SolidGarretty Forever
@Garrodactyl
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Banjo-learner, gardener, roller derby announcer, AFT Local 223. Mostly bad jokes & socialist grumbling; science at @merz_garrett . he/him, more or less
Madison, Wisconsin
Joined January 2012
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Ain't no party like a physics party because a physics party don't stop unless acted upon by an outside force
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ME: Hey, Javert, is there like a special on these baguettes or what
JAVERT: TWO FOR $6.01
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Frank Herbert wrote Dune as a cautionary tale about the dangers of hanging out with a cool nonbinary person named Mouse
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I had a guy on BetterHelp recommend I go see MY OWN clown show???
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Here is a WILD particle physics fact:
Steel that was made pre-atomic-bombs has a different makeup than steel made post-bombs since the air is a lil more radioactive now, so for some really sensitive physics detectors we literally need to use
SALVAGED SUNKEN WWII BOAT PARTS
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petition to refer to everyone who defends their PhD thesis during this as a Plague Doctor
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EMILY DICKINSON: Because I could not stop for Death
He kindly stopped for me
The Carriage held but just Ourselves
And Immortality
ME, NODDING: the Death Cab for Cutie
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@AnnaGHughes
*STRAINING TO MAKE MY VOICE SOUND DEEPER BUT IT JUST SOUNDS LIKE A BAD BATMAN IMPRESSION* hello
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Physicists will be like "I know a place" and then take you to a room with a whiteboard, a dingy couch and a bunch of black-and-white photos of old white dudes
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Grove City, Ohio
Anyways, if you could set Fallout 5 in any place in the United States, where would you want it?
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Roses are red
Violets are blue
If you move toward the roses at an appreciable fraction of the speed of light
Roses are also blue
#AcademicValentine
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@AndrewBarnas
@mkrazyy
And also, that you guessed that most birds were all the same bird at the beginning of time before they diversified, and that the way to test this was to smash a bunch of birds together
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They found it... the Red Wine Supernova
Webb found complex organic molecules such as ethanol and likely acetic acid (found in vinegar) around protostars IRAS 2A & IRAS 23385. The team also detected formic acid, methane, formaldehyde, and sulfur dioxide (which may have helped drive metabolic reactions on a young Earth).
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I Can't Believe It's Not Butter!
This Isn't Ham? You're Shitting Me
Come On, That's Got To Be Milk
If This Isn't Pudding, I Will Fight You
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J.R.R. Tolkien Stellar
Astrophysicists
🤝
Ultra-cool dwarfs 😎
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@abbynissenbaum
I think there's a big difference between "having a coherent research narrative that clearly lays out your path" and "writing fanfiction" though. Like, a mathematical proof is a story. Our job as academic writers should be to guide people through our train of logic.
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When Emily Dickinson said "Hope is the thing with feathers" she was talking about velociraptors
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@focusfronting
"i want to be with you because you're my cheerleader, like in that film starring Natasha Lyonne"
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@readproudhon
Are we gonna talk about how not only is this a dumb idea, this is kind of a terrible graph format
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so far the weirdest effect of getting on Vyvanse is the fact that I don't lose time anymore? Like I'll go "oh no it's been an hour, I'm so behind" and then I'll look at the clock and it's only been two minutes. My brain tick rate is the same but the clock widget actually works
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@ElizaJaneAgain
when I was a child I thought this song was about a woman named "Diggitt", who was the Dancing Queen
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@premeesaurus
GOT A FISH YOU NEED LAUNCHED THROUGH A HOLE? OTHER GUYS CHARGING TOO MUCH MONEY?
COME ON DOWN TO DALE'S USED FISH YEETERY AND I'LL DO IT FOR ONLY 15 PAYMENTS OF $9.99, YES THAT'S RIGHT $9.99! I'LL HURL YOUR CARPS! I'LL FLING YOUR SHAD! I'LL BLAST YOUR TUNA TO THE GODDAMN MOON!
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@MichaelaOkla
The price of being a species of nerds is that nature has stolen our collective lunch money
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What medieval idiot called it the rosary and not the Venerable Beads
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@Grace_Segers
@clairekope
Hi, Grace-
Thanks for reaching out! If it's not too much to ask, would you mind doing this thing that I am phrasing as a question and will probably follow with a smiley? Thanks a bunch :)
Best,
-Garrett
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Columbus this week is always like: "If you or a loved one was diagnosed with ❌esothelio❌a you ❌ay be entitled to financial co❌pensation"
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As some have pointed out: the "best" source of low-background steel is actually the scuttled German WWI fleet at Scapa Flow (because these boats aren't considered war graves). However, we do also use steel from decommed WWII ships, incl. Astoria III, Roanoke V, and the Topeka!
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ME, EMERGING FROM A TRASH CAN LIKE OSCAR THE GROUCH: TECHNICALLY the photo is of the accretion disk around the black hole. You can't REALLY take a photo of a black hole itself because the word "photo" implies light bounces off the object & hits a camera and no light can escape a
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I like Arya, but I don't think I could ever sit down and have a beer with her. And like, Sansa's cool and all, but after that last disastrous Dany campaign, I'm not sure the Westeros voters want a woman on the Iron Throne right now, y'know?
But man, Bran's just born to be in it
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Hey
@TheBookLoft1
please help one of your booksellers promised to show me a cool first edition copy of 'The Cask of Amontillado' and when I went to look at it he bricked me up into a wall. I am fully aware of the irony of this situation
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TIRED: Villenueve did the best adaptation of Dune
WIRED: David Lynch did the best adaptation of Dune
INSPIRED: Jodorowsky would've done the best inspiration of Dune
KWISATZ HADERACHED: 1992 MS-DOS game is best adaptation of Dune
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Going to make a youtube video about how medieval monks often sat on clumps of moss while they copied manuscripts. Lichen sub scribe
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Pleased to announce I have been kicked out of another thesis defense for waving a big posterboard sign and hollering "DEFENSE! DEFENSE!" at the speaker
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Ne'er-do-well is actually a pretty cutting insult IMO. like, ne'er, really? Damn. Ne'er e'er?
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YOU, DUMB: local politics is boring
ME, AN INTELLECTUAL: the Rooster is trying to keep Flavortown from turning into Hobgoblin City
@rooster_ohio
Here's his whole testimony against an incentives package for a local software company
"This is hobgoblin language that we're talking about here."
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HEP TWITTER: My favorite equation is the Fromage Equation because (1/947)
ASTRO TWITTER: the moon is my wife and she messes up all my observing runs but I still love her, have any of you guys heard of the planet where it rains ghosts
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@ndrach1
You can! But it's super expensive to get rid of the contamination, and given the fact that the market for it is super small, it's not really worth it for companies to produce. Turns out it's actually cheaper for us to salvage old boats.
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@WillieMcNabb
@JasonIsbell
Wow, that's at least 10 HPM (hogs per minute)! Assuming my math is right, if the hogs keep running into your yard at this rate, given that the average volume of a hog is 2 cubic meters, they will fill the entirety of the Earth's atmosphere in approximately 400 billion years
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CARTHAGO DELENDA EST
Tired: "Carthage must be destroyed"
Wired: "Carthage, delete your account"
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@annabroges
@ChuckWendig
She also spent a ton of time mailing shitposts to the editor of The Atlantic, and had more than 100 correspondent-friends! She just didn't want to entertain strangers
Tbh she honestly seems like she was a pretty regular Online Zoomer Kid, just stuck 200 years ago
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@10outof10ley
@radtoria
I think it's legit! Just did some googling and what's WILD is that apparently full-grown asparagus looks like a big scraggly bush?
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@maliciousglee
@tracydeonn
Palamedes and Morien, correct? I think Palamedes's two brothers also joined the Round Table as well, so that's AT LEAST FOUR
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QUARANTINE MOUSTACHE UPDATE, DAY ???: it is 1919. My name is Laszlo, a young violin virtuoso from Budapest jailed for distributing Communist pamphlets. A hundred years later, when you ask your great-grandmother about this photo, she will not explain, but will only weep
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Dear men, what is stopping you from looking like this
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@phdandpups
Academia is ROUGH. I've honestly probably had it better than a lot of folks & it's still gonna take me & my therapist years to get me back to where I was emotionally before the PhD. I can only imagine how bad it is for you & others who've dealt with more institutional garbage :/
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Looking my daughter in the eye as she finally opens the can, tears running down her face, and whispering "bean appetit"
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ME: gah, why am I struggling to speedwrite a particle physics dissertation in the middle of a global pandemic on the heels of an attempted fascist insurrection while simultaneously potty-training an adolescent puppy???
MY BRAIN: obviously, it is because you are lazy
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So last night I was wondering: what sorts of prehistoric animal do we know that were just sort of Their Own Thing? Like, not just "big horse" or "rhino but with fur". It's a vague question, but I was curious.
Anyway, that's how I found out about the Chalicotheres
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@MichaelaOkla
FUN FACT modern inventions were probably what fucked up all our eyes to begin with? A bunch of scientists think that before the lightbulb & mass literacy ppl probs didn't need glasses all that much; no natural light and too much reading ruined us
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Causing a scene at the coffee shop because they don't have mouse milk
The milk of mice is the most expensive milk in the world. Its value exceeds 22,000 dollars per liter. To get one liter of such milk, you need to milk about 4,000 mice
Mouse milk is used in medicine & is 4 times nutritious than cow milk.
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Hey kids, wanna do a quick VIBE CHECK?
That's right, today we're gonna talk about resonant frequencies, I'm your cool physics professor Dr. Brad
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@JoyceCarolOates
by this logic, the Iliad, the Epic of Gilgamesh, Beowulf, the 1001 Nights, and a good chunk of Shakespeare are all YA
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@WaniaBagel
Why are they like this? Like, dude, you're looking for a date, not a damn postdoc
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The Midwest: *exists*
National News:
who among us is not baffled by the CORN-FED GENUINE HOSPITALITY of these FLYOVER STATES! the MEAT AND POTATOES MANUFACTURING BREADBASKET OF REPUBLICAN AMERICA is like the TOWN FROM "OUR TOWN" but with more RANCH DRESSING and OPIOIDS
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@SparkNotes
My son keeps using the word "dank" and I can only assume he he is of course referring to the tarn of Auber in the ghoul-haunted woodland of Weir
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@MyFriendCamilo
WES ANDERSON presents 'THE COLUMBUS DISPATCH'
starring:
TIMOTHÉE CHALAMET as BOY MAYOR SENATOR MEOW
BILL MURRAY as
@colonellovely
, a BOOKSHOP CULTIST
TILDA SWINTON as FAMOUS NEWSMAN JOE BLUNDO
FRANCES MCDORMAND as ICE CREAM MAGNATE JENI BRITTON BAUER
NINA WEST as HERSELF
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very excited to have my posthumous PhD rejected based on a formatting error
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@SenatorMeow
Finally, one of the Blue Man Group has been slain, and his succulent blue beef extracted
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Who called it "searching for asteroids that might slam into the earth" and not catastrophysics
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@abbynissenbaum
And I think a clear narrative "beginning-> A-> B -> C-> D -> end" is a really really good way to convey stuff in a concise way that other frameworks don't
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DNA evidence also shows that they have different preferences about porridge temperature and mattress firmness
Hank the tanks: DNA evidence now shows that the 500-pound black bear the public had nicknamed “Hank the Tank” is, in fact, three not-so-little bears who have damaged more than 30 properties around Lake Tahoe.
#odd
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@annabroges
@ChuckWendig
Apparently back then in order to Be In Society you had to publicly proclaim that you had been Saved and were Born Again or else everyone would constantly harass you about being worried for your soul. So Emily just went "nah I'm good, I'll be in my room"
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It is INSANE to me that pedagogy like this is still so rare it goes viral. Physics is inherently one of the most accessible sciences, but it's still so rarely taught like it. Enthusiasm makes such a difference. We all need to be more like Prof. Wright.
Y’all need to see this video collage of all the crazy things my Physics Professor did this semester😭. He’s in his 70s and is still doing all of this for us🥺💛
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Thinking about how my OSU commencement speaker was "some boring guy from the CDC" who gave a speech about preparing for the unexpected and how five years later it just now hit me that that was uhhh definitely Dr. Fauci
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ME, ATTEMPTING TO CONVINCE PEOPLE THAT I AM A BAD CANNONEER AND THUS SHOULD NOT BE PRESS-GANGED INTO HER MAJESTY'S ROYAL NAVY:
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@badgal_tritri
Didn't you hear? The only people who are allowed to be depressed now are the ones with Reasons Why. That's how depression works, DUH.
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@Dev14e
Ah yes, the typical 60-hour workweek of many grad students is absolutely a part-time job. A "career professional" academic should thus work a full shift of 120 hours a week every week; this seems reasonable and fair
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THE ANGRY MAN: A THREAD
So, for those of you who haven’t seen, Louis C.K. has, unsurprisingly, showed his true colors as not just a sexual predator, but as an intolerant piece of shit. I won’t link anything here, but suffice to say, it is BAD, if you decide to look it up.
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How do we not have a Muppets Pride and Prejudice yet
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Homemade root beer, day 3: This is a gingerbug, which works like a kombucha starter. It's got organic ginger, sugar, and water in it; I feed him by giving him a tablespoon of additional sugar and ginger every day. This is where my fizz will come from.
Adding my spices Friday!
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ME: ok *now* it is time to write my thesis
MY BRAIN: ratatouille sea shanty musical
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@latifnasser
Sure! Here's an article.
It was also instrumental in the discovery of one of the three neutrinos (I wanna say the tau?). Any detector spec papers that mention "low-background steel" are talking about this.
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@balfies
@modernistwitch
I've wondered the same thing and now I make this pasta every fall! It is nutmeg and cranberry-based and is honestly just surprisingly really good
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You would not believe your eyes
If 30-50 feral hogs
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ME, WHEN I HAVE TO GET UP BUT THERE IS A CAT ON TOP OF ME THAT DOES NOT WANT ME TO MOVE:
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