Cridauthor
@ElCriddy
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Victoria Concordia Crescit || Age Quod Agis I just be tweeting things. Parody.
Jamaica
Joined May 2011
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Pinned Tweet
"Man is a strange creature. All his actions are motivated by desire, his character forged by pain. As much as he may try to suppress that pain, repress his desires, he cannot free himself from the eternal servitude to his feelings..."
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You have a rum tree?
Imagine coming home from work and just stepping out to the house and picking all this. Oh wait...I do not have to imagine 🙂🙂
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Sex this, sex that.
Go plant a tree. Global warming is going to kill us.
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Just found $20 at the beach.... Don't know how y'all do that 9 to 5 shit
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WHY THE FUCK ME A PAY TAX AND DI BUMBOCLAAT ROAD DEM NAH PUSSICLAAT FIX.
NOW ME AFFI GO BUY BUMBOCLAAT TYRE OUT A MI OWN BLOODCLAAT MONEY
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Know the fuck up thing about this - man just seem like a genuine yute a try him thing and nuh trouble nobody and look how them a style the man.
Moral of the story: some people heart just dutty and nah no good inna them.
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Jah know biggs, yuh drop
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Mongoose dem
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Spanish: "Dios mio"
French: "Mon Dieu"
English: "Oh my God"
J'cans: "Jah know"
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Me and hoo 🤭
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Loader Man tea
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I dunno, I don't like the idea of non-jamaicans owning land in Jamaica
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When the quickie done and you have to go back out to the games night:
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This just further reinforces the narrative that the PM is aware of what's going on, but refuses to address the police on what they're doing...
I met and spoke to Nicola James from Christiana Manchester and let’s just say her bar will be opening soon.
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"Could of"
"Should of"
"Would of"
Have course, it all makes sense now
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I don't think it's cos I'm old but mi can't find the appeal of new dancehall at all. But more power to unu
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Pree how Omarion, a much bigger star than these dancehall artists a walk in the streets
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Ru*l Re*d and Andr*w Whe*tly still not being in prison for misuse of public funds makes me want to start a riot.
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Why you think we print our resumes at work?
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Mecca think she slick
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"ahh respect mi boss"
How much money unnuh normally give security guard when dem buss unnuh and seh “just take care of me”??! TALK FAST
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So according to what I'm hearing on the radio, apparently FOF permit was for 250 persons lol.
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Y'all out there eating penis, vagina and ass, but fraid a likkle blue rice
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Anyways, can't wait fi wrap up with the young miss later and look in her eyes and ask her if she'd still love me if I was a tree.
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I dunno, feel like they should give us the entire December off from work.
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Miserable, seh she stressed... So me give har some scriptural text.
A just di message, she need fi check, cos Psalm 344 a di best...
#ChozennBeLike
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Weh yuh mean?
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Man lef Jamaica and can live him life to the fullest. Jamaica a whul dung lol
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Hungry a kill him
JUST IN: Elon Musk confirms X will start charging all new users a 'small fee' before they can post, like, or bookmark.
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Teacher: Spell Knife
John: 'N-i-f-e'
Teacher: Incorrect, u forgot the 'K'
John: Den Miss if the 'K' is silent how u fi hear wen mi seh it?
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Unu get up everyday and bully and talk bad about politicians and expect them to just be all willy nilly about it? They're humans too. They have a limit to the abuse they can take.
And in my opinion, I don't think we're abusing them enough. Please rough up a politician today.
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I've been seeing a lot of people keep laughing at these salaries offered, but the truth is the government really cannot afford to pay public workers more.
Where they gonna get the money from? Surely not from the billions they steal yearly. Come on people.
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Ey gyal suck yuhself
imagine looking ur baby straight in the face and naming it “dale”
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I appreciate my girlfriend. Can't wait for her to turn me into a house husband so I can cook and clean and iron for her everyday.
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Y'all are crazy. So cos dem deh fi 9 years, she fi stay inna misery? No wonder the bar so low for some of unu.
"Me and who?"
You and a therapist. Fix your mindset.
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Dancing songs
J’cans really sing about sex all day or killing somebody. Where is the middle ground 💀
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Can't believe mi did a idle instead of buying land 25 years ago
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Movado: "it's gonna beeee... Slow singing, flowas bringing..."
Me:
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Coworkers went to buy this earlier. I was informed that the store doesn't have the drink so the promotional deal can't be ordered. Figured.
GRAN FI DI SUMMA!
2 Beef, 2 Jerk/Chicken, & 2 Tropicana for only $1,000!
Runs from July 17-August 31
Available At:
Cross Roads
Cargill
Liguanea
Linstead
Montego Bay
Morant Bay
New Kingston
Ocho Rios
Orange Street
Papine
Patrick City
Portmore
Spanish Town
Stony Hill
West Parade
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My Wedding Registry
1. A three bedroom house
2. Furniture
3. Various appliances
4. Solar panels and wind turbine
5. Vacation tickets for a year
6. A vacation home
7. A family vehicle (an SUV)
8. A Telescope
9. Clear my debt
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I wanna do a villa weekend with my friends, where we'll drink the entire time and play drinking games and board games and just chill out and have fun.
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Monday I was in the uptown area and I noticed a large social gathering of young people. So you're right. Gotta stop those garrison fetes
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Waa know how woman annoying? We saw John Wick last night and now she woke up and trying the different fighting moves she saw on me.
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Inner city residents when a "known" badman is killed/arrested.
Vs
Inner city residents when a young girl is raped and/or murdered.
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This is still so funny... Imagine
"Yo bossy, know seh mi nah come in today, nuh feel too well"
"OMG, what's wrong with you?"
"Nuh know inuh, but mi just... Mi feel kinda shaky"
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I was sneaking pictures of her, while she was sneaking pictures of me:
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I dunno man... Trying to do 10 different cover letters and then getting rejected for them all kinda beats the motivation out of you
Why are people sending their resume to apply for a job with no cover letter as another document or written in the body of the email.
It’s honestly giving lazy and unconsidered.
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Nah man, imagine you get a single ticket for speeding, forget fi pay it, missed the court date, next ting yuh hear there's a warrant out for you.
This nigga has 120 outstanding tickets. 120 times he's not paid, 120 times he's missed court, 120 times there's a warrant....yet...
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But how would we know it's foska oats?
Big and serious Foska Oats can update their packaging from 1992 now
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I never voted, but who ago really tell me fi shut up? Mi pay taxes. Mi can query about anything in this country.
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Question:
Do relationships work better when the man loves harder?
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I find really independent women super attractive. They kinda stubborn, but they make so much sense for a man in these modern times.
See when you enhance them life? Oh gosh man... Them love out
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Steal the get vex money from her purse and start an argument with her
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At this point, I feel like resigning and just go sell drxgs or scratchaz tickets because wah the fuck this fam?
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-hears the garbage truck outside-
Me: "MOMMY! GARBAGE TRUCK!"
Moms: "Good. Put out yourself"
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That's why I sleep on my back. Rather mek di duppy ride mi dan set up miself fi a backaz.
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The dating pool in Jamaica doesn't sucks nor is it garbage... Just that nobody nuh rate yuh enough.
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Driving with such woman
Me: You can turn off the AC still inuh, can conserve the gas
A: if my man wants AC, he gets AC
Me: Cho blowow
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When she's giving you attitude, but you know you ago mash up har womb later
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You're right, cos when work out riddim play everybody start wine up and not doing routines like it's a TikTok video
Again, there’s not a single song on Work Out Riddim that does this! Paddle Boat and Wild Out did what was done on Work Out Riddim, y’all need to concede here
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