Onegist
@Don_fish1
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Pinned Tweet
‘Oskid gore randichaita mari’
Let me pin this,will be back here when I buy myself this baby.
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Well, the pricing makes sense if you break it down.
Wine -$10
Mabhisvo - $3
Chocolate- $7
Puranga and ribbon - $5
Audacity- $60
Valentine’s hampers are only available upon order! Please contact us on WhatsApp +263783729496
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Update: Ndamuona musikana and I am star struck! God has been so wonderful to me! She was asleep though so all my effort to look good went unnoticed. Patiently waiting for her to wake up.
I love you Mazvita Dianne Hove!
Left work four days early to meet a girl! And boy do I have to make a first impression. Tomorrow gota be at my best behaviour
#ndorudo
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Usafamba uchiudza vanhu kuti unogona Microsoft Excel nekuti rimwe zuva uchazoshanda nema Indians ukaona kuti wainyepa😂😂
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My mum vanotuma a lot...So I moved out and got married🤡.
Now ndakutumwa even more,I wanna go back home😂😂😂
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Asians will stay in an English speaking country and their 3rd generation children still speak their home language perfectly with the proper accent. My fellow countrymen kungoyendesa mwana kuka budget private school ke $1000 per term mu Zim imomo yatove ‘haanzwe shona uyu’.
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2017, final year,final semester was my peak broke life. Tichirova super nemfesi wangu coming from Bond, fantasizing about affording ma castle lite one day and driving ma subaru legacy🤣🤣🤣.when I got my first salary a few months later I bought 20 ma catsle lite. Tabva kure
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'Mfana wangu nigga' is a bit too ghetto and uncut to be associated with luxury beauty products. Idk
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I have fumbled a lot in this life but I did not drive to ngezi or wherever that was to eat mudiwa’s cow.
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This man is proof that most of us are not humble, zvinhu zvaka presser chete😂 😂 Tikaita mari vanhu vanofenda chete
#dandarostreets
Themba Gorimbo speaks, hanzi nyaya yandakatanga yanditukisa.
Munoti kudii nayo nyaya iyi...?! 😂💯✔️
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*Me at the back of my kidnappers car*
Amana mune shuwa kusiyiwa ne Altezza
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@hisfaveemuse
I am your uncle, they tried putting me in family groups anoswerera kutaurwa makuhwa and I exit immediately 😂
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Lets be serious hantika? Whats impressive here? You take an already established technology and make a rudimentary prototype and try to pass it as innovation? Sir, you are taking us for a trip back in time.
A Chinhoyi University engineer has developed a new electric vehicle…CUT above the rest.
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The Zimbabwean work culture generally lacks psychological safety. If ever you are invited to a meeting and you hear something like, ‘we are a team,feel free to share your views,lets be open yada yada’
Keep quiet,it’s a trap.
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If you see me dropping tears panoimbwa 'Ndinoshamiswa kwazvo' just know I have gone back to 2008 in Masvingo, zvinhu zvakawoma with my mum struggling with my fees. And I contrast with 2day me being an engineer today who can buy a car and not feel any bit of excitement about it.
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I am a harare lady, of coz I suggest we go drop off my friend 40km away,in an area with virtually non existent roads, in the middle of a storm regardless of you driving a car with low profile 17 inch chromium alloyed rimz!!!!!
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My friend’s wife couldn’t board her flight at RGM airport because she had a connecting flight in a country that would not allow Zimbabwean passport holders to disembark the plane if they had no visa. She had to book another flight with a route that avoided the country.
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This chiramu culture of calling vana vadiki vakadzi vedu is heaven for Shona paedophiles. I know some of you will try and justify this as our culture etc but I know way too many girls who were molested vachikura coz of this practice. Ngatizviregei!
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Yah,I used to judge people who distance themselves from people who ALWAYS have problems but mina ndazonetawo manje. This person kungomuti hi, either amedza poto, atsikwa nemota or adyiwa neshumba. I always feel low after talking to them,I am done!
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Went to the urban grooves 'concert' and left within the hour. The parking was chaotic and the artists were preforming over their pre recorded music nxa,ndosaka vakapera mhani.
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Cheeky girl auditor from one of those big Zim auditing firms walked into my friends office and demanded she needed him to explain his daily tasks to her, his response, he just looked at her and said 'I spent 4 years studying mechanical engineering, plus 2 years graduate
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#Whentukusaid
kusvipa hakudzinge hwema, I felt it. I complain less and I get rid of toxic people
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Heee ini handidaro! Ehe toziva ,haudaro ko unenge wamboroorwa nani? 🏃🏿♂️💨
This is a tradition in Zambia. New Bride must cook different types of native meals for her in-laws and show them what their son will be eating before they can accept her.
Thoughts? 🤔
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Finally, travel document ra Sisi. Now we can go play with other kids ku Bali.
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When Winky D said, "Handisi chinhu asi hama yangu ndishe" on Simba. Those were bars upon bars. Remember it was Innocent Hamandishe who had said Soulja Luv hachisi chinhu at that rally
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Kida is in IT, Kuda has passwords to the social media accounts. Kuda is posting herself. Kuda is a legend
Meet Kuda our Information Technology Intern. IT is critical to our delivery of our services. We are glad to be joined by Kuda from the University of Zimbabwe.
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I love my country 😂 Sponsoring someone to get a licence and I have asked them to breakdown cost yekunotora. The last line item took me out, lol takato normalizer skillfull😂
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Rombe is a not a gender specific word. If you think a man YOUR age should have his own place, a car and steady income then newewo futi. If a XX years old man has no job, lives with parents is a rombe then a female under the same circumstances irombe futi.
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This engineering fiasco is exactly why I don’t like arguing on twitter.. There are certain people in your hood who you would NEVER have an intellectual conversation navo,ingori wadii wadii and haaa kwapisa. Well,these people also have data and are on twitter.
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Men should also avoid broke women,pamwe pacho zvinhu zvako zvinotanga kutadza kufamba apa wakatora munhu atoriwo neshavi re nhamo ukaisa mu life mako. Date within your tax brackets my brothers
Zimbabwean huns will ignore their struggling brothers and fathers at home and come on social media to tell you that indoda must have an apartment and a car at 30yrs🤣🤣..ignoring the fact that her 35 y/o brother and his wife and kids stays with them at their father's 4 room
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After varsity a company seeking graduate learners tried calling me to attend an interview & they couldn’t reach me. The HR then figured 1 of the people they called was same class neni so they asked him to pass me the message that I was to attend the interview. He didn’t tell me.
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Left work four days early to meet a girl! And boy do I have to make a first impression. Tomorrow gota be at my best behaviour
#ndorudo
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Someone posts a picture of their cologne, doesn’t offend anyone just a pic of their cologne. Unprovoked, you decide to run your mouth over the pic,they inbox you and nicely ask you to chill. But iwewe uri gangster ka so you tell them off, now your business is on all continents.
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Reasons I left my mothers house. 1) Momz vaituma last. 2) Ndikanonoka kuuya kumba vainditsvaga vachipopota 3) Ndainzi help undo my hair. 4) ndaiudzirwa hembe dzekupfeka
So I left home, and got me a wife🤡🤡🤡🤡
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@2ahtnamas2
@TainyThatBrat
Wakamboona Zebra pamusha here?. We go ku game park, pay money to watch zebras for their beauty but we dont wanna take them home. Instead we take the donkey home becoz of character
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Man I saw a wholesome vid of a someone who bought their dad a truck and man nothing beats watching your parents happy!I remember when I started working here had to send my mum money she wasn’t really in need of but she said she also wants kunomira pa world remit😂
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A quick 5 mins google search and you are ready to replace doctors,engineers,lawyers, actuaries etc??? Why mune pressure to give yourql pedestrian opinions on things that require expert opinions that can only come from subject matter experts?
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7 years of dating,6 months of marriage and I still stare at my wife when she walks to or from me or when she sleeping..This woman pretty
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You called?
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Perth children’s hospital. This is what others are doing with the Tax payer’s money meanwhile in kwachustan they buy chiefs cars and give million dollar tenders to people who do not even bother to deliver the project.
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My son (2yrs 9 months) met his sister (4 months) for the first last week. My house has been chaotic ever since😂 Man needs therapy, my wife got his old towel to bereka the baby and the guy went offf. Now whenever my mum or madam are chilling he goes to grab that towel and demands
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My mum always calls me out for driving late at night from the club. Mota yacho ndeyangu,mari yacho ndeyangu futi. Is she toxic???HELL NO... If my son does the same ndototsiurawo. That shit dangerous,simple!!!
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Ukadanana ne benzi hauna mufaro. Waka chiller zvako munhu wako starts leaking DMs for clout and now akuudzwa hubage hwake hwese pachena. Now ma geez akungokuseka kuma drinks uku.
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If you want to relocate to certain countries for school or career progression please chengetedza hutano mukufara umu, certain conditions will mean you can't relocate to certain countries.
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Legal twitter, if someone falsely accuses me of rape and my employer fires me. Say i then get acquitted can I sue the fake victim for loss of income,and can I also sue my employer?
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@DillenMasawi
Checklight chete. We drive with unknown sounds, we just put a lot of volume and pretend they are not there😂
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@Samie_zw
We got a funny smell from the kitchen, upon going to inspect we found mdara wacho achiwomesa mbanje dzake using our kitchen stove. 😂😂
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This is what I meant by its healthy to look back and marvel at your own path, if you could start off from such poverty to buying property in first world countries then what else can stand between you and your current dreams! Dare to dream African child!
Motivational post, especially for a girl child:- Work hard, believe in God, one day all will work out. Frame 1 is where I grew up, no electricity, no toilets, no water, everything was public. F2 and 3 is what I call mine now. Isn’t God great? Now I have toilets upstairs & down.
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Any engineers on my TL who may want to move to Australia,here is a useful link below. Disclaimer: I am not a registered immigration agent and the article is not mine. I just don’t want to gate keep information that someone might find helpful.
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I just saw a thread of people who are pressed for not being responded to. BY STRANGERS!.... ON TWITTER!😂😂😂...Amana ka government ngaiite something ma youthiez tiwane mabasa
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He wouldn't do this for a broke woman. She will pay off her father's mortgage and her brothers bail with that card. Its always easier to spend on women who afford as these also understand the value of money
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2 months ago God said No.Rolled over and came out without a scratch.... This car was a marvel,I gota admit 🙌🏿
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I dare someone to pretend to be a high voltage electrician😂
Parirenyatwa battles pandemic of bogus doctors, 11 arrested this year
▪️ Hospital says in 2023, a staggering 33 con artists arrested while posing as doctors
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@Tafadzwa____
But E, as men we always argue about football wani, F1,wars etc but our opinions dont mean shit there,but shall we not discuss zvedu tichinwa hwahwa?. If we were only allowed to talk about topics we have power to change there would be no conversations at all!
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Vanhu vasinganwe doro muri mamero,you never told us being sober feels this good. The consistent sleep,the weight loss, the clarity of thoughts, the good metabolism, never having a section of your day you have a fuzzy memory of and the just feeling great!
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We should talk about our relatives who treated us like sh*t when we were kids and now that we are grown, takugona kutengawo sausage they want to get cozy with us. People never forget how they were treated especially when they were young.
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In hindsight,mum was better in that she would give you money for the errands. Now with this one you just get a list of errands and mari yacho unongwavha wega😂😂
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I consistently find myself wondering just how much I would be far off in life had I started off my career here and it eats me every single time. I guess I just have to accept kuti yakatodeuka, 6 years dzakatoyenda and I won’t get them back.
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Kuberekwa and screams till aberekwa. And when he cries the baby gets triggered and cries too, now I got a house full of crying babies. Wait until we tell him yoghurt yava yemwana and he now needs to get a job😂
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For the first time in my life I am not afraid of losing my job, if anything I can walk if I don’t feel happy and I will simply get another one. Under those circumstances its easy to perform well than working with a constant reminder than you could be jobless for infinity.
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14 days kubasa, 14 days kumba so essentially you will be paid to 150k to work 6 months per year. Kana uri umwe you can have another job pa 14 days uri kumba
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There are people I enjoy interacting and disagreeing with on the TL. We can debate opposing views with NO single insult. Kozoita vamwe vekuti kungoita opposing views navo vakutotaura zvinyadzi. Says a lot about your intelligence really.
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However, cost of living is not the whole story. Living in Zim is a hazard, do you realize you are a snake bit away from death uri mu zim? Anti venom inobvepi? Ukaita accident ambulance inouya wafa,remember Ginimbi a multimillionaire died without any emergency rescue on site
-If you have the option to work remotely,that is the best deal!
-Imagine with Zim cost of living which is close to nothing when compared to other countries and with a UK salary
-$2000 USD while in Zimbabwe haaaa wangu 🔥🔥🔥
-I know a guy who works for this telecommunication
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Learnership to be able to understand what it is I do and you think I can explain to you ukanzwisisa in a few minutes?'.. then he continued his conversation with me.
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Why are people surprised that there are folks who drive to Surrey for the pie? Harare to Marondera is ONLY 74km. I would get that ‘Tiri pa Maestro’ call at 10pm and drive from Bindura to Join the gang in Harare.
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Ndandiri busy nema works nhasi but ndaona a sweet video of a lady dancing with Tuku at her wedding party and some idiot tagged Shadaya. Atukwa sei😂😂😂😂😂.
Yall made me proud
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Ka feeling kekuti mapinda mu HICC around 6pm mosvika midnight muchijamba ngoma dzema stage warmer makamirira Gaffa mozongonzwa ,” I HEAR DAT!” Hamusi kukaziva guys😂😂😂😂
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Eish,takabva kure. Used to do this,yaitopolishwa school shoe toyenda nayo ku church. Chandinofarira is Mwari haadhakwe,anodhakwa ndini👏🏿
hapana chairwadza sekuenda ku church or kukwira bhazi ne school shoe😭😂
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A good belated valentines. Apple watch 9 series, date to play the game of my life and a shoe worth a lot of beers.
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@Lisaphiri1
🤣🤣🤣 sha I always hear people say moving abroad is not an achievement, havazive kwatakabva
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@TriDam123
@roblovesbeard
@UberFacts
Even in a vacuum it won't hit the ground first, rather they will hit the ground at the same time
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Advice to youngsters. If you intend to study engineering and you are not too short on funds, go for degrees covered by the Washington accord and this will save you a lot of hustle in the future. South African uni’s are your best bet. Avoid Zimbabwean universities.
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This was me a few years back, ndakakwira ndege first time in 2020 I think. Now I hate flying,infact thursdays have became my least favourite day coz every Thursday I am on a flight. Muchaneta nazvo zvima metal cyclinder zviya.
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My cravings so🤦🏾♂️. Been craving a Benz for a month now.why can't I just crave chocolates sevamwe vana amana
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For some reason the HR tried my number again a day before the interview and finally got to me then was like, ‘were you told by xxxx that you should come for an interview tomorrow?’ Man had started eliminating competition😂😂😂😂
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Zvima shops zvakadai panotambwa pool zvekurevesa😂
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Gave my mum my car, now she tells me whenever there is an issue with it, like Don mota yakuda ma brake pads. Woman its not my car anymore!😂
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I have seen people vari well off vanoganza nekutsvinya big time and they continue to get better at everything they do and everything they touch turns to gold. Just be nice to people because you were brought up well and you are a nice person.
Whatever you do stay humble l have seen people become what they laughed at!!
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But guys, do you genuinely think kuti someone anopihwa visa kunoita zvemujolo chete asina any skill yaanayo? Like she not skilled at all? She just got a visa rinonzi remujolo?
Lets he rationale guys
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Complaining about Falcon fees is not different from complaining about the fuel consumption of the S63 AMG. For you both figures will remain on paper,you won't ever get to spend a dime on them, relax. Those who can afford aint saying nothing
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