TW suicide
I dreamt all night about the psychiatrist who told my mum that I would "complete suicide" within the year, so there was no point in arranging the care recommended by other professionals (care co, psychology etc)
Life might be shit but that was 9 years ago & I'm here
Celebrating that in fact I AM fit to practice!!! Smashed it with the OH psychiatrist: he has absolutely no concerns, other than about the original OH doctor.
Watch this space for what I decide to do with my next year, but regardless I WILL be starting nursing within 12 months :D
Not cancer!
There are pre-cancerous/concerning cells, but it isn't cancer.
Tests are pointing very strongly towards Inflammatory Bowel Disease and my symptoms are as bad as ever, but this is obviously the best of news!
Well I've just had the best treatment of self harm that I've ever experienced. I was given painkillers for the first time ever, and treated like a human throughout. I was shown kindness and an amazing level of care. I have never been so touched and inspired by a healthcare prof!
Oh my goodness, I have somewhere to live! The housing lady has been absolutely astounding and worked miracles...I may even get the keys in a few weeks!!!
Crisis team were supposed to call today to arrange 3x distress tolerance skill sessions with me. Kept my phone with me in my scrubs all day and it is now almost 8pm on a Friday... they're not calling, are they? 🙄
For people entitled to PIP who are in hospital:
I cannot urge you strongly enough to claim payments for any nights that you stay at home: over the course of my 18 months hospital stay, I have just been backpaid 4 digits for my weekend leave!
Happy to help if I can.
#DWP
#PIP
Psychologist taught me an easy way to differentiate between Guilt and Shame today:
Guilt = I have done something bad
Shame = I *am* bad.
Turns out, all the times I say I feel guilty, I'm actually feeling ashamed.
I can't believe I have stayed 2 nights at my new flat! Unexpected bonuses: I slept better in my bed than I ever imagined possible, so much being unpacked that I can use my snazzy new kitchen stuff, feeling at home 🏡❤
A year in to my treatment at a PD unit following a positive & pragmatic CPA this week, mum & I are of to the star-studded
@lesmisofficial
concert, front row. Not just exciting (once-in-a-lifetime) but also miraculous as I would have been far too unwell a year ago.
#smallvictories
After 6 months at an inpatient unit specialising in treatment of personality disorders, today I have finally been able to write about some hope for the future & the beginnings of change - things I never thought I'd experience.
#mentalhealth
#MentalIllness
Oh my god, it's all been confirmed: very evident inflammatory bowel disease in a very active severe flare-up, despite 6 weeks of steroids. I can't explain how relieved I am to finally have a definitive diagnosis. Now, we can plan and work out how I can get back to living life.
Psychiatric hospitals live in a completely different dimension where people get confused or concerned if you haven't eaten your dinner (last meal of the day) by 5.10pm, <4 hours after lunch, and 15 hours before breakfast.
It's my Rosie's birthday and I can't believe she is 3! My three cats are, without a doubt, the three best decisions of my life. My Rosie is gentle and caring, quirky and funny. If me or any of her siblings are upset, she is there in an instant. I love her more than words can say.
For the first time in a decade, a mental health professional has truly wanted to work with me through my distress and with risks widely being acknowledged as at the highest level. She is actually being *with* me in those places and helping me to find & build a path through it.
It's 3 years since I was discharged from psychiatric hospital for the final time, after 10 years that were 90% admissions. Life isn't easy, I still remain quite unwell & I still battle suicidality...but I have my home and I have my cats, which is more than I'd ever hoped for.
Just coming away from a uni open day for nursing. Even more certain it is the right thing for me. Amazed I got to and through the open day, feeling more confident about myself.
My little snug/safe space is finally coming together! This could make all the difference during those difficult times - a safe little cocoon with my egg chair, soft things, and some sensory items.
It was just a cupboard - but it was definitely the right thing to do with it!
"You're worth it, Molly"
4 words said today by my therapist/the director of the hospital.
4 words that mean more than I can ever say.
4 words that I still don't believe, but that are starting to weed their way in to my understanding due to the respect & care shown to me here.
My mum was so lovely and organised a coffee machine to be delivered today so that I actually get hot drinks in isolation! It was a fight to actually get possession of it but it is all set up now, ready for a hot choc tonight and coffee in the morning 😊
3 years since discharge from my last placement, after 10 years in various hospitals/placements. Life has had its twists and turns since, but it feels like a different lifetime. Many thought I'd never make it to my 30s, let alone have managed a period like this in the community.
Lovely leave: walking to/from Borehamwood in the sunshine, getting to know a member of staff over coffee and treating myself to new stationary ahead of starting the therapy program next week :)
@GeorgeMonbiot
I'd be more grateful than I can say if you could please share my crowdfunding page: I am using my art to raise money to try to help build a safe home as a base to stabilise and get back on track with hard fought for mental health recovery.
Managed to get those super cheap tickets to Wicked tomorrow. It is very close to home & mum is coming with me as my carer, so I will do everything I can to make sure I get there as it is the one & only good of recent months - I so need another win. There needs to be some good.
Have you ever wondered what Mentalization Based Treatment (MBT) for Personality Disorder is?
I've created a summary of the model and concepts with guidance from one of the MBT Practitioners at my placement.
#MentalHealth
#Therapy
#Psychology
#BPD
First night in our new home...a little later than expected, but it is perfect. Wouldn't have made it without the help of amazing people ❤️
Proper pictures to follow when unpacked!
A reminder:
Emotions DO pass (yes, even this one!)
I struggle so much to remember this & have just been through a patch where I was sure this wasn't true. So I have created my first Doodle Chronicles art for a while to remind myself & anyone else who needs it.
#mentalhealth
@mikeycobban
I'd be so grateful if you could please share my crowdfunding page with 48 hours to go: I'm using my art to raise money to try to help build a safe home as a base to stabilise & get back on track with hard fought for mental health recovery
I've got my final loading dose of my infusion on Friday before starting on the regular program - please keep everything crossed that this is where it starts to work 🤞
I'm having a tough time at the moment but am trying to force myself to see this for the positive that it is - my offer for nursing has become unconditional today!
First birthday out of hospital/placement in 5 years ✅️
First birthday without intense crisis team support/inpatient care in 8 years ✅️
Next level towards living a life I can love unlocked 🔑