spoke Latin to a girl yesterday because she was speaking German (I don't know German). Some of my friends think it's over for me.
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> PCUSA Summer Book of Order Gay Amendment
> Chaos
"I demand the floor. I demand the floor."
"Give him the floor."
"I veto the motion. Tribune vetoes the motion. There's nothing in the proposal about stained glass windows or affirming the Nicene Creed."
"..."
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Going to try to eliminate all sexual jokes and swearing as habits. Too loose with my tongue.
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"You are accused of 'baptist heresy.' This court finds you guilty and sentences you to be rebaptized."
@logos_asarkos
So you've gone from misrepresenting Baptist Covenant Theology to misquoting Scripture.
Better stop before you go full heresy.
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Most (not all) Christian women are soft on social ethics, dress extremely immodestly, and are quite shallow as people. Many Christian men have their own set of issues as well (it's because we're in social decline right now). Nevertheless I'm presenting the male perspective.
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