Doktor Zoom, a well-meaning elderly man.
@DoktorZoom
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Wonkette writer & senior editor. Born at 318.43 ppm atmospheric carbon. He/him. I'm just an animal, looking for a home. Retweets do not imply comprehension.
Boise Goddamned Idaho
Joined July 2012
Don't wanna be here?
Send us removal request.
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Pinned Tweet
And you may find yourself in a beautiful Oval Office...
http://t.co/m7N8DDQrZe
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BREAKING: USA Achieves 100% Onion / Reality Parity
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@AlexHortonTX
"Keep your hands outside the window!"
"Get out of the car, now!"
Nothing like clear, contradictory orders that cannot physically be complied with.
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@Redhead360
@JackSmithIV
@DayanBallweg
No safety about it -- parents haven't taught him the most basic rule: Never pull the trigger unless you're shooting.
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If Fox News switches to a program of great patriotic music, that'll be a signal.
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Hey, remember when the US admitted roughly 400,000 Vietnamese boat people in the 1970s, the racists freaked out that we were being "invaded," and the country ended up absolutely fine, with a lot of very patriotic new Americans and their descendants?
Also, Pho restaurants.
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@Johanna_Ann
@CortesSteve
One might even say they're huddled masses yearning to breathe free.
Though I understand some so-called Americans don't care for that poem anymore.
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@DrMunaSaleh
@AngelaSterritt
I had a near-translucent grad school friend who accurately called herself a person of palor.
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And a festive Day Of Christ's Death Agonies to you too, Sir!
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@JasonSCampbell
Not at all the worst thing in the video, but I was impressed by the exclamation that 1965 was "a hundred years ago"
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@BadMedicalTakes
My vaccinated cat jumped up on me and I petted him for a while, and now I have cat hair all over my shirt.
Shedding is real.
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@GovMikeHuckabee
@Benelli_USA
"Couldn't actually get the ducks tho, since my son strangled the retriever."
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@ByYourLogic
As a completely normal 61-year-old man, I use AI as god intended, to turn my cat into a ska musician from the '90s
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@realDonaldTrump
Well since it totally exonerated you, you should demand it be released in full so we can all see exactly how innocent you are.
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@AlexHortonTX
"What are you, a corporal? Specialist?"
"I'm a lieutenant."
Frankly surprised they didn't add extra pepper spray for failing to be as low-ranking as they'd assumed.
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@Chris_Lee_Cal
@xwaldie
She worried she'd upload a scan of her vaccine card. That kind of day.
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@David_Rudnick
Resting before meeting up with 29-49 friends to run into someone's yard within 3-5 mins.
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@RepAndyBiggsAZ
I hope this fellow has a word with you.
Liberals must get tired of constantly looking for ways to be offended.
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Has Marco Rubio found a Bible verse to justify vehicular assault yet?
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BREAKING:
The protesters who threw soup at the Mona Lisa in the Louvre have been identified as Bisque Separatists.
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@rbrowntweets
Did you hear about the mansplainer who drowned in a cistern?
He fell into a well, actually.
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Michael, there's always money in the wine cave.
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@RobFletch1393
@RarelyCasual
@stromafterdark
@memesiwish
He checked out all the books on catical race theory and never returned 'em.
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@ouranosaurus
@grammar_girl
Let this Boomer pull up a chair and tell you about the time Ray Bradbury said Bob Packwood's sexual harassment was fine, because all men chase women around the office.
"I sexually harassed my wife for a year — and then I married her!”
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@EricKleefeld
I'm wondering how a 3% tax on wealth over a billion dollars would cut billionaires' net worth in half. That's interesting math.
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@realDonaldTrump
I'm amused you assume Dems are as terrified of asylum-seekers as you are.
Rest assured, we'll oppose this, but not because we fear anyone. Migrant families should be placed in cities where they have relatives living already, and not used as political props.
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@ChrisConwayDC
@AmyEGardner
@ryanbeckwith
It takes one person to shove, and one to be shoved, so really, both sides are responsible.
— Chris Cillizza, probably later today
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@ouranosaurus
At least Ursula K LeGuin made an effort to get it right, and to try again when she didn't.
Even rewrote some stories set on Gethen with female pronouns.
So... yay?
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@dbongino
Yep, nothing celebrates the birth of the Prince of Peace like sticking it to some libs.
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@GovMikeHuckabee
@Benelli_USA
Aww, I've been Huckablocked. Now I'll miss out on America's laziest comedy stylings. Sad!
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@jbouie
In terms of the outrage it sparked in opponents? Just standing there being black and president generally did it.
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@jbouie
As a professional Rhetoric Guy, it's disturbing to me that a professor at Princeton could make such insanely fallacious arguments.
Are we absolutely certain he's not with Princeton Total Landscaping?
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@kate_freedomer
Wouldn't the government making sure all pharmacies are stocked with amoxicillin be ... socialism?
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Reagan Interior Secretary James Watt Dies, Pallbearers To Be A Black, A Woman, Two Jews And A Cripple
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@rickperlstein
Teens sneaking off to do some critical race theory out behind the football field
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@JesseKellyDC
Hey, Jesse, a historian has a thread for you.
Second, yes, George Wallace *did* stand in the schoolhouse door to keep African American college students -- who weren't really "kids" -- from going to the University of Alabama.
But, hey, who was standing on the other side? Different Democrats!
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@missoularedhead
I had a first-year comp student who wanted to write an essay "proving" that negative stereotypes about Jews weren't really stereotypes, because they were all accurate. Fortunately, at that level, I could just say no, you're not going to write that.
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@boilershane
@MaddowBlog
@SunnyBreezeJH
The US Federal Aviation Administration oversees certification of US aircraft. If Boeing wanted to submit the software fix for testing and approval during the shutdown, they had to wait. Ethiopia,where the airplane was bought doesn't enter into it -- it's built and certified here.
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@HNHughson
@AmarAmarasingam
Worse. He may just blame the victims. To the extent that rightwing media covers it at all, the fringe outlets buy into the Myanmar govt's insistence that the Rohingya are Muslim terrorists and foreigners, and not even a "real" Burmese ethnic minority.
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@joshtpm
"As for Biden, she has spent a lot of time teaching remedial English to slow learners in community colleges."
Ah, so today the right *prefers* elites, and if people aren't Ivy Leaguers, they should be tossed aside, the losers.
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Sen. Hawley, I found a someone saying critical things about America!
"White Americans must recognize that justice for black people cannot be achieved without radical changes in the structure of our society."
His name is Martin Luther King. You quoted him today, I believe.
Critical race theory says America is oppressive and our future will be defined by racial division & strife. I reject that prophecy of America’s future. I take my stand on the goodness of the American people. I take my stand on hope
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@clairmc
@JohnDingell
Ah, but Tyson is talking about usage/style, a topic where I'd say a retired congressman -- and a very witty one at that -- has the upper hand.
I have a PhD in rhetoric, and I endorse my own statement.
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@nytimes
I'm still trying to get my head around "taking on the Democratic establishment" being illustrated by their helping reelect progressive incumbent Ed Markey.
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Gosh, I wonder what happens if Air Force pilots "walk out" on their jobs?
Probably nothing, because American freedom is all about letting people do what they want, especially military officers.
And it's really happening, he says, but the media just won't cover it, you see.
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I looked at the Constitution. It refers to the "right to vote" five times: In the 14th, 15th, 19th, 24th, and 26th amendments.
It mentions the "privilege" of voting zero times.
I dunno, maybe I got a bad copy.
@DoktorZoom
Perhaps u should Zoom on over to the Constitution to understand the privilege of voting.
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Coding glitches need to show up in more science fiction. "Don't forget, Captain, the phasers only fire if we take all the food replicators offline. Starfleet issued a patch, but it ejects the warp core."
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@VeryBadLlama
Your tweet is in the very best company. Terry Pratchett wrote in "Night Watch,"
"It’s very hard to talk quantum using a language originally designed to tell other monkeys where the ripe fruit is."
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@oneunderscore__
Champ is an old dog, and very loved. Can't believe I'm even bothering to be annoyed by these idiots. But they're talking smack about a sweet old dog.
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@voidshitter
Being incapable of operating buttons isn't the same as being spiritually opposed to them.
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@KatharineRising
@laurenthehough
Well, honey, it's more of an engineering mockup at this stage, but...
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@tressiemcphd
The operator with "United States Pharmacy" wanted to know what medications I take, and didn't pause at all when I said "Heroin, cocaine, and marijuana."
"Horse tranquilizers" stumped her, though, because United States Pharmacy does not carry horse medicine, i guess.
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@JasonSCampbell
"At the end of Reconstruction, with the withdrawal of federal troops from the state, Hampton was leader of the Redeemers who restored white rule. His campaign for governor was marked by extensive violence"
So other than the confederate thing, he was a peach.
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@LeaderMcConnell
A scorched-earth Senate is what you've been doing since Obama was sworn in, so I'm not sure anyone would notice
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@SenatorWicker
@Sensinema
@RestaurantsAct
@WeRRestaurants
@IndpRestaurants
And then you voted against it. Job well not done.
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I saw Goody Biden walk in the woods with a hornéd man who smelt of sulfur. They plucked pre-filled ballots from the trees and drove them to Michigan in a waggon that moved by itself, with no team of horses or oxen! Also I'm pretty sure they backdated the postmarks.
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Here's my sign at the Boise march.
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@marcorubio
If only someone had mentioned the certainty of this happening once or a thousand times.
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In the wake of Henry Kissinger's death, the National Rhetorical Question Institute is vetting new candidates to fill the blank in "If a just and loving God exists, why is __________ still alive?"
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@TomiLahren
Thoughts on the importance of accurate terminology noted, Timmi.
Say, have you learned the difference between weather and climate yet?
They call it "climate change," I call it weather. Final thoughts
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It's not every day you see someone outright name the logical fallacy they're deploying.
And then misspell it.
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@JimmyWa76268102
@SenWarren
Did you think your payroll data currently goes somewhere other than the IRS?
What agency processes your tax return every year? Did you think it goes only to H&R Block?
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@lifesafeast
Lotsa people here who don't know what a cult film is.
(goes off to lair to grumble misanthropically)
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@scrowder
An impressive start to your war. Reminiscent of how Operation Desert Storm began with tactical T-Shirt sales all along the Iraq-Kuwait border, backed up by devastating stealth subtweets of the Republican Guard.
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@jfruh
I gave some service 4 out of 5 stars in a phone survey and the software basically hounded me to explain why my experience hadn't been orgasmic
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@SethCotlar
Well that makes sense. It's a pity that there is no technology that would allow him to speak remotely. Perhaps someday.
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Well, hell,
@DineshDSouza
is just plain lying again. As others have noted, the flag is clearly visible on the space suits just before the Apollo 11 launch, in this August 31 trailer:
(Photos and more in following tweets)
The left pretends American flags were not important to the moon landing. Yet the makers of
#FirstManMovie
went to the trouble of cut them out even from the astronauts’ uniforms. The symbolism was clearly important to them!
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@MiaMBloom
@Phil_Mattingly
@RBrulin
@KamalaHarris
Medal of Honor is only for heroism in military action. But a bill is pending to give him the Congressional Gold Medal, one of the two top civilian honors. Biden will likely award the other, the Presidential Medal of Freedom—which would help rescue that award from Trump, too.
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@drvolts
I liked the 2013 freakout over a terrifying Sharia Law "Muslim foot-washing station" in the Tennessee Capitol building.
It was a sink for cleaning mops.
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@JasonSCampbell
Look, just because everyone keeps the sound off when they see a Ben Shapiro video...
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@RosemaryMosco
These woods are lovely
dark and deep
But I have promises to keep
And snakes to warm before I sleep
And snakes to warm before I sleep
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@JR__Coleman
Fortunately,
@ericbradner
has a screenshot; I've smooshed it into a single image:
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@DineshDSouza
Wow, you really refuted him with... uh.. calling him pasty-faced.
Two months later, at that. Is
@DennisDMZ
writing your material, buddy?
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